You (meaning you the reader) see, I've always had this hurt, this real and true belief that I didn't matter. That I was loved out of obligation. I believed that I was the one left behind to be cared for. My sister died, and my mom died... And then there was me. I even heard my grandfather say "she's staying AGAIN" when i was like 5 (I actually don't remember mic from when I was 5 but I remember that). I can only tell you that I kind of approached my Heavenly Father that way too. Somewhere I believed that, yes, He created me, but my gifts never seemed to matter. Sure, I can make an amazing spreadsheet, or need copies made? I'm you're girl. And I have always wanted my life to count for something. For Him.
I went through a really hard time not that long ago and I felt like I was crawling on my hands and knees trying to get to Him, but somehow I just couldn't. I felt like I was bound, I felt like I couldn't breathe.
And today we sang this song "my God's not dead" and all of a sudden, I had this crazy vision of Hod seeking after me, chasing after me, like a Lion looking for its young. And I could feel, I believed all the things that He has whispered into my heart, the things that He has said sternly, "I LOVE you Margie" even in this struggles, there was no way I was ever letting go of you, I LOVE you"!
Those things, they were hard. I know. Your sin, it was hard, but my perfect life was given for you to be free. Not just forgiven but FREE! Wow!
I couldn't even contain it! I started weeping! Oh how He loves me! In all my mess, He came after me because He loves me, He adores me! I'm His. He is Love. True Love. The kind of love that doesn't let go!
My life doesn't seem like much compared to His Holy Life but it's valuable, it's beautiful, and it's His. All His.