That being said, I think I don't just have one worst day of my life, I have two. The two worst days of my life required so much strength and grace, I am still surprised that I persevered the years that these two days impacted.
December 5, 1997 and a dreadful day in April of 1974.
On December 5, 1997 I was sitting in a hospital bed in Oakwood Hospital. It had a been a long night the night before. Lots of tests. The doctor came in, and let us know that the diagnosis for Phyllis was Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. It was the beginning of the longest fight of my life. I needed to learn everything I could, make the hardest decisions. I am not sure looking back I made all the right decisions but I made the best decisions I could at the time. There is nothing that can prepare a momma to see their child in pain, or for the fight that holds punches that I could never see coming. I would be remised
to not mention the AMAZING support I received from both my job, my friends, and family.
The other day in April, and for the life of me I cannot remember the exact date, was the day my mom died. I don't think anyone could have even fathomed the affect this would have on me. How does a little girl live without the love of her mother on a daily basis? The foundation of our childhood is so much of who we are as adults. I have to admit, with all the mistakes I made as a mom, I was a REALLY good mom. Honestly, I have no idea how I did it sometimes. I guess I just really tried to be the mom I wish I had growing up. I tried to emulate the women in my life who were mother figures to me. I wanted my daughter to feel supported, loved, fought for, be happy and joyful, and so I did my best to do that. But sometimes, even know, I wish I could call my mom. I think one of the hardest things to navigate was how to be a mom/friend to my adult daughter, I didn't have a ton of examples of this. But I feel like in all best things in my life, I'm learning & growing. And I still hope my daughter feels supported, loved, fought for, and she's happy and full of joy. I'm thankful for her.
In almost every way I wish I didn't have to experience those days, however, they are part of my story. They are part of the strength within me and the grace I give.
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