Friday, December 21, 2012
Full of love and covered by grace
I’ve pretty much crying all day for one reason or another.
I’ve almost puked more than once, but I said… almost! I’d like to make today lucky day 13!
I’ve cried over heart break, mine and others. I’ve cried over trying to make someone happy but somehow failing miserably.
I’ve cried, lastly, by the overwhelming grace, love, and provision of God.
I was driving past Toys R Us today and seeing how packed it is. I remember… I remember the Christmas’s we had in the past… I remember that the first Christmas Phyllis had, she got one toy from me. A baby doll. That’s right, one baby doll.
I remember so many birthdays for years and years that I used my birthday money to pay for my tabs on my car because I didn't have any other way to pay for them. I'd actually be stressed out if I got presents for my birthday instead of envelopes because i wasn't sure how I'd pay for them. It's the liof a young mom. I can remember how hard it was to pay car insurance for one car, however, now I have two cars and a home owner's policy every month, and while I always think "wow that's a lot of money" I soon after think "thank You Jesus for Your provision". Or how about the time that I literally put $.83 of gas in my car so I could get home and knew that the next day I'd have money to fill it the rest of the way, and now, I fill my tank all the way every time, even when gas was over $4/gallon. I can remember not having money in January and barely breathing through February because I used November and December’s limited money to pay for Christmas. And this year, we are so blessed. All bills got paid, and presents bought, and there are no worries (anyone who thinks they don't have money for tithing, my life is proof that if you give the first of what is His back to Him, there will ALWAYS be enough, a lot of times, extra).
I wonder often what God has planned for me, but today I found myself so thankful as I was praying about toys. And then I felt stupid praying about toys. That is not the reason for the season, and God said (I know it sounds weird that God speaks to me) “people are going to hear about Me because of those toys.” I might do much, but I do whatever I can.
I feel like sometimes the things I do are so insignificant. I mean I know that God gives us all different gifts and they may seem like they don’t matter, it is when we stop looking at ourselves, I think that is when He does the best work through us. Whatever it is Lord, I’m here, send me. To the ends of the earth, or down the block. I’ll go.
I am so amazed by the grace of God. Just so amazed.
I find myself thinking about how incredibly thankful I am this Christmas. I think about how far in my life God has carried me. I think about how easily God could have said “you’re not good enough for Me” and He would have been correct. But instead He sends His son, as the ultimate sacrifice. To save a world. A condemned world. That I caused. By my sin. And He still loves me.
That just blows me away
Thank You Jesus. I love You.
1 John 4:8-10 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.