So... Here is the deal, it's 6am and I didnt sleep well.
Some of my family will tell you that I share too much on this blog and today might just be one of those days.... But the truth is that I want my life to be a reflection of God but sometimes my heart is selfish, it's tired, it's hot.
This morning I woke up after a night of not much sleep. And all I wanted to do was shower. At the risk of sounding judgemental, you people who don't shower everyday really gross me out, I think especially those who have access to showers, should.
Ad I don't care if you tell me it's not good for your skin. Blah blah. Go shower.
I sat in the kitchen this morning wondering if the water was going to work in the shower. Last week not electricity meant no shower. I schemed & plotted about how I'd try to get one throughout the day. The truth is I never prayed. Dumb. Then at some desperate moment, I said "God, remember I'm Your favorite? Please, if I use those adult wipes to clean off, can I please just get a rinse in the shower?"
So not knowing what to expect, I set off to get cleaned off. I turned on the shower, it worked. I ended up getting to wash to hair and soap up really well.
The truth is in theory, I'd love to live in Haiti forever, but the truth is I'd have a hard time if I didnt have a real bed and a shower. I'm just telling you. Most of the other stuff I could live with or without. I'd also really have a hard time with the kids who beg on the street while we drive. It's hard. Those guys in Detroit might get an earful if Jesus doesn't put His hand over my mouth.
I know a lot of people think it was a great sacrifice for me to come to Haiti, and this morning it kind of felt like it. After reading this:
"Cry aloud; do not hold back; lift up your voice like a trumpet; declare to my people their transgression, to the house of Jacob their sins. Yet they seek me daily and delight to know my ways, as if they were a nation that did righteousness and did not forsake the judgment of their God; they ask of me righteous judgments; they delight to draw near to God. "Why have we fasted, and you see it not? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you take no knowledge of it?" Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure, and oppress all your workers. Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to hit with a wicked fist. Fasting like yours this day will not make your voice to be heard on high. Is such the fast that I choose, a day for a person to humble himself? Is it to bow down his head like a reed, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? Will you call this a fast, and a day acceptable to the Lord ? "Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, "Here I am." If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in. "If you turn back your foot from the Sabbath, from doing your pleasure on my holy day, and call the Sabbath a delight and the holy day of the Lord honorable; if you honor it, not going your own ways, or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly; then you shall take delight in the Lord, and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken." (Isaiah 58:1-14 ESV)
I thought about that. I'm not fasting on Haiti unless you feel like no tv is fasting... And even then, I watched it in the hotel. And I've replaced it with beautiful muffins and fun conversation... So no, I'm not fasting, and I got a shower, I don't even feel like I'm sacrificing.
I know this post started out on a yucky note, but know this, I don't regret coming here one second. I love Haiti, I often wonder why the rest of you don't join me whether its in an orphanage or bringing clean water.
You're missing out. I pray God calls you so loud that you can't help but answer.
Sending love from Haiti!