Busy

I am a single mom. Everyone who has ever read my post knows that I am a single mom, I am not bitter (even towards those who hurt me - at least not for very long), I want to be married, but I will wait on God's timing because His plan is always right.

When I had my daughter, I worked at ACO Hardware for $4.85/hour. I remember thinking that if I could just get to $8/hour I would be set, HA! I continued onto different jobs and at one time I had 4 jobs(Insurance company, Jerry's Ace, Chiropractor, sold Pampered Chef). One paid for daycare, one paid for gas and car insurance, one paid for a car payment (it was a little used Escort) and one paid for anything that we needed. I eventually got down to one job thankfully because while those 4 jobs were going on, I also went to school full-time at HFCC. Yes, that's right, if you do the math, I wasn't home much, out of necessity not because I wanted more money. But this mom did what it took to take care of my family.

There has never been a time in my life when I wasn't "busy" and even now, I think, maybe I could squeeze one more thing in, but I came to realize something on Tuesday when my plans fell through and I didn't know what to do with myself because Phyllis is in New York, this IS NOT NORMAL. It is not normal for your calendar to be filled on every day. I decided that instead of filling up more, I was going to take something out. So, I prayed about it, and it wasn't real hard to hear God's voice. I just needed to shut up for a minute, and slow down.

I am totally jealous of Sara. I wish I could have been a stay at home mom, I wish that sometimes I could just say no. But all my busy-ness is not for me. I go and go and go because of Phyllis. Monday is Fuel, Tuesday was lifegroup in my home, Wednesday is core groups (and nails, and when I can make it, Jim & Tonya's life group- also known as the Dean & Sara Show), Thursday is the day that Phyllis and I go out to eat, just her and I (though it sometimes gets moved for various reasons), and Friday is also our night, we do whatever is going at Metro for the teens or we watch a movie (that i always fall asleep to). Did I mention, I work ALL DAY too.

I will be honest, I don't know what to do to slow down. I am part of the over-achievers club. Sitting down and doing nothing makes me uneasy, there is always so much to do. Always. I am not sure how to say no. I can be guilted into doing things that I know I should say no to. I am getting a little better at it, but I still have a long way to go. I am sooner or later going to have to give up my "I can sleep when I'm dead" attitude. I am jealous of Sara, I wish that I could say "no" and be criticized for it (if you know me, though, you know I don't do well with criticizm) instead of always praised for working so hard. I often wonder, does a potential male come into my life, see how it looks like a 3 ring circus, and wonder "there's no 4th ring for her to fit me in", even though I would drop something, given the opportunity.

I gotta work on this...

Jude 1:1 I, Jude, am a slave to Jesus Christ and brother to James, writing to those loved by God the Father, called and kept safe by Jesus Christ. Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!

Weight watcher's update... reduced by 2, total -13.2!!