It's easy for me to be Martha. Go go go. It makes life easier to get through. It makes the loneliness bare able it dulls the pain because when I'm busy I can't feel it.
To say that last weekend was busy would be an understatement. Busy week at work and it seemed like everyday I had something. They weren't bad somethings it was just that life doesn't really stop just because you spent your weekend loving teenagers.
Yesterday I was lucky that I came home and was able to sleep really well and had a nice relaxing day with my friend but honestly I felt a little "off" and that's a different kind of off than my normal off because everyone knows I'm not normal.
And then it happened. I stepped into church, and I began to feel. You see, I've been Martha but I was about to become Mary. Because I needed to be Mary. I needed to talk to God to say "hey it's me, I loveYou, and I've got all this stuff I'm holding on to, but You already know that because I have puke stomach. And so here it all is, and God while I trust You, I'm not happy about it. I loveYou but what the heck God"
For me, I love God. I hope that in all the craziness of who I am, you as the reader (all two of you) see that I love Jesus and I don't always like the way things go but I know He works it out for my good and His glory.
I know that I will look back and I will say "I understand now" or maybe I won't say that but I will ALWAYS say that I loveYou Lord. I may not always like the fire that I go through but I will always trust in the refining.
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42 NIV)