Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Saturday, July 31, 2010


So if you happened to be at the Trenton High School Track or drove past it today, you might have a)heard me singing horribly or b) seen this crazy person running/walking with her arms in the air, dancing, worshipping a living God.

For the record, I know I sounded horrible and looked crazy, however, I really don’t care. Tuesday while doing suicides I pulled my quad. Hurt like the dickens I decided to rest it on Thursday by walking an hour at Cranbrook through the trails and the gardens. A little sweaty but giving it some time to heal. Today was a group work out, I can go if I want, even though I am officially out of the competition. I got to the track early and decided that I would warm up with 1 mile. Jogged the first two laps, jogged walked the third, and walked the last, listening ever so intently to my sore muscle. Then Mike gets there and breaks our work out to us, 5 miles. WHAT?! Was in my head. Run the straightaways, walk the curves. 20 laps. Break it down into bite size portions, 5 laps (25%), 10 laps (50%), 14 laps (<2/3), 15 (75%), then you’re almost there! I ran more than the straightaways, I started at the arrow before the arrow we were supposed to. Give more than expected, and do it cheerfully. The WHOLE time listening to The Alive Band or Hillsong United, worshipping and praising, thinking about those who don’t know Jesus, praying for those who do, praying for a lot of things. The whole time just worshipping, thinking about this God who loves me so much. How I want to do everything as worship, how I want to run this crazy race of love. And how I just can’t do it alone. A few times I could feel the tears welling up, thinking… man, I just can’t believe He loves me. I ran/walked 5 miles in 1:15, I don’t even know if that’s considered good. No idea. And I don’t care. I was happy with my time, I was happy that I gave it my all, and I am glad that Jesus was running/walking right with me the whole time. Acts 20:24 24However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace

Friday, July 30, 2010

I have a dream

I dream of kissing babies. Lots and lots and lots of babies.

I dream of being surrounded by hundreds of them as they make me laugh as I tickle their bellies.

I work for a great corporation. I wonder sometimes how I got here, I know guided by God all the way but I feel like I am surrounded by people who don’t dream of kissing babies, who think that it would be a sacrifice to go to Africa for two weeks (or forever) and I think it would be a dream come true.

I don’t know why I have this dream, this desire, I never had it before, in fact, I said that if God called me to overseas missions I would hang up.

Maybe its because of the love that Levi and Judah have brought to me, how I’m the lucky one who gets to love them. I think about how people may think that Levi and Judah were ‘rescued’ and I think it is them who rescued us. Maybe that was the beginning of the dream

Right now I wonder even how to start to make this dream come true, I just know that it will happen, I just have to let God open the doors and walk through them, without fear (which will be the hard part).

I have a dream of loving so big, I can’t contain it.

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”- Matthew 5:14,16

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Just saying...

I know God knows best...

But I'm tired of not getting what I want...

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

No words

I feel like I have a lot to say but no words.

I am relieved.
I am missing my daughter
I am excited about some new opportunities

I am loved beyond words

Saturday, July 24, 2010

God's Masterpiece

I am not defined by a number. –2.4 OUT! I knew it before I saw everyone else’s numbers. Out. I started crying. What am I going to tell Phyllis? Weaping.

But here’s the thing, I haven’t cheated in my eating, I’ve counted every calorie, I’ve worked out, hard, I’ve improved every time I’ve been at the gym or out with my team. I’ve fought battles that I didn’t even know I needed to fit, and with the grace of God’s love, I’ve won.

I’ve learned that obedience is not a bad thing, and that when we do it God’s way, it is so much better, and our heart grows a little more in love.

My workouts and eating are not defined by a number. Now, would I have liked a bigger number, sure. But God revealed to me today that sometimes someone else needs the grace more than me, at least in this circumstance.

I have been struggling because I knew that if I didn’t weigh in my shoes today that it would help. And really, who would have known? But I knew it wasn’t right, so I wore my shoes, because I am a woman of integrity. Is it worth the win, if you cheat? No, its not.

I am not quitting, and on the contrary, I am considering getting a trainer for the other days I am in the gym and not with my team (because how would I encourage them from home?)

I may be a lot of the same woman I was when I started, but I feel like I have come so far and that God is doing such a work on my heart. I feel like quitting would be like giving up the dreams that He has for me. And that is not an option.

What am I going to tell Phyllis? That I am not officially a loser anymore, that I did my best, and that I am proud of what I have done, and what I will continue to do. I am God’s Masterpiece, and He is not done working on me yet.

Eph 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Please watch this

Friday, July 23, 2010

A week in Review

Phyllis comes home in one week!! I am excited to see her, but sad for her as her mission trip in Colombia will be ending and I know how much she loves it there!

I ran a mile in 12:02 which is my best time yet this competition! I know that its silly but feels like such a huge accomplishment. It felt so good! And I really enjoyed encouraging others to be their best yesterday.

Funeral sucked on Tuesday, I know they are not supposed to be fun, but they aren’t that bad if you know the person is in heaven.

I like that somehow I am inspiring, although I don't get it, if I'm honest, I like when people say I'm inspiring.

I am super hyped up this morning, I think it’s a combination of running so much yesterday and my tea is wicked strong this morning!

Have you ever heard the song ‘Glitter in the Air’ by Pink? I love this song, I mean normally I have to say that I am not into ‘regular’ music that much, 99% of the stuff that I would chose to listen (especially if we had a GOOD Christian music station in Detroit!) would be worship music, but I really love love this song. I feel my heart leap when it comes on the radio. I love the words, the music. I think a lot of the reason that I love it is because almost all the things she says ‘Have you ever…’ are things that you would have to do if you were brave. I don’t ever feel brave, really half the time I am scared to death about everything, I think I might hide it well if you don’t know me, but if you know me, you know I’m scared, but I want to be brave.

Josh 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Glitter in the Air ~ Pink

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Just for the record!

So I wasn't going to write a post about this, but I changed my mind. I don't want anyone thinking I'm against a denomination. The bible said we should all be one, and I believe that. I want to tell you how I feel, this is not meant to hurt anyone... but maybe give some explanation.

I grew up Catholic, baptism as a baby, 1st communion, reconciliation, confirmation, the whole nine yards. I memorized a lot of stuff to be able to meet the criteria of 'the church'.

This is what I wish... I wish that I would have learned the bible, not just listened to them read it on Sundays, I wish that someone would have explained all those prayers I memorized instead of just making me memorize them, maybe they would have meant something instead of worrying that I was saying them correctly. but maybe I should have taken that upon myself to learn, but to be honest, i thought religion was just kind of a tradtion, like ham on Easter, turkey on thanksgiving. And then one day or many days, God began to stir in me. Maybe at some point I realized that my daughter needed Jesus and I didn't want it to be like that for her (a tradition).

At some point, I felt called to a different church, but more than that I turned to Christ, I gave Him my life, I've learned what it means to give and receive grace, tripping and falling a lot, and I mean A LOT. I've learned that those are not just words in a book but a way of life lived in love. And I know that people look at me and think I've gone over the edge, that's ok...

I have no issues with the Catholic church or its people, outside of the fact that some things just aren't biblical, but that is for them to sort out, not me, its just hard for me to understand why (and kind of always has been - I used to argue with Fr. Jack about meat on Fridays - 'find it in the bible' because mac and cheese is not a sacrifice if you ask me).

I know plenty of people who are Catholic who love Jesus, I know plenty of people who are not part of the Catholic Church who don't love Jesus.

I don't care what church you go to or what denomination you chose to follow, if you go everyday out of devotion or you make it 1 day a month, this is what I'm saying...

Follow Him, believe in Him, believe Him, and LOVE ONLY HIM!

John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life No one comes to the Father except through me

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

He never leaves us

As I walked out the door today, I updated my facebook status ‘work, funeral, work, workout… long day. Please God don’t leave me, I need You today’.

Its always busy at work, that’s the way it is and that’s a good thing. Going to a funeral midmorning, my uncle Jimmy died, he was old, and then straight to GM for two back to back meetings. And since its Tuesday, it means a ‘Biggest Loser’ Workout, those are always tough, but totally awesome when we’re doing it, often, I think ‘you can endure anything for two hours’.

As I drove down Southfield I saw a rainbow, reminding me of God’s Promises (Gen 9). I remember when I was younger how fascinated I was with rainbows, I wanted to know if there was a pot of God at the end, and which side was the end? Now when I look at them I think about how God never leaves us, how even when He seems far away or things aren’t working out exactly like we planned, He is never there, working for our God.

A week or two back we were running, the first time around the building, rainbow, second time around, no rainbow. I think I was fascinated more by no rainbow than seeing one. Feeling sometimes so lonely I can barely stand it, I take great comfort in knowing that the Creator of the universe loves me & never leaves me, that’s amazing to me.

I keep going back to John 1

1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning. 3Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4In him was life, and that life was the light of men. 5The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

I love the beginning of the verses, but I love verse 5 The light shines in the darkness but the darkness has not understood it.

I don’t know why I am so fascinated that the light shines in the darkness but the darkness has not understood it. Maybe its because so many times God has just sent His light to me and I don’t know why things are happening, and usually I don’t like them, but I just know that His way is the best way, so I keep going, I keep loving, in spite of the heartache it can sometimes bring, because Love’s rewards heal that heartache, and make us stronger.

And through it all, He never leaves us.

Isaiah 61:7-9
7 Instead of their shame
my people will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
they will rejoice in their inheritance;
and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
and everlasting joy will be theirs.
8 "For I, the LORD, love justice;
I hate robbery and iniquity.
In my faithfulness I will reward them
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the LORD has blessed."

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Truth

Awhile ago, I was dating this great guy. You know the kind you think could be ‘the one’. If you go by the list that you make when you’re a girl, he fit it pretty close to the things “I” wanted. Things were going well, I mean the fact that he thought I was so great totally made me uncomfortable. Totally, but who am I to judge. LOL.

And then one day, during worship, God said to me “I want you to love only Me”.

And at first I thought, God couldn’t have said that to me. I mean He brought me this guy, right? I mean to the point that I remembered what this guy was wearing the first day I met him, at church which was quite awhile ago.

And what’s funny is sometimes God speaks to me so crazy that people wouldn’t believe it. “Yes, Margie, that was Me, and that’s what I said, right now I want you to love only Me”.

Ugh. (I mean it's a good thing, God wants you to love Him, but how do you tell someone that?)


That was hard, and I truly didn’t think anyone would understand. How do you explain that? I didn’t explain it to anyone, for the most part, I just said things that I thought people would understand, “I’m just too busy” which people just replied many things that I don't think they meant to be hurtful but they were like "you just don't want to (or you're afraid to) be happy" .

And looking back, I think, you never asked God if it was ok if He thought you were ready, so now, you’re getting your answer. Only Him.

That’s not an easy thing for someone to hear once they’ve met someone great. Especially after being alone (and lonely) for so long.

I have no regrets about the whole thing. I learned in a short time, how you should be treated, and what it means (at a shallow level) to be a Proverbs 31 woman, and I never really thought of myself that way, and not sure how I fit that mold at this time, but all in all it was a great experience.

I think about where I am now, in this journey, and I don’t really think I would be here. I know that God is dealing with a lot of my internal bleeding right now. It’s a crazy place that I am right now, I feel so… great! Even though yesterday was hard, and there have been some hard moments, it has been amazing to love only God right now. And to find my worth in Him. That being said, I don’t know when or who God has planned for my life, I know He has someone great on this earth, a perfect match, so that when I am ready, and God has done what He needs to do in the guy’s life, it will be better than I imagined (not perfect but great).

I’ve wanted to write this post in some way or another for quite some time but was never brave enough. I also didn’t want to hurt the person who I dated, that is never my intention but that’s the truth.

God only wanted me to love Him.

2 Cor 11:1-3 1I hope you will put up with a little of my foolishness; but you are already doing that. 2I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. 3But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ

Sunday, July 18, 2010

What a difference a day can make!

Yesterday we did these stupid bleachers. Nothing that wasn’t doable, that’s for sure. If there is one thing about this competition I am learning is that its my heart that needs to be the biggest loser! Loser of all the stupid baggage I carry around with me! That’s not to say that my butt couldn’t use a very extreme makeover, I’m just saying that there is no doubt in my mind what has caused me to be fat.

After a stupid game of soccer that I did NOT want to play, it brought back way too many painful memories of being picked last at dodgeball, kickball, baseball, and… you get the picture, I walked around pissy. And then I realized that if I didn’t play I was making it harder on my team because there was less people. So I played. I scored 3 goals, however, I do believe the goalie went a little easy one me and I missed way more than I got in, but it was still kind of cool. But just for the record, I hate playing soccer, and NEVER want to play it again.

Then yesterday it was the bleachers, and before I even started I heard this stupid voice ‘you’ll never be good enough’ and by the time I was up and down the second row of bleachers I was fighting on the inside a really bad case of the ‘you’ll never be good enoughs’ and it was a pretty bad case, I think fighting that was harder than the actual exercise if you really want to know. I was trying so hard to just say scripture and say ‘I am God’s girl’ though thinking back now, I never asked God for help. DUH. Thankfully Joel came up to me, and made me cry and got some garbage out. It was hard but good.

Went to church and was so excited to find out that Dean was leading worship. God is on our side, Lead me to the Cross, My Deliverer, and Hope Now. I weaped through ‘Lead me’, I just had so much to get out. And it wasn’t easy, me and God, me weaping, Him holding. Jesus tears.

Then Hope Now. WOW! The words blew me away (they are at the bottom).

So its Sunday today and I went to work out with Maggie and Elizabeth, I showed them the workout that Joel had shown me about a week ago, it felt really awesome to pour into someone what someone had poured into me. It was really cool to get my workout in and help someone else get their best work out in too, and it was early.

Then I ran to walmart to get a bunch of stuff, looking for a medicine ball but the heaviest one they had was 8lbs, that is not big enough… so I am on a quest, I am thinking 12 lbs to do my sit ups with and to hold onto when I do squats at home while I watch TV.

I know that this whole journey is so much work, but having God heal me from this crazy internal bleeding I have, that I didn’t know how deep the wounds were is completey great, no matter how much it hurts at the moment its happening.

Job 11:18 You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter my from the storm

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life

Everything rides on hope now
Find More lyrics at
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

You've become my hearts desires
I will sing Your praises higher
Your love sets me free
(Your love sets me free)
Your love sets me free
(You love sets me free)
Your love sets me free

Friday, July 16, 2010

Just like a two year old!

I decided that I cannot function in melt down mode.

I don't know if the trainers would think its the best idea, but I am taking the day off from working out today.  I was going to go to the gym or run or something before bible study, but I decided to go with Katie with the boys for their check up (Adam is in Colombia)  and then I'm cleaning my house...  and then to bible study.

I feel like I can't function.  And that means that I am one very small step away from losing my mind.  So I using the gift of discernment and taking today as a 'get your house and yourself in order' day.  I'm tired of feeling like I'm gonna cry at any moment (even the calm moments) so...  that's the way it goes.

Isaiah 40:31 Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint

Thursday, July 15, 2010

So... if you really must know!

Ok, I love this competition but I am so annoyed today.  And I am a lot disappointed in myself.

1.  I miss my pean.  I just miss her, ok, I know she's doing God's work but no text this morning that just says 'up' when she wakes up or whatever...  yes, I miss her. 
2.  I'm tired, I haven't slept good in about 3 days, I take that back, I've slept well, just not enough of it.
3.  I'm sore.  My legs hurt with each step, literally I had to use the handicap stall because I couldn't get down!  Ha!  I know that's funny but my calves have been hurting for a week.
4.  Aunt Flo came to visit so that just makes me crabby
5.  I AM PUSHING MYSELF!  If you think that I don't want to do better, you're crazy, I should have napped yesterday (truly I should have!), but instead I went to the gym! And I could barely move my legs today!
6.  I hate games that include more than just me running. I can work out, I will run, but soccer SUCKS!  Ok!  People are mean spirited when they play even though they are like 'its just for fun' not everyone, but when there is a ball involved some people are just ridiculous, and for the record, almost everyone playing was nice, it was just a little more than i can handle.  When I was in 2nd grade I got popped right in the chin with a bat, it sucked.  I don't care if you like to play them, just leave me to the sidelines or let me run.
7.  When people say mean things in a funny way, they are still mean things, and if you think that people (me especially) is just gonna let you be a punk, you've lost your mind. Next time there is a good chance I won't be so nice.

And lets just say this, before I even got to the hill, I was praying about my students, crying over the brokenness that they have in their lives.  I see what their lives could be, if they surrender and let Christ rule their lives and have the freedom that will make them soar!

Going to take a bath and then to bed!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

My best

Yesterday we ran around the track at the high school.  The first time we did it, my time was 14:30, I walked about half, jogged about half.  We did it yesterday and i did it in 14:02, which I know isn't terrific but I ran the whole thing this time and improved so I was happy. A lot of people improved their times a lot more than me and so I started to feel discouraged.  But then God just wrapped me up.  I wasn't in a race with them, I did my best, and that was good.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what others might think, that simply, I will never be good enough that I forget to look at where God has taken me and what I have accomplished.  How silly right?  but that's what brings me down, I focus on the wrong things instead of crazy good blessings in my life.

Today I witnessed the ugliness of unforgiveness. It actually made me really sad.  And why do we not forgive?  Because we focus on the wrong things.  We don't focus on love and grace, we focus on hurt and hate.  No thanks.

God, continue to work in me along this journey. I know the path is narrow, and its difficult, but God, I want to walk EVERYDAY with You, no matter how hard the climb, how bumpy the road, so that, on the day that I walk to the gates of heaven, I hear You say, "Welcome Home My good and faithful servant, welcome Home".

Matthew 25:23 "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Biggest Loser Updates

Sick of it yet?  NOT ME!!  I feel so good and feel like I'm accomplishing so much!

I never thought I'd say this but ....I'm having a hard time eating enough.  I have to eat about 1750 calories every day.  However, I eat so many veggies and things low in calories that sometimes I just can't get  them all in.  Sometimes I am at 1300, usually around 1500, if I have a 'crazy' eating day, I will make it to 1700.  Sometimes I have to get in a protein shake to get them all in.  Its hard because I can't eat a big dinner or I'll barf (nice, I know)

Yesterday I did Zumba, so so so so so fun!!  I loved it, I will be doing it every Monday!!  I can't believe I could even do it, that just really shows me how much my fitness level has improved in 3.5 weeks. I even did a mile before the class in 11 minutes on the eliptical which is my personal best!!!  yeah me!

I bought new shoes today for running.  My calves have been killing me, literally I have felt like I've had 5 charlie horses in each of my calves!  OUCH!!  I am hoping this will help!

Today we go to Trenton High School I'm sure for some bleacher running and some track time.  Not really looking forward to that but its all part of the work out and I'm sure it will be fun once I am there sporting my new shoes :)  And I'll feel accomplished when I am done!

My goal for the next two weeks is 9.6 (again) at the weigh in.  I know its a big goal but I feel like I just will strive to do my best, and at the end of the two weeks, I will know I did my best to accomplish it! 

We have quite a few injuries, please keep those who are hurting in your prayers.  We have one who is hurting emotionally, pray for peace and healing in her life and that each one of us will be Jesus to her in a real way, whatever that way is, God will decide. THANKYOU!

Hebrews 12:12-15 12So then, brace up and reinvigorate and set right your slackened and weakened and drooping hands and strengthen your feeble and palsied and tottering knees,

13And cut through and make firm and plain and smooth, straight paths for your feet [yes, make them safe and upright and happy paths that go in the right direction], so that the lame and halting [limbs] may not be put out of joint, but rather may be cured.
14Strive to live in peace with everybody and pursue that consecration and holiness without which no one will [ever] see the Lord.
15Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God's grace (His unmerited favor and spiritual blessing), in order that no root of resentment (rancor, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the many become contaminated and defiled by it--

Monday, July 12, 2010

Christ to Colombia!

in case you want to follow the Metro Colombia Mission Trip you can do so at

A lot of people ask me if I'm nervous.  The answer is an absolute 'no'.  I was more nervous about the weigh in on Saturday lol. 

Here's why:

If Phyllis wasn't meant to go, God would have stopped it.  In some way or another.  The money would not have come, I would have gotten a feeling, something. But every door opened.

So here she goes, my world traveler, she will pack her suitcase, I'll ask her a few 'do you haves' and she'll look at me like I'm nuts and that's it. 

She is my girl, she loves, she prepares, and she's ready.  Everyone else, I'm not so sure, but she is ready.

I'd love for you to travel to Colombia in prayer with her! 

We have to be at the airport on Wednesday at 4:30AM!!!!  WOO HOO!!!!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Great week/weekend!

1. -9.6 pounds!
2. Seeing Jesus in no rainbow! God's promises are there even when we don't see them!
3. Peanut is home, albeit for just a 'moment' before she leaves of Colombia!
4. Friends and Pean at the challenge rooting me on! (pic is of me running!!)
5. Air conditioner in my room!! Sleep in my own bed
6. Great neighbors!
7. Having a full fridge of fruits and veggies!
8. Larabars! they keep getting better and better!
9. New friends!
10. Jesus never lets go!!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

what was I thinking?

What was I thinking?

Sometimes I think I defeat myself before I even start. No more!!!! I’m done buying into the lies of I’m not good enough, I can’t do it… blah blah (insert Charlie Brown teacher speak here!)

Yesterday when Joel said 5K, I thought there is no way I can do that, 3 miles?????? Ok, really? I WALK three miles all the time, that’s my standard, even before the competition so why did I think I wouldn’t finish yesterday? Sheesh!

And today, -9.6 pounds! That’s a pretty big number, I didn’t cheat, I wore my shoes (I actually wore all the same clothes I weighed in the first day, so it was my true weight loss. How can I be disappointed in doing my best?!

Until the next weigh in, I will do what I’m supposed to do, just like I did this time. I will continue to worship, be in God’s Word, listen to God’s teaching, and most importantly, I will listen to God tell me who I am!

I’m reading a book called ‘I’ll have what she’s having’ by Bobbie Houston from Hillsong church, it says it’s the ‘ultimate compliment for any woman daring to change her world’. I read it in the bathroom lol. At the end of the first chapter it says “it is time to rise up, push those lovely shoulders back, life that beautiful chin, and become the delightful daughter of God that you already are” I loved that.

I’m not defeated! Not before I start and not after I finish. One of my favorite bible verses is when Paul talks about never giving up. He says in Phil 3:14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. I tell you that no matter what, I will not stop going on this journey that God has me on, it is certainly not easy, but it is certainly not impossible, because nothing is impossible for God!!

Matthew 9:23-24 : 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." 24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

Friday, July 09, 2010

How strong?

Tuesday... I wondered "God, why for the love of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches did You ask me to do that?"

So I text my really good friend Keith "do you think God asks us to do things to find out how strong we are?"

And his brilliant reply "God already knows how strong we are, He just wants us to see it"

I think of so many times when I gave up, and then looked back and said, if I just would have kept on...

I was shocked at how fast I ran, how much I lifted, never giving up because I had people believing that I could.

Its been crazy, I mean, I am TIRED! My legs hurt, when I'm working out I feel like I've pushed my arms to their extent and the next day I'm not sore, but my legs are really hurting, my calves in particular.

We were running yesterday outside (I mapped it, its .18 miles around the building) and I was in some pain, but I had decided that I wasn't going to stop jogging, albeit not very fast but I wasn't stopping (and even if they said we only had to do it once that last time, I was going to run twice around that building)! As we turned the corner there was a rainbow. Thinking about all God's promises. The second time around, there was no rainbow. At first I was a little disappointed but I was thankful to see the first one, and then instantly I thought about faith and how God is always there even when we don't see Him or can't feel Him, He's there, never forsakes us.

Later today is our first challenge, I have no idea what to expect, and some people are nervous about it, all I can do is my best. So I will go, I will warm up on my bike and sstttrrreeetttccchhhh and I will do all I can. Tomorrow is our first weigh in, do I want to get eliminated? of course not, however, I have put in 100% even when I thought I didn't have anymore to give. I've run this race, and I'm not done running no matter the outcome of a stupid scale. Tomorrow is just like every other day in this journey, one I will prepare for and do my best.

Its easy to give up when you think you're defeated, its even easy to give up before we are defeated. But we're not defeated, we are strong, and going back to that original question

Do you think God asks us to do something to see how strong we are?

No, He already knows how strong we are, He just wants us to see it.

Psalm 31:24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

I'm not scared

I'm crying right now. I'm crying because I've done more today physically than I ever thought possible.

And because I'm not scared. I've been worried for two days about 'what if'.

What if nothing. Its a scale. it measures weight, not heart. I know that I have put everything I am into this weightloss, of my body weight and baggage that I've been carrying around. I'm losing it all!

That scale has absolutely no power over me! None. I will work hard until I have achieved the results I want and need for me! No matter what that scale says on Saturday.

I can control how much effort comes out of my body and what nutrition goes in, and so that I will do.

God does not command me to be powerless, no, He says to stand strong in Him, I know He is my Supplier, my Strength, my Source for everything, He is the love that I long for everyday. And so I will do that the rest of my days!

1 Cor 9:24-25 24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

Grocery Shopping

I would say that my generation was probably one of the first to really have junk food as a child. Pop tarts, chips, junk.

I was a chunky kid. I wasn't very good at sports, and so, I ate, sat around, in the summer swam, rode my bike here and there, but I was not an outside kid.

Today I was in line at Meijer and the woman in front of me had a HUGE basket, $213 worth of crap. You know all that food that Jamie Oliver on the Food Revolution said not to eat, well it was all in her cart. Not one thing of peanut butter and jelly or bread. Kid Cuisine, pot pies, hot pockets, pizza rolls, hungry man dinners. Oh my. My stomach was turning just to watch it being rung up just thinking about eating it gave me a stomach ache.

Now, for the last 3 weeks I've had nothing but healthy food. Its because I've been on the Biggest Loser, I get that, however, you will occasionally find junk in our house, but mostly you will find good veggies and fruit, chicken, and ground turkey (I hate the way ground beef smells when it cooks! GROSS!).

But what worries me is what will happen to our traditions? Will younger generations know how to make pot pie from scratch? or will they think it comes from a box? Will they know that homemade cookies do not come from a tube (which btw, my daughter never has considered that 'homemade')?

I realize that cooking is not everybody's thing, however, I would hope that people could make simple things like tacos, spaghetti, or even baked chicken, and follow a recipe. I think about making food for the Colombia team or the mission trip or whatever, and how I think about each person (like I'm planning on making sloppy joes and I've already got the fake meat stuff for those that are vegetarians). I wonder will people taste the love in the meals that are cooked?

Will they get used to gross food and think that it tastes good? Their taste buds will think that sugared up fatty food is good?

What will happen to our children? Will they not know how to cook? To provide for their families?

Monday, July 05, 2010

Do not be afraid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I am just like "what the heck is wrong with you?". The Biggest Loser posted some stuff about the elimination. And so what do I do? I start freaking out. You know, I can do what I can do, and the rest is just what will be will be.

So I freaked out and then... did what I should have. Turned to the Lord. I found a ton of scripture that was about not being afraid. Hel-lo!

Also, kicked butt at my work out. PERSONAL BEST 11 minutes running out of 20! dripped with sweat! And I did what the guy at the gym said was the hardest machine in the gym (it was an ab thing) I could seriously only do 5. But next time, I'm doing 6! And also, I did this other machine that totally scared me, some hangy back thing.

Here's all the scripture:
"We love Him because He first loved us."
1 John 4:9-10
"And Jesus said unto them ... , "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to younder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you."
Romans 1:17
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... "
1 John 4:18
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6
The LORD gave this command to Joshua son of Nun: "Be strong and courageous, for you will bring the Israelites into the land I promised them on oath, and I myself will be with you."Deuteronomy 31:23
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9
Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the LORD gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.
1 Chronicles 22:13
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.
1 Corinthians 16:13
But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear ; do not be frightened."
Take Courage
1 Peter 3:14
Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it."
Ezra 10:4
Immediately he spoke to them and said, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed,
Mark 6:51
Will your courage endure or your hands be strong in the day I deal with you? I the LORD have spoken, and I will do it.
The Effects Your Courage Will Have On Others
Ezekiel 22:14
... say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you."
Isaiah 35:4
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever."
Psalm 23
"The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."
Proverbs 18:10
"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."
Psalm 16:5-8
"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn."
Psalm 18:32-36
"Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD."
Psalm 25:4-7
"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock."
Psalm 27:4-5
"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. The LORD is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever."
Psalm 28:7-9
"Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help. You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever."
Psalm 30:10-12
"Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him."
Daniel 2:20-22
"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time--God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen."
1 Timothy 6:12-16
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
Proverbs 16:3
"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears."
Psalm 18:2-6
"The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior! He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me, who saves me from my enemies. You exalted me above my foes; from violent men you rescued me. Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD; I will sing praises to your name."
Psalm 18:46-49
"The LORD is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?"
Psalm 27:1
"That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil-this is the gift of God."
Ecclesiastes 3:13
"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called."
1 Timothy 6:12
"Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?"
1 Corinthians 3:16

Sunday, July 04, 2010

No excuses

Today I could have easily said "i don't have time to go to the gym" I cooked for the better part of the day for Alive (we had free food before the fireworks) and then to Alive for... Alive. I was tired when they all left at 9:30, I could have easily just got into the car and headed north to home, but I told "my kids" (and myself) that i was going to the gym, and I'll tell you that if I can't spend time with "my kids" at the fireworks, I better be at the gym.

So I went, it was a shorter work out, I did the eliptical, ran for 5 minutes, and then really concentrated on my triceps, and core stuff. It was hard, but I kept remembering that stupid crab crawl. And then I just kept doing '5 more'.

I will not tolerate excuses for myself. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I almost threw up on Saturday, felt like i could barely put one foot in front of the other but I did it, and so I will continue to do it.

I am worth it, and I'd like to spend many more years with 'my kids' (alive students) if I take this time and put forth everything I have.

1 John 2:28 (msg) And now, children, stay with Christ. Live deeply in Christ. Then we'll be ready for him when he appears, ready to receive him with open arms, with no cause for red-faced guilt or lame excuses when he arrives.


Today I made redwhite&blue cupcakes (funfetti of course). Could have i just made normal funfetti, sure, however, redwhite&blue are better.

Stupid sit ups. When I started biggest loser I couldn't do 2 real situps, yesterday I did 30.

I have weird gifts, i cook for those I love. I try to always make it awesome. Sometimes I'd love to have different gifts, like Katie for instance, she can fix things, and SING and play the guitar and she has a much bigger heart of compassion than I do.

But even though sometimes I'd rather have other's gifts i know that God gave me mine, and I should A)be thankful & B)use them to the best of my ability.

In all things I think we should worship. I think that in all things worshipping shows God's love for us, and ours for Him. I think that even when we are doing things that we don't want (say for instance the dishes) that if we do them in worship, and PRAISE HIM that we have the dishes, our lives grow more in love.

So if you happen to eat one of those silly redwhite&blue cupcakes, know that I loveyou.

Psalm 100:2 Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Afraid, and I don't wanna

you don't know this about me because I sleep alone... but 99% of the time I wake up, my feet hit the floor and I am ready to go! I am what they would call a morning person. Today, so tired. I thought about using one of my passes but I thought no way, I only have two more and I will not quit.

So I sent out a prayer request for energy, strength.

I made it through the whole 2 hours, though I almost puked and ran out of water (UGH!).

On my way I saw a deer in the road and kind of freaked out because I have a huge fear of hitting a deer while driving. I also have a fear of turning my ankles during this competition. I didn't hit the deer, but I took it as a time to thank God for keeping me safe, prayed for my ankles (that were wobbly today), and bound satan up. Thank you very much.

So Friday is our first challenge which totally sucks because I have to miss bible study again, and I miss my peeps. They encouraged us to invite people to cheer us on, in my head I was like "no way is anyone seeing me like that, plus I feel like I am so slow" (I was the last one with the stupid crab walk today) and like God always does He said "pride comes before the fall" so I don't want to invite anyone to come but in all this working out the garbage in my life, God says I have to. I don't know where it will be on Friday at 7PM, I will update that later, just know that you're invited but please be aware, I look terrible and I'm not the best, but I try hard!

I'm so very thankful that God never ever gives up on me, that He provides me some kind of crazy strength to run (and angels like Melissa to run with me) when I think I can't even move one foot in front of the other.

God is with you in everything you do.-Gen 21:22

Proverbs 16:18-19
18 Pride goes before destruction,
and haughtiness before a fall.
19 Better to live humbly with the poor
than to share plunder with the proud.

Friday, July 02, 2010

I will not give up!

My days and nights seem to be so focused working out and eating well that I don't have time to do much else. Even praying for myself to make it. Sometimes I think 'there is no way I can do that, they must be nuts' and I do it! which is pretty cool!

However yesterday one of the trainers said to me 'push yourself hard at the gym' and I instantly went into one of those 'I AM! see, even you think I can't do it and you don't even know me'. I don't know how he meant it but that's how I took it. Little does he know, I AM NOT A QUITTER!!!

I seriously had to talk myself off the ledge. I thought, see, you suck, and I just wanted to give up. I thought my jeans would feel better this morning when I got into them. nope. Same. That was discouraging, I haven't gotten on the scale yet, and I won't til its time (next Saturday). My arms hurt even to type (though not as bad as I thought they would).

But here's the thing. Even though I am not a quitter I was discouraged. But I just keep going, I am not going to quit, I am doing this for myself, not for anyone else. I know that when they ask me to do crunches, I do more than they ask, I go up the hill an extra time to help encourage others (Ecc 4:9) and for myself because I want to push myself, I do stuff at home, I finish every exercise even if I'm last. Not because they are watching but because I have to be obediant, and how is it glorious to God if I cheat?

I will keep pushing myself towards that goal, not matter how hard, because I am not a QUITTER!!

Exodus 15:2 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.