I shared with someone that I was nervous about raising funds about my trip to Uganda. It's a lot of money. I somehow felt at ease once I saw my tshirt for my fundraiser. It was a weird peace, but the one God knew to send at that moment. I might (eh em) cried.
Do you know that my whole life I've been scared? My WHOLE life. My mom died when I was a tot, I was scared my dad would die. Who would take care of me? Literally this was a worry I had my whole life. Let's me honest, I'm too much for just about everybody, who would have wanted that burden?
Because I've been a little (or a lot) too much for most people, I've learned to tame that back, be who I thought they wanted me to be. I always worried people would leave, and because of the loss of my momma at a young age, that's something I was scared of, people leaving.
As I became a single mom I worried about the money to take care of my daughter! Especially when she was sick.
I was always nervous that I couldn't really be myself around people. So I wasn't.
And then it happened, I met people who loved me for who I was because that's how God loves me. There's a remarkable beauty in that.
As you grow older, you realize the people around you aren't always safe. They will have their own agendas, they will be mean and hateful for no reason, other than their own jealousy and ugly pride.
I've learned to be around people who are safe for me. I don't worry about them leaving or not liking me. I know that the advice they give isn't for any benefit of them, but only helpful to me. They cheer me on and calm me down.
These are my people. The people I go places with and do things with that might frighten me or make me look stupid.
The people who say "MAR-gie!!" When I'm crazy or just say my name sweetly when I'm afraid or hug me when there are no words.
I got people.
I got people. People who love me when I'm scared, make me feel safe.
I'm always a little nervous, but God says "be courageous, I am with you always"
And who am I to argue with "I AM"?
Thanks for being my people