Sunday night after serving lunch to my church and my community and I literally laid in bed and my legs hurt so bad I couldn't fall asleep (if you know anything about me, I'm usually asleep before my head hits the pillow). I think it was a combination of a lot of walking and not enough water, and a build up of toxins. I seem to be better now. I thought "I wonder if that was all worth THIS" because I was in some big pain. But I know this is what I'm called to do. Feed people.
Then yesterday I got an email about my shirts that I sold to raise money for the soccer field. It was a very low number... Less than 5. I was a little shocked and very sad. Thankfully I didn't cry. I wondered how this money was just gonna come! We need a lot of money, even with all the free stuff I've arranged that has been volunteered!
House hunting is beginning to get the best of me. I'm tired and sick of looking at crappy flips that if someone spent $500 more it could have really increased their value. I want to give up but I know I can't. I will find the right house at the right time. It's just grueling.
I know that things worth having are worth fighting for. I'm reminded of a conversation with my friend Amanda that it's important not to steal our kids struggles because in small struggles you learn how to endure and keep going. And I've learned how to persevere. I know it builds character and who doesn't need character building? I mean maybe it's just me.
I'm also reminded of a poem I've known for as along as I can remember, I actually recite it to myself often...
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is strange with its twists and turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns
And many a failure comes about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell just how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit"
I have lots going for me these days. I could list lots of things and I try to remain positive!!! I've got a beautiful daughter and a cute house, great friends, the sweetest dog, a great job, a nice car, a God who loves me (and even stretches me), a nice church where the Word is taught. Life is good and I won't give up!
There are people to feed, people who need love, soccer fields that need to be built, children who need love and affection and need to be safe. There is someone who needs a pb&j!! My job ain't over til He say it's over...