Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Friday, June 30, 2006

I did one of those survey things where people had to answer about me. It was pretty funny the answers I got. Sara remembered one of the first things I ever said to her was how my plumber called ‘the hot church mom’. He really is the best plumber… but anyway.

It made me think about how I met Sara. And what I thought about her when I first met her. I was invited to P&P. Following ‘Porn Sunday’ at Metro. Yeah, I know, Porn – Church… there’s a great debate. Anyway, I remember reading something about donuts, not being the big donut fan that Sara is, I thought it was kind of odd, but I am always willing to learn something new about God. So I went.

We talked about a lot of things, but the thing that stands out most in my mind, the thing I remember the most… That people don’t shave their legs everyday. I was SO grossed out. I am not kidding, I talked about it for days, I still talk about it. Sometimes I shave my legs twice a day, and I don’t even crawl into bed with anyone. So that’s how I met wacky Sara.

But you know what I liked most about her? She’s real. She is a rose. She is so beautiful, but she has thorns, she’s real and not perfect. And she’s delicate, but you have to get past the thorns to see it sometimes. When you meet Sara, I don’t know it’s kind of like a magnet, you are instantly drawn to her. I thought to myself, I can’t imagine why she would want to be MY friend. And you know, she loves me, for my thorns too.

She has wisdom that only God can give, it’s like God gives her the perfect words. Its like she can see the best in us that we don’t see in ourselves – she has God vision. I don’t know how to explain it. So many people have been brought together because of Sara, she is like the conduit that connects us all.

I am reading James with my accountability partner, I read James 2 today, and there is a scripture in there that almost screams Sara’s name, it says in verse 24 You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone. We know Sara has faith, probably stronger than she can comprehend, but it’s what Sara does that makes her special, she lets God use her to help us all grow in Christ. She has a wisdom, that she can take a thought of yard work and make you think about how we need to work on our spiritual lives, and sit in the middle of God’s glory, right in the petunias, right in the middle of God’s love for us.

So, I think Sara is pretty awesome, she constantly keeps me thinking, stretching, to somehow become better, to walk closer with God, to look at things I don’t really want to look at but I know I need to. I’m so thankful for her, I praise God for her!
I love you Sara!

Song of Songs 1:4 We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine. How right they are to adore you!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Busier is not better

Had dinner with a good friend last night. Must be, I drove to Toledo. He has one of those geek-box-phone things. He loves those geeky gadgets. I asked him if it made is life better. He said, it's made my life busier. That's not what I asked, did it make your life better. "I don't know what better is". My heart cracked a little. What is better I thought? Its not busier. Busy can keep you (at least it does me) from addressing the things that need to be addressed, and I can tell you, while I was in school (here we go again!) working, trying to do everything else, my life was not BETTER, it required a lot of holding onto God - ok He was holding on to me. And when I was done, there was.... silence. Everyone said it would not take long to fill my time. They were right. It didn't. I filled it with dinners with friends, beaches, walking, and doing things that I missed doing. In my 5 minutes of silence with God, I know 5 minutes doesn't sound like much, but it's a start, I learned being silent, doing the things I enjoy, reading a book, watching kids pick through sea shells, that is better. Busier is not better.

Psalm 46:10 Be still and know I am God.

P.S. I am still having the BBQ on Sept 16.
Dave- you got garbage detail
Sara- you are in charge of singing AND dancing
Tiny- bring your camera
And everyone else, just show up (with a chair) and I'll have food and CHEESECAKE - 2 kinds

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

TWO BLOGS TODAY! First is about a BBQ, second is about my life...
Blogger BBQ

I think it's time... For the Blogger BBQ. Yes, that is right kiddies. I am thinking Sept 9 or 16th. So what do you guys think? Husbands/Wives are invited (if you want, if you don't want, tell them I said they can't come).

I am serious about this. Let's do it. Let me know what you guys think... but you have to bring your own chairs.

I’m not perfect.
I know… don’t fall over. I know it may come as a shock to you. I know your hopes and dreams are shattered.

I know… I know…

But wait, there is more

I have a crazy month. A month that has helped me to remember how incredibly special I am. A month when people didn’t try to make me over into something I am not. A month of people reminding me that I am someone special, who does need work, but special just the same.

With that being said… I want to be married!! Ok, not right now. I’m not desperate, but someday, to the most special-ist guy (at least in my eyes), the one God put here for me. Someone here for a lifetime, not a season.

Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now.

So… since all of you bloggers are getting to know me, and I am expanding my horizons a little here…. Here is my list, with some explanation. I am passed the point in my life when I think I can change people, that's why I have a list. But knowing God, He has His own list for me.

  1. He must be a Christian. I am sorry to those of you who may be saddened by this, but I have well gotten over the fact that I can’t change people. So, that is the number one rule. Life and marriage are hard enough, got to have a center. You know, like a tootsie pop (and I am sure God is appreciating being compared to the center of a tootsie pop). I am not saying I won’t date someone who is not a Christian, but I won’t marry them.
  2. He must be able to make me smile without even trying. This can happen in a number of ways, a smile, and funny look, just him. That’s it. But I have a great smile, I should use it.
  3. He must respect me. Doesn’t always have to agree, but my opinion counts (just ask me) and I don’t mean it has to be my way… but at least consider it… and NO CHEATING!
  4. He must love me (Awwww). Yeah, I know it’s dumb, but I am not marrying someone who doesn’t love me.
  5. He must be my best friend. I got some things I am not necessarily proud of (probably no more than most) but I don’t want to have to hide anything. He has to be my friend. I know, another dumb one… but HEY! It’s my list.
  6. He must love family. I got a big one, at least my extended one. I got a few sisters who are a little wacky, he better like family, and possibly want to grow the one we will have together.
  7. He must love music. HELLO! I love music. It’s so important to me, I want someone to go see Crowder with, sing in the kitchen with… you get the idea.
  8. He must like the outdoors, not saying camping in a tent, maybe a camper, but I love the boat, no inside hermits, please.
  9. He must be appreciative. I love to give little surprises. Cookies, dinner, silly, things. But don’t start to expect it. I like to do it cuz I want to, not because I have to.
  10. Daisies. He must bring me daisies. Not roses, they are a waste of money – and unless they are planted in the ground, I don’t like them, I like Daisies. White ones with yellow center are my faves, none of those crazy colored ones like blue, green, orange, or fluorescent pink.
  11. He must let me see all his sides. Even the ones that are not that attractive. I want to be his best friend too.
  12. He must go to church with me, we must go as a family. Please refer to #1
  13. He must let me be a woman. That means kill the bugs, I can, but I don’t want to. I like to cook and clean, he can help sometimes, but cut the grass – I like to, but like grilling, & plumbing, that’s guys work.
  14. This may seem small, but I don’t ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to take out the garbage. I hate it. HATE IT! Don’t want to do it.
Iknow, the list seems long, maybe I seem picky, but I know what I want.

Matthew 19:5 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

My Sisters

My sister died before I was born. She was 13 months old when she died. I am sure life would have been completely different with a big sister. Being an only child, like everything else has its advantages, and its disadvantages. All in all, I never really feel like I missed out while I was growing up, but now, I wish I had a sister.

That being said, staying with the family theme, I have many sisters, bought by the blood of Jesus.

I have many friends that have adopted me, their kids call me “Aunt Margie”. I love it.

I’m not sad about it, as with everything, the experiences we have in life, our birth order, our families, they make us who we are today. We laugh, we cry, we encourage, and we follow the path that God has set before us (if we're smart), He knows the decisions we will make and how He is going to save us from ourselves. He sends us sisters to love us and when we need it, to keep us in check. I love my new sisters, they are the best, and I can’t imagine life without you.

I love you my Sista’s.

Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him. —Matthew 6:8

Monday, June 26, 2006

We are family…

Living life is fun and we've just begun
To get our share of the world's delights
high hopes we have for the future
And our goal's in sight
no we don't get depressed
Here's what we call our golden rule
Have faith in you and the things you do
You won't go wrong
This is our family Jewel
-Sister Sledge

It’s funny to me how big my “family” is when it has always just been me & my dad or me, my dad, & Phyllis. Our picture sometimes seems lop-sided or that something is missing, but when I sit down and think of how big my family truly is, it is almost overwhelming. There is my “church” family, my “blog” family, my friends, my family family.

One time I started writing out my prayer list, holy moly, it grows larger and larger everyday. Sometimes I don’t know what I am praying for them in particular, I just know that they need something, I lift them up, and God takes it from there. He knows.

I feel like the people I pray for, that their lives are part of mine, though at times, I don’t know them in person but in the heart God gave me. I feel like sometimes that’s why He put me here, to lift them up, so they may know the love He has shown me.

I pray for weather, and parking spaces. Jobs and health. Love and Happiness. Finances and churches. I pray for all things as they affect my “family”.

Hebrews 2:11 Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Another Day of Grace.

Did you look outside yesterday? Hopefully you did more than look. It was gorgeous. I couldn't help but Praise God all day. Because I don't deserve days like that.

We went out on the boat and it was beautiful, the girls swam, we all swam, the water was a little chilly, but getting out and sitting in the sun with a good book was just fine with me.

It's going to be another one of those days again today. Praising God under Open Skies, reminds me of David Crowder.

Enjoy it, this is Michigan, summer is almost over!

1CHr16:36 All the people said "AMEN!" and praised the Lord

Please someone email me and help me to understand why people sat outside all day and watched cars go by... i just don't get it!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Reading is Fundamental

When I was a kid I loved to read. My dad even yelled at me once because my “nose was always in a book”. It was. He wasn’t kidding. I loved getting a new book, I still do, and if you have ever been to my house, you can find a book on any Christian subject. It’s crazy. I’ll probably never read them all, but they seem so interesting when I see them, I just can’t resist.
RIF would come to my school a couple times a year, WOO HOO! New books, I would get so excited because I got to pick one, I would have such a hard time, I would have one of the people hold them behind their back, and that’s how I would pick. Aunt Dee would take me to the library, garage sales, new books. I loved the smell of the library. It was the smell of a new adventure. Pippi Longstocking, Nancy Drew, even Barbie.
The first book I ever remember reading was “We like Kindergarten”. I would read it every night. And then there was Just Me & my dad. I would check out “where the sidewalk ends” by Shel Silverstein over and over. I loved to read. Even now, if the pastor starts to read a scripture, I keep reading, I can’t help it, I want to know what comes next.
In the last two years or so I have purchased many books but not finished any. About 6-9 months ago, I got a new book by my absolute favorite author, Linda Howard. I discovered this awesome author when I was dating Jerome, a really hot chef that I met at Roma’s, we shared the same love in a waiter, and the love of reading. For his birthday I got him “Hannibal” the follow up book to “Silence of the Lambs”, he loved it and was mad at me because he was in school and couldn’t study because he couldn’t put the book down. But… I saw this book while I was shopping, loved the title, “All the Queens Men”. How could you not like a title like that?! Read the book in about 4 days. Every spare moment I read a page, when the last chapter came I couldn’t decide if I was happy or sad, I would finally find out the ending, but sadly, my book was done. Thankfully, that wasn’t her first book, so I got every thing by her, I order her books pre-order when I can. I have had “Mackenzie’s Legacy” waiting patiently for me.
We didn’t leave for the beach until 3:00, but my book went with me. The girls searched for treasures in the sand, I found my treasure, a love I had forgotten as I turned the pages of my book.
I had forgotten how much I love to read. I remember how my imagination runs wild. I can see their faces, hear their voices.

Reading is Fundamental.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Where's the Beach?

I'm off on vacation today, I wanted to go the beach. Somewhere around here. Thought I would just go to Erie Metro Park, they have to have a beach?! Not according to their web page. I know they have the wave pool, but I want to go to the beach.

My g-friend calls me, she tells me about Sterling State Park, they have a beach. Thanks God.

We're off to the beach today, a nice relaxng day, sand, sun, and a stack of books. God is good.

Deut 33:19 They will summon peoples to the mountain and there offer sacrifices of righteousness; they will feast on the abundance of the seas, on the treasures hidden in the sand."

Thursday, June 22, 2006

My house… in the middle of the street… my house…
I knew from the day I walked onto the porch, that my house was mine. I knew that as soon as I moved into the house, the bushes had to go. Had to. I would sit on the front porch and feel like I had been there for always.

Some may say “it’s a great starter home”. I think it’s a great house to finish in. It was everything I asked God for, with the exception of a big back yard. I wanted a big backyard. Mine is little. But as with everything else, God knows what I need… I never have time to cut the grass, I can get it done, 15 minutes, back and front. It needs work, all homes need work whether you spend $100,000 or $500,000.

I love my house. It’s perfect for us. I thank God over and over for being so blessed to have a place I can lay my head and call home. We’ve had 13 girls in a row for sleepovers, scrap booked, had ladie’s night in, birthday parties, it’s a little squished sometimes but we manage.

I sometimes think, it’d be great to have a big house, a fancy one. One with beautiful furniture, more than one bathroom that everyone likes (we hate the bathroom upstairs, it’s gross), bigger bedrooms, a bigger living room, but you know what that means? More rooms to clean. That is the world trying to pull me away from being satisfied.

I love my house. It’s perfect for us.

Joshua 24:15 As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I work with this great group, Cost & Price, but they do so much more than that, they don’t get much glory but at the end of the day, we would be sunk without them. There are 5 of them, led by one really great guy. Each of them has so many strengths, there isn’t one that I would say “I’d rather work with ____” because I really enjoy and respect them all.

They are lead by Pete, he looks like Harry Potter without the lightning bolt and he wears really cool ties. I seriously don’t think I have EVER seen him in the same one twice. He’s awesome, knowledgeable, great guy, and always willing to help me learn something that I don’t know, and patient at teaching.

Heather, she’s our health onet. I think she should eat some ice cream but she’s awesome, training for something, always. She’s steady.

There’s Jeff, he’s great at the details, give him some impossible task, he’ll straighten it out.

Then Bob, oh, Bob, cool as a cucumber, I think they modeled the veggie tale guy after him, oh wait, that’s Bob the tomato, oh whatever! He’s smart, and calm, almost too calm, but he knows everything, while everyone is scurrying around, Bob’s like “Ok, I’ll go run it” and we haven’t stopped scurrying, and Bob’s got it.

Rani, I love Rani, she is smart, and funny. She cracks me up, she's real, and she's sweet.

The last one. E-liz. Today’s her birthday (Happy Birthday E-liz). I could go on and on about E-liz. She’s smart, a butt kicker, she’s funny, and she has this blue sweater, oh my gosh, she must know how beautiful she looks in it because she GLOWS when she wears it. E-liz is a great mom, she’s got two beautiful girls that is raising on her own, and doing a great job. When I first met her, she was quiet and kind of reserved. I sat back, almost in awe of her. As I got to know her a little better, I came to be in awe of her more. It’s her birthday, and I am glad to celebrate it with her.
Happy Birthday E-liz, I hope it’s your best one yet!!

Phil 1:3 I thank my God every time I remember you.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Christian does not equal hypocrite.

A lot of people tell me that Christians are hypocrites. I say we're not perfect, we're saved.

Grace. What would we do without grace. I know I am not perfect, I have a whole list of things that I want to work on to get closer to God because I will never be perfect. As I have said before, actions speak louder than words. So how do people act like they're a virgin, when they have sex? How do people act like they are so sweet but say mean, rude things in a happy voice (they're really not fooling anyone - they're still rude and mean), how do they act like they only want to be married, they don't care about the wedding but say (after everyone telling them you're beautiful) "you're not giving me enough compliments - I don't feel beautiful", how do people steal, lie, cheat but say that they're life if centered around Christ? Steal from the church, or at least allow it to happen? We've seen it before, it's the sad story of good pastors gone bad, it seems like those the ones that Satan gets out there for the world to see.

I truly understand we're not perfect, but what kind of example does set for those who watch us waiting for us to fail just so they can say "see, I told you so!"

I know that Christ lives in my heart, not those people, but it infuriates me that people act like they are perfect. I love people like Sara, Kaymac, Pat (and so on) that say, "I'm working on it everyday, I'm saved by the Grace of God". I know that's not a direct quote, but they are real, they will bring people to Christ and He will work on their hearts, but they are a good example. It's Grace, because if we got what we deserved, WE'D be hanging on the cross, and we still wouldn't get to Heaven. It's Grace. It's the blood of Jesus.

A wonderful, great friend said to us in Sunday School "Sometimes we're the only Bible people read". I'm not going to lie, it blew me away. By Grace I have been saved, a million times, I know where my center is, and I am the first to admit that there are a million and one things I need to work on. But today, I am asking, "Dear Lord, help me to show them my imperfections and let me show them how much I need You, and let me be real to them. AMEN"

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. —Romans 3:23-24

Monday, June 19, 2006

You can't help but smile.

I love David Crowder. I think he is like the craziest looking guy, the hair, so stinkin's skinny, I really wonder if the guy eats. Yikes.

He came to Troy yesterday, I really wanted to go, but it was Father's Day, and let's just say, I don't think my dad would enjoy Crowder. It's just a hunch, but I am pretty sure of it.

I've seen DC twice, once at Youth Specialties, and once with Third Day. As an adult, really it's me, has nothing to with being an adult, I am just not crazy, it's not me. Maybe it's from growing up quick, I don't know, but when I hear David Crowder, I go nuts, I purposely don't listen to him when I walk because I really would look like a dork, I can't help it, my butt starts moving, I just can't help it. I hear 'Undignified" "No one like You'... it's scary. But boy, that guy makes me move. I don't even think about it... I just start praising, worshiping, singing in some key never before heard by man.

I'm listening to him now, I hope no one looks like at me, I just might get "Undignified"

Psalm 98:4 Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

It’s Father’s Day. I think we sometimes overlook how important father’s are in a kid’s life. There is a reason why God made two parents, not just one. My dad was an awesome father, although I probably NEVER would have admitted that when I was 16. Except for the day he took me to get my license.

He is more than a grandfather to my daughter. He is a great role model, and teaches her the importance of how she should be treated. They do a lot of things together, movies, putt putt, going on the boat. Dinner and holding hands.

Every year my dad gets one of those hokey g-pa shirts, and wears it with pride.

My dad has been through a lot in his life, he lost my mom when he was 31, he lost a daughter at 30. He had to raise me (probably the biggest heartache of them all). My dad never gave up, many times he told me he wanted to, it must have been difficult being a single dad in those days. I know there are many times when God must have carried him as he walked “alone”. He never dated much as I was growing up, I always figured no one was as good as my mom, and it must have been hard for him. He met someone pretty awesome a few years back, she is a great balance to him, a Christ loving woman who we share my dad with.

My dad is a great guy, I love him very much… And… he’s a huge dork… that’s one of the things I love most about him… but NEVER, I mean NEVER, ask him how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree. EVER!

Proverbs 20:7 The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

I was driving down the road today and wondered when exaclty did i realize that it's just best to go right ot God when there is a problem. It hasn't always been this way for me. I used to say "God & I have an agreement, He lets me fret for awhile, then I give it up to Him". We didn't have an agreement, I was just too dumb to realize broadband is better than dial up. And the cost is the same.

We were driving home from my Aunt's house, we celebrated my little cousin's b-day. It was a beautiful day. Just beautiful, we even stopped at McDonald's for an ice cream cone on the way back - might as well make a perfect day - perfecter. But we were cruising down Northline and there was a bunch of police cars, emergency vehicles, you name it. A kid was hit on a bike. I didn't even stop to think, I just started praying - out loud. I don't know why, I didn't think about it. There are many times when I am at work, and I just sit waiting for a meeting, praying. Honestly, sometimes I go early, just for that purpose. On my way to work, at the BBQ, in the kitchen, before I go to bed - Prayer - it's not just for night time anymore.

When I used to pray, I don't think I ever listened, I never heard God talk back, now I do. It's the silent part. I knew that Christie and I would not be friends long after she was married - God told me to prepare my heart, when I am worried, He tells me that everything will be ok. When I have tough decisions to make - He tells me what to do.

Prayer is amazing.

Luke 19:46 "It is written," he said to them, " 'My house will be a house of prayer'

Friday, June 16, 2006

I have two friends, well, I have more than two friends, but today... it's about them. Erica and Dani (it's a guy). They have been my friends the longest. Erica since Kindergarten, Dani since the summer before 6th grade (we were 12).

These are two friends who know me better than anyone else. They know every heartache and joy I have ever had. They know that deep down inside I am still the girl I was in 6th grade. They know that I enjoy making sure everyone is taken care of, they know that I really don't like to be silly, just have fun. They don't make me try things that will take me so far out of my comfort zone that even if I end up having fun, I will feel uncomfortable, and NEVER want to do it again.

Our code of friendship is unbelievable. It's a tie that binds.

I went with Erica to catechism every Monday to St. Barbara's. We then went to her g-ma's and had pork chops or stuffed peppers (by the way, they were the BEST!). We cried together, got our periods at the same time, sang crazy songs, sat on the porch during the summers, she was great, and she still is. I know that I can call her, rain or shine, and she's there. Whether it's been 6 minutes or 6 months since I've talked to her. I'm sure I've made her mad, and I'm sure she has made me mad too, but honestly, I can't remember that. I love her. I think of her almost everyday and those beautiful kids.

Dani, he's unbelievable. He is my rock. It's hard to believe for some that I could be such good friends with someone in Federal Prison. It's sometimes unbelievable to me. He was probably my first love, probably no probably about it, he was. I still love him. I think he's great, he's honest, he's loyal, he tries to protect me. He teaches me, he gives me new perspective. He loves me. Like no other. It's hard to describe what we have to put into words. It's amazing. We can leave it at that.

God brings people in your life that sometimes you don't know if they will stay for a week, a year, or a lifetime. How blessed I am to have them!

Scripture - same as yesterday.
Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves for all times.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I had a different blog. It was all written out. Maybe I will post it so you can see the before and after… the first one, I prayed about it, but it’s not very nice. The second one… I really prayed about it and really listened.

A friend loves for all time (Proverbs 17:17).

Through Happiness
Through disappointment
Through joy
Through hurt.

I wish I could give my g-friend that lesson. I truly don’t think she knows that lesson. All time

Honestly, at this point, and I know it sounds dumb, but all I want is my CDs, my Women of Faith ticket (at this point I’d settle for the money) and the chance to take the sweet memories I have of her, and move on.

Unfortunately, she doesn’t really understand the true meaning of friendship. I thought she did, and I am so sad to say, she doesn’t. And honestly, she wasn’t what she seemed. And I’m hurt by it .

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The decisions you make today will affect your life tomorrow…

Who would have thought the decision I made in the summer of 1992 would affect that I could attend P&P on June 13?

In the summer of 1992 I decided to have my child, not married, embarrassed that I got myself in such a spot. But I made the phone call – “I’m sorry, I can’t do it, I won’t be in, I just can’t do it”. It was the call to the “clinic”. I had just broken up with my boyfriend who chose drugs over me. I didn’t even know I was pregnant when we broke up. It’s a long drawn out, stinky story that I don’t really want to put in my blog, but if you want to know, you can email me.

For the last month I was looking forward to going to P&P. But I told my daughter she could have an end of the school year party, and she was getting a little nervous because the garage wasn’t cleaned out and we weren’t ready for the party, the garage was filthy, the driveway had crap all over it, the house was a mess. Now the house is clean (because she did) and the outside is all set. We’re both a little more relaxed and ready for the celebration. I had to do for her, not for me.

So the cheesecake still sits, but my daughter is excited that it’s ready for the party, and if Phyllis is happy, mom is happy.

Life as a single mom isn’t all responsibility (but there is a lot of it). There are a lot of great, fun moments that make it all worth while. The hugs that you don’t have to share with anyone else. Cereal for dinner, Panera if you feel like it. Getting in the car on a whim and driving somewhere, girl talk, Girl Scouts, Youth Group, being involved. Teaching your children responsibility, and the true meaning of team work, that no one can do it all. Cookies, and Gilmore Girls.

I wanted to go to P&P but I wanted more for my daughter to know, she is first in my life (after God) and that she is more important to me, even more than myself.

Sara- what scripture did you focus on… I’d love to look at it.

I can’t find a scripture… so we’ll just go with my favorite today.

James 1:2 Count it all joy… Baby (Margie version)

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

This way… His way…

I often wonder what people think of me. I wonder if they really see how hard I struggle or do they see the part that smiles and gets it all done by a miracle.

I wonder, do they know how much I pray? Do they know that I want to be purpose driven not emotionally driven?

Today, I got a partial answer. I was going to leave my home church. For selfish reasons really. The reasons don’t really matter anyway. I was also emotionally driven. I was spent. In more ways than one. I even had “a friend” trying to help me make my decision. And that was probably the dumbest thing.

But I know where my center of my universe is. I know where to go when there is a problem, or a joy. I turn inward and upward.

I made a decision this year, thanks to a very awesome friend, that I would spend 5 minutes with God, alone, no car, no tv, no music. Silence. We were each other’s accountability partners. Sometimes we did really well, sometimes not so much. But it all came down to me and God. Sometimes it was hours, sometimes He didn’t wait to talk to me when it was silent. It was like going from dial up to broad band (or whatever it’s called). While dial up works, broadband is so much clearer.

I prayed and prayed. God, where do I belong? The answer could have come easy for Him to give me. But He didn’t just tell me because sometimes I just don’t listen, and it needs to be visual. Many signs all arrows pointed to back to home. But the cool thing is, it’s not an all or nothing thing. I can get great things from both. I love the people at both, it wasn’t about who is better, and it really wasn’t about me. It was where does God want me, where He is going to use me.
But let’s get back to where I started after the rambling… I was talking to my dear, dear friend, and her and the Pastor had talked about me while I was trying to make up God’s mind (kids – don’t try this at home). He told my friend, “she’ll listen to God, and where He wants her, that’s where she’ll go”.

I’m not saying that you should stay at a church if you think you are lead to leave, I am not telling you to leave a church. I’m not saying you can’t meet great people at a new church and learn amazing things, I’m not saying anything. I am saying, it’s not about you. It’s about God, and where you are supposed to serve HIM.

Col 3:23-24 23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving

Monday, June 12, 2006


My journey with school is over! Praise God. It certainly taught me a lot. I hope God used me in amazing ways.

So…Now What?? Time on my hands for less than 2 days… and now I want to know… Now What?

I am someone who jumps in with both feet, a lot of times, without looking to see if there is water in the pool. I’ve learned my lesson. Pray first, jump later.

Not to brag, but I have some AWESOME spiritual gifts. So I am asking, God, how are You going to use me, and bring glory to YOU?

I will remain a part of young people’s lives. Maybe God will continue to use me in the young lives that He has put me in. Maybe I will start a single mom’s bible group. Maybe (any) mom’s group for Bible and support. Maybe it’s something I have never even thought of. Maybe it’s cards for encouragement, maybe it’s VBS, maybe it’s Girl’s Night In, maybe…

Dear Lord,

I am standing at Your feet. I am small in comparison to You. But Lord, You can use me in big ways for Your glory. I have no idea what You have in store for me, but I know, Father, that You know. And Lord, my heart is open to You, and I want You to use me. Make me an example to follow. Give me the words to bring those who don’t know You, to You, give me the strength to stand up to those who will try to divert me with hurt and pain. Lord, it’s all for You. Help me be brave.

In Jesus’ Name,


Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans for you", says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not t oharm you, plans to give you a hope and a future".

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Top Ten Praises of Being a Youth Worker.

To most people, being a Youth Worker/Leader may be kind of scary. It’s kind of scary for me, but I love it. It’s an awesome blessing.

  1. Getting to work with other awesome adults who love teenagers and God
  2. Getting to make Birthday celebration cakes, brownies, goodies
  3. Getting to go to awesome events like 1721, Battle Cry, Youth Specialties, Our Voice
  4. Getting to pray for the kids
  5. Listening to music really loud, and saying I’m doing it to “relate” with the kids
  6. Getting to hang out with the kids at Youth Group
  7. Getting to know and love new kids
  8. Learning more about God from the perspective of “fresh eyes”
  9. Encouraging the kids with cards, hugs, smiles, crazy nick-names
  10. I get to serve God, and it’s AWESOME!
Deut 6:13 Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Sang a new song last week at Metro. ‘You Never Let Go’ by Matt Redman. What an awesome song, they have been playing it all week on MUZ. Go Jon and Rhonda! I didn’t know Matt Redman sang it. If you know me and my music, I hear a song, I like a song, I find out who sings it, I buy it. Not kidding. Love music. I can only carry a tune while the CD is in my hand. So I was going to buy it, and I thought, maybe it’s on that new Passion CD I got. YUP! Gotta love the whole Passion movement thingy. Chris Tomlin (WHEW!), David Crowder, Charlie Hall, Matt Redman. Every song is better than the next.

This song… blows me away. Like… I don’t know. It just does.

God is with us through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And no matter what happens, it’s all for His glory! All of it. To make us better, stronger, and joyous. Better. So one day when we are with Him, we will be ready.

It’s that Perfect love that Matt talks about. Casting out my fears, putting Matthew 28 in my head. Knowing that God will take care of me. He’s never let me down before, and He’s not going to start now.

No matter what happens, I will never turn away from God. I’ve learned that when the storm comes, He’s the best umbrella ever. When things are at their best, when we say “thanks, God, for loving me” it seems the sun is a little warmer, a little brighter.

Thanks God, for giving Matt the words of my heart to sing to You.

Psalm 40:3 He has put a new song in my mouth. Praise to our God.

You Never Let Go – Matt Redman

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth


Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Friday, June 09, 2006

If I had to pick a favorite season, I would be hard pressed.

Winter is just too darn long. It’s cold. But snow glistening on the trees after a fresh snow. Snowmen. Christmas. Two really fabulous people have birthdays in Winter.

I love Summer for the endless days and nights, for the warm nights, boating, sunshine, and beaches.

I love Fall for the harvest and apples, cooling brisk weather. Thanksgiving.

But Spring, it’s always a surprise. I anxiously await what will pop through the ground and the beauty that graces us is amazing to watch. It’s a time that seems endless with opportunities. I love spring. Sweatshirts and shorts, and T-shirts are well on their way. Walks. Flowers. Open windows and fresh air. It’s a time for new beginnings.

Though sometimes things don’t look like we think they should look. The tulips we planted don’t come up as bountiful as we expected. Our favorite mum didn’t make it through the long winter. It isn’t always as we expect it to be.

So as I graduate, Saturday is my last class, and I am sure you are tired of hearing about it. My ending to this leg of the journey is bittersweet. Many lessons have come from this experience. I stand at the beginning of this season, and can’t figure out how to feel.

During this time, I lost some things. I lost time. I lost sleep, lost time with the kids/leaders at Driven, projects didn’t get done, projects didn’t get done right. There were arguments, there was less time with friends and family. But there was one loss that I can’t replace, and I can’t say ‘I’m sorry’ enough. But at this point, this point in Spring, it’s up to her. She either has to forgive me or she doesn’t. There isn’t anything I can do to change it.

So as I sit here, about to celebrate this accomplishment, I celebrate it without her. It doesn’t mean as much, somehow.

So as I embark on this new Season. I have to trust in the Lord that He is with me (and her) and somehow His plan is at work, in both of us.

Proverbs 3:5-6 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight

Thursday, June 08, 2006

I have one more class left, and I will be done with school…

It seems anti-climactic. What did I think? I didn’t want a party… I will be spending my afternoon with kids holding signs and red duct tape over their mouth (which is how teenagers should always be – just kidding). I love spending time with the kids, it’s my choice to do that… But it would be nice to maybe have dinner on Saturday or something. I don’t know.

I don’t know why I was there. I ended up with some lessons I may have never learned, a lot of prayer time with God, and a stupid piece of paper… A BS in BS… just kidding a BS in Business Management or something like that. As I reflect over the last 21 months… I learned I can’t do it all. I learned to ask for help, but I still don’t do that well. Maybe I was there to lift Carole in prayer and watch her awesome victory of the “C” word. Maybe it was to pray for Denise’s healing, pray for Jamie’s uncle who was in bad health, and didn’t know Jesus (now he’s healthy and he loves Jesus), help Keith understand why Christianity is the only way. I learned that it’s important to speak about what’s bothering me before I unravel, explode, or implode. I know whatever the reason, God wanted me THERE and HERE. It’s been a long 21 months. And about 30 lbs more than where I started.

It’s over, and I guess I should take pleasure in knowing… no more homework… no more papers… no more missing life groups, prayer service, and other cool stuff on Wednesday nights, I will get to watch American Idol, run errands on Saturday mornings, or sleep in, or even watch 90210. It will be great, it seems almost impossible to comprehend.

But you think rose petals could fall from the sky or something??

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him! —Psalm 34:8
My thoughts on Internet "dating".

Let me tell you... I thought it was dumb but so many people at one time or another have encouraged me to do it. I tried it about 3 years ago, met someone nice, but I always had this feeling he was hiding something... I started asking a lot of questions... catching him in lies. Gone.

Then my g-friend said try eharmony. I thought this was dumb on unbelievable levels. But I pressed on. So after a week, still dumb, but press on Margie... The guys were getting worse and worse. I am not kidding. At any level. Then it came, the one thing that made me know that this was the BIGGEST joke ever. They matched me with a guy from work. He was on my team about a year ago. The biggest JERK ever. On EVERY level. I had to read his profile, all lies. I honestly prayed satan to leave his body a few times. He tried to steal my job because he thought he could do it better... they transferred me, guess who got the program? He did. He screwed it up and the customer took the program and gave it to someone else.

So my thoughts on Internet dating... save your money and go out for a drink or coffee with your g-friends - but not the ones who talk you into Internet dating.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The Ultimate First Aid

I was driving today. I had a horrible day yesterday, I left work crying, it was just "one of those days" so I prayed. What can I do to change tomorrow? "Use your spiritual gifts that I have given you". DUH! Why didn't I think of that.

So I made lunch up for my co-worker and I. Her seafood salad, me - chicky salad. Spinach, tomatoes, hard boiled eggs, etc. Stopped in and got a bagel just the way he likes it for another co-worker. Listened to "Enough" by Jeremy Camp, and "You are good" by Lakewood Worship because clearly my spiritual gift is listening to music and singing in the car. It's going to be a good day. (I also told Satan he needed to leave, he can't be here today).

But I was thinking, isn't God the ultimate in first aid. He gives us preventative medicine like spiritual gifts, friends who are watching us unravel and they know we just need to talk, and they don't stop bothering you until you talk (that's you Julie). Or help like taking care of getting the dog licensed so I don't get a ticket (that's you Dad). It's like the whole aspirin thing for heart patients.

He gives us band-aids like friends that when we do unravel, they wind up back up (Christie, Julie, Marilynn, Kathy, Michelle, Sara, Dad, etc- If I didn't name you, I know who you are, and you know who you are). He sends bandaids for broken hearts like friends & family(see attached list).

He is the ultimate. He must have 1,000,000,000 eyes (or maybe more) to catch us all, brush off our knees, put some Neosporin on it, and a bandaid, give us a kiss, and send us back "next time, listen to ME!"

Hebrews 4:13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

“Feelings, wo-o-o feelings” – Gemini

When I have the extreme feeling of joy or happiness, I know that I am experiencing what God had intend, BUT when I am feeling tired, hurt, or angry, I know that I will not act as though God intended.

I hurt someone’s feelings. I didn’t do it on purpose. I’m sorry (you know who you are).

I could make excuses about why. They don’t matter. The truth of the matter is that once someone has the perception that the hurt feelings are on purpose or that there is deliberate intent to hurt feelings more, it just festers. Over and over again. And the real truth of the matter is that I am sorry.

I have learned in my short 33 years that it’s usually a perception issue. I can say that when I am tired or stressed out that I don’t have good perception. What I think is happening is no where NEAR what really happened. When I am excited and someone doesn’t share my enthusiasm, then I perceive that they don’t care, I don’t take into account what stress or worry they have on their mind.

A lot of times, I get my feelings hurt and I feel that I just need to forgive without anyone asking because I am sure I hurt people and don't even realize it.

And this is where I need to pray. I need to ask God to show me the truth, because after all, He is the way, the TRUTH, and the life (John 14:6). I need to breath and think when I am tired, I need to realize that on the other end is someone who goes through trials and maybe they are in one. And I need to pray that I can be excited and encouraging to those around me who I love and want to be joyful with.

People care, they love, and they hurt us. It happens. And that is why we are supposed to forgive 7*77 times (Matthew 18:21-22). Love like Jesus, forgive like Jesus (Matthew 11:25-26).

So, Sister, you know who you are, you know I love you. And I’m sorry, I hope you can forgive me. And I fixed my blog, I didn’t mean to leave you out. And I am thankful you taught me all those scripture.

James 1:19 19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Prayer Request

I have a prayer request. It's for a bunch of great kids who are trying to change the way the world views them, and the statistics of their generation.

There is a rally 'One Voice' on June 10, 2006 11-2pm. These awesome kids will be there, wearing white t-shirts with One Voice on them, holding signs, and taking a stand for God.

I am asking that you to pray that God put a hedge of protection around them for their safety this day and all the rest of the days for any opposition they may come up against.

Psalm 129:2 from my earliest youth my enemies have persecuted me, but they have never been able to finish me off.

Please pray that they will see the fruits of their labor because we all know it's hard to keep sowing if we don't see any harvest.

God is moving in amazing ways with these kids. Pray that He gives them the right words, the right actions to bring more of His flock to Him.

Pray for the leaders of these churches that they may have the tools to help the kids, the strength to do God's work. It's tiring. They need your prayers.

1 Tim 4:12 12Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Many don’t realize the power of young people. Many don’t know that this generation, the Millennials, they are AMAZING. This generation scores higher on IQ tests than generations 50 years before. We teach our kids, we help them grow. They are AMAZING.

I am a Youth Worker, as part time as it has been lately. I have a heart for the kids. Not the patience but the heart. I love them so much. I hope that I teach them, but almost every time I am with them, I learn something. They stretch me, I am brave, because I want them to be brave. I want them to learn from the mistakes I made, before they make them.

Tonight was 1721. It’s an awesome worship experience, for the Youth of Downriver. And I am sure any kid from anywhere is welcome.


This is the second one I went to. The kids love God, they let Him take over their minds, bodies, and souls. You see surrendering to God isn’t just about serving, it’s about Worship, give all of you to all of Him.

I took lots of pictures, like I always do, I think like 70… But I stopped, and worshipped. I let the music run through me, open my heart, ‘How Great is Our God’. I let go, no holding back. Just me and God, how great You are God. How great You are. Name above all Names, Worthy of All Praise, my heart will sing, How Great is Our God. I love God with all my heart, but my perception of God and how great He is, is pea sized, maybe grain of sand size of His magnitude, of all He has done, and all He continues to do. Tears, big alligator tears. I let go, I was brave.

The kids are awesome. Their love is BIG and it’s LOUD, but listen to it. Be brave, take a chance with one kid, maybe one that no one else has taken a chance with. Maybe one you already know. Be brave with them. Do something you have never done before. Learn from them. Love them like Jesus.

How great is our God? Look into the eyes of a child, right into their heart. You will see Him look right back at you.

1 Timothy 4:12 12 Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

How Great Is Our God – By Chris Tomlin

The splendor of a King,
clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light,
and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice

Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

Saturday, June 03, 2006


For one of my last classes I had to write a paper about all the papers
I have written at Baker College, completely dumb, I know.
Part of this was my acknowledgement page, a few things I have added.
I would like to acknowledge so many people who helped me complete
this degree, I could have never done it alone.
As He is first in my life, I would like to thank God to whom
all things are possible. Without His strength, and His wisdom,
I could have never completed this awesome task.
Ms. Phyllis, you are number one in my life,
and I think this has been a learning experience for both of
us. You are the greatest daughter one could ever have hoped for.
Dad, wow, you have supported me through this whole process.
There is no way I could have ever done this without you.
It's been a long journey, its not over yet, but the view
has been spectacular.
Christie,  you are my best friend, your love and support through
all of this has been amazing. Thank you for helping me to keep
it all in the right perspective.
Pam, you were the one who helped me decide to do this.
I can't believe I'm done, I didn't think it would ever
get here.
Michelle, your support and friendship mean the world to me.
You started as my boss, but ended up my friend.
You are amazing. Everyday I work a little harder
to be like you.
Carole, my partner in Stats, and many others.
I cannot believe you are not completing this with me on
paper, but you are always in my heart.
I don't know how I got through it without you.
I will be praying for you.

My brothers and sisters in Christ, your prayers
have lifted me up, I could have never made it without you.
I love you.
To the kids and Youth Leaders at Driven. You are AWESOME!
You are all so special to me, and I could have never
imagined the awesomeness that God has put in my
life with you! You keep me young, I learn so much more from you
than I could have ever imagined. You stretch me and help
me to be Brave. I love you all so much!!
Romans 8:28 God works for all those who love Him.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Stupid Evangelism Trick...

I can't remember if it was Mike's or Sara's but someone had posted stupid Evangelism tricks... it was about church signs.

The other day I was driving down West Road, and I saw the best one!!

HA! HA!!

P.S. the above sign is not really the sign... it was from
The Wall of Hurt

There have been many instants that I have been hurt. Good lessons, but I still have been hurt. With each hurt, a brick went up. Sometimes it hurt so much that I put more than one up. Like most people, I say I am an open book, and I will admit that my emotions are generally on my sleeve, but I am not an open book, I let people see the chapters I want them to see.

The problem with this wall? When the view is covered, it's not always easy to see the good in everything. I tend to stand on my tip-toes for my view and sometimes I can only see the yucky things in a situation. Sometimes that is good because it helps me learn a lesson "don't do that again" but sometimes I miss the joy in a situation. I focus on the bad even though I try to see the good, so I take a brick off. Maybe one, sometimes it's just a half. I am trying to improve on the brick building because I don't like the wall, I like a good view. And honestly the wall is not pretty.

A part of me, the smart part, knows that God is COMPLETELY in control, and if I remember that, the wall comes down. It is only when I try to do everything myself is when the bricks go up. It's difficult to have faith, I don't care what anyone says, faith pushes us to challenges that make us uncomfortable, it stretches us, and it means that we have to relenquish control and the attitude "it's all about me".

But with faith comes love and happiness (didn't TFK write a song like that :) ) and grace.

I'm stretched every day in faith. But I like the view.

Romans 15:13 13May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Not every angel sent down is beautiful to everyone.

Honestly, I don't know if I believe in th e whole angel thing. I know a lot of people do...

I have an aunt who came to us 'retarded'. Mentally and Physically. I think she humbled a lot of people in our family. I think in some cases some have been/are embarrassed by her (not that they have said this but it's my perception). In my case, I've learned a lot.

Many look at her or treat her like she's stupid. Honestly, she's really smart because she can act like she doesn't know how but she really does. My dad always tells a story about how when he was younger, he asked her to get him a beer, she went to fridge and got one and gave it to him. He said to her "how am I supposed to open it?" she went to the right drawer and got him the opener. The doctor's say she has the "smarts" of a two year old. I think they just don't understand her capacity.

She loves unconditionally. Honestly, it's amazing, it's like having God right with you in the physical sense. She gives great back rubs and the best hugs in the world, the kind that you can feel the love with the squeeze.

It would not surprise me if she leaves this earth soon. She's lived longer than ever expected. She's had a stroke and is not doing well right now. She's done her job.

She's shown us grace. Patience. Humility. Love. She's done more in this lifetime than most ever accomplish.

John 5:12 Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love