Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Saturday, December 22, 2012

I will love Him, every day, not matter what.

My heart is breaking. It just is.

For a lot of reasons.

I know that people feel bad that I’m crying, and I just can’t talk about it. There are some things that just need to be worked out with me and God. In the tears, I will raise my hands, and praise Him. I will latch on like I’m hanging on the edge of the cliff. I will hold on for dear life. Because I am. I am holding on for my own. I am holding on to His for my own.

Do you know that I am thankful for shopping at Christmas time? Yeah yeah, the reason for the season… blah blah! I LOVE GIVING GIFTS!!!!! I do! It’s one of my love language. I live the verse, it’s better to give than receive. Because I really do love to give more than I love to receive (Acts 20:35).

I hate Christmas carols on the radio. I haven’t listened to any stations that play Christmas music. But I love that my church takes Christmas songs to a new level! I love the songs that I’ve sung in church all my life.


Oh Come all Ye Faithful! Joyful and Triumphant! Come let us adore Him! Oh come let us adore Him! OH COME LET US ADORE HIM!!! CHRIST THE LORD!!!!!

I can’t help no matter how heartbroken I am to raise my hands to the Christ child! The One sent because of Love. True Love. Maybe I feel lonely, maybe my heart is broken, maybe I’m not an alcoholic but I could find myself in the bottom of a bottle of wine, or to write a note to someone I shouldn’t, but you know what I’ll do? I’ll praise Him. I know that it’s hard but God is here, and He has lead me here, and here I stand saying just as Katie said to me “I love You, every day. No matter what.”

I wonder why it has to be this way. But it doesn’t matter. I love You every day, no matter what.

The days that seem impossible to get through… they are impossible without God. Hour by hour, minute by minute.

When I think that I’ve lived years longer than I ever thought possible. That’s right, I thought I’d be dead by 31. I never thought I’d see the day of my 32nd birthday. If you know me, you know that I am not scared of death, death has lost its sting because of a baby that came that cold winter night, when there was no place for Him, He came. He came for me, He came for you, and He’s apparently not done with me yet. He has things (great things!) for me to do in His name. I have no business being able to be used by God, I am a mess, but thinking back, even in the hardest of times, I have lived an amazing life because He has allowed me to. I’ve seen the world, maybe not the whole world, but I’ve been to Europe (Austria, Hungary, Paris), I’ve been to many places in North America (many states, Mexico), Central America (Haiti, El Salvador), I’ve seen the land of South America (Sao Paulo, Brazil). And you know the greatest moments in my life?

The day when my daughter talked about how she has a relationship with God. The days that I’ve seen her off on mission trips to Colombia. I wasn’t even scared, I was so proud. When I saw the picture of her in Colombia holding a beautiful girl. OR when I’ve seen her dance for The King of Kings.

The days that I’ve seen kids or friends come to Christ. When I’ve seen them break free from the bondage that has held them so tightly.

When I’ve felt the kind of love I never thought I’d feel in my life.

When I’ve experience real life love and grace, in receiving it, so that I could be better at giving it.

I’ve given many a gift, I’ve seen people light up when I’ve given them a gift, but the greatest gift I’ve ever given was to give love to someone who never thought they deserved it. When they thought they were such a mess that no one could ever love them or they would never be forgiven or ever be loved again. And I’ve opened my arms, and hugged them.

I have been through a lot of things in my life, a lot of hard things in my life. But in everything that has happened in my life, God has worked it out, He has shown me love, He has proven over and over why I am not the 4th part of the Trinity. (Romans 8:28)

I will come before Him, even in my heart break, Joyful and triumphant, I will adore Him!

I’ve seen Him work in my life, over and over.

I will love Him, every day, no matter what.

Here I am God, send me. (Isa 6:8)

To whom much is given, much is required. Luke 12:48

1 comment:

Diane said...

I know you are struggling. I'm not sure about what or against whom, but I am convinced it is a spiritual warfare. When one has a heart that is so in tune with the Father's heart, struggle is inevitable. I am praying for you; I love you always. You WILL be victorious and the Lord will deliver you, in His time and in His way. The step up to the next level is at hand for you Margie. I am thoroughly convinced of that one thing.