I can get wrapped up in… me. I hate that about me. I wonder if God created us to worship Him then why for the love of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches did He wire me to be so selfish? I mean I get that I need to put down my own needs and my own cross and pick up the cross and needs of others, thus it means a whole lot more.
I think about the community center, I think about what I think… and then I realize, I have no idea. I mean I know what it means to be a single mom, I know what it means to struggle, I even know what it is to be the child of a single parent, and while I missed my momma, I had a great childhood. My dad taught me by example what it means to be selfless. But on my own, I have no idea what the community, it’s children, it’s families need other than Jesus. I need to rely on Him to show them Jesus, only Jesus can make it right, only Jesus can turn around a city that is dark.
Sometimes in the selfishness of me I think “get my crown, we got some saving to do” thinking that I need to go change the world. That’s not my job, my job is to love, God will do the changing and the saving. And besides, running around trying to do it on my own, just makes me tired and crabby. My job is to love and to be completely connected to Him. This is the part that I go sideways on. He says go left, and I go right… so I am doing a lot of things to make sure that I keep doing the things I need to do.
Read the bible. Do my daily bible study. Listen to music that will feed my soul. I just signed up for a study with lifeway on Gideon. Your weakness, God’s strength by Priscilla Shirer. I know that it all seems crazy, but listen, I remember how my heart used to be. I know how much hurt I carried around for hurting others, but I don’t live that way, and I have got live free if I am going to love like God called has called me to do. To love like Him, to stay connected with Him, and to hear what He has for me to do. For all that He has for me. For the worship of Him. I want good stuff to reap! I want good fruit so that I can pass it on to others!
There’s big stuff happening and in the future but I can’t do it on my own, and it’s not about me. I gotta be strong (in Him).
2 Cor 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.