I find myself in a place that is uncomfortable for me. And I don't like it.
I'm saddened by many things I've seen in my life and yet I see God's beauty and miracles and they all seem so intertwined.
When my friend Jon had cancer, he told me that the tumors were wrapped around his pancreas. Something so vile wrapped around an organ. I didn't get it then either.
I want to shake my fist in anger and be mad at God but I know of His greatness. I remember the smiles On beautiful faces and I remember their hunger. How does one reconcile that? My heart will never be the same.
Today I walked into my favorite place (Yazmeen) to pick up lunch for my favorites. The smiles of people that I talk to and care about (you know me it's crazy but true), I feel so blessed, so undeservedly blessed to be in this time in this place.
I see others (and do it myself) complaining about the dumbest first world problems), I spend too much money. I live here not there, God has provided for me and placed me here but what should I do with it? And what about everyone else?
My heart cant really take all this. And I feel like a crazy (or crazier).
I feel so thankful and so broken. How do I reconcile all of that? And that's just the surface...