I'm excited to come home. I'm excited to Hug my girl. To sleep in my bed instead of a flat mattress.
After spending time in Haiti, not beinginsanely busy I wonder if for so long I have gotten it wrong.
Years and years of being busy, sometimes to avoid feeling hurt. Years if picking task over relationship.
I enjoy loving but loving is dangerous and there isn't always a measurement of when I've gotten it right or a place to check a box to say ok, done.
Love is messy and its hard, and heartbreak is usually involved because we haven't always figured out how not to hurt each other (Shane Claiborne said that). Even when I do my best, I find a way to
mess it up. Sometimes the kind of love we give us not returned and that hurts. People leave when we've given them our all.
Love is not easy.
But it is essential.
After being in a place when is walk passed a muffin and just smooch their face or I'd look across at a team mate and smile, or fill someone's water bottle or share cookies, ill be honest, it's hard not to want that every minute of every day.
Let all that you do be done in love. (1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV)
It's hard to figure out how I'm gonna do that in my life back home. To carry a love with me, to give it away.
So many times God has told me this trip to live generously, I think it's just not about the money, it's about my heart. Money is easy, heart issues and love and hard. To not think that I might be hurt, how that's dangerous. But great reward requires great risk.
I say that I'll go wherever He calls and ill do whatever He asks.
My life is His. All of it.
I'm giving it all away.
To gain a love I've never experienced.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13 ESV)