Tuesday, April 09, 2013
Fear and Faith
When I worry about money, it’s because I am afraid that I will somehow let down my daughter and people will think I’m a terrible mom and person.
There is really one thing that I don’t worry about. Death. Isn’t that funny? It is probably the one thing I am most certain of, my place in heaven.
Fear only proves that I am self centered, which I hate about myself. My faith, even when it is as small as a mustard seed, shows my love for Jesus!
I’ve been fasting since yesterday. It’s been a different kind of experience than I’ve ever had. This is not a diet for me! Yes, this is definitely doing some good things in my body to detox because I eat a lot of junk, and almost everything I’ve put in my body in the last couple days isn’t just considered healthy, but mostly organic, which is really moving my heart to do more organic in our home because I want to be as healthy as possible. The best part is that God is really just speaking to me. “be faithful”.
I haven’t decided how long I will fast, probably just a few more days. At first, I thought 2 weeks then I thought 40 days… and I really feel like if I do 40 days, it will seem more about me, not about God. And that is not my intent. I want to do what God wants me to do, and I want to be faithful and I’d rather be faithful in my fast for 3 days then to cheat or not be faithful for 40 days. Fear tells me that once again “I must do something BIG” but faith says “be faithful in small things, just be faithful”.