Today I read an article about the subway guy, and the mess he is in or not in, whatever and I found myself, broken. I was sad, angry, and just so broken. Maybe his outward appearance (before subway) showed how broken he was and just like all of us trying to clean up and look appealing, he was able to clean up, only to keep held together instead of really healed by Gods love.
I see the current events, because I have Facebook, and I'm lucky (unlucky) enough to to see everyone's opinions on it.
I'm sad. I know that God is a lot of things, I know who He is in my life, and He is love.
I'm sad about the posts about planned parenthood and those who make terrible comments about abortion. I'm sad about people who judge others about their sexual preference. I'm sad about people who thinking their taking a stand based on "God" or what they believe.
I've been reading two books. "The hardest peace" and "snake oil: the art of healing and truth telling". In the past I typically choose "forge ahead" kind of books but somehow I ended up with these two. Maybe God knew I'd need some grace and love. Because these two books are just that. As I read these two books i am more and more aware of my own need for God's healing, His love, and His grace in my life. Probably doesn't help that most days my heart feels like clay soil that can't seem to get a seed planted of Fruit of the spirit, and if I could manage to get a seed planted the water could never get there to let it grow.
The more and more I read about God's love and grace the more I know that love heals. And I can only speak from experience and a desperate place of needing it.
People say hurtful things, I probably say hurtful things. Love heals that.
People do hurtful things. Love heals hurts and scars that we carry around that we don't even realize.
I could list a million times today alone I failed with extending Gods grace and love and one time I just cried! This is not how i want to be!!
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
Romans 7:15 NIV
I am learning more and more everyday about needing God's grace and everyone else's need for it.
I'd like to always err on the side of grace and love right where I'm at, whoever is right in front of me. I'd like to remember that two things I've got to figure out how to get right, love God with all that i am and love my neighbor.
If I can just get those two things right, I think I'll be better than ok.
I'm still sad, but it is in that sadness, I will seek God and find healing I so desperately need.