Passion



Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)


Thursday, May 17, 2007

Busy


I am a single mom. Everyone who has ever read my post knows that I am a single mom, I am not bitter (even towards those who hurt me - at least not for very long), I want to be married, but I will wait on God's timing because His plan is always right.


When I had my daughter, I worked at ACO Hardware for $4.85/hour. I remember thinking that if I could just get to $8/hour I would be set, HA! I continued onto different jobs and at one time I had 4 jobs(Insurance company, Jerry's Ace, Chiropractor, sold Pampered Chef). One paid for daycare, one paid for gas and car insurance, one paid for a car payment (it was a little used Escort) and one paid for anything that we needed. I eventually got down to one job thankfully because while those 4 jobs were going on, I also went to school full-time at HFCC. Yes, that's right, if you do the math, I wasn't home much, out of necessity not because I wanted more money. But this mom did what it took to take care of my family.


There has never been a time in my life when I wasn't "busy" and even now, I think, maybe I could squeeze one more thing in, but I came to realize something on Tuesday when my plans fell through and I didn't know what to do with myself because Phyllis is in New York, this IS NOT NORMAL. It is not normal for your calendar to be filled on every day. I decided that instead of filling up more, I was going to take something out. So, I prayed about it, and it wasn't real hard to hear God's voice. I just needed to shut up for a minute, and slow down.


I am totally jealous of Sara. I wish I could have been a stay at home mom, I wish that sometimes I could just say no. But all my busy-ness is not for me. I go and go and go because of Phyllis. Monday is Fuel, Tuesday was lifegroup in my home, Wednesday is core groups (and nails, and when I can make it, Jim & Tonya's life group- also known as the Dean & Sara Show), Thursday is the day that Phyllis and I go out to eat, just her and I (though it sometimes gets moved for various reasons), and Friday is also our night, we do whatever is going at Metro for the teens or we watch a movie (that i always fall asleep to). Did I mention, I work ALL DAY too.


I will be honest, I don't know what to do to slow down. I am part of the over-achievers club. Sitting down and doing nothing makes me uneasy, there is always so much to do. Always. I am not sure how to say no. I can be guilted into doing things that I know I should say no to. I am getting a little better at it, but I still have a long way to go. I am sooner or later going to have to give up my "I can sleep when I'm dead" attitude. I am jealous of Sara, I wish that I could say "no" and be criticized for it (if you know me, though, you know I don't do well with criticizm) instead of always praised for working so hard. I often wonder, does a potential male come into my life, see how it looks like a 3 ring circus, and wonder "there's no 4th ring for her to fit me in", even though I would drop something, given the opportunity.
I gotta work on this...
Jude 1:1 I, Jude, am a slave to Jesus Christ and brother to James, writing to those loved by God the Father, called and kept safe by Jesus Christ. Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!

Weight watcher's update... reduced by 2, total -13.2!!

4 comments:

Jada's Gigi said...

Yep, you gotta slow down girl! It is hard to say no..and the busiest people DO get more done..but to what point???
Cut just one thing so you can chill at home one night and do what YOU want to..or better yet, what He wants you to...be still a minute so you can hear Him...:)

Jada's Gigi said...

BTW...Kudos to you for getting your degree with a small child and a single mom at that!!! Hooray for you!

Pat said...

Congrats on the weight loss!!
I have a theory on my loss this week, I'll probably share it tomorrow.
As for being still...it's harder for some people more then for others. I do think it's important not to take on too much though. "Doing" becomes the priority and quiet time gets pushed further aside. It sounds counter productive, but you can "do" to much. Take care of Margie - we love her.

Arlene said...

You are an awesome woman of God but being that awesome busy woman of God you could get burned out "doing" too much. I enjoy your love for God and honor you for it. Just remember, being too busy isn't necessarily good for you. I'm with jada's gigi, cut one thing and do something just for YOU and DON'T let yourself feel guilty about it! It's your turn. Take time to listen to Him! He speaks in that still small voice and if we are too busy, we might miss the greatest thing He's ever said to us! Love you girl!