Good
Morning! I am encouraged that I got to
go to church today! I always want to
remember that it is an honor to worship Jesus in church! Its so great that we
can choose! It was an amazing service
today, I keep asking God about where He wants me to go to church, I certainly
am not a Sunday Christian and so the church I go to needs to be a outward giving
church.
I
posted earlier that I am in this season of kind of like winter. I go to a counselor and to be honest she’s
been guiding me towards this season for some time now. I thought (hoped) it would last one
month. Let’s face it, sitting still is
not fun for me.
After
about a month I was like “ok, I’m done” ready for what was next but she said no
“this will be like 5 to 6 months” and I will be honest that almost seemed like
a death sentence.
I was
driving today thanking God for this time. Honestly one month of slowing down was kind
of like a drive by shooting. I was still
moving, albeit slower, I was just slowing down to get ready to rev up at any
moment to take off as fast as I could.
But I am thankful for this time. Because it made me slow down and ease up.
I
have been taking this time to seek God.
Where do you want me Lord? I have
made some changes and it’s been hard to step back and have people who have said
they loved me and cared about me to not say a word to me. And I am not sad, I’ve actually found such a
joy in knowing people love me for me, not what I do for them. It’s been nice in
the seeking to find truth.
I’ve
said good-bye to a church that I have attended for a long time. And I have had
so many feelings about that. Thinking
about memories has stirred up a lot of feelings, some good some bad. And getting to a place of joy took time. And I leave with a heart of gratitude, and
that took time.
I’ve
come to a place of quiet and peace because I am not running around at 100mph
(most of it in circles. I have a chance to process things, to feel and not
react. I have time to ask myself the
questions I need to:
Why
am I really upset?
What
am I afraid of? (usually when I am freaking out, I am afraid of something)
If
I react, what good will come of it?
What
can I do to make this situation better?
I am
thankful for this time of growth. I am
thankful for this time to clean out and help others with my abundance and this
helps me to get rid of all the things I have held on to “just in case”. For me, “just in case” is sin because I’m
holding on to things as if to say that I am not trusting God, like He won’t
provide if I need it. It been completely
freeing, letting go of stuff. And I am thankful because it takes time.
Taking
the time to reflect makes me thankful for whatever time I have left in this
season for God to grow me.
Thankful
as I remain in Him.
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