There are a lot of lessons from our mommas that we learn. I grew up without my momma so she taught me differently than most. I also learned a lot from my dad and mommas in my life who weren’t my biological momma. I’ve learned as I’ve grown as a momma. I’ve done a lot of things as a momma that I wished that someone had done for me.
The most important lesson I learned as a momma is to hold on tight. Hold on tight to love. Do not take one day for granted because truly I have no idea how long I will have to love someone. My momma died when she was 31 and you can read the story about how I’ve felt most of my life here, but honestly, I thought I’d die when I was 31 and I thought I better make tons of memories as possible so that my daughter will remember me. I remember thinking my whole life my dad would die and I’d ask him “how do I know you won’t die too?” those are the kind of questions you ask when you’ve lost a parent and he would say “I just won’t”. I have no idea how he knew he wouldn’t. but I didn’t have that kind of faith in whether I would live or die, so I knew to make the days count. I took lots of pictures and there were lots of hugs and kisses, lots of snuggling, and lots of laughter. Birthdays were also a big deal in our house. My dad gave me great birthdays and I wasn’t going to be different, although some may have said that I was a little over the top a lot of times… but oh well, I’m kind a little over the top anyway…
Learn how to cook. Homemade stuff is amazing! Now, I am not talented to make very many cool things, but I can make a meal. I even remember learning how to follow a recipe And I have made countless treats and countless meal, and I am blessed that I have the gift of cooking and I have passed that on to my daughter. Homemade is best made… and another thing that I have learned from my dad in cooking is that there is no need to be afraid. It’s a silly thing to have learned in cooking but sometimes we think about the worst thing that can happen. I have thrown away whole batches of chicken noodle soup because they were terrible. Don’t be afraid. And so I think about moving to Detroit, I’m not afraid. I could if you wanted tell you all the reasons why I shouldn’t but I’m not afraid. My dad taught me a lot of lessons in cooking.
But the most important lessons I’ve ever learned was once I become a momma. I learned that there is more love in my heart than I ever thought possible and the only way to keep it is to give it away. You see I became a momma at 20. It was the scariest thing I ever did in my life. Saying yes to something I wasn’t even sure I wanted. But the moment I saw her, it was love at first sight. And she’s such an amazing joy that she smiled at 5 days old and has been smiling ever since. She even smiled in her sleep. Life wasn’t always easy for us, we were poor. And I went to bed hungry because we didn’t have enough food, and when I made $16/hour, her prescriptions were $350 per month. Do the math, that doesn’t leave much left over. I will tell you that I made a lot of sacrfices, I put her before me so many times. I didn’t date people that wouldn’t be a good dad to her. So a lot of times, I just didn’t date. I worked long days after she went to bed because that’s what it took. I would never change a thing! And as much as people would say I gave, I received far more than I ever gave. In order to get, we must give.
Today I sat and listened to a song “there goes my life” and that song rings so true to my life, I didn’t realize the blessing that I’d received when I got my Phyllis (who is named after my momma if you didn’t know). She’s the biggest greatest blessing I could have ever hoped for!
Thank you Momma, thank you Dad, and thank you Phyllis! You all taught me how to love bigger than I could have ever known.