Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Monday, November 30, 2009

Just wanna say!

No matter how alone you feel… He promises never to leave us. What a promise! What comfort!! I’m not afraid!! Irritated, sad, hurt, but not afraid!

Romans 8:37-39 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

"you're awesome"

Oui! I hate when you do something for someone and they say "you're awesome"!

If you didn't do something (like you said no) would they say "you're a jerk"?

Lets look at the definition of awesome:

1. Inspiring awe: an awesome thunderstorm.
2. Expressing awe: stood in awesome silence before the ancient ruins.
3. Slang Remarkable; outstanding: "a totally awesome arcade game"

Ok... to inspire awe, did you ever wonder... why they use part of a word in a definition, thanks Mr. Webster...

Lets look up awe!

1. A mixed emotion of reverence, respect, dread, and wonder inspired by authority, genius, great beauty, sublimity, or might.
2. Archaic
a. The power to inspire dread.
b. Dread.

Nice, so when you say "awesome" are you saying that I inspire dread? Great, nice. thanks.

But tell me, exactly what are you saying? can't you just say "thank you, I appreciate it". And if you think "awesome" is a good thing, does the fact that I do something make me awesome, but if I don't make me a big fat jerk. I think it's easy to say someone is awesome if they do something for you, but do you really see their heart?

And then my other favorite is when people say "you're amazing". By definition:
1. To affect with great wonder; astonish.
2. Obsolete
To bewilder; perplex.

I don't think people are amazing. I mean, they might affect great wonder, but I doubt it. God, now He affects great wonder, He's astonishing, though not obsolete.

My whole point? It's easy to say someone is great (if that's what you mean - not that they are dreaded) when they do something, but when they do nothing... what are they?

“But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives”- 2 Peter 3:10-11

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Here comes the Holidays!

We had our mission trip, it was great, the kids worked their butts off and I think had fun in the process. I am glad that I can make that happen for them. My dining room and kitchen are a mess because i dumped everything last night, I was SOOO tired. Thankfully its still all here today, you can do what you can do, and i was tired and hungry when I got home (I didn't get a chance to eat dinner, I just wanted to get everything done and go home - I guess I could have but chose not to).

That all being said, here comes the holidays.

I wish I could skip them. I just don't want to celebrate this year. Can we just skip to December 26th and be done with it? I know that is so not like me, but really, seriously, I just don't want to. I want to get Phyllis gifts because I love buying her stuff (I realize that I shouldn't but I do!) and I'm not sure how to change my attitude about it, or even what's my deal, I just don't want to. Maybe its because my life is busy enough, like I need more tasks? I don't know. Maybe it's all the money that's going to be spent or that winter is coming... a combination of the three... just praying that my attitude changes.

but on a bright note, my walk in closet for all my stuff is almost done, Muscle Mike got it going when I was gone. It's not fancy but I wanted practical (and relatively cheap) and it exactly what I wanted and instead of drywall on the outside, it's pegboard so I can hang stuff (Ridiculous I know, but that's what I wanted!!

Trying to remember... It is not always when we have something that we celebrate.

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.”- Psalm 136:1,26

Friday, November 27, 2009

LOVE Friday!!

So my plan was to get up at 3:50 and go to JCPenney. However, my back still hurts so bad, I think seriously someone (like maybe satan) has a doll and is sticking pins in my back (please stop if that's you, not being able to walk could slightly inhibit this mission trip)!! I got there at 6:30.

Thankfully I don't have a ton to buy this year and so... that makes it super easy. I bought Alive/Fuel a much needed griddle, Ashley's wedding shower gift, another crockpot for me (because I am always needing another one!), especially on mission trips, a toaster (because ours is bi-polar ~ sometimes it burns everything and sometimes it won't toast! I probably paid $10 bucks for it 11 years ago, sheesh they don't make things like they used to lol!

Its going to be a great couple of days, seriously, pray for my back! It hurts so bad!!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

So Dumb!

For most of my life I feel like I'm a disappointment. Pregnant by a druggie, overweight for most of my life, it took me until I was 33 to get my bachelor's degree.

I want to be inspiring! Not for what I've done but for succeeding after never giving up!

Today is Thanksgiving! Halloween was easy because I could usually careless about eating candy, but this is the first holiday with my new outlook.

I started my day with my normal breakfast sandwich, Arnold bread, 1 egg+ eggwhite, cheese, ham, spinach, tomato. YUM! For lunch, chicken kabob, black bean salad, and asparagus, so much I couldn't finish, but it was only 6 points, so I have 19 points left for dinner. I've already decided what of my favorites I am going to eat, with a few 'spare' points just in case.

Today is no different from any other day, it's another day to succeed!

That's right... I am God's Masterpiece!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Eph 2:10)


Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Tomorrow we leave for Pontiac so I'm really thankful that I won't spend money I don't have on a bunch of stuff we don't need anyway :) I spent last night with my Freshman Life Group, so fun! They are so silly!! I hate to tell Drew, but FRESHMAN girls is the best life group, we may be small but we're strong!!

I'm also thankful that I don't have to make a ton of food for the actual meal of Thanksgiving, because I've been cooking for the Mission Trip tomorrow to be more prepared. I've only got one more thing to make :) Spanish Rice for tomorrow's dinner.

I'm so thankful for my family, most of all Phyllis, I can't imagine life without her!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


When I make spaghetti the kids are HAPPY! It's spaghetti, its filling, its yummy, and it's cheap!

When making for a big group:

1 spaghetti packet from Savelot
1 lb ground turkey (from frozen section at Savealot or Aldi)
1 can tomato paste
3 can water
garlic powder
onion powder
1 cup sharp cheddar cheese (because cheese makes everything taste better)

Cook noodles according to package directions.

Brown meat and season with garlic & onion powder. Drain

Add seasoning packet, tomato paste, water. Cook. Add cheese, cook until melty. Add noodles.


here we go!!!

We leave on Friday for the Thanksgiving Mission Trip to Grace Centers of Hope, it’s a quick trip but a great one. I love serving there, however a lot of times I actually don’t get to do anything but cook and clean and serve the kids who do the work. Somehow I forget how much work it is to get ready until I am in the thick of it all, but its so fun for me (I’m such a nerd). And I’ve got some great meals and desserts planned ;<)

And I’ll tell you, it’s one of my favorite things in the world. I love spending the time with kids, as I refer to them ~ my kids. I’m excited because there are about 6 kids that I don’t really know, they are newer to Alive. I’m excited to get to know them and feed them.
I’ve got a couple things planned for the devotionals and some cool worship stuff.

It’s going to be awesome, and my prayer is that His love just beams from all of us while we are there!

James 1:19-27
19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.
26If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. 27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


I never really do anything on my own. Everything comes to me via God. He loves me, He extends His grace to me. However, sometimes I get caught up in the "I worked hard". Let's just be honest, there are those who have worked harder in this life and have less, and those who have done much less, with more. There is no way to figure out who gets what.

Why do people who are married and love the Lord wrestle with infertility, where people like me have children out of wedlock, or drug addicts or .... It's not fair. But sometimes that's the way it goes, makes no sense this side of heaven.

So today, I said "OK!". I didn't want to, I didn't want to ask for help, while causing myself to stumble, God wouldn't stop. Seriously, I felt like He was talking my ear off for like 8 HOURS and it was 2. Finally I just said "OK!" At this point, I have no idea what will happen. But I am sure like every other time I've been obedient, it will be a lesson in growing.

2 Cor 2:9 The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything

Food Choices

I have always been about ‘sneaking in a vegetable’. I’ve actually shredded zucchini and mixed it in the spaghetti sauce until it dissolved. I’ve added a package of spinach here and there, so I am not sure why it didn’t occur to me to put a tomato on my breakfast sandwich until I read an article in Women’s Health magazine about breakfast and some yummy things you could eat at breakfast. Today, I even added a handful of spinach!

I’m not about fake food, I hate fat free anything, I can taste the chemicals or food with fake sugar! GROSS!!

That being said, I will substitute apple sauce for oil or try to cook with a little less oil or butter, make cupcakes with punkin instead of eggs and oil. Whole wheat instead of white flour, I do what I can, where I can.

My sandwich today… tre manifique! It’s all about small choices. It’s like saving a dollar everyday, it doesn’t seem like much but at the end of the year it’s an extra $365!

“Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” ~ William Jennings Bryan

Monday, November 23, 2009

My new love song

Its funny, for two weeks I have had a hard time writing, I’ve struggled to put my thoughts to words. Closed up I was. I am so glad to be open to expressing again!

I’m not sappy. Far from it. My heart is often sweet, but guarded. I’m not really all that romantic. But I think if you really want to experience all love has, you can’t be guarded.

But there is a song on Christ Tomlin’s CD Glory in the Highest, Winter Snow. I know it’s probably not a love song like the world would perceive a love song, but this song, is such a love song to me, it makes me relax, I’ve said so long that I wanted to ‘fall into someone’ and this song, makes me fall into Jesus.

It’s my favorite love song.

Could've come like a mighty storm
With all the strength of a hurricane
You could've come like a forest fire
With the power of heaven in Your flame

But You came like a winter snow
Quiet and soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

You could've swept in like a tidal wave
Or an ocean to ravish our hearts
You could have come through like a roaring flood
To wipe away the things we've scarred

But You came like a winter snow
(Yes, You did)
You were quiet
You were soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

Oh, no, Your voice wasn't in a bush burning
No, Your voice wasn't in a rushing wind
It was still
It was small
It was hidden

You came like a winter snow
Quiet and soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

(Oh, yeah)
To the earth below
You came falling
From the sky in the night
To the earth below

Change your way of thinking and you'll change your life!

My mind is a dark and scary place. But would you like to know where my ‘head’ is at?

I am only 2 pounds less than my lightest weight this year.

I am 10 pounds more than I weighed close to about 2 years ago.

That really doesn’t sound all that great does it…


But somehow I feel so good! It’s not just about the losing weight, however, that is quite a bonus! Its about no more garbage in/garbage out. It’s about reducing my chances of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and fillintheblank disease Deut 5:17.

Its about being confident in my choices for me, and my family.

Its about knowing that I am a conqueror Romans 8:37! That food is a necessity but being fat is not. Its about leaning on the Lord, about finding comfort in Him, about finding out who I am, and what I really like. (Did you know I really don’t know if I like a lot of things because I’ve been too afraid to try). It’s about setting goals and surpassing them! It’s about making hard choices (like the fact that I am bringing healthy food with me to Thanksgiving, and truly hoping I won’t offend anyone).

It’s about slowing down and shutting up Psalm 46:10

It’s about knowing that I may have tried this a million times, but this time I not only say I am going to succeed, but that I will because I BELIEVE IN ME! (and when I forget that I believe in me, I always BELIEVE GOD John 6:69! And He says I am wonderfully made – and so much more! Psalm 139:14)

It means that I do believe that in Christ, I am a new creation 2 Cor 5:17, and all those times I’ve failed, they are cast on the ocean floor, and some gross sea-urchin can eat them J

So that’s where I am, overweight but confident that I am an overcomer, that I am who God says I am!

Change your way of thinking and you'll change your life!

My mind is a dark and scary place. But would you like to know where my ‘head’ is at?

I am only 2 pounds less than my lightest weight this year.

I am 10 pounds more than I weighed close to about 2 years ago.

That really doesn’t sound all that great does it…


But somehow I feel so good! It’s not just about the losing weight, however, that is quite a bonus! Its about no more garbage in/garbage out. It’s about reducing my chances of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and fillintheblank disease Deut 5:17.

Its about being confident in my choices for me, and my family.

Its about knowing that I am a conqueror Romans 8:37! That food is a necessity but being fat is not. Its about leaning on the Lord, about finding comfort in Him, about finding out who I am, and what I really like. (Did you know I really don’t know if I like a lot of things because I’ve been too afraid to try). It’s about setting goals and surpassing them! It’s about making hard choices (like the fact that I am bringing healthy food with me to Thanksgiving, and truly hoping I won’t offend anyone).

It’s about slowing down and shutting up Psalm 46:10

It’s about knowing that I may have tried this a million times, but this time I not only say I am going to succeed, but that I will because I BELIEVE IN ME! (and when I forget that I believe in me, I always BELIEVE GOD John 6:69! And He says I am wonderfully made – and so much more! Psalm 139:14)

It means that I do believe that in Christ, I am a new creation 2 Cor 5:17, and all those times I’ve failed, they are cast on the ocean floor, and some gross sea-urchin can eat them J

So that’s where I am, overweight but confident that I am an overcomer, that I am who God says I am!

Change your way of thinking and you'll change your life!

My mind is a dark and scary place. But would you like to know where my ‘head’ is at?

I am only 2 pounds less than my lightest weight this year.

I am 10 pounds more than I weighed close to about 2 years ago.

That really doesn’t sound all that great does it…


But somehow I feel so good! It’s not just about the losing weight, however, that is quite a bonus! Its about no more garbage in/garbage out. It’s about reducing my chances of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and fillintheblank disease Deut 5:17.

Its about being confident in my choices for me, and my family.

Its about knowing that I am a conqueror Romans 8:37! That food is a necessity but being fat is not. Its about leaning on the Lord, about finding comfort in Him, about finding out who I am, and what I really like. (Did you know I really don’t know if I like a lot of things because I’ve been too afraid to try). It’s about setting goals and surpassing them! It’s about making hard choices (like the fact that I am bringing healthy food with me to Thanksgiving, and truly hoping I won’t offend anyone).

It’s about slowing down and shutting up Psalm 46:10

It’s about knowing that I may have tried this a million times, but this time I not only say I am going to succeed, but that I will because I BELIEVE IN ME! (and when I forget that I believe in me, I always BELIEVE GOD John 6:69! And He says I am wonderfully made – and so much more! Psalm 139:14)

It means that I do believe that in Christ, I am a new creation 2 Cor 5:17, and all those times I’ve failed, they are cast on the ocean floor, and some gross sea-urchin can eat them J

So that’s where I am, overweight but confident that I am an overcomer, that I am who God says I am!

The Word of God

I’ve been wanting the ‘Bible Experience’ for so long! I just didn’t want to spend the money on it. I found it on for $40 instead of the sale price of $89.99 (reg. $139.00) but the funny part is that I still haven’t wanted to spend the money. Like the Word of God isn’t worth all I have? It is but something has been holding me back from purchasing it. And then on Friday, we listened to a podcast from Daily Audio Bible (downloadable on itunes).

I downloaded 4 podcasts, it’s SO awesome. The narrator (Brian) has kind of a weird voice however, I love the commentary he gives is awesome! Giving history of some of the books. And it’s FREE!!! I love free!!

John 1:1-15 1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning.
3Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4In him was life, and that life was the light of men. 5The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood
6There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. 7He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. 8He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. 9The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.

10He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13children born not of natural descent,
nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
14The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,
who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

I show love in food

Its bad enough that I find comfort in food, but I give love in food too!

It's a good thing in some ways, no one has to eat something they don't like or if they are a veggie-eater, I always make sure they are taken care of or if there is something that makes their belly hurt, I try to accomodate.

Today is ice cream cake for ANs b-day, and for FO... we are having vanilla ice cream cake because he's allergic to chocolate (his has caramel).

When I talk to people about WW, they talk about how its so hard. I really don't find that it's hard because eating foods that agree with us, that are good stuff in, means good stuff out, I've had more energy than I've had in a long time! I'm looking forward to a future of doing a lot of things I wouldn't normally do!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

A heart condition

Today I realized something...

In the last couple weeks, I've been swearing a lot.

I haven't felt good.

Have you ever been kind of under-the-weather and then once you're completely better, you realize really how horrible you felt?

Today during the singing part of worship my heart was so open. And I realized that even though I love God, I've been reading His Word (which is probably what kept me from going over the edge) my heart hasn't been completely right.

This weekend did not really start out on the best of notes. But because of healing, and a whole lot of grace, it ended on a great note!

The Dorbands leave Wednesday to bring home the babies, it still doesn't seem completely real. Even though I know it is! It seems like I've been praying for the Dorband additions forever, even before the adoption. I prayed that God would bless them with children... there is a saying by Desmond Tutu... "you don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, so you are to them" and this gift is even better because we all share in it! I'm so thankful to have played a small role in it.

Psalm 103:1 Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

A Holiday Week

Trying to figure out how I am going to weigh in this week. I might be able to weigh in on Saturday in Pontiac. I know that I'll have a good week if I put my mind and heart to it.

I've made my barley and spinach for the week's lunch. I will saute some mushrooms, onions, and garlic, add the barley and have the spinach with it. YUM! I stuffed my green peppers with it this week, and it was a hit in our house! I can't tell you how thankful I am to have the support of Phyllis in this because it's hard enough, I couldn't imagine if I had a child that turned her nose up at spinach, instead she choses it!!

Thursday is Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for having a good start on the Holidays, it will help me to stay motivated and not make poor choices or make the choice of eating too much of something. Our leader on Saturday read a quote that said... if you want a little behind, you've got to leave a little behind. Looking back at pictures today of just 6 years ago, and a little behind, I'm looking forward to a healthy lifestyle.

I might even bring spinach on Thursday so that it will help me stay on track (I REALLY! love spinach!)

So this week it was -2 for an overall weightloss of 12.2!!


When your car rattles it's bad.
When a little baby shakes a rattle, it can be annoying.
Rattlesnakes are poisonous
When your windows rattle heat escapes in the winter.

All these are not good.

Yesterday, I am quite sure that I made the gates of hell rattle. Now, in a lot of ways, it means that I am doing the right thing. But I will tell you the truth, that scares me, because that means that he's coming after me.

Yesterday, there was some great God things going on. I'll tell you that I think that when women get together for a common goal, and in this case, Christ, it's going to be crazy-good. There was a lot that went on that caused hurt, and thankfully through Christ there was great healing.

You could say fortunatly or unfortunatly, that means satan is going to be pissed. What was meant for good, he perverted, but unfortunatly for him, GOD REIGNS, and it was turned to good, I believe that much healing will come from it, for me and a lot of others!

To say that I'm not afraid would be a lie, sometimes my flesh's fears can get to me, but this I'm saying, my God has never left me, even if I deserved it. He's never forsaken me, even when He could have (He's God, He can do whatever He wants), and through this, if I get too tired He'll carry me, if I am under attack, He will protect me.

The gates of hell may be rattling, but no matter what, GOD REIGNS!

Psalm 58 (Message)
1-2 Is this any way to run a country? Is there an honest politician in the house?
Behind the scenes you brew cauldrons of evil,
behind closed doors you make deals with demons.

3-5 The wicked crawl from the wrong side of the cradle;
their first words out of the womb are lies.
Poison, lethal rattlesnake poison,
drips from their forked tongues—
Deaf to threats, deaf to charm,
decades of wax built up in their ears.

6-9 God, smash their teeth to bits,
leave them toothless tigers.
Let their lives be buckets of water spilled,
all that's left, a damp stain in the sand.
Let them be trampled grass
worn smooth by the traffic.
Let them dissolve into snail slime,
be a miscarried fetus that never sees sunlight.
Before what they cook up is half-done, God,
throw it out with the garbage!

10-11 The righteous will call up their friends
when they see the wicked get their reward,
Serve up their blood in goblets
as they toast one another,
Everyone cheering, "It's worth it to play by the rules!
God's handing out trophies and tending the earth!"

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Being open to give and recieve grace

I learned a lot yesterday. I learned a lot about myself and a lot about how to treat people.

Yesterday, I unintentionally hurt someone. "back in the day" I would have been like the girl from New Mexico state who is kind of violent when she plays soccer. Instead I apologized only to be slammed back, but I am choosing to let go. I remember on days when something would happen that would make me angry, I not only retaliated, I just let it go on and on with people I knew, if Margie ain't happy, then nobody's gonna be happy kind of attitude. Soon after taking Dale Carnegie, my attitude changed, if someone would wrong me (including something as little as cutting me off on the freeway) I would stop and get a muffin or a candy bar for someone, and I would do it at least twice, the it was not only = but the balance was in the favor of good.

I have often said that very mean spirited things can be said in a joking manner and no harm come of it, however, sometimes something that's not mean spirited(or intended to be mean-spirited), said in a joking manner, can cause harm. That's why I think that sarcasm (something I need to work on) and poking fun at people (even yourself) shouldn't be done, because it can be hurtful. And unfortunatly, I did not follow my own advice, and caused harm. Someone once said to me that they were hurt by someone kind of making fun of him because of something they were doing, and then I pointed out that they often makes fun of themself, what does they think people will return? Sometimes jokes hurt, intending to hurt or not.

Yesterday, I was so hurt by the person that I hurt because of retaliation that I was ready to leave it all behind, I won't go into what "all" means but I will tell you that I was ready to retreat, and alienate myself, "I can do it all on my own, I don't need anyone's help, whatever blessing they bring, pain comes with it and unravels the beautiful ribbon that was once created".

And then it happened, God used someone in my life to say "don't throw the baby out with the bath water". And remembering a lesson I had heard on peace and mercy, and grace, all branches of love, I heard God speak, not just in the situation at hand but by many times I had extended grace (this time, I wasn't going to, my flesh was loud... it was saying "Oh really, you think that's bad you just wait)and how many times I hadn't extended grace.

Grace is a hard thing for me to accept and in that a hard thing for me to extend. Part of it is that I know I don't deserve it (duh, it wouldn't be grace if you DESERVED it) and so I expect that most people know they shouldn't deserve it either. And it becomes a vicious cycle. Because then grace isn't accepted or given, both a sin if you ask me. Its like in the song "Desert Song "I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I've recieved I will sow". I never thought of it in the grace aspect, only in the loving someone aspect, but really isn't it the same? You can't really have one without the other.

I was at a bible study last night, Luke 1. And I was thinking about Mary, and how she was chosen to carry Jesus in her womb. What made her highly favored (Luke 1:30)? As a human, what could have made her worthy of carrying the Lord and Savior of the world? The King sent to save us all? Only grace. And maybe God knew that she would be willing. Later in the chapter it says (46-55)

46And Mary said:
"My soul glorifies the Lord
47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
50His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
51He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
54He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
55to Abraham and his descendants forever,
even as he said to our fathers

How sweet that must have sounded to God. How I'd love to sing that song, and I think about how blessed and highly favored I am, in the mess I make and to quote someone (I can't remember if it was Josh or Dan) "He turned my mess into a message". I don't deserve any of it, I don't deserve all He's given me, I don't deserve to be forgiven, I don't deserve anything, but by His wounds, I am healed (Isaiah 53:5).

Also I learned that we should extend grace by just assuming that people don't mean to be hurtful or offensive and even if they do, just try to look at it as they might be hurting and have no way else to relieve their hurt and sometimes we just have to be the pillow that they punch and give grace for the pain. And even when confronted about the pain the cause or caused, they might not accept responsiblity (I've done this) but to extend grace, anyway. I was advised to read James 1:17 but then continued on to read and was blown away again by the whole be slow to speak and slow to become angry (I already know this, why don't I heed?). I don't know why I continue to be amazed by God. I know that He does not send us out empty, He gives us armor (Eph 6:10) (though I think we sometimes dent it ourselves putting it on) to go into battle. And sometimes the battles are outside of us, and sometimes inside of us (those are the hardest) and as things happen to us, we have two choices, one is to react, and the other is to change our attitude.

I think in order to grow, we must be open to learn. Our hearts must be open to hear and love, and in that, it means they can also be exposed to hurt. But that is not God's intention, He is faithful, His gifts are perfect and good. We must always focus on that.

James 1:22-25 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

Grace to you.

Friday, November 20, 2009

lesson for today

There are not many things that I can call my own. I own my car, but really, it was bought with money that God blessed me with. I have my home, but really, I don't because the mortgage company owns it, they are just lending me the money. I have this blog, it's about me... oh wait, this blog isn't really about me, it's about God's story and my very insignificant role in His story.

I've had quite a few troubling weeks, I'm like a glacier, 90% of my issues are below the surface.

But thankfully God continues to work in me. He's been teaching me some hard lessons, but here's the great thing, He didn't send me to the classroom unprepared. He had already been working in me, I don't know if God grades on a curve, or pass/fail, I just know this, I am glad in all my mess, He never stops loving me. Even when I really mess up. Unmerited, truly undeserved favor. That's grace.

I had a rough couple hours today, I was truly ready to shut everyone out, it hurts too much, nothing is worth this. But God is faithful, He put people in my life to stop me from being emotionally driven but being purposefully driven (my purpose = love) and so I pushed through, praying, begging, for His presence and His peace. And He is faithful. And in the end, I was listening to my daughter sing... and they sang two of my favorites, yes, I was crying (big surprise) Carol of the Bells, and Joy to the World (two different arrangements) and all I could think was how much You love me that You would have these angels sing to me.

Lesson for today: Keep your fruit, it's glued on by grace.

Gal 5:22-23 22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law

Grace isn't any good, unless you extend it.

New York

I have no idea if really anyone reads this blog... but it's really about me and my journey with my heart and my butt, hopefully my hearts gets bigger with love and my butt gets smaller. But hopefully my journey somehow inspires others to be real and to overcome their pain with the only One who can heal us, Christ.

Been thinking about my goals... why don't I have a reward when I hit goal? You'd think that I'd be excited to reward myself with whatever I want (non-food related). It’s not that easy, sometimes I just think I don’t even know what I like to do other than youth, eat, cook, or scrapbook. What a bore!

But I was listening to Billy Joel’s New York State of Mind and you know what I decided? I want to go to New York. I want to be able to shop and buy cute clothes, I want a snazzy coat to tool around in New York in with cute boots and cute jeans and sight see and just enjoy the sites with… Phyllis. How fun will that be? I’ve always wanted to go there, and I love experiencing things with Phyllis and so that’s my 70 lb goal!!

It might take a year or more, but a journey begins with a single step.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Finding Freedom

Finding freedom in boundaries, that sounds funny! Well, maybe not to you, but to say no and be free from junk sounds exhilirating and scary at the same time.

To not build up a wall but have a boundary. Seems foreign.

To say no and not feel like I'm wrong for not giving.

To believe in myself enough to take care of myself before others without being selfish.

To have discernment of a need vs. manipulation of others when they want you to do something.

To chose peace, in my own heart (because that's all I can change) when there is nothing peaceful around me.

God is working in me.

And I'm thankful.

Psalm 122:6-8 (The Message)
6-9 Pray for Jerusalem's peace!

Prosperity to all you Jerusalem-lovers!
Friendly insiders, get along!
Hostile outsiders, keep your distance!
For the sake of my family and friends,
I say it again: live in peace!
For the sake of the house of our God, God,
I'll do my very best for you.

staying calm

Today’s scripture in my journal…

Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other. Psalms 85:10

I’m struggling. Not with food, food is easy to control. I’ve got about a gallon’s worth of tears built up ready to go.

God is faithful.

He will not leave me. Even when I’d like to walk away.

I’m tired. Not of eating healthy, because I feel better.

God’s love and His faithfulness are holding me together.

I just pray that soon, His peace will kiss my forehead. You know that you really know that someone loves you when they kiss your forehead. His peace, that’s what I need.

Until then, my insides are ocean waves, crashing in the sea.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


Its dumb to be afraid of a scale. But I know that I can do everything right and still not lose weight. I know that it's 'slow and steady' wins the race, HELLO! I love turtles, remember?

I know to eat things that if it grows in the ground or it has a mama (no processed foods), I know to eat small meals, get in my veggies, eat protein with each snack.

I also know that I'm not doing this by myself. I have supportive friends, but mostly I've chosen to lean on the Lord to conquer this! Last week was horrible, and I've said it - For the first time in my life I chose to God instead of food for comfort. It says in Romans 8:37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us, and I know THAT'S me! I'm an overcomer!! But I also know that on my own, I'm weak, I look to God for strength, it says in Isaiah 40:31 that we must hope in the Lord, that we won't grow weary and that He will keep us going (really, you can look it up yourself) and I'm tired. It also says in James 1 that when we face a trial, that we must keep going we must go to God, He will give us wisdom (you can look that one up too).

And then so tell me, why am I focusing on the past and all the times I didn't succeed. I don't want this to be another weightloss, I want this to be a VICTORY! I said when I started this that I wanted the world to look at me and know I'm different that I could overcome this battle with food, but not all by myself. How can you say you trust God for all things but in some things, you just decide to do it on your own (and fail!)?

I need to keep out of my own way, to continue to let God work in me, and yes focus on eating what's right, and getting healthy, but I need to remember that this battle did not start in my mouth, it started in my heart.

Romans 5:5. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


My back really hurts. I didn’t make it to the chiropractor yesterday, but I go today. Thank God!

Then today I fell in the parking lot at work. That certainly didn’t make it better. Now my knee is hurting, my hip is hurting, and now I have a headache, my shoes are ruined, and my ego is bruised because someone I know saw me.

I’ve fallen but thankfully I could still get up.

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God


I don't know if trouble is the word... but I know it's there.

Being lonely is a big trigger for eating. I often ate alone on the couch watching TV, which is part of the reason I stopped watching General Hospital. That and unrealistic expectations of relationships (seriously, don't cause yourself to stumble in anyway, it's just dumb).

I have a lot of people around me, however, I often feel lonely. I sometimes feel like I have friends and they are real friends, I just don't feel like they are real. They have pretty Christian smiles and they're trying so hard to be positive, they forget to be real. I'm not saying that positive is bad, I'm just saying I don't always believe in fake it till you make it.

Yesterday I went out to eat, made the right choices on the menu but the food wasn't good (note to you... Hula Bowl at Max and Erma's... yuck! I think it was the dressing because the salad part looked good!). Then I wanted to eat something that was. Thankfully I controlled myself because I always say that risk has consequences. And the risk of the french fries has a consequence of a lower (or none at all) weight loss number this week. NO THANK YOU!

My heart is kind of achy... not a good thing when you find comfort in food, but a really good opportunity to reach out to God. To find comfort in Him, which is where I need to go, and I know it.

I've done well so far... 10.2 lbs, jumped over some pretty big hurdles this week. But sometimes when you're standing at the bottom of the mountain and you're looking up and you're only 1/7 of the way there, it almost looks impossible. I know that I have to take one day at a time, one step at a time, but it certainly looks like a long journey! I know, yes, I know, it's worth the view!
Isaiah 52:7 How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"

Monday, November 16, 2009

Aunt Janice's Reuben Dip

1 (16 ounce) can sauerkraut, drained and pressed dry
1 small onion, finely chopped
1/2 pound corned beef
1 cup mayonnaise
1 1/2 cups sour cream
3 tablespoons prepared horseradish
1 1/2 cups shredded Swiss cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 1-quart baking dish.
In a blender or food processor, place sauerkraut, onion and corned beef. Process until smooth.
Place sauerkraut mixture in the baking dish, and mix with mayonnaise, sour cream, prepared horseradish and Swiss cheese.
Bake in the preheated oven 30 to 40 minutes, or until bubbly and lightly browned.

Hot Chicken Dip

I made this with chicken I made in the crockpot instead of canned. EVERYONE LOVED IT!! I cooked it in crockpot instead of on the stove. I got the recipe from

2 (10 ounce) cans chunk chicken
1 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes with green chile peppers
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
2 (10.75 ounce) cans condensed cream of chicken soup

In a medium saucepan over medium heat, mix together the chicken, diced tomatoes with green chile peppers, cream cheese and cream of chicken soup. Cook 20 minutes, stirring frequently, until the dip begins to thicken.

Serve with tortillas

It's Monday EVERYBODY!!

I made this mushroom barley stuffing yesterday! Very good! I could have made half the amount, but what was I thinking… it said serves 8, at one cup each, that makes 8 cups… duh!!

I am having it today for lunch, with sauted spinach, and 3 oz of grilled chicken breast! YUM!! I feel so good when I eat well, sleep better, more energy, and good pooping! Lol!

It’s a new week, keeping my eyes focused on God for whatever comes at me this week.

Got the menu kind of planned out this week, making stuffed peppers tonight for the crockpot, going to use barley in place of rice (it really is SO good and so good for you!!). Gonna add some black beans with my turkey meat and some portabella mushrooms, and use Rotel tomatoes & tomato sauce instead of tomato soup. Trying some new things, I am so thankful that Phyllis is open to eating whatever I put in front of her… just thought of something… what if I stuffed the green peppers with the leftover stuffing and just added a little ground turkey and black beans? Mmmmm…. No that’s what I’m talking about!


I’m not a Christmas music fan, after about 2 days, I’m done. There are a few songs that I could listen to over and over. I love the song ‘Mary did you know?’ and a few others, but I reluctantly purchased Chris Tomlin’s Christmas Album Glory in the Highest, and while it is a Christmas album, it is a true WORSHIP Album. I find myself falling into the songs and some even jumping around like Jon Whaley singing ‘Break Free’ which is really kind of out of character. I find myself getting lost in the true wonder of it all, as if the world stops spinning for just a moment as I reflect on how good God is, and His story in my life.

I love Joy to the World/Unspeakable Joy, Winter Snow, Born that we may have life, and one of my very favorites O Come All Ye Faithful.

Most people know that I have a thing for Chris Tomlin, I used to say that I was going to marry him. HA! It’s funny I know. But there are many songs that truly reflect how my heart feels about God, in the song Indescribable, he writes ‘you know my heart and you love me the same’. How true is that, my life surely doesn’t match how I’d like my heart to be.

I would recommend the CD ‘Glory in the Highest’. You won’t be sorry, and if you are, give it to someone who will enjoy it.

Sunday, November 15, 2009


You've got have goals. Rewards for a job well done. I didn't have a ten pound goal but I bought myself a shirt (it cost $10!!!) I had a twenty and a fifty pound goal established but I think I'll buy myself a new shirt at every ten pounds lost. And at each goal, I'm talking my picture! All rewards must be non-food related

10 lbs - a shirt
20 lbs - Highlights for my hair
30 lbs - new underwear!!
40 lbs - ?
50 lbs - I am Metro video
60 lbs - ?
70 lbs - ?

Gal 3:3 Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?


Until today, I've never liked the song 'Offering' by Third Day. Seriously. I don't know why, but it just never hit a chord with me, it was not a song that resonated in my heart like others, this not to say that it's not a good song, and I really like 3rd day, I'm just saying.

I walked into church today and we sang it. "speak to me Lord" the words are true and pure... and maybe it's because I always feel like I don't have much to give. My talent is not one that's all that great, I'm always screwing up, I have a BIG VERY LOUD mouth, and quite often, I fly off the handle.

My back really hurts today, it feels like a stabbing pain in my left hip and resonates throughout my whole body settling in my shoulder, seriously. It doesn't matter though, I've got to keep going. Tomorrow I will go to the chiropractor and will be on the mend soon enough. Pain is a good reminder. A reminder that you don't want to be stupid and cause yourself more pain.

Anyway, I was listening to the song "offering" and thinking about something that just cost me a bunch of money, and just at the right time, I came into some money. Normally I would have spent that money on me or Phyllis but somehow God knew that I would need the money for the thing I spent it on (for someone else). Now you can look at it one of two ways... 1) how stupid, that's my money, I should spend it on ME! OR you can think of it like this 2) the money was never yours to begin with, it all belongs to God anyway, and He sent it to you just in time to spend it on someone else so you didn't have to spend the money you normally have. Hmmmm... which would you choose?

A lesson I learned that my dad always said about my gram... my grampa kept control over the money because my gram would give it all away to people she loved. And I've often been told I'd never win the lotto because I'd give it all away. To whom much is given, much is required. I can give it away, but I can't outgive God, EVER.

This is my offering.

I'll give You my life, because it's all I have to give, because You gave Your life for me (offering by 3rd day)

1 Cor 4:2 Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful

Saturday, November 14, 2009


2.4 will have great signifigance.

It was the poundage I lost today but more importantly it represents a week of not turning to food when I felt sad and mad, instead I turned to God in my despair for the first time in my life.

Might not seem like much to anyone but me, but it's huge in my life.

I've said, my issue isn't with food... it's in my mind.

-2.4/10.2 :)

So tired and SO happy

I cooked and I cooked and I cooked and I cooked... and I ate! And now I'm tired :)

It was a pretty amazing day today, we celebrated two lives that will soon be joined with our Levi and Judah Dorband! MMMMM... Chocolate Babies!

I tell you, it was quite a week, to say the less, some defeats and some victories. One great victory was won this week and I'm so thankful to say "THANK YOU JESUS!!"

I have to update my other blog and off to dreamland it will be for me.

Friday, November 13, 2009


When I think of prideful, I think of someone who thinks themselves better than others… and I don't think of myself as prideful, but today it was pointed out in me (by me) that I have an issue with pride (and confirmed by someone else).

And we can just start with the whole I hate to ask for help. I do, seriously, I think I could be drowning and I wouldn’t ask for a life preserver until I was SURE I couldn’t save myself. And so it goes in my life.

I have often put myself in bad situations, being a single mom and really having to scrap (fight) my way to a better life than the one that I was choosing. I started out as a coorindater/secretary in my job, to program manager and currently in sales. Fighting and pushing and learning to be something better for me (not that those are bad professions, I just wanted more). I’ve fought for my daughter and her health, and EVERYONE knows that if in any way I feel like Phyllis is in danger of any kind, you might meet Jesus a little sooner than you expected.

I have 5 cakes for the shower tomorrow. And you know how hard it was just for me to ask someone to pick them up? I have no way to transport 5 cakes (1/2 sheet cakes) and finally I was like “what are you nuts? She volunteered, quit trying to rob her of the blessing of helping you just because you don’t want to ask for help” and so I did.

I have no issues helping people if I have the means (and sometimes when I don't), I actually love it… I don’t know why I think others aren’t the same way.

I have another thing that someone wants to help me with. And to be honest, I can’t figure out why. Maybe they just want to be kind, but I’m having such a hard time with it. Maybe I need not figure out why they want to but why I won’t let them.



Psalm 51:10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Coming up quick...

It was kind of a last minute decision on the date but being that holidays are coming... and so are the babies!! The Dorband Babies Shower is this Saturday.

You'll never guess... but I'm doing the food. I know hard to believe.

If you know me, you know how picky I am about things turning out right. And then add that I hate running out of food, you can only imagine that I have been completely overwhelmed. But in a good way. I've been making little dents here and there in the grocery department, and prepping what I can prep, the fridge in the garage is packed. As we speak the first of 5 (I think) cakes is baking away. It's fun-fetti but my version of it (Aldi's white cake with sprinkles) with blue, green, and yellow sprinkles because those are the colors of the Rwandan Flag. There will be a yellow that will be covered in cool whip and strawberries, 2 chocolate, and one more funfetti, I think, all but the cool whip one will have homemade butter cream frosting (YUM!)

My overwhelmedness (is that really a word?) is turning to excitement!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Your attitude

I'll tell you, I've been jacked up since Friday. Who says that only teens have peer pressure?!

I have a lot going on in my life that I wish I could change but I can't (don't we all). I have a lot of things that affect me that are beyond my control, and so far, I've managed to keep all the fruit on my tree (at least on the inside).

One thing I've learned in life is that sometimes the only thing you can change is your attitude. And if you want to make lemons from lemonade, you've got to have the right attitude.

Today my 'fruit' might be lemons, and I like lemonade, so I will be alright!

Gal 5:22-23 (msg) 22-23But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Dude... I'm such a nerd...

At the Arthritis foundation, HOUR Detroit Magazine was there... I'm in there, it's the second page of pics...

I hate competition

People say I should be in a bake off because I make ‘the best’ cakes or cookies. I know there are better than me. Personally I don’t want to hear the “OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH she beat you” or if it were to happen (saying to the other person) “she’s the best” (meaning me).

In competition, someone always loses. While I don’t agree with that whole sports thing “everyone’s a winner” mentality (either keep score or don’t keep score, but if you do, teach your children to lose with dignity because it probably won’t be the first time they lose).

At our church the boys always wrestle, they call it Atomic Arena. I don’t get it, I think it’s stupid, and someone always gets hurt. I hear them bragging or putting each other down (they even put each other down when the loser isn’t around). I hate that.

I’m not going to sit hear and tell you that I don’t have my own personal ‘atomic arenas’ in my life that I don’t wrestle with, because I do, but God is working in me about them.

I don’t try to be the best at something because I want to be the best, but because I truly believe that excellence is honoring to God. It’s why I go the extra mile to make sure that everyone eats what they like or if someone can’t eat tomato products that when I make spaghetti I don’t just give them plain noodles or that if there is a vegetarian that I have options for them too, or gluten free if needed.

I’m not really the best at anything, but I try to do my best at all I do, that way I never fall short.

Phil 1:15 It's true that some here preach Christ because with me out of the way, they think they'll step right into the spotlight. But the others do it with the best heart in the world. One group is motivated by pure love, knowing that I am here defending the Message, wanting to help. The others, now that I'm out of the picture, are merely greedy, hoping to get something out of it for themselves. Their motives are bad. They see me as their competition, and so the worse it goes for me, the better—they think—for them. (msg)

Monday, November 09, 2009

It's all about choices!

Yesterday I had in my head that I could have whatever I want... and the funny thing, is that I keep making good choices.

I pulled into Wendy's was thinking 'whatever I want it's my cheat day' and... I drove right through and got Subway! I picked tuna because that's my favorite... I chose spinach instead of lettuce and apples instead of chips (sickening aren't I?) I bought a 12 inch but only ate 6 (I gave the other half to Katie and she loved it too!) because I was full! HOW 'BOUT THAT??????

I stayed totally within range, for the day I only went over by 5! And I totally had extra points so I was good.

I felt good because I wasn't weighed down by food that's not good for me, I felt good because I made choices without regret.

Our weight watcher's leader suggested that everyday we stay on track so that even if we don't have a big weight loss... I found some great mickey mouse stickers that I bought a long time ago! So I busted them out and I got 'way to gos' two days in a row!

God is funny!! and good!

I write a post that I give up, I was praying that I needed something to get me going again, to be renewed...

I just got a call from Katie, the pictures have arrived!! She hasn't opened them yet, but in an hour, we should have them, they can't be posted on the internet, but the pics will be at the shower!!


Thank you God for loving me even when I'm a jerk, thank you for seeing the depths of my heart and loving me the same, you are an amazing God!

Psalm 139:1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me


I get to a point when I say “I give up”.

It’s not surrender, it’s frustration.

When I get there, my insides are bruised, and I can’t take it anymore.

That’s where I am. I give up.

Sunday, November 08, 2009


So today... I was being "thrify". I cut up my veggies for the week but there are some parts of the celery that I don't like (the very outside pieces and the leaves) and some of the asparagus that I bought had some wilty pieces so I threw that "garbage" and an onion that was kind of dried out and a head of garlic in a pot and made veggie broth so that I don't have to buy it. I'll throw the parts left over in the compost pile.

I had to stop at Lowe's because I have no hot water to get the parts I might need, since I'm no expert, I asked for help... how about that... ended up instead of costing me about $25 it was FREE because there was a defect and as a customer service deal, they give it to you for... FREE! who would have thought... the whole time I was praying "please God, no new hot water tank or make it cheap" and God just shows up and makes it FREE! Maybe you don't think so, but I totally do!

So soon, it will be hot water! Praise God!

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Benefits of no hot water

*Lowers gas bill

*Shivering during/after shower is great exercise

*Saves energy

*Saves water (you're out quick)

*You can run the laundry & the dishwasher while you're showering and you don't run out of hot water!

Zech 10:1 Ask the LORD for rain in the springtime; it is the LORD who makes the storm clouds. He gives showers of rain to men, and plants of the field to everyone.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Jingle Walk

I’m often reminded how one person can make a difference.

After attending the Arthritis Foundation Fundraiser last night, I hopped on their website. They have a walk/run fundraiser called the Jingle Walk. I was thinking about doing, and I checked the date… December 5th.

December 5th is a big day for us in our journey of Arthritis. It was the day that Phyllis was diagnosed, this year, it will be 12 years. That was a crazy day for me. I remember it like it was yesterday.

So I’m thinking about walking in the Jingle Bell Walk/Run. It’s a 5K, I thought Phyllis and I could do it together, we’ll have it done in no time, and it’s for a great cause.

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

You can never go back, but you should never forget

I'm sitting at my computer, tired, and thankful.

I had a great time at this shin-dig that I got to go to kind of out of chance. However, I believe that the God of the Universe is not a God of chance but certainly knew what I needed.


So I get a dress, the two women who were standing outside the dressing room told me I looked great in the first dress I tried on. Perfect for me, I hate shopping. However, I turned around to thank them again... and they were gone. I don't know, but it was odd.

I get all "gussied" up and am nervous that I might be overdressed. UGH! But I figured better to be over dressed than under-dressed, right? Come to find out, I was perfectly dressed. Even the guys from work I think were a little surprised that I cleaned up so well!

Dinner was good, nothing to drink but water, but I really wanted a glass of red wine, it smelled so good.

They had two little girls come up and speak about JRA (that's what Phyllis had) and one looked just like her. So cute, so small, and some of the same issues Phyllis had. With teared up eyes I listened. And I sat and thanked God for what He did. He didn't have to heal her, she's blessed and highly favored. Oh, what a mighty God we serve. I just thought, what a great night, a great charity, and how awesome it is to know that I don't have to go back to that time, but that I will never forget what He's done for us.

Isaiah 53:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

Thank You Jesus Dinner

I am kind of excited today…

I have the opportunity to go to a dinner (shin-dig) at the Ritz Carleton for The Arthritis Foundation.

Now, I’m not fancy, nothing about me is very fancy, but I’m excited to go to this.

I’ve never been to one before, and someone told me that it will be boring, but I’m excited to go, despite the fact that I need something to wear (most woman love to shop – this girl… this size… not so much).

I’m going because someone else couldn’t. But it’s such a great Foundation. And they helped me so much because as most of you know, Phyllis HAD (that’s right HAD) Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. I could do a cartwheel saying the word HAD. Who would have thought that such a small word could bring such joy. Say it with me… HAD HAD HAD HAD HAD HAD HAD HAD.


So I know that no one there will care that she did. I know it’s a fancy dinner to raise money, but really, I feel like I could be a keynote speaker, not about her disease but about her healing.

It’s a true testament to the God that loves me, to the God I serve, that as I laid down my daughter before Him, she was healed. I’m getting all misty. You know that if all God did was save me from the pits of hell, that’s enough, but He’s more than that, and how thankful I am that…

By His wounds we are healed (Isaiah 53:5)

Be encouraging, be encouraged

1 Thes 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing

So I’ve lost a ton of eight before, I mean equvilent to the a small backstreet boy… seriously. However, I haven’t kept it off. I’ve done Low-Carb, WW. This time, I’m doing it with the support of my girlfriends and really with the strength of Christ, I am getting HEALTHY not just losing weight, and my tool is Weight Watchers.

Yesterday I was discussing it with someone who decided that they were going to ring in on what I was doing and how it was all WRONG! Really? Ok, fatty…. Why don’t you give me advice on how to lose weight… oh that’s right, you haven’t. You’ve got all the book smarts… however, you’re hands on only refers to your hands on a fork. I mean, I know I sound like a jerk, but seriously, I don’t want to hear people and their discouraging words.

Our lives are filled with negativity. Whether we think we can or we think we can’t, we are probably right (Henry Ford) and so I truly believe that success is the only answer to the question.

I find it a little funny that yesterday’s scripture in my food journal was Proverbs 3:5!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.

I am trusting that when I get tired, He will give me strength, that He will guide me, and how blessed I am that God has surrounded me with very encouraging friends for this journey!

Proverbs 3:1-6 (NLT)
1 My child, never forget the things I have taught you.
Store my commands in your heart.
2 If you do this, you will live many years,
and your life will be satisfying.
3 Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!
Tie them around your neck as a reminder.
Write them deep within your heart.
4 Then you will find favor with both God and people,
and you will earn a good reputation.
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take

David Viscott: "You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be."

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

What are we doing???

Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork. ~English Proverb

I cannot believe how many people struggle with Halloween candy. I can believe it, but I don't want to. And let me tell you, I'm not perfect... but I'm learning what makes me succeed and what makes me fail. I do not want to put up my own roadblocks.

You know how I keep away from such cravings?

First, I say no. I could say I start and stop at one piece but I will tell you, once off the wagon, the sugar cravings just keep going and going like the energizer bunny.

Second, I buy candy I don't like. I get a limited amount of points and I intend not to waste them on things I don't like. And even if I bought my favorite... nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

When Phyllis was younger she got 10 pieces, the rest was donated to a soup kitchen. If it's out of the house, neither of us are tempted.

I'm learning that the better I eat, the better I feel and why would I want to change that?

Today's scripture: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 NLT

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Its not Impossible!

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

I was thinking about Thanksgiving already!! I am constantly thinking about what barriers will prevent me from achieving my goals… I was thinking about how hard it's going to be to eat and still lose weight. But really, its not impossible, remember, we can bring good choice food so that we can continue on the right path, a path of being healthy!!

I ate a 4 point pizza yesterday and it was SO good from Lona's pizza in Dearborn Heights, so good but I think my body was like "what's with all this cheese in one sitting". I have had a belly ache since I ate it. I think my body will tell me when I've made a bad choice, it's already used to eating good!!

I am going to do well, I am going to achieve my goals, and I will be a part of it, instead of passively letting things affect me and wondering what happened! Remember, we can choose what we bring to these meals (and what goes into them – don’t we want our families to be healthy too?) and we choose what goes on our plates! We can choose to go on a quick walk before or after dessert instead of sitting in front of the TV (and have good chatting while breathing in good air!) talk about the blessings of the past year with your family!

St. Francis said “Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."

So I am going start by making good choices because that is what is necessary, and then I’ll be eating well, maybe a few ‘cheats’ and then I’ll be achieving the impossible. And I will be praying that God puts His hands over my mouth so I don’t make too many bad choices…

Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."


Weekend to myself!!

I miss Phyllis, she’s so busy these days, and I think now that she got a job (PRAISE GOD!) it’s gonna be worse! But when we get to spend time together, its great!

She is going to be gone Thursday – Sunday this week. She has Choir Conference. I drop her off at school on Thursday and I pick her up on Sunday. It means I have the whole weekend to myself, for most people you would hear a resounding “YYYIIIIPPPPEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!” from me, I’m thinking ‘what the heck am I gonna do?’

Friday I am helping with the Fuel Lock-In, I will pick up the pizza for the kids and deliver the food for the 2-3 AM snack (not staying though) and NOT eating any of that pizza. Saturday is weigh in day and breakfast with the girls, and then my nail appt. I have a few things up in the air for Saturday.

I’ve also got to shop for the Dorband Babies Shower, which will be fun!

It’s weird to have time to yourself when you’re not used to it.

Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps

Monday, November 02, 2009


Going out… again with the preparation!

I am going out to dinner tonight, probably to Max and Erma’s. I thought I was doing “OK” by choosing a salad at Chili’s only to find out it was about 18 points! Yikes. I get quite a bit of points, however, I can’t waste them. I allow myself a little leeway on the weekends, but really not that much, I am just starting, and I really want to make good choices and make them stick! If I start slacking early, I won’t have good long-term results.

This is so much about long term solutions to long term issues.

I went to the Max and Erma’s website, checked out Dotti’s weightloss zone and decided on one of two things, and I’ll decide when I get there, and I won’t even open the menu. It’s either the Hula Salad or Black Bean Burger with a baby greens side salad. That’s my choices.

I will be honest, I would love for 2.8 this week! That would make it ten pounds in two weeks, a very good start. But I don’t know if that’s all that realistic, but I’m hopeful and if it’s 1 pound, that’s good too!

Packed my lunch today, ate a good breakfast, snacks ready for chomping! First 32 oz water down! 128 to go!

STRIVE FOR YOUR BEST TODAY! And don’t stop striving!!


Today's scripture in my journal:

Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. (NIV)

Matthew 7:7 “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. (NLT)

Praying for a speedy miracle

I am asking for prayer for my friends Adam and Katie Dorband. They are adopting two beautiful babies from Rwanda. The children have been chosen, they are just waiting to be notified!

I am asking that you pray for them! We’re having a baby shower for them on November 14th at Metro and it would be so great to have their pictures at the celebration.

Also, if you feel so inclined, they are collecting powder formula & vitamins to take to the orphanage if you would like to donate to them, you can let them know by commenting on their blog.

Please pray for speedy news and peace as they wait!


Job 5:9
He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted

Sunday, November 01, 2009

You've got to prepare

You don't just one day get a good job cuz you're lucky.

(usually) you get a good job because you've prepared. You go to college or you work hard.

Eating right and losing weight is no difference.

You want a good result, you prepare.

Pictured here is my snacks for the week.

Babybel cheese (1 pt each) one for morning snack one for afternoon

Celery cut up, washed and bagged for easy packing

Cherry tomatoes washed and bagged

God has great plans for you, be prepared for all He has in store for you!!!
“I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,”- Ephesians 1:18