Journals

So today I did a thing.

I threw away all my journals.

I will continue to journal but I threw a whole stack away.

My stack of journals 2012-present

I don't know why I was saving them, maybe to look back to see where I've been and to see how far God has brought me.

Maybe.

But I don't need a stack of journals to know that.  I don't want to be reminded of the mess I was when I started really seriously journaling in 2012. 

I was telling someone that I have known for a long time, I'm embarrassed by who I was back at Metro.  Sure, I did a lot of good, but I also was a hot mess walking.   He said "you're not even the same person" and I feel like my soul took a breath and said "shew". 

I'm so glad. 

Sure I am still not perfect. But I don't know if I'd like that person I was back then, so broken, so hurt. 

It's been a lot of hard work to get to now, which still needs work.

In all my cleaning out, I'm learning to look forward, to get a vision of what God has next while enjoying and really living in the where I am now.

I will still journal, because writing makes me so happy and is so freeing for me, I will probably always write.

I feel like maybe I'm finally ready to let go of who I was, love her, and love forward.