Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Lessons in my life!

There are a lot of lessons from our mommas that we learn. I grew up without my momma so she taught me differently than most. I also learned a lot from my dad and mommas in my life who weren’t my biological momma. I’ve learned as I’ve grown as a momma. I’ve done a lot of things as a momma that I wished that someone had done for me.

The most important lesson I learned as a momma is to hold on tight. Hold on tight to love. Do not take one day for granted because truly I have no idea how long I will have to love someone. My momma died when she was 31 and you can read the story about how I’ve felt most of my life here, but honestly, I thought I’d die when I was 31 and I thought I better make tons of memories as possible so that my daughter will remember me. I remember thinking my whole life my dad would die and I’d ask him “how do I know you won’t die too?” those are the kind of questions you ask when you’ve lost a parent and he would say “I just won’t”. I have no idea how he knew he wouldn’t. but I didn’t have that kind of faith in whether I would live or die, so I knew to make the days count. I took lots of pictures and there were lots of hugs and kisses, lots of snuggling, and lots of laughter. Birthdays were also a big deal in our house. My dad gave me great birthdays and I wasn’t going to be different, although some may have said that I was a little over the top a lot of times… but oh well, I’m kind a little over the top anyway…

Learn how to cook. Homemade stuff is amazing! Now, I am not talented to make very many cool things, but I can make a meal. I even remember learning how to follow a recipe And I have made countless treats and countless meal, and I am blessed that I have the gift of cooking and I have passed that on to my daughter. Homemade is best made… and another thing that I have learned from my dad in cooking is that there is no need to be afraid. It’s a silly thing to have learned in cooking but sometimes we think about the worst thing that can happen. I have thrown away whole batches of chicken noodle soup because they were terrible. Don’t be afraid. And so I think about moving to Detroit, I’m not afraid. I could if you wanted tell you all the reasons why I shouldn’t but I’m not afraid. My dad taught me a lot of lessons in cooking.

But the most important lessons I’ve ever learned was once I become a momma. I learned that there is more love in my heart than I ever thought possible and the only way to keep it is to give it away. You see I became a momma at 20. It was the scariest thing I ever did in my life. Saying yes to something I wasn’t even sure I wanted. But the moment I saw her, it was love at first sight. And she’s such an amazing joy that she smiled at 5 days old and has been smiling ever since. She even smiled in her sleep. Life wasn’t always easy for us, we were poor. And I went to bed hungry because we didn’t have enough food, and when I made $16/hour, her prescriptions were $350 per month. Do the math, that doesn’t leave much left over. I will tell you that I made a lot of sacrfices, I put her before me so many times. I didn’t date people that wouldn’t be a good dad to her. So a lot of times, I just didn’t date. I worked long days after she went to bed because that’s what it took. I would never change a thing!  And as much as people would say I gave, I received far more than I ever gave. In order to get, we must give.

Today I sat and listened to a song “there goes my life” and that song rings so true to my life, I didn’t realize the blessing that I’d received when I got my Phyllis (who is named after my momma if you didn’t know). She’s the biggest greatest blessing I could have ever hoped for!

Thank you Momma, thank you Dad, and thank you Phyllis! You all taught me how to love bigger than I could have ever known.

I loveyou!

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