When I was 16 months old my mom died. I was raised by my father, who did a good job
raising me, he always provided for us, it was not always easy. My dad is a good, good man, but in all my
life I can never remember my dad saying I was valuable or beautiful. These are words that a girl needs to hear
form her father, and even though I never heard those words, I knew my father
loved me.
As I grew older I looked for attention from boys, I looked
for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. At 19 I found myself pregnant, by the point I
found out, I had left the father because he did drugs. I wasn’t going to keep my baby- I didn’t want
to be a single mom. But I decided to. I
did my best to take care of her, sometimes I had 3 or 4 jobs, and went to
college. We attended church when I
wasn’t working because I wanted my daughter to have a relationship with God, I
thought it was too late for me but I hoped she would.
I lived a life that everyone thought I had it together, I
dated the best looking guys, I was a single mom that owned her own home, nice
car, great job. But really people didn’t
know the shame I carried.
I had always believed there was a God in heaven, but I had
never experienced His grace.
Then one day some friends asked my daughter and I to go to
church with them. I remember the songs
we sang, that my heart busted wide open!
“I could sing of your love Forever”, Draw Me close to you, and come, now
is the time to worship! And I wanted
that! I wanted to sing of God’s love forever.
I cried and cried and cried. I
loved Jesus! I knew that He died for me and my sins! And I knew that He was my
Lord and Savior that day!
As I grew to love Jesus, I longed to read His word, to hear
all that He was saying to me. I’d go to bible studies to learn more, I
memorized scripture. There was always something that held me back though. Even though I knew I was His, I still was
held in bondage of never being good enough or sometimes being too much. And then one day when I was helping at Youth
Group, our Pastor talked about how we were God’s masterpiece.
Eph 2:10 NLT For we are God’s masterpiece.
He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned
for us long ago.
At that moment, I realized that God made
me, He had plans for my life! He made me
new in Christ, and I wasn’t too much of something or not enough of others, I
was created by Him for Him! It was a
freedom I had never felt before. There
are moments when I get insecure and when I feel like that I read His word. I
remember that He loves me, and made me just the way I am supposed to be.
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