I am about to take off from port au prince back home and I always feel like it's the top worst feelings in my life.
Even with two trips planned for the end of 2014 and 2015 it never seems to get easier. It just doesn't.
I find myself falling deeper in love with Haiti every time I go. I find myself caring more and more about the people I serve with. Just when I think I couldn't love them anymore, they seep more and more into my life. It's hard to even describe.
I think so much about my life and what God expects from me.
I think of this verse:
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8 NIV)
I don't know what He plans. I know that my life is changing drastically. I know that He is requiring me look at so much. To see all sides of a story and to seek Him to find the ultimate Truth. That is what I learned this trip.
I sometimes feel so absolutely burdened by whatever it is that God expects from me. I have no idea! I just know to be absolutely faithful. I find it no surprise that last year I felt so burdened and prayed about who I should share those burdens with, and I did... And my friend just moved away.
I know God has a plan. I KNOW HE DOES!! I know He has great things in store, you know that very
Popular graduation verse...
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)
Yeah, I get it. I know He does! But I sometimes feel so held back by not knowing, by things that have hurt me and have kept me captive for so long (people pleasing!!! Ugh) but keep reading...
Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” (Jeremiah 29:12-14 NIV)
God is faithful and sovereign. No doubt about it.
Call on Him
It's not that hard. Really it's not.
It's rather simple. My Lord does not ask things of me that I cannot do, quite the opposite, He asks me to put down my cross and follow Him.
And so I will.
And honestly a little scared, but it's time to step out. Not knowing what is ahead but in faith walking.