Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Homemade Christmas

When my friend Vicki dropped off all her homemade gifts last year for Christmas I was amazed! I hoped to be able to do that for friends and family someday...

I'm not one to wait for "someday" because of you wait for it, it will never come!

This was my year! I did it! Friends and family will be given homemade gifts by me. Jam and biscuit mix (both made by me), taco seasonings... And some cookies. 

This was not an easy task. Making jam and apple butter are both long processes... And taco seasoning is my favorite! It's a staple in our home, because after all, love is the spice of life... Every family and bag has been prayed for, and truly there is no better gift I can give anyone is that.

It may seem to some that I maybe took the easy way out, but I assure you this was more difficult. I can always make more money, I cannot make more time. 

This has been such a labor of love and I'm thankful for the encouragement I got in all this, and I hope those who receive gifts know how very much I love them. 


Nothing to me is there aren't too many things that are more of a CTFD than going back to my old childhood neighborhood. I love driving around seeing how it's changed, remembering the craziest of things like eating the first bite of a lamb shawarma sandwich. Thinking about all the friends that would come over and hang out on our front lawn. Endless bike rides, walks... It was a crazy time, I could go pretty much anywhere and although aware of my surroundings, I was safe. It's a place of great friendships.

It's a place where God reminds me of who I am and where I came from. He reminds me of the craziest things and how He made me kind (though now there are walls around my heart to only let some people in), how I'm often prepared and a need meeter.

Today someone sent me a text that said, "Thank you for being you... I cannot express any other way of saying it."

I've known this person since I was in ninth grade, so much has happened in those years, and yet, while he didn't know I'd need that, there it was to remind me this morning that people are thankful for how God made me. It doesn't always seem that way and it seems to me that I'll never be enough, I can never do enough, it's just never... Enough. 

But after a really long trek to get chicken (pure pastures sale) and making a detour to yazmeen God reminded me, He's guided my paths thus far and that He loves me, and as I seek Him, He will be found by me, even if I'm crying my face off. 

Bathroom thankfulness

About six months ago I wanted to give our main floor bathroom a refresh. 

For Christmas my girl put in a while lotta labor to give her momma her wish.

We still have trim to paint but it's almost done. 

I'm so very thankful that God created us all different. I'm terrible at home improvement stuff. And I'm crazily never home. The truth is I probably could be better at it if I took the time but I'm out planting gardens, serving meals, and doing fun things! God did not wire me for home improvement (lol). 

Not only did my daughter do all this work for the bathroom, she makes it possible for me to serve Jesus at the capacity that I like. When I'm buy myself and need to make 200 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches she shows up... "I'm on my way momma" or she researches the best way to plant seeds for the garden (next year I'm planting my own not purchasing), she helps with keeping the house clean when I'm gone.

I'm so very thankful. More than I could ever explain with words 

Here's a sneak peak. 

Friday, December 04, 2015

Overwhelmed Happy Holidays!

It’s overwhelming.  Need is overwhelming.  It’s EVERYWHERE and it doesn’t stop.  It never stops.

I can imagine a lot of things when it comes to being poor.  I can remember having no money and wanting my daughter to have the best Christmas’s ever.  I love giving gifts, it’s the weirdest thing about me.  People actually think it’s weird, not me.  I love watching someone open a gift I got them because I knew they’d love it!

I see gift tags it seems everywhere I look.  I want to grab them all and fill every single one.  EVERY.SINGLE.ONE.  I almost can’t take it anymore.

I look at mommas and babies and children trying to get out of incredibly dangerous situations and people are comparing them to grapes and apples and I am so sad.  I’d fill my house full of bunk beds for as many as I can take it.  Yeap. That’s me.  Have no idea how I’d feed them, but I think, they need help, I’ve got the means, so I should help.  Don’t argue about this with me, I don’t argue love.

And then there is the little girl who at 14 lost her momma, and is staying with family.  I can only imagine how sad she is.  I can remember being a daughter of a single parent, I would have been devastated if I lost my dad at 14.  I can imagine being a single mom of a girl who was 14, my girl would have been so sad.  I just am overwhelmed with the fact that I don’t know what it will do or even if what I can do will be helpful.  I am praying because the hardship of this will go far beyond this season. 

Today I was thinking about all this (I can’t say I wasn’t crying)

John 12 which has nothing to do with Christmas but I think about how the poor will always be among us, and am I willing to give it all, that expensive perfume, and all that I have belongs to God anyway…

Six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint[a] of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.

But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected, “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.[b]He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.

“Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial. You will always have the poor among you,[c] but you will not always have me.”

Meanwhile a large crowd of Jews found out that Jesus was there and came, not only because of him but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. 10 So the chief priests made plans to kill Lazarus as well, 11 for on account of him many of the Jews were going over to Jesus and believing in him.

And what about when God says “whatever you give to the least of these”…. 

Crap.  That’s even more overwhelming.
And what about those who are lonely... and have no one... that's a whole 'nother need.

And then there is this…  I keep trying to remember, He is with us all.

Matthew 5

Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them.

The Beatitudes

He said:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

 So there, that’s it, I’m crazy and overwhelmed and trying to hold close to God, His love, and His grace, and His mercy… and whatever He wants me to do.  I keep trying to focus on reasons I am blessed, and I am greatful.

And add that tomorrow is “diagnosis day” in our house and A MILLION feelings about all of that…  yeap,  7 sides of crazy that’s me.

And imagine…  over and over it goes around in my head “it’s getting colder, and it’s only gonna get colder” and the faces of those on the streets that are etched in my heart.
I pulled up to my home last night and it looked so beautiful, and thought how blessed I was to have the best girl ever.  What in the world do I need?

So pray for me, I’m crazy… I’m gonna just be quiet, and probably when you ask “how are you?” I might just not talk about it because no one wants to see me ugly cry. 

Thanks for letting me ramble!

Happy Holidays…