On Saturday I was in quite a mood. I went to starbucks and got a tea, and it was wrong, which didn’t bother me, but the barrista at the window, her attitude made me crazy, then I went to get my nails done, but I had the wrong appt day (ugh!) but I decided to make the most of it and go to Target to take care of a few things. I realized something might be wrong with me when I almost started to cry because I couldn’t find the sweatshirt I wanted (NO! it wasn’t that time of the month).
Then Sunday I was super stressed out over… donuts. And when someone said barked at me about coffee, I told them if they were so concerned about it, to go make it themselves… It’s true. Yes. That happened. At that point, I knew I really needed to pray. Yes, they were crabby about their coffee, but I could have handled it much better.
After getting my nail done on Sunday, my friend and I went to dinner and then to Chris Tomlin. I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to spend time with my friend, Chris Tomlin certainly was a bonus.
My heart was really feeling so much better and then as the worship event began, I could really feel God speaking to me on so many levels. But I still kind of was stressed… I wondered, in this place, what is bothering me?
So during the Chris Tomlin worship concert, he said something… He never asked God to make him famous, he never asked to play for large crowds. He asked God to let him do His (God’s) will, that his life would always be available for God to use.
|Photo from here|
And there it is. I have been so stressed (silently) about this garden. What if I don’t sell enough shirts? what if I can’t raise the money?
Well here’s the truth, God doesn’t need me to raise money for His garden. He made vegetables long before I was even born. He doesn’t need me to raise money, HE is the provider. And in that moment, my heart changed. God I want to be available to be used by You. Whatever You need me to do, I’ll do it. Plant vegetables, sell T-shirts (probably going to do a second run because I’ve had quite a bit of more interest), I’ll meet with investors (donors but I think they are INVESTING in a community), we will have a spaghetti dinners, fill out paperwork, I will plant, and seed, and weed, and water. And mostly, I will love. I am available.
I met last night with a great man of God and we talked about the garden and the plans for it this summer, and I am excited!!!
Please Lord, just use me, I just want to do what You want me to do. I’m a mess so I will be perfect in the dirt. I loveYou.