It's been so hard to even think about Detroit and I've driven around Detroit trying to figure out why God brought me back to Michigan. I've prayed for "my kids" at Alive and the leaders at Alive. Because ill tell you the truth I've been a little bit upset that I'm here, but I know... I KNOW that God has things for me to do here. He's told me.
There is much to do.
Haiti seems so far away, which makes me long for it even more. It makes it harder to love it here. There are always things I know to do. Read my bible, pray, write, spend time with people I love. It wasn't always easy.
I kept thinking, man, this is hard and I don't want to be here, but I will not be wavered I give my love My Jesus.
Last year it was so hard, and the enemy tried to take me down. he used my weakness to take my eyes off Jesus. And while I was a mess, I still was running after Jesus, but I wasn't looking straight ahead, i was distracted. I'll tell you, that booger almost got me. I almost walked away, I almost ended it all. There were moments when the sting of death seemed less painful than what I was going through. But it was at that moment I turned to Jesus and grabbed on with both hands. And to think of what God has done in and through me in the last year is amazing!
But this year, my eyes are on one thing, the Only thing.
There is much to do... But doing isn't enough. Doing doesn't even really matter.
It's really all that matters.
After that silly FaceTime, a phone call. It brought my heart joy, it tied my love for Haiti and the things of Detroit together. It reminded me that even though Haiti may seem really far away, that He holds it all in His hand.
He holds it all in His hands.
I don't know what God's plan is, I am not sure how He is going to work it all out.
I just know I'm letting go of the things that keep my focus off Him... It means I'm throwing away pictures, deleting photos, I'm holding on to the things that bring me closer to my sweet Jesus. I'm cleaning my house and getting rid of stuff that can help others. I'm getting rid of things that I store up "just in case" (I'm not talking about things I'll use for mission trips, I'm talking about stuff like the extra blankets and sheets I have).
You see those things I hold on to is because I've had moments of nothing and I keep it just in case something happens. That's dumb.
I'm in the palm of His hand and He reminds me in beautiful sunsets, in His word, in FaceTime calls, He reminds me when His grace envelops me, He reminds me in teenagers, in His presence, in His quietness that makes me seek Him, He reminds me in green beans, and in my daughter's beautiful smile.
He reminds me
Of His Love.