I’d like to ask you something if you know me. I’d like you to ask that you please be patient with me. I really am trying so hard to figure out what’s next. My life seems to be unfolding a lot differently than I ever thought.
As the daughter of a single dad, I dreamed of growing up and having one of those “conventional” families and being married. I always dreamed of being married and honestly these days I am not sure if I will ever be married, and my heart really does say that it’s ok. Whatever God chooses for me, I am ok with that but I am not going to say that I don’t wish for someone to share my life with.
I was in Haiti and I know that God is calling me back for a long term mission trip (and I guess in my mind anything longer than 2 weeks I consider a long term mission trip). And as much as if someone dropped $20,000 in my lap, I know that it’s not time yet. God has a few things to do in my heart before I go. That’s not being scared that’s just being obedient. Though I would LOVE it if someone dropped $20,000 in my lap or my checking account to free up that burden.
I want to just put it out there that I am not grumpy, the truth is I am trying to feel in small increments because one day I started laughing at something that was really really funny and then my laughter turned to tears so sometimes though something is funny because I let go off everything I was holding on to. It’s difficult because its hard to stop crying after that. And then it’s a whole big hulla-ba-loo.
I am trying to figure out where God wants, what He wants me to do, be obedient… It’s difficult, and I admit sometimes it’s hard to see the need here and think that it’s nothing compared to the need in Haiti. But I do know that it’s different, and love is the same in all countries, in any language, to all people. And that is what binds us.
So if I look distracted, or sad, or like a shell, I just ask that you be patient with me, I am doing the best I can, and sometimes all I need is a hug and a smile.
Thanks for loving me.