Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Saturday, April 12, 2014

I'm trying

I’d like to ask you something if you know me.  I’d like you to ask that you please be patient with me.  I really am trying so hard to figure out what’s next.  My life seems to be unfolding a lot differently than I ever thought.  

As the daughter of a single dad, I dreamed of growing up and having one of those “conventional” families and being married. I always dreamed of being married and honestly these days I am not sure if I will ever be married, and my heart really does say that it’s ok.  Whatever God chooses for me, I am ok with that but I am not going to say that I don’t wish for someone to share my life with.
I was in Haiti and I know that God is calling me back for a long term mission trip (and I guess in my mind anything longer than 2 weeks I consider a long term mission trip).  And as much as if someone dropped $20,000 in my lap, I know that it’s not time yet.  God has a few things to do in my heart before I go.  That’s not being scared that’s just being obedient.   Though I would LOVE it if someone dropped $20,000 in my lap or my checking account to free up that burden.  

I want to just put it out there that I am not grumpy, the truth is I am trying to feel in small increments because one day I started laughing at something that was really really funny and then my laughter turned to tears so sometimes though something is funny because I let go off everything I was holding on to.  It’s difficult because its hard to stop crying after that.  And then it’s a whole big hulla-ba-loo.

I am trying to figure out where God wants, what He wants me to do, be obedient…  It’s difficult, and I admit sometimes it’s hard to see the need here and think that it’s nothing compared to the need in Haiti.  But I do know that it’s different, and love is the same in all countries, in any language, to all people.  And that is what binds us.

So if I look distracted, or sad, or like a shell, I just ask that you be patient with me, I am doing the best I can, and sometimes all I need is a hug and a smile.  

Thanks for loving me.

1 comment:

rmm4361 said...

The beauty of friendship is the patience - hugs and smiles to you as your journey continues!