Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Friday, March 20, 2015

Let me be available

There has never been a time that I have gone to Haiti that God hasn't done something crazy in my heart. 

The first time (2012) I went I fell completely in love with the country, people of Haiti.  

There were two trips in 2013, with some of the greatest people on the planet, God did some great things, revealed a lot to me.  About myself and others.

In 2014, I went 3!!! times.  The first time (March 2014), I saw things in Haiti I had never seen before.  What in the world, I went with a group of people I never even met before.  I was blown away, I think it was the first time in my life I yelled "WHY GOD??" and I feel like He sat on the edge of the compound by the water with me and just spoke sweetly to my heart. The remaining trips were great, and I was lucky enough to do things I had never done before and go with people I hadn't been with before.  I even was able to go with one of the girls that has grown up that was in my life group.  The time I spent with God was super amazing, and both trips were hard and beautiful.

So, now it is 2015, this will be 7th time to Haiti. Pretty crazy because I had never wanted to go to Haiti before.  I mean, I NEVER wanted to go, which is usually what happens when I tell God what I don't want to do. It's 8 days until I leave.  And that makes me anxious.  What if I forget something...  what is God going to do?  Will my fruit rot?  How is He going to stretch me?  (that always hurts)  Will people like me after this trip?  (I don't know why I care about that but I do).  Will I love enough, big enough?  Can i put "me" aside, and be Christ?  It's 10 days.  I'm gonna be dirty and sweaty for 10 days.

All that being said, I am excited.  I have learned to go with the flow (which is not easy for me), I have learned when to step up, and when to find my place in the back.  I am brave enough to do things that others are doing and to say "No thank you" to the things I don't want to do without fear of rejection.  I've learned to cry without worrying what people think.  God gives me incredible vision in Haiti because I am not distracted by the rest of my world.  

I am nervous and excited and it will all seem a lot more real when I am done packing tomorrow.  (I remembered a bunch things I forgot today while in Target - but never fear, Target bailed me out!)

If you think about it, say a prayer, I think God has some big things planned for me and my heart...  I just want to be available to whatever He has for me.  Near or far, a heart wide open.

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