I can’t even put all my feelings that are inside me into words.
Yesterday I almost cried 4 times when introducing my dad at Missions Night. I was so glad he was there (though I don’t know how much he actually LIKED it, but I was thankful that he was there!!). I also had my empty buckets family and so many of my church family. I could barely contain my excitement (I didn’t). I was so tired and so weary, and stressing myself out and in my weariness and thirstiness God shows up with this amazing drink of cold water to revive me! He really is the living water, and He sent my family with a huge BUCKET full of water!
We leave for Detroit in 10 days and we leave for Haiti in 19 days! I am excited for both. People usually focus on the Haiti trip but seriously, my heart is super overflowing for both. I can’t wait!
I’m starting to come down with some weird stuffy nose and that’s annoying… but I guess if I didn’t have a nose… I wouldn’t have a stuffy one LOL!
I found out the craziest thing… and I am not sure what to do with the information. I mean I am glad I have it, but I cried and cried and cried. Ugh. God will work it out, even with that nonsense, I feel so incredibly blessed. I don’t know! It’s not like things are easy, things are never easy, but I do hard things, in obedience to be more like God created me to be. There are things I struggle so much with, but I know that while I wait for those things, because I love God, and He will provide my every need. EVERY SINGLE ONE!
I was doing my study yesterday and it was talking about threshing. I am studying the story of Gideon and it says that in that time, wise farmers could be found threshing – separating the meaty, nutrient-rich grain from the light airy, and useless chaff.
Of course that seems like a totally normal thing right? I mean, if I were a farmer, why would I want light airy and useless chaff. Well, I’m not a farmer, surely NOT in the literal sense of the word. I doubt I could make it longer than a month as a real farmer. Milking cows, cleaning up poop, harvesting all the produce, NO THANK YOU! I might wreck my shellac manicure and surely there are no cute shoes for farming (and you know that’s right!). But God has called me to go into the world and make disciples, it says in Matthew 9:35-38
35 Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness.36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38 Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”
There are SO many people who need Jesus. What if I was to plant the crop as a farmer and let it sit there and rot? That would be dumb now wouldn’t it be? What if a whole crop was planted and it was my job to harvest it? well, that would be wrong to leave it there. Sometimes I think my job is to plant the seeds (tell people about Jesus and what He has done in my life), sometimes I am called to water the seeds (encourage), sometimes to reap harvest. I don’t think there is one job at any given time that is more important than another.
But I must be a wise farmer.
I must remove the light, airy, and useless chaff from my life. I know that maybe think I’m too intense about things, that I plan too much. But I think it is indeed how God created me, He allowed many things to happen to me, to prepare me for such a time as this (Esther 4:14).
There are many things that I am letting go, removing from my life because it is light, airy, and useless… Ain’t nobody got time for that (HA!) I need to focus on the things that bring me great joy really are from the Lord! My friend Ej yesterday said he didn’t think he had ever seen me as excited as I was yesterday. It’s true, my heart was overflowing with love. If only I could find a way to go on ALL the missions trips! WOW! Now wouldn’t that be something!
Each day brings new lessons, what to add and what to remove from my life. It reminds me of John 15:4 when it says that we must ABIDE in Him:
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.
Just like when I am not connected with God, I want it to be painful like shoes that are too tight, but when I am close, I want it to be like that perfectly fitting, my favorite sass shoes that just make me feel… well awesome! I want to abide in Him, whatever that looks like.
I don’t know what God has planned for me, but I will continue to walk in obedience while I am waiting.