Changing of the seasons

It’s been a long season. It happened today as i knew it would. If i started crying i wouldn’t be able to stop. It was embarrassing but a good release of emotion.

I compare a lot of things to the places I’ve been.

Thinking about the last 7 months how it’s reminded me of Haiti. I love Haiti though I’m not sure how much of this last season has been love.

Haiti is hot and I’m always dirty, it’s unpredictable. I don’t go there unless it’s with people i trust. God does a lot in my heart during those times. He says "will you trust Me to follow me to a place of u unknown where you must valiantly seek Me to find Me?"

This has season has been a lot like that. Hard and uneasy. Seeking Him in the hardest times. Finding and trusting. Being sure even when I’m unsure. Trusting God in the hardest moments.

They say fall shows us the beauty in letting go. Fall is vibrant and it’s beauty is the reward of a hot hard summer.

It’s time to be still for me. To see the vibrancy in the hard parts of my life, and let it go to find the healing that my heart so desperately desires.

It’s says in Psalm 37:4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

It has not always been easy to praise Him in the storms. Without knowing His faithfulness in my life, I’m not sure i could have. He is faithful and His love is good. He is steadfast to find me in my wandering, in my running. He chases me and captures me, and eases the pain in my soul. He sends those filled with joy to crack the parts of my heart that i have hardened when i try to protect myself and forget to trust Him to protect me.

The next season is rest and rebuilding. It’s healing. It’s gonna be hard. Knowing pain is coming is hard but to know healing and freedom are coming will be worth it. Like when you break your arm, it heals wonky and you have to intentionally break it again and heal it correctly. Sounds like fun, right? No, but it’s necessary.

It’s time to let go, find healing, love well. Knowing I’m worthy of that love and healing. I’m Abbas’s child. I’m going to discover all that means, And how loved i really am.

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