What do you think of when I mention toothpaste?
I think of many things... Like how I really only like one kind. Colgate. The plain kind. Not whitening, not brightening. The kind my gram used. As soon as i was in charge of buying toothpaste (I moved out), that's the kind I started buying.
Toothpaste also reminds me of a day on Pom mountain in Haiti. If I had to pick one of the best and worst days in my life, I would choose that day. Truly it was a Romans 8:28 day in my life.
You might have read or heard me tell this story. After a very long day. A long day of praising and giggling day, a day of seeing God's provision and in the same moment seeing there not being enough. I prayed that one pot of rice that in my mind wasn't enough to feed 50 needed to fill over 100 people. I prayed and pleaded with God for fishes and loaves (Luke 9:10-17). I'll tell you, it didn't look like enough. And we were one plate short and if you know me, you know I about lost my mind, my heart broke, and then this little boy shared his plate and then everyone ate.
Now I see God's provision, I see it but it made me so angry!!! I tried really hard not to cry. Somehow I made it to the truck but as soon as we started moving in the truck I started to cry. Big fat tears. If you've seen me, you know what I'm talking about. The poor translators, they kept saying "it's going to be ok" and I kept saying "no it won't".
And then it happened.
A little boy ate toothpaste.
Yes, that's right.
He was hungry and he ate toothpaste.
The ugly UGLY tears. The kind that Jesus uses. I tried to contain it, but that just wasn't going to happen.
We finally got to the compound and I was able to get out of that truck. And I got out. I walked. Me and Jude. And I just cried and talked about what I saw. And it wasn't ok.
That day will never be ok in my life. It never will.
I was soooooooo mad at God. I didn't understand and I'll never understand it. I know God let me witness it for some reason but it made me SO angry. In my life I've never shouted at God. I waited until the morning. In our quiet time together it was not quiet.
In that week, my life was forever changed. In that time God said to me "I'm sending you". Oh wait, me? Oh come on.
But I'll tell you, I know I'm called to Haiti. For how long I don't know. But I know I'm called to care for those in Haiti. Maybe it's clothes, or relationships, maybe it's peanut butter and jelly. Maybe it's rice and beans, and maybe it's school and English. Maybe it's jump ropes and hugs, and smooches, and water.
This is what I know about Haiti and it's people
Mwen toujou Renmen ou
I'll loveyou always
I don't know the timing or what I'll do, because let's face it, I'M OUT OF MY ELEMENT!!!! It causes me to stay close, under the wings of the God of universe!
Toothpaste reminds me that God sends us people in our lives who come along side us to walk with us, to pray for us, to support us.
It reminds me that God loves the beautiful people of Haiti and He loves me.
I doubt I'll ever do something ginormous in my life, I'm called to small things for a big God. And I love that, may you never see me, may You always see Him.
In all things.