I've just really had a rough time lately. I don't know if my own selfishness just really reared its ugly head but man it was ugly, all coming to the point last weekend when I guess I just couldn't take it anymore, and I just cried. And cried. And cried.
I said "I think God hates me" and I've been praying about that moment, like what in the world? I know that's not true, for crying outloud, I'm Gods favorite how could He hate me ;) so in my prayer time, really seeking I felt the spirit just say "who is the one who is not happy with who?"
My own ugliness.
I'm such a self jerk but I guess the truth is that because I wasn't getting my own way (though i was really hurt) I thought that must be the answer.
What a mess! It's a bunch of things and it starting with my mess! Im focusing on things one at a time. Asked my friend to pray for me, I need to eat better. Garbage in, garbage out. It really does feel good to make good eating choices.
I'm working on a better me, God is working on my heart!