Saturday, March 31, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I admit that some expectations are easier to communicate than others... be home at 6, dinner at 6:30, you do the dishes, I'll cook dinner, etc. But there are some expectations that are not so clear. I have a friend staying with me until they get their new condo, timing issues. I expected them to call if they weren't coming home (they often go to the other side of town to visit friends - late), they thought it would be disturbing my sleep if they called to wake me up. I didn't want to seem like an over controlling mom (even though I am!) and say something, but I lost sleep in worry (if you want I could probably state at least 10 possibilities of things that could go wrong) but a phone call... right to sleep. Eventually I said something, it was so easy.
Believe it or not, it also helps in dealing with a teenager. Sometimes I think "oh, she should know that" but sometimes I don't communicate it that well. If she knows what is expected, it is much easier for her, and me.
There are many more example about how communicating my expectations has really helped me (thanks Sara, oh wise one) and even though I am not even close in marriage realm, I think that it has proven to be a lesson that will serve me well when I do get married.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Believe in yourself
This is one of my favorite poems. I have it on a card somewhere at home and I used to have my website that I created at the end of my associate degree in a class where I learned to write html code. It was really fun, I put a lot of “inspirational” things on there.
1 John 3:18-20 My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. (msg)
Monday, March 26, 2007
You know that somehow in faith, you have to trust that this is the right thing, even if you don’t like it. You have to know that around the next corner there is the possibility of greatness, just waiting for you.
I feel like I am continually riding a roller coaster. Two step forward, one step back. Still forging ahead. But sometimes it’s a few steps forward… then boom, right on my butt. The thing is, that I will press on, I will keep going because I do indeed know that God has great plans for me...
I know this is very general... the wounds are too deep to be focused.
Jer 8:18 O my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
It's been a pretty busy week, and I can tell you that sometimes I struggle with being a good parent (most of the time I think I'm not). After the last couple days, if I were graded on a curve... A++
I have to tell you that I am certainly surprised at the shape of some of the parents I have been running across lately. One today at Phyllis's Choral competition (we had to be at the school at 6:30 AM) I think was still drunk from the night before, she certainly smelled like it!! A few others... yikes.
I could go on and on about the crappy things that happened this week, but I am going to chose to focus on the highs not the lows... (except for 1, 2, & 3 there are no order)
1. I got to see Phyllis perform today at District 12 Choral Competition (she did great!!)
2. Hugs & kisses from Phyllis
4. Dinner with Megan yesterday when I thought I was going to have to eat alone
5. Phyllis loved core groups
6. I had enough money to pay for my car ailment, and it could have been so much worse!!
7. I settled most of my program pricing this week
8. Phyllis' cold is getting better
9. I got to see some friends at Metro last night
10. Life group
Eph 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Back to perspetive... On my way back to the office from Troy the bracket broke that holds my muffler. On 696 (Autobon, Jr). Ok, this could be looked at two ways! 1) AHHH!! why does this kind of crap always happen to me?? BUT really, if this happened an hour before I would have been on my way back to Troy from Chrysler, and it was POURING rain. When it happened, it was not raining and traffic wasn't that bad. It also happened 1/2 mile from the exit, so I just drove off the freeway - do you know how hard it is to find a gas station with service in it these days? I pulled off the freeway, and God had one waiting for me. hmmm... pretty sweet. He totally protected me, my car, and all I need is a bracket instead of a whole muffler. Its all in how you look at it... I chose the 2nd avenue.
On being nice... there are a bunch of guys who don't act very nice to me at all. Most of them are actually pretty rude and mean to me. I hate it. Sorry, but I just don't understand why we can't just get along. My friend at work always tells me that I am too nice. This is how I look at it. There isn't a thing I can do to make them like me, but I can control my attitude. So... I forwarded a bunch of them an event for hunting that I thought they would like... It's better to be nice, it makes me feel better inside.
Life is good, God is great!!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
I got all upset about something, totally internalized something BUT I HAD IT ALL WRONG!!!! And so being somewhat smart (usually after the fact of being an idiot) I decided to talk to my friend about it. And… let’s just leave it at the fact that I had the wrong perception.
I never realized that people could have the impression that I don’t have time for them because I am so busy that I have to whip out my calendar to see if a date is open. If they realized how much time I spent alone not doing anything they would probably be amazed. I am usually REALLY busy Monday-Thursday but then I never have anything to do weekend nights…
I am busy, but sometimes I would like to be busy hanging out with my friends instead of running errands. Sometimes I only have a couple hours but I would rather spend a couple hours hanging out with like, Tonya, than going to the grocery store (for real, we have 2 weeks of food in our freezer and pantry).
I am asking God for wisdom on my perception of things. So that I see the real truth, not an issue that stems from my own insecurities.
Those lessons just keep on coming…
Psalm 119:25 I'm feeling terrible—I couldn't feel worse! Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember? When I told my story, you responded; train me well in your deep wisdom. Help me understand these things inside and out so I can ponder your miracle-wonders. My sad life's dilapidated, a falling-down barn; build me up again by your Word. Barricade the road that goes Nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation. I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; God, don't let me down! I'll run the course you lay out for me if you'll just show me how. (msg)
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
My very favorite thing in 4th grade, well I had two. I got to go to the Salt Mine as a field trip, only 7 of us were chosen, it was SO cool, up until then I thought field trips were lame. My other favorite thing was this thing they called “TOP – Talk on Paper”. We got to write a story, put it in a book, make our own cover, draw our own pictures. It was SO cool.
There are a lot of things that I think I would have been good at if I would have stuck with it or had any self confidence (which is why I didn’t stick with it, I never believed I was good at anything - funny how those things carry into our adult lives). I loved to write, I loved to read. As a kid I have told you that my nose was stuck in a book A LOT!
There is a point to this, I promise. Today is my blogiversary. One year ago today, I decided to give this blog thing a whirl. I always wanted to journal but to be honest I always sucked at it, I didn’t stick with it. I felt like a complete dork, even though no one else ever read it. I started blogging because I thought Sara’s was so cool, even though I am not nearly the writer she is, I love it.
I love taking the lessons of my life and finding a scripture to go along with it. I like that I can express myself (though sometimes I delete the posts after I’ve written them – I did that Sunday) and I like that somehow I touch the hearts of others knowing that we are not alone in this world, that we have friends and most of all, we have God. I’ve “met” new sisters, and probably pissed off the old ones.
In a year’s time, I graduated from college and grown closer to God than I ever thought possible. I’ve moved on from my old church to a new one, all by hearing the voice of God in my head and in my heart. I’ve seen the lessons that God has taught me and writing in this blog has helped me to see His plan unfold. I’ve laughed and cried.
I’ve know graduated to TOB – Talk on Blog.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
You know the story of my gram, she's not always nice. But frankly, I don't have much more time with her. God has done a great work in me putting together the pictures of when I was little, seeing how bright and smiley she was when all of us were around.
I never know what I might come up against when I get there. I always kind of protect my heart in a way, and really that's not a good way to live or spend time with those that you love. I was listening to Third Day "Consuming Fire" on the way. When I listen to worship music it take the rough edges down, the music of God melts away the ice crystals that are forming so there is nothing left but an open heart. That sounds completely dorky but thats the only way I can explain it.
She wanted pizza. Pizza is not good on a day that I already didn't do well. Oh well, Gram wants pizza and I can only hope that God is merciful on those calories sticking to my butt. So we went to a little resturaunt somewhere in Westland called Angelo's and had pizza and salad. I will admit that it's difficult to hold a conversation sometimes because I don't think she understands about my work (but we talked about Phyllis chasing after God, and she said she was proud!) and she doesn't get out a whole lot, but we managed.
She must have told me 100 times how much she loved her surprise dinner and the candy I brought her. She told everyone how I was her #1 Granddaughter. It was a good day and a good memory. For both of us.
I know the song doesn't have anything to do with the love of a g-ma and a g-daughter, but it's the song God used. Be blessed by it.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Sounds kind of crazy… As individuals, they are amazing and as a whole, whew, there isn’t even a word. Every one of us is different, talented in our own ways (and to be completely honest I am a little envious of their gifts). I cannot even tell you how much I have come to love each one of them. So each week, I will tell you about a new one! This way I got Fridays covered. This week is Mel Capra.
Name: Mel Capra
Your favorite thing about being a Fuel Leader:
My fave thing about being a fuel leader is that I have anawesome oppurtunity to let God use me and the gifts hehas given me.
What’s your favorite song (you need not limit to one):
"I will live for You" Dave Buckenberger
"This is our God" "Blue and Yellow" The Used
"I'm moving on" Rascal Flatts
I love food! I don't really have aparticular favorite. I love chicken fingers, pizza,spaghetti, mexican, etc....
Favorite Dessert: CHEESECAKE!!!!
Have you always known Jesus? Have you always> loved Jesus? If not, where did He find you?
I haven't always loved Jesus, unforunately. He found meat a really bad place in my life. I was a sophmore inhigh school and I had depression badly since junior high. And by chance a girl that I knew sinceelementary school invited me to Cedar Point with heryouth group. I went only because I usually didn't havefriends to hang out with and I was shocked I wasinvited. I went to the trip and started meeting peopleand some of the leaders invested into my life. One ofthe most important and influential people in my lifethen and now was Jessica Chubb. She taught me so muchabout God and taught me that I'm beautiful and Godcreated an awesome girl in me and I just had to findwhere she was. Well, I kept coming back to Real Life,because I was so loved, even though I didn't lovemyself, the leaders and my new friends did. I neverhad that before. I listened to the messages Jeremyspoke, and everyweek I just thought more and more andmore about Jesus and who He is and why He did what hedid for me. So about six or seven months after I wentto Real Life I accepted Jesus. And it has been a crazyand wild ride ever since.
Tell me something cool about you, something that you are super proud of: I don't really think there is anything. I haven't done anything really great.Maybe I should work on that.
Mel is Dave’s girlfriend, I can’t tell you which one is the better half because they are both awesome. I met Mel a long time ago, at a DRIVEN/Fuel event. When I first met her it was weird, I didn’t think she liked me. I don’t think that anymore. I love her, she has so much patience and when you stand next to her, you can feel God’s love resonating from her. My first day of Fuel, I really did a lot of observing, one of the coolest things I watched her do was lead the kids by not saying a word… There were a bunch of girls talking during worship, I watched her walk up to the girls, she didn’t say a word, she just worshipped. The instantly stopped and before you knew it, they were worshipping right next to her.
She stated on her sheet that hasn’t done anything special. Here’s the thing about Mel, she’s an encourager. Speaking from my own experience, as an encourager, I don’t think I do many things that are all that great. I think Mel is so special and so awesome, love pours completely out of her pores. When you have a smile as great as hers, and not be special. She also has an amazing amount of patience, I watch her with the girls and they know they are loved, they are like magnets to her.
I think God will work in amazing ways through her.
Her blog is listed over on the right...
1 Thes 5:13 Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other's nerves you don't snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I was standing in the kitchen on Sunday, turned on the radio, 106.7, snappin’ green beans getting them ready for a dinner of Pot Roast, carrots, green beans, and asparagus.
A song comes on the radio, and since I don’t listen to anything usually but 103.5 or CDs I have, I had never heard the song before.
I seem to be in a crossroads right now, I want to make a decision but I need to wait it out, I know that its not my plan but His and so I must wait. I hate waiting. I could walk away from something, because I have the potential to be pretty hurt or I have the potential to be happier than ever. Most people tell me to walk away. It’s not worth the risk. But it is. And so as I am listening to this song in my kitchen (prior to that, thinking of the millions of reasons why it wouldn’t work out), here comes this song… and one part of it rang out, “You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk awayLove ‘em anyway”.
I walked out into my living room, and my favorite quote from Pastor Jeremy was sitting on the coffee table, Phyllis had written it on a card – “without love, it’s just noise”.
So that was my lesson for the day. Love.
Anyway – Martina McBride
You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all awayBuild it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
Chorus: God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good
And when I pray it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway
This world’s gone crazy and it’s hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love ‘em anyway
You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway
Monday, March 12, 2007
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
3 Give ear and come to me;
4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
7 Let the wicked forsake his way
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
10 As the rain and the snow
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
12 You will go out in joy
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
Sunday, March 11, 2007
When I was 15 I had this incredible crush on someone that I had known since I was 5. It was the summer that I moved to Lincoln Park, I was all alone. My friends all in Dearborn had been sleeping with their boyfriends and it seemed that I was the only one who was still a virgin.
I really liked this guy and I thought that if I slept with him that would make him like me more and take us to the next level. We had been friends for so long and you see stuff on TV that shows that it’s the thing that takes you over the edge. I really liked him, he liked me but just as a friend.
So we had sex. And you know what, our friendship didn’t change, it didn’t bring us any closer and didn’t push us apart. It was like any other thing we ever did. We went fishing, we listened to music, we had sex. That was it. I could tell you that I felt all empty inside but I really didn’t. But I didn’t feel great either.
Then I met someone when I was 18, we were friends and we started dating. He had his own apartment, and he smoked pot and we slept together. After about 6 months or so, he started doing cocaine. I told him he had to chose between the drugs or me. And he chose the drugs. A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I went to go tell him, and he asked me to marry him. Believe it or not, I said no. He hadn’t stopped doing the drugs and I asked him for money for an abortion because I didn’t want to face my family as “a single mom”. I made the appointment for an abortion, but on the day of the appointment, I cancelled it. I couldn’t go through with it.
And from that day, I knew that people were going to talk, they would either talk about how I pulled myself out of the mess I got myself into or they would talk about what a shame it was that I had “so much potential” and a few wrong choices turned my whole world upside down.
I don’t regret the decision I made to keep my baby, because it’s Phyllis, but I will tell you that life as a single mom isn’t easy and that I knew that I couldn’t do it on my own. I gave her right over to God right from the beginning. I wish that I would have “saved myself for marriage” but I know that because of the decisions I made, God made good from wrong choices.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Spring has begin to Spring here in Michigan, I took my first walk to begin my training...
Top 10 things I love about Spring
1. Going for walks
2. Flowers starting to 'pop'
3. Birds chirpping
4. Squirrels chasing each other (and not chasing me)
5. Singing Praise songs really loud
6. Kids playing
7. Blue Skies
8. Green grass is on it's way
9. The smell
10. Summer is on it's way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, March 09, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
We went to weigh in today, I was actually pretty excited because I thought I did good for the week. I passed up A LOT of desserts this week, including cake & ice cream yesterday, & no garlic bread.
A reduction of 1.2 pounds, which my total reduction is 6.8!!
I am not calling it losing weight because I don't EVER want to find it again!!
Sun-Wed will be whatever...
Thursday will be my check in for either Breast Cancer or Weight Watchers updates
Friday I am going to write about my new Fuel Family, every week will be someone different... Friday is going to be Fuel Family Friday!
And Saturdays of course will be a copying of Sara... lists...
Have a good day, I will be checking in later today after my weight watchers weigh in
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
One of the women said to me on Saturday “you’re a SINGLE mom?” Yes with infliction in her voice and everything, “who cuts your grass, shovels your snow, and fixes things?” In my mind I thought “what planet are you from??” In my out loud voice I said “I cut the grass, shovel the snow, I call my dad or someone to fix things or I do it myself”. Then later she said to me “so, as a single mom, I bet you date a lot” WT HECK! What does that mean I thought in my head, but in my out loud voice I said “I don’t think I date a lot, did you date a lot before you married your husband?” And then I asked her if she thought it was weird that I was a single mom.
I struggle all the time with being a single mom. Would it have been my first choice to be a single parent, not married? No, but I made the choices that got me here, no one else. That being said, that believe that if you want to, with any bad choice, you have the power to turn it around. I also believe that a lot of time will be spent leaning on God’s strength or sometimes just plain asking Him to pick you up and carry you. I think that what she said (the 2nd time) was completely inappropriate. Completely. But maybe she has a perception issue, or maybe she’s just an idiot but I will give her the benefit of the doubt and say it’s perception.
I will admit that I have probably judged someone the first time around but then I try to put it in the perspective of being a Christ Follower which means that we all fall short, whether your picture is pretty or you have one like mine that is a little lop-sided. Because if we were perfect, then why would we need Jesus? I think of someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol and I can’t stand in judgement because my addiction to food is “legal”. Addiction is addiction. How can I stand in judgment of someone else’s sin when I have my own that I wrestle with everyday? Last time I looked sin was rated, sin is sin. There isn’t one of us who doesn’t fall short.
I think that’s what it means to be a Christian, I think that falling short and being pulled ahead by the grace of Jesus, that’s how we grow, that’s how we get a little closer, fall a little less.
God makes a lotta good from some really bad choices.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
With that being said, I am doing weight watchers but I track everything electronically on CalorieKing.com. It's a great way to track (at least I think so) because they have most foods in there, and since I am following the core program with weightwatchers it's pretty cool to see how much my intake is. I was on vacation Friday, Sat, and Sun... I returned to my email with a note from Tonya that said "are you still doing this? I didn't see your food in there". So... I went and added it all today. I wanted her to do that, I wanted her to check on me. And now I am all on track on my tracker.
I did well on my eating, I didn't eat cheesecake with the rest of them, no chips and salsa, and no brownie sundaes. It wasn't as hard as I thought... I only ate when I was hungry. Hmmm... there's a novel concept. But that ice cream almost got me. Almost.
It was a great weekend, rest and relaxation.
Thanks for checking on me Tonya, you are a true friend.