What is
missing from my life?That
seems like such a strange question, mostly because I don’t like to focus on
what’s missing in my life because that keeps me from having a grateful
heart.
Really,
I have a great life. Would I like a husband?
I used to really think so but sometimes people just don’t make being married
look all that great. I’d rather be by myself
than to be with someone who doesn’t want to dream and grow and make those
dreams come true! I don’t want a husband
who won’t love me like Christ loves the church.
And the truth is, my life is pretty great.
If I think
about my dreams and what I’d like to pursue, I think what is missing is the
confidence to really believe that I can pursue being a Director of a community
center or have a food truck. I think
what many people don’t know about me is that no matter what I do (including
feeding people) I do it afraid of failure.
I mean why do you think there is always so much extra food, running out
scares the crap out of me (and it’s happened and it’s awful). I worry about
letting people down, I worry that someone will say “I knew she’d never amount to
anything”.
I don’t
always really believe who I am in God. I have a friend that has said very often
that I have a golden heart. But the
world taught me for years that kindness was a weakness, and even though now, I
feel like being kind is one of the greatest things someone can be, it is hard
for me to trust people enough to be kind to them and not be hurt.
I
wonder, often, if I had been poured into as a child if I’d have the belief I
could be anything I dreamed. If I hadn’t
been told on numerous occasion “Children are to be seen and not heard”.
As I grow
in my knowledge of who God is and who He says I am, my belief grows stronger
and years of doubt seem to dissipate.
What’s
missing from my life is a strong bridge from knowledge to belief. Each day, I build a stronger foundation for
this bridge. Healing is the beginning.
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