Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Love and Grace

My friends and I were talking about how “somehow” we screw things up, and God works it out for the better in our lives. I like to think of it as Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.

This weekend Pastor J at Metro gave a great sermon and in part of it he talked about how some people always seem to have the hand of God all over them and how it’s sometimes hard to see that happen in other’s lives because they seem like they have it all together, and it just seems to just “work out” for them. Pastor J even said “they even get the fastest lane on the freeway”. I have a friend who says “God will work it out”.

This pic is my nephew Levi. 
His smile lights up a room.
He lights up my life.
Nothing to do with this
post except that his brothers
and their parents are more
love and grace in my life
than I ever deserved!

The thing is that God does work it out, but we have to work it out too. We need to read our bible, eliminate the crap in our lives that is not good for you. If you were allergic to peanuts, you wouldn’t go around eating gobs of peanut butter that would cause you to die, now would you? (at least I wouldn’t) but yet, the garbage in our life, we keep it around hoping it will get better. God dust takes work. Bible, worship music, elimination of the things that keep us from Him. That “God dust” I think is given because those people give their lives over to the One who created it. I know that this summer, I had one of the greatest summers I’ve ever had, I also had one of the HARDEST summer and fall that I can say I have ever crawled through. But I did have to work for it. I had to choose to live love, for others and myself. I had to face the lies that I was telling myself, I had to seek counsel, I had to work hard to praise Him even when it was hard. I had to keep my eyes and heart focused on Jesus. I walked around looking sad, almost always wanting to cry, scoping out every garbage can or place where I would be able to run to in case I had to puke (clearly this is no way to live my life). I chose only to listen to songs that were uplifting to Jesus and to myself. I chose songs like “light of Your face” by Jesus Culture, or “Savior King” or “10,000 reasons” to remember to be thankful. I chose to bring people in my life that would be a flashlight in my darkness. People who speak life into me, and also tell me to get a handle on it. And sometimes, I faked it. And sometimes I gave others the advice that I needed to hear, I spoke those truths outloud. God is indeed good.

As much as I’d like to blame someone else or something else, it was me who made the choices that lead me to my struggles. (but I will not discount the spiritual attack I was under, but I do need to take responsibility for my actions). And getting out of that struggle was difficult. Puking, depression, crying, sadness, being angry (nothing happens without permission from God and I kept wondering why He let it happen). I had to do a lot of things that I didn’t necessarily like, and some days I was crawling on my hands and knees to Him, reaching.

I love God, making dumb choices, well, was dumb. Dumb. If someone was to tell me that they were even thinking about doing what I did, I’d send up a flare gun!

But the bible is relevant in our lives, and I would think about the prodigal son parable. If I had enough faith to believe that all I had to do was start heading “home” that God would meet me more than half way. He would not stand there waiting for me, He’d come running too! He’d celebrate that I was back, doing what He had for me to do. He also put amazing people in my life that showed me so much love, grace, and forgiveness, I can’t even put into words my thankfulness for them.

But it wasn’t easy.

Even David, a man after God’s own heart struggled. His songs were written for the world to see. His mess, his anguish, his sadness, his anger, and his loving heart that wanted so much what God wanted for His life. David may have made several mistakes and very poor choices but God loved him anyway. And his life was blessed.

You see, people who have God dust, don’t have God dust, they have grace and love, and they’ve learned to accept it from God and from others, letting nothing change their love for Him or them. And you can’t give what you don’t have or accept from others, so it’s important to accept that grace and love so that you, someday, can be more like Jesus and give it too. I will never forget the day I accepted that love and grace in this simple sentence “I love you, every day, no matter what”. In accepting that, I learned to give it away. <3>
Maybe you’ve read my blog and all the heartache that was happening to me (some in my control and some not) and thought “what is she crazy airing her laundry out there” well, I was crazy, but I thought if I am not honest in my struggle, how will anyone know that we praise Him when it’s hard.

The hardest times in our lives our lessons, and we grow so much! We live, learn, and love through it. I took great comfort in knowing that no matter how hard it was, no matter how I was feeling, He is indeed good, and He does work it out.

God, I am thankful that You love me. That You are constantly and consistently working in my life, even when I am not. I’m thankful that You came to save me from pure death, but also that You have created such TRUE life in even when my story doesn’t look like anything great, You make it great, You fill my life with such love. God thank You for loving me! Thank You for calling me to something bigger and better than I could have ever dreamed. Thank You for working it out, for giving me a love that I never would have dreamed of, and I can only imagine what You have in store for my future. Guide every step, light the path so brightly that I cannot get lost, or waiver from it, but if I do, Lord, please always be standing there waiting to run to me, and thank You for always celebrating my way Home. I love You Jesus, with all that I am, with every part of me. Thank You for loving me first. Thank You for the dreams that You have given me, thank You for fulfilling my dreams, and giving me the steps to go forward with the ones that have not been completed yet. Thank You for casting out the fear that tries to over take me, for sending people who shine life into me when it all seems dark. Thank You for so much. I really love You.

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