Ok so the truth is that I HATE the song "blessed be Your name". Ok there I said it. Every time I hear that I have to sing that song my heart sighs.
I think it's the dumbest song! I know that I need to praise Him in the greatest times in my life and in the darkest time because I know God is always good and always sovereign.
Today we sang the song in the church, and when I heard we were singing it, I tried to smile but really I thought "ugh" but i know that worship is nothing about me, it is all about Jesus. So when the music started I sang. Because God is a God that is worthy to be praised. HE IS WORTHY!!
So as I sung I thought about my present circumstances, I have so many blessings, I mean really, I am beyond blessed. I won't list all my blessings to you because let's face it, you probably don't want to read them all but a relationship with Jesus (HE CHOSE ME!!!) and a home and a daughter to just to name a few.
But I thought about my present circumstances. Adam and Katie and the three loves of my life seem to be on the other side of the world even though I know I'll hug them in 32 days. And I know I can call and Facetime but last week all I wanted to do was hug them last week and here them scream "auntie margie" as I walked in the house "saying heellllooooo".
Last week we lost one of our own... And people are hurting, I'm hurting, I'm sad, I'm angry, and I'm ashamed that sometimes I just don't do enough. We celebrate and praise God when people meet The Lord right where they are and they let Him in their hearts. We say "there is a party in heaven" but it's sorrowful when someone who is young dies a death that we determine is far too young. And even though i hope and believe God met Isaac at the gates of heaven but I'm still sad.
There's other things that I can't reveal here.
I'm being quiet now. I'm spending time in a study, spending time learning, loving, and soaking up God like a sponge wherever I can find Him.
People assume a lot of things. What I'm doing, where I'm going. The truth is I have little idea of where God is leading me with the exception of a time of being obedient, doing things like paperwork, business plans.
But during this time, I see a lot of things a lot more clearly than I do when I'm crazy busy. I see all that God gives and takes away. And I feel through them all. Which is a lot different for me. Normally I get busier and busier so I feel less and less, because sometimes it hurts, and that sucks. But all this feeling is breaking me and making me closer to Jesus and I LOVE THIS much more than I thought because the more of this feeling makes more room for
Him and less room for me. More of His Spirit, less of my flesh. Which is good.
Maybe I sang the song today to recognize Him more, maybe to break my heart a little more... Or maybe the song was for someone else's heart.
Blessed be Your name.
Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for GOD ’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to GOD! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor GOD with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over. But don’t, dear friend, resent GOD ’s discipline; don’t sulk under his loving correction. It’s the child he loves that GOD corrects; a father’s delight is behind all this. (Proverbs 3:5-12 MSG)