A month or so ago I felt so trapped in grief. Overwhelmed by all the things that need to be done. The pressure of having the perfect “Celebration of life” for my dad was starting to suffocate me. Honor your father and mother, it’s the first commandment with a promise kept running through my head. Not letting anyone down. It was just so much. I even panicked at the last minute and order so much extra food (ain’t no one going hungry on my watch LOL).
A few weeks ago I put on my FB “Grief is hard”. And an old friend reached out to tell me about a grief support group. And I joined. Yes. I am still shocked myself. I went last week for the first time.
I am here to tell you, I don’t even feel like the same person I was a month ago.
Signing up for the grief support group helped me to feel “unstuck”. I can’t stand being stuck. When I feel like I can’t get out of a situation it makes me feel like a caged animal. It felt like someone opened the cage so I could walk out to get to the next step.
Last weekend we had the big Celebration. It felt wonderful to honor my dad, and honestly the day seemed perfect. The pictures, the food, but mostly the people. People who loved my dad and love us. It felt so wonderful to be loved and supported by so many people.
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides ~Thoreau
I went to the grief support group (Griefshare) and felt so supported. I’d highly recommend if you are going through grief. It helped me to feel less crazy – that all the feels – many that are not sad, are all normal.
I’ve been able to return to the land of the living in many ways and I’ve had to catch up on a lot of things that have not gotten done or that I fell behind (winter sowing)…. It feels good to get caught up!
I was going to do a major front yard renovation but I decided to wait one more year. I decided that might be too much because also there is a major overhaul of the community garden at my church. So I am going to enjoy my yard the way it is this year <3 There is something about just enjoying life that seems so wonderful. I am also thinking about hosting a bible study in my yard this year. That seems dreamy.
It sure has been a roller coaster of a year! But I’ve learning to live life a little more every day.
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