Tuesday, March 26, 2013
So… I went away for the weekend, maybe you wonder “what did God reveal to her?”
This was a big deal for me, when God says “I need you to be Mary not Martha” it goes against everything I am. I am a Martha. Being Mary honestly has no attraction to me. That’s just me being honest. But I know that sometimes it is necessary. I don’t understand why anyone would sit around when they could be doing something, besides, I can listen and do something at the same time, it’s called multi-tasking people.
So I went up Friday. I was a little jittery. How does one sit still with nothing to do? I have NO idea. THANKFULLY I brought some of my favorite movies, so I put in “remember the titans”. Never have seen it? WATCH IT! I’ve seen it probably 200 times and I still cry! It’s amazing! I fell asleep watching it and woke up at 5:30 in the morning (it’s my time to wake up).
I wondered what big thing God was going to reveal in my life. I was expecting some big lie that I’ve been believing, I was honestly expecting to hear some big thing, I expected to be crying the whole time…
I sat there Satruday… trying to be still saying outloud “ok, what is it? Whatcha got for me?” and then… I sat there… squirming like a kid getting ready to take a test they didn’t study for.
So I went for a walk… because I love the outdoors (I know hard to believe since I am so fancy). I walked and I talked and then it came.
There isn’t anything, just stop believing all the lies that people have told you your whole life that don’t match the truth of who I say you are.
“well, if you’d actually do it, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation, now would we?
And stop doing things that aren’t meant for you to do. Do what I say, nothing else. We’ve got plans, if you’re busy doing everyone else’s work, how will you ever have time to do Mine?"
You see God has big plans for me, and if I’m listening to everyone else, how can I listen to everyone else?
There have been so many times when I’ve done something to impress someone else or get them to like me, or even just make sure they don’t hate me. I’ve done a disservice to them, and to me, and I wonder, how many blessings I robbed from someone else because I took on something that wasn’t mine to do?
It’s amazing the things that God can do in my heart, if I open it to Him. If I stop worrying about what everyone else thinks, and just care about what He thinks. People will probably like me more if I reflect Him anyway and don’t reflect hurt and anger (how about that?)
God has something big planned. A community center. It’s a God-sized dream for sure. It’s a Greater life. I don’t know why He gave me the vision because, quite frankly, I feel like nothing most of the time.
I don’t know why He calls me to do the things He does. I feel like the most ridiculous youth staff who suggests we have “baked potato bars” as an outreach, but maybe some kids don’t eat. I don’t know, but He gives me these crazy ideas, and I just go with it. Or why I like to do paperwork, and collect donations for mission trips. It’s weird. I know. I’m a weirdo.
I don’t know why He called me to go to El Salvador with a bunch of crazy friends, which to be honest, I felt like I had no idea why they wanted me to go, I didn’t feel like I brought much to the table (that’s just me being honest). But I went, and I bought ice cream for long days, and I hugged hard and smiled big, and spoke the craziest broken Spanish pretending I knew what I was saying.
I know people look at the city of Detroit and say “why bother?” You know how I know? THEY SAY IT TO ME! They call me a hopeless romantic. They call me nuts.
I know all those things about myself.
But I honestly know this.
God made me beautiful
He made me with a big smile (you think I don’t know I have the greatest lips??)
He made me with strong arms to hug hard
He made me smart
He made me funny
He gave me strong shoulders to carry the burdens of others
I’m a great communicator on paper, with words, and with no words at all
He made me thoughtful and encouraging
He even made me easy on the eyes
I'm God's Masterpiece!
He loves me every day, no matter what. Even in my mistakes (which someone just sent me an email of one I just made… oh Father give me grace!!)
And so I will go forth, in the path that He created. Hold my hand and join me, won’t you?
Eph 2:10 NLT For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.