Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Friday, November 30, 2007

Silly Putty

When I was a kid, I always wanted Silly Putty. Never got any, but I am not sure that I ever asked, I just wanted it. I was fascinated that this crazy stuff could pick up the print off newspaper or stretch. It could be molded into different shapes, take the shapes of different objects. It was SO COOL!

I was thinking about how when people become new Christians that their lives are going to be perfect, like accepting Jesus in your life and living His ways instantly makes everything "happily ever after". To be honest, I wish it were like that, but it's not.

2 Corin 5:17 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

I've struggled probably more in the last 3 years with stuff than I ever struggled with it before, not because it's harder but because I'm like silly putty, and I have got to be stretched in order to pick up those great traits of Jesus.

I struggle because I don't like the choices I made before, embarrassed of them isn't necessarily the right word, but disappointed. I struggle because even now, I sometimes still make the wrong decisions. I struggle because issues of my past come creeping out like green slime and my soul can't wait to rid of them so it can live the life that it wants to lead because my soul is filled with the Love of Christ.

But I know that in all that stretching, with all the green slime, with all the tears, God is making more of Him in me, and less of me in me. And that's a good thing. Doesn't mean that I like to struggle, but the journey is indescrible, and the End certainly justifies the means.

2 Corin 5:17 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

This one of my favorite songs. Sometimes God plays it for me when I need it most. To remind me that I am His.

The day is brighter here with You
The night is lighter than its hue
Would lead me to believe
Which leads me to believe

You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?

My eyes are small but they have seen
the beauty of enormous things
Which leads me to believe
there's light enough to see that

You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory
You are glorious You are glorious
From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious
Which leads me to believe
why I can believe that

You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious.
You are glorious. You are glorious.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

oh my...

I am amazed at God's timing sometimes. How He waits for us to be ready. He waits to teach us the lesson when our hearts are most open to it.

You can read my post from earlier today, it was really the post I should have written yesterday. My heart is exploding.

I am reading that book, Captivating, so much that I turned my monitor off at lunch. Let me tell you, that's a big deal, whether you believe it or not. Reading the first part of the book, I cried, I fought back tears during lunch.

It hit me during one of the pages, I want to be beautiful. Maybe not Catherine Zeta-Jones beautiful but that someone would look at me and think, wow, she's beautiful, even in sweatpants. Don't they say, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

And let me clarify something for you, other than for my husband, I do not want to be sexy. I can do sexy thin or fat. I want to be beautiful. And there is a difference. And until now, I never really realized that.

Definition of Beauty: 1. Having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense of sight.
2. Excellent; wonderful.

Definition of Sexy: 1. Arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest. 2. Slang Highly appealing or interesting; attractive

Sexy has gotten me in too much trouble over the years. And my heart desires to be beautiful.

Lord, please reveal to me what You see, what You created in me. Thank You Lord. In Jesus' beautiful name. Amen.

Romans 8:18-19 18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.

Ugly Duckling

Let me first start by saying that "yes, I know, it's not all about me".

My dad (and Cheryl) announced about 6 weeks ago that they had picked a date (December 1). 6 weeks. If I lost 2 pounds a week for 6 weeks I could possibly be down 12 pounds by the date. That is if I had stuck with it. So needless to say, probably not down anything.

But I started to freak out, I am going to run their pictures. I'm fat, and not only fat, but I'm ugly. Somehow I managed to subside all these feelings until last Friday. And now I keep having these mini-episodes about how I am such a disappointment, how my dad is surely disappointed in me, how I am not only fat but I'm ugly. And then compound that my soon-to-be step sil's are beautiful even with no makeup on. I'm freaking out, at any given moment, you may find me crying. Do I know that the outside doesn't matter, yes, but does it still bother me? yes.

I didn't have a computer yesterday and so I wrote out what I was going to type as my blog today.
I never remember as a kid feeling worth anything. I was always different than everyone else. I never felt cute or pretty as a kid. I had that stupid buster brown haircut, I could show you pictures of me from elementry school, jr high, and most of high school, one word. UGLY.
And to this day, I feel like that 8th grade chubby ugly kid. I don't feel like there is anything that could be said or done to change the way I feel about all this, except maybe lose 50 pounds. I'm just not one of those beautiful people. Let's face it, not everyone can be. Thankfully, I am somewhat nice so my insides balance out the outside. Now you'd think that someone bothered so much by her looks would do something about it, and something is holding me back.

My dad is getting married on Saturday and his soon to be new wife has a beautiful family, and ugh, there's me. I feel like this fat ugly duckling and I am not really sure what the answer is but I am hoping to find it soon.

That was what I wrote. I walked around saying in my head, and I think I even said it outloud a couple times "Speak oh God, for Your child is listening", I always say that when I am confused or a little distracted, somehow those words (thanks to Jeremy) bring me back to center. I went to Family Christian Store hoping to find a CD for Phyllis but they didn't have it. And I picked up this book called "Captivating" it's been out for quite a long time, I've actually almost picked it up numerous in the past year or so but never actually purchased it. And last night, it was one of those "pick it up and read the back cover" I read it, "hmmm, sounds like what I need, to get my heart right". And as I was walking out of the store, I said to God "Help me to see me the way You see me". Funny because I pray that prayer for a lot of women and young girls only it's usually "help THEM see them they way You see them".
This isn't really about the way I look, ok, maybe it's a little about the way I look, but really it's about never really feeling 'right'. I've always been different, and in some ways that's good. But as I am reading this book, the scales are being lifted. And though it's a tiny step in a long journey, it's a step in the right direction.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

That's my King

I seem to be at a loss for words, ok, well, I'm never really at a loss for words, but nothing is coming to write about so I am going to post some great writings by someone else. Jeremy read it at Metro on Sunday.

Enjoy. It's long but worth the read.

"That's My King"

The late Dr. S. M. Lockeridge, a pastor from San Diego, California
said these words in a sermon in Detroit in 1976:

My King was born King. The Bible says He's a Seven Way King. He's the King of the Jews - that's an Ethnic King. He's the King of Israel - that's a National King. He's the King of righteousness. He's the King of the ages. He's the King of Heaven. He's the King of glory. He's the King of kings and He is the Lord of lords. Now that's my King.

Well, I wonder if you know Him. Do you know Him? Don't try to mislead me. Do you know my King? David said the Heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is the only one of whom there are no means of measure that can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of the shore of His supplies. No barriers can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing.

He's enduringly strong. He's entirely sincere. He's eternally steadfast. He's immortally graceful. He's imperially powerful. He's impartially merciful. That's my King. He's God's Son. He's the sinner's saviour. He's the centerpiece of civilization. He stands alone in Himself. He's honest. He's unique. He's unparalleled. He's unprecedented. He's supreme. He's pre-eminent. He's the grandest idea in literature. He's the highest personality in philosophy. He's the supreme problem in higher criticism. He's the fundamental doctrine of historic theology. He's the carnal necessity of spiritual religion. That's my King.

He's the miracle of the age. He's the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him. He's the only one able to supply all our needs simultaneously. He supplies strength for the weak. He's available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He's the Almighty God who guides and keeps all his people. He heals the sick. He cleanses the lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharged debtors. He delivers the captives. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent and He beautifies the meek. That's my King.

Do you know Him? Well, my King is a King of knowledge. He's the wellspring of wisdom. He's the doorway of deliverance. He's the pathway of peace. He's the roadway of righteousness. He's the highway of holiness. He's the gateway of glory. He's the master of the mighty. He's the captain of the conquerors. He's the head of the heroes. He's the leader of the legislatures. He's the overseer of the overcomers. He's the governor of governors. He's the prince of princes. He's the King of kings and He's the Lord of lords. That's my King.

His office is manifold. His promise is sure. His light is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His Word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I wish I could describe Him to you . . . but He's indescribable. That's my King. He's incomprehensible, He's invincible, and He is irresistible.

I'm coming to tell you this, that the heavens of heavens can't contain Him, let alone some man explain Him. You can't get Him out of your mind. You can't get Him off of your hands. You can't outlive Him and you can't live without Him. The Pharisees couldn't stand Him, but they found out they couldn't stop Him. Pilate couldn't find any fault in Him. The witnesses couldn't get their testimonies to agree about Him. Herod couldn't kill Him. Death couldn't handle Him and the grave couldn't hold Him. That's my King.

He always has been and He always will be. I'm talking about the fact that He had no predecessor and He'll have no successor. There's nobody before Him and there'll be nobody after Him. You can't impeach Him and He's not going to resign. That's my King! That's my King!

Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory. Well, all the power belongs to my King. We're around here talking about black power and white power and green power, but in the end all that matters is God's power. Thine is the power. Yeah. And the glory. We try to get prestige and honor and glory for ourselves, but the glory is all His. Yes. Thine is the Kingdom and the power and glory, forever and ever and ever and ever. How long is that? Forever and ever and ever and ever. . . And when you get through with all of the ever's, then . . .Amen!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


I'm kinda at a loss for words. So I am going to tell you about this silly thing, and how stupid I am.

Sara signs her emails to me 'xos'. so what does that mean, at first I thought it was like Hugs Kisses, Sara. XOS

So I started signing mine, xom. Hugs Kisses Margie. XOM

Then one day, my brain actually started to work, and it occured to me that it was hugs & kisses (plural).

I think they call that a Duh moment! But I still sign my emails XOM. Hugs, Kisses, Millions (of them).

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Monday, November 26, 2007

There's no doubt about love

I feel like I have a lot to blog about today, a big entry in 'my journal' today. I haven't blogged since Friday, so I can, plus it's my blog. If you don't like it, you can click that little X in the corner, but stay if you'd like to see God's love unravel in my life.

I spent the weekend with 'my new family'. We went to Aunt Janice & Uncle Vinnie's to celebrate Thanksgiving, do some Black Friday shopping, and just relax. The 'Christmas Elf' came to deliver so pre-Christmas presents, he (or she, I think it's a girl elf, boys don't think that far ahead), that elf even brought something for Phyllis.

And as I think about this weekend, I think about my new Aunt Janice. Have you ever known someone who just loves. LOVES, LOVES, LOVES? That's Aunt Janice. I'm quite sure that everyone needs an Aunt Janice, even if she doesn't show up in your life until you are 34. Holy Cats, this woman is wonderful, an amazing love.

There's no doubt in my mind how much God loves me, though sometimes its revealed in bigger ways than I expect. Or maybe I just see it a lot cleared now.

My dad is getting married on Saturday, and yes, it's a good thing, it's a great thing, it's a God thing. I can't even tell you how much I love the woman who he is marrying, her name is Cheryl. You think that all that healing came right before my dad got married is a coincidence? Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous. Except there was no anonymity here, I am well aware of who was behind the letting go of my pain that I carried around for a really long time. I am well aware of how God orchestrated the whole God and Cheryl thing, and all that lead up to it. I am well aware that I have a God who loves me and that it is utterly amazing to feel Him in every minute of every day, and when I'm not paying attention to Him, He's still there, taking care of me. I'm excited.

Yesterday was Sunday, that means it was a church day. That also means a busy day. But a day that God used to say, just let Me lead you, I promise, I will take care of it all. The message in yesterday's sermon by Jeremy was right on time. And a day spent with my dad's family was fun, and filling. And then off to Alive. I was talking to another leader who was struggling with something, and she said "you don't understand" but I do understand. I've been where she is, I know how her heart is aching, and I think I said 1000 prayers on her behalf, ok, maybe not 1000 but it was a whole lot!! But as I was praying, I remember my dad, my mom, and Cheryl, and my pain that is replaced by love, and I remembered, His timing is always right on time. And I worshipped like crazy last night. My arms were so far up, I think I could have touched God, I know He touched me.

I think this weekend was just full full full of God's love. Or maybe my life always has been, I am just recognizing it now.

Thanks be to God.

Jer 31:3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Yummy things for Thanksgiving

1. Mashed Potatoes
2. Quiche
3. Stuffing
4. Mashed Potatoes
5. Punkin pie
5. Turkey
7. Gravy
8. Mashed Potatoes
9. Rueben Dip
10. Mashed Potatoes

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Psalm 136:1 1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever.

I can't seem to get enough of this song. You loved, You loved, a people undserving. I am so undeserving, it overwhelms me. To my core. God is so amazing. His love endures forever. He loved, He loved me, and I am SO underdeserving!!

The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems,
forgiven I’m alive, restored set free.
Your majesty resides inside of me,
forever I believe. forever I believe.

‘Cause I know you gave, the world your only son for us to
know your name, to live within the saviours love and he took my place,
knowing he’d be crucified and you loved.. you loved, a people undeserving!

arrested by your truth and righteousness
your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness
convicted by your spirit, led by your word
your love will never fail
your love will never fail

‘Cause I know you gave, the world your only son for us to
know your name, to live within the saviours love and he took my place,
knowing he’d be crucified and you loved.. you loved, a people undeserving!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Sweet Potato Pie

4 med sweet potatoes (or 2 gi-normous ones)
1 stick butter
1 ½ cup sugar
2 T Flour
1 ½ t baking powder
1 can sweetened condensed milk
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 Unbaked Pie Shells
Preheat oven to 425*. Boil the sweet potatoes with the skins on. Cook until you can poke with fork and the potatoes are tender. Dip in cool water and slide the potato skins off.
Mash the potatoes.

Add in butter and sugar. Mix well. Add flour, baking powder, sweetened condensed milk, nutmeg, cinnamon, extract. Mix well. Add eggs but make sure sweet potato mixture is not too hot or you will have scrambled eggs with your potatoes (gross!)

Pour mixture into 2 pie shells. Bake 35 minutes. Let stand until center is set.Enjoy

I made this recipe because I was making a basket for someone for Thanksgiving and I know he liked Sweet Potato Pie. It was a simple recipe and YUMMO! It makes two pies so you can be generous to two people or SUPER generous to one. Or you can be generous to one, and eat the other yourself.

The second pie I brought to Alive. Katie said to me the next day "I don't even like pumpkin pie, but I really liked yours", my reply "well, that's because it was sweet potato pie" and we laughed like old friends. HA!

I know You gave

The world Your only

Son for us

To know Your name

and live within the Saviour's love

He took my place

Knowing He'd be crucified

You loved You loved

People undeserving

Don't sweat the small stuff...

and don't pet the sweaty stuff - Jim Perry, on numerous occasions.

I live my life in "it's just a ________".

I believe that small things do mattter that eventually if you add up enough 1's you'll get to 100 or if you are just 1 short but you need 100, that could be a problem.

I'm not one of those people who will probably ever buy someone a present that costs $500, or take someone on a luxurious trip, no matter how much I love you. But when you are in need of a bowl of soup, or a cookie, or a ride to the airport, or I find that perfect $10 gift that I instantly thought of you because you told me you liked, say sock-monkeys (that which by the way must be some hot commodity because they don't have them at the Thrift Store, I checked), I'm your girl.

If it's your birthday, there will be a cake, or a game of pin the purse on Polly. You never know. If you're thirsty, I always have water. Or Mt. Dew.
I roll in the little things, I'm not a big thing kind of gal, unless it's my butt. I think it was Mother Theresa who said "I don't do big things, I do little things with big love". I think little things matter. A hug, a smile, a game of pin the purse on Polly, I think they matter.
And in all of it... To God be the glory.

Matt 10:42 "...And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Well... what does that tell you?

I was talking to a good friend last night and I was telling him about the great time I had on Friday. I got to fully engage in worship. Like FULLY, all out, look like a dork, worship. I try to live a life of worship, one that God would say "I'm glad she's Mine, I've taught her well, in spite of her". I connect with God on a daily basis, but when it comes to engaging in worship, I rarely get to really let go.

Friday was different though, there was no serving for me. None. I was graced with tickets to the Tammy Trent concert (thank you Vikki), and then the Alive band was playing at the Modern. I am sure that if my daughter would have caught glimpse of me, she would have said one of two things, "oh, God, my mom is a nut case" or she would have said "look there's my mom, she loves Jesus". I hope it was the 2nd but I don't think she saw me. I sang to God. Loud and Proud, we had feelings between us, He filled me up.

That doesn't happen to me too often. During 'service' at Metro, I constantly have my mind on First Five, during Alive and Fuel, I usually do words or check in. I always have something to preoccupy me. And usually that's ok, but sometimes I just need to let go. And it was amazing.

This good friend, we'll call him Kevin, Kevin says "doesn't that tell you something?" I said, "yeah, that's why I visit other churches, to be annonymous, to get connected." "No, like you do too much". Ugh. I hate that. Sometimes I do think I do too much. But then I remember that I have felt called to do all the things I do. So my question is always, what could I give up? Greeting? No. Alive or Fuel? Praying? No... So I just have to adapt. And I am ok with that. And maybe some day something will have to give because I will have a husband and more children, and something may have to change.

I think I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Ecc 3:1-14

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
My Gram had one of those bird clocks, this is our first Thanksgiving without her.

Monday, November 19, 2007

We love...

She asked me how to know if something was a sign. She said God answers my prayers all the time, how do I know?

How do I know? I feel sometimes like I have this amazing relationship with God, I actually feel sorry for people who aren’t open to Him, to hear the great things He has to say. I feel like Jesus and I are the best of friends and when I need comforting, He comforts, when I need a good swift kick in the be-hind, I get that too. And sometimes it’s a gentle prod in the right direction because my heart isn’t right.

Yesterday I was making dinner for Katie, Adam, Phyllis, and me. Chicken & dumplings with mashed potatoes and I had a HOMEMADE sweet potato pie… It was just going to be for us. And here’s why.

Last week 3 little boys took my ice cream. Nothing big but it still hurt, they claimed they thought it was someone elses, and that I believe, but none-the-less they still took something that didn’t belong to them. 2 of them, I think, felt really bad, and I told them that they needed to replace what they took. I was mad, not so much at what they took, but that they took it from me. You see with all of them, a lot of times I feel like I don’t fit in. And really, I don’t. I’m the mom, and they are the kids, that’s just how it is sometimes. We fit in, but we’re not at the center.

And as I was taking the skins off the potatoes for dinner, God and I had this huge conversation, one of those that you know the lesson but it just sometimes is hard to actually live it out. And I was like “but” and He was like “that’s not the way to lead by example” and again, I was like "but" and He said "haven't I" and then I decided I didn't need anymore buts, mine is big enough. You see, the boys, they are already forgiven, but even with forgiveness there is consequence to sin. But just so you know, anyone who walked in the kitchen, ate.

The ‘she” from above says “everything in moderation”. And with almost everything in my life, I totally believe that. There is one thing that is the exception to that rule. Jesus. I don’t believe there is any thing about moderation and Jesus that go together. I think it’s either full on or full out. I think you either love or you don’t. I was thinking about it this morning on my way in, having one of those conversations, and then it comes, the word of God.

1 John 4:7-16 7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son[
a] into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for[b] our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
13We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. 16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

Love. How do stand in the light of God and not love? And in that, how do we not forgive? Pastor Jim once said in a sermon that forgiving is not about the other person, it’s about us. And I always try remember that. If your heart is inhabited with unforgiveness, hate isn’t far behind.

Adam challenged our kids to live a life ‘full on’ with Jesus. If I truly believe that, I should set the example. I can’t live of life holding the hand of Jesus, having great conversations if my heart is full of hate. And He’s given us the greatest gift, love.

1 John 4:19 19We love because he first loved us.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Strong Personalities

I have a very strong personality. Too strong sometimes. It doesn't make me a good leader. And usually when my personality is at it's strongest, my leadership is at it's weakest. Because it's me trying to lead, not leading that way God wants me to lead.

I work in a highly testosterone-rich environment. And lately there has been a lot of mistaking strong personalities for strong leadership. And it's very hard to take. Because let's face it, we expect our leaders to lead us. We look to them to help us grow, in many ways.

I look at Adam sometimes and I think what an awesome leader he is. He's humble, and he loves Jesus. And he makes me a better leader by leading me.

This one scripture keeps coming back to me. It started on Tuesday and God has been ringing it to me over and over in my fat head...

1 Tim 3 1:13 1Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer,[a] he desires a noble task. 2Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) 6He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap.
8Deacons, likewise, are to be men worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. 9They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. 10They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.
11In the same way, their wivesare to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.
12A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well. 13Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus.

I look at this passage and so much stands out. So much that I need to work on. I think that the most important thing is to be above reproach. That's a word we hear, but do we really know what it means. According to the dictionary:

1: an expression of rebuke or disapproval
2: the act or action of reproach or disapproving
3 a: a cause or occasion of blame, discredit, or disgrace

Why as a leader is this important? For many reasons but as a Christian or a fully devoted follower of Christ, because we are living in a world that has been let down by leaders of churchs. Let's face it, if we want people to follow us to Christ, we better give them a reason, because obviously people aren't thinking about their salvation, we've got too much watered-down gospel. Am I saying that we are supposed to be perfect? Nope. What I am saying is that if you mess up, you better step up and take it like a man (or a woman). Be honest. There is no disgrace in making a mistake because I certainly don't think people expect everyone to be perfect, but I do expect that people expect you to be honest about your mistakes.

As leaders, I think that being a leader also means that you need to think about the 'greater good' not just about yourself. And that comes back to being humble. It means that you put others before you. And if you think about it, isn't that EXACTLY what Jesus did. He put us all first, covered our sins with His blood, His grace and mercy, so that we are saved. Ok, I know I'm not that smart but that just gives me goosebumps and makes me want to get down on my knees and cry.

I'd rather be a strong leader than have a strong personality. I better go pray about this.

Lord, help me be more like You.

Psalm 119:1-8
1 Blessed are they whose ways are blameless,
who walk according to the law of the LORD.
2 Blessed are they who keep his statutes
and seek him with all their heart.

3 They do nothing wrong;
they walk in his ways.

4 You have laid down precepts
that are to be fully obeyed.

5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast
in obeying your decrees!

6 Then I would not be put to shame
when I consider all your commands.

7 I will praise you with an upright heart
as I learn your righteous laws.

8 I will obey your decrees;
do not utterly forsake me

Thursday, November 15, 2007


Phil 3:13-15 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. 15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.

Sin has consequence. We may be forgiven but there is consequence to our sin. Sometimes it’s a quick slap to the wrist, and sometimes it’s a tidal wave in the path of destruction. Sometimes its quick and sometimes we see the affects of sin for years to come. Forgiven, yes, without consequence, no.

Yesterday someone that I don’t know very well, got up in front of a large group of people and asked for forgiveness. The multitude of destruction from this person’s sin was great. A lot of people hurt. I’m just saying, I’m not judging.

I have done my own sinning that has left those around me damaged. So trust me, I understand sin/consequence. Every risk has a consequence. I believe that, I’ve raised my daughter to know that.

I could say that I easily forgive. But I’d be lying. I could say that I don’t judge. I’d also be lying. I do my best to remember that I will be judged like I judge. I also try to remember that in my wakes of destruction I would hope to be forgiven, because I am sorry.

There is an enemy out there, it’s not always satan, sometimes it’s me. Sometimes it’s my sinful nature that has nothing to do with anyone but me. It’s when my own nature pulls me away from God, and I don’t use my heart and stay focused on the prize, that’s when I am in the most trouble.

I’m no expert, all I know is that I love God. But I also know that should I take my eye off Him for one minute, as my gramma would say, I’m in “a heap of trouble”. I gotta keep my eye on that prize.

Matthew 11:24-25 24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


Her name is Kathy. Kathy Addison. She was my best friend Erica’s mom.

Today Kathy finds out whether or not she has breast cancer. I am sitting at my desk, and I want to cry. I love Kathy. I can’t tell you how many meals she cooked me, she is the reason why I love English muffins with both margarine and cream cheese. Yum.

Kathy also has the best laugh.

I didn’t have a mom. Kathy was kind of my substitute mom. She nagged on me just like I was one of her own. I went to Erica’s gramma’s house a lot, it was Kathy’s mom.

Kathy was and still is beautiful. Beautiful.

I can tell you so many memories about Kathy. I remember she was dating Roman, who we called Taco because we didn’t like him. I remember watching a movie where the woman was beat up by her boyfriend, I remember telling “taco” if he ever did that to Kathy, I would kill him myself, I was in 7th grade, I loved her.

I find my heart breaking at just the thought of what Kathy will go through if she has cancer. But at the same time I can feel my heart being healed by a God who can take care of it all. Who can heal her, and love her when she needs it most.

I didn’t walk for nothin’. Each step was a step against cancer and satan.

Lord, I am asking You, begging You to take care of Kathy, Lord. Please take away this rechid cancer. Lord, healer. Her body and her heart. Lord, I ask that You give the doctors wisdom for her care, I ask that You give Erica peace. I ask that You give the family discernment, but mostly Lord, be with them. Lord, wrap Your arms around them. In Your Son’s Mighty, Healing, Loving Name. AMEN!

Isaiah 53:5 5 But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.

*********Updated Kathy does not have cancer!! God is good!! SO GOOD!!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Father Knows Best

The coming year has been filled with uncountable, unsermountable, never ending joy. It's also been filled with some disappoint. I'm no candy coated Christian. Like my sister Sara, I will tell you how it is, and have on an occasion or two, asked or not.

About 6 months ago, I got knocked down a few pegs, and it was hard to get up, and it was certainly hard to let go of, and NUMEROUS times in the last 6 months, it's brought me to my knees, but I believe that Father knows best. Last week, I got knocked down a peg or 10. Super disappointed, down right angry. I wanted something so bad I could taste it, and it didn't come to pass and I only told a few people about it, and I must have been excited about the possiblility because they looked like I felt when I told them I didn't get it. And it was a look of pity. I cried. No one died, but it was still disappointing but not earth shattering. But I tried to shrug it off in front of everyone because I didn't want to be pitied.

I trust in God. In all ways. I might not like it, but He's got my back, front, and middle. He's got it all, and with that, if we trust, He brings a peace beyond all understanding. What can I say, I have a peace about it all. Not sure what the future holds, but Father knows best.

Phil 4:6-7 says 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Overwhelmed... with nothing to do

I'm back from Nebraska. Really, no great exciting stories to tell you except that a soccer star gave me his phone number in line at security in the Detroit Airport. That was funny and cool.

I realized something quite odd about me, ok, I'm just pointing out one thing... I don't do well relaxing. I had a great time, don't get me wrong, it was fabulous and there was some very much needed rest this weekend, but I was ready to come home and get back to the daily routine of nuts that I call my life.

I wasn't home an hour and I was back at church, cleaning and getting ready for Alive. We have so much going on, and by the way, we're having a Spaghetti Dinner for a fundraiser to help the kids earn their way to Winter Camp. Tickets are $10 each, $5 goes towards their trip. AND they have to work at the Spaghetti dinner (12-9-07) in some way or they can't earn their money. And in case you know Mac, he has 5 (and he can get more) to help offset the cost of his trip, so buy some :) I'm cooking, so you know the food is good. And if you don't know Mac, I have some too. I was so glad to be home and glad to be loving on my kids.

Phyllis came home from her Choir Conference, she had a good time, met some new friends, and I was very glad to see her. I missed her A LOT. Sometimes I just can't believe how much grace God gives me with such a wonderful, beautiful, sassy child.

I'm busy from now until Christmas. I'm so proud of my kids who are stepping up and out for the Glory of the Kingdom, they are volunteering at Grace Centers of Hope this weekend, there is so much going on there, God is moving in amazing ways, and I'm blessed to be a part of it.

How was your weekend? How did God reveal His love to you?

And the quote of the weekend:
God always answered prayers
Sometimes He answers our prayers with "Yes.'
Sometimes He answers our prayers with "No.'
Sometimes He says, "Wait a while.'
And sometimes God might answer, "You've got to be kidding.' ”
-Former President Jimmy Carter

Gal 6:7-10 7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature[a]will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Friday, November 09, 2007

I'm off to Nebraska

... to see my cousin Karen. Never been there before, I'm excited for the time away!! I am sure I will be blogging because I can't sit still for very long...

Anyway, we are going to see little Jordyn my cousin Karen's 1st grandbaby, his mom hasn't made the wisest choices along the way. But who has? I don't think she is "right" with God. Please pray that my words are His. Please PLEASE pray for me as I speak with her. Please pray that it's God's voice she hears, not mine.

Also going to visit Nick who also hasn't made the wisest choices either. Same prayer.

Let me be the light. Our God is mighty to save.

Isaiah 60:3 Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn.

Thursday, November 08, 2007


I feel like the rug got pulled right out from underneath me. You know, like the cartoons.

I was so excited about this new opportunity I had in the works. Excited isn't even the word. I about peed my pants I was so excited. I told people this was surely ordained by God. Only to get the news today that the opportunity no longer exists.


I cried, I called my dad because that's what I do. I call my dad. He surely didn't have the reaction I thought he'd have, I think he even yelled at me. But eventually realized that I didn't do anything wrong.

This "missed" opportunity is either going to come at another time or it wasn't in God's plans after all.

I may be disappointed but I know. God has got it all. His plans, His timing, and His love is way better than mine. I stand here (well, I'm sitting here) as a woman who walks by faith not by sight. And whatever it is, I trust in Him.

God, I can't tell You that I'm not disappointed, I can't tell You I'm not mad because I am both of those things. But Lord, I trust You with all that I am. I trust that there are times in our lives when we think it's You, and it's not, and there are times its You and You are protecting us. So Lord, I love You and I trust You. In Your Son's mighty Name, AMEN!

Isaiah 8:17 I will wait for the LORD, who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob. I will put my trust in him

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Shut up already

ok. I'm loud. I am especially a loud when I'm angry. I crab at everyone. Anyone who will listen, and those who don't.

And then via text message... this is what I get. 1 Thes 4:11-12

11 Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, 12so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

Ok. God I hear You... put a check on it. In a really nice way God is like, stop being angry, you can't show those who don't know Me, Me via you. Shut up.

So, I today, I am going to count my blessings.

I'm going to shut up.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Wasted emotion

Anger is a wasted emotion. Nothing productive usually gets taken care of when you are angry, except for a clean house. (I always clean when I am angry and if I was at home right now, my house would shine like the top of the Chrysler building {from Annie})

I am angry about a lot of things. I am angry about people taking advantage of the fact that I work hard. When an impossible task comes ahead and it's thrown on me, somehow I figure it out and make the impossible, possible. Praying the whole time. And feeling overwhelmed. I did this. And now I'm angry because it should have never happened to me.

I'm angry because my dad did not tell me about his sugar problem, which ended up being a bad machine, but this went on for 3 weeks and no one said a word to me. Not one word. Because why? I'm not sure maybe they didn't want me to worry, maybe they didn't think I was smart enough to help diagnose what was wrong. It turns out to be a bad a machine but what if something HAD HAPPENED? I didn't know a thing! I'm angry.

I'm angry for a whole lot of reasons, I could go on and on and on and list them but it doesn't really matter. They are just things that are making me so angry. I just want to eat a Dairy Queen.

Eph 1:9-10 9And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, 10to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Narrow Minded

I find myself doing two things lately (well, among all the other things I do).

Worshiping and Praying.

You know that 'saying' pray unceasingly. I find myslef forever praying. My dad is having surgery today, at 12:30, pray for him. Even though I know God has it all, he's my dad, and I still worry. What would I do without him? He drives me crazy, but I love him.

I have a new baby cousin whose path will probably not be smooth from the get-go. Let God lay His hand on this new little one and keep Jordyn safe and protected.

The kids in this area are jacked up. I find myself praying for them over and over and over and over. Yesterday, I probably looked like I was worshipping with my hands in the air but really I was praying over each and every kid (and leader) and Alive.

I found myself a couple times on the verge of tears praying for kids, thinking about them, knowing how much God loves them and hoping that everyday they see His wonders so they know.

And in all that, I find myself worshipping a God who gives and takes away, all for our own good. I find myself worshipping Him in the stories I tell about His greatness and how continually He blesses me with answered (and unanswered) prayers.

He's a great God, and I am thankful for my relationship with Him.

Matthew 7:13-14 13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Sunday, November 04, 2007


I am back! Glad to be home. I finished my Breast Cancer Walk Scrapbook, only to find more pictures to put in it! Ha!

I did 30-something pages on Saturday. Funny how almost everything i did was GCH or Alive/Fuel related. My life sure has the workings of God in the center of it. And I'll be forever thankful for that.

I'll be glad to hit my own pillow and bed tonight.

I have a few prayer requests. Just pray and God will handle the rest.

"T" (not our T-fab) a young Fueler who needs our love and prayers, and Jesus.
"R" who is helping with "T", really "R"s family.
Jordyn, my newest cousin born Friday. His mom has some addictions she is overcoming. Hopefully when I am in Nebraska I will get to pray over the little guy, but until then, long distance prayers.
Please pray that God leads us big into what He has planned for Fuel and Alive. Pray that we listen and are obedient. Pray that Jesus stays in the center of all the leaders lives (its us who leave not Him).

God is working. In mighty MIGHTY MIGHTY ways. And I am forever greatful.

To Him be all the Glory!

Friday, November 02, 2007

My mom

I asked my family to write something about my mom for my Breast Cancer Scrapbook.

I don't have anything to write about and I feel like I'm cheating and I am still going to cheat, but I am going to post what my cousin Kathy wrote about my mom. She can kill me later.

I love you, mom, and I love you Kathy. Thank you for sharing your memories with me.

My first recollection of Phyllis was when I was just a wee wee babe. I would not eat my dinner unless I was eating it off of Ya Ya's plate. (Sorry, I could not say Phyllis). Mom would fix dinner, save a plate for Phyllis, and everyone would eat except me, and when Phyllis would get off the bus from work and come in the house, then I would eat with her. Then it was, "Walk me Ya Ya, Ya Ya walk me now."

Another memory I have is a warm summer day when we lived in Riverview. Mom and Day were gone somewhere and Phyllis was watching us and just as Mom and Dad were coming up the driveway, Rob was climbing out the kitchen window. I think Phyllis got into more trouble for that than Rob did.

I remember the day Phyllis told me she was going to die. I spent my weekends with her and Margie. Phyllis was so sick that she could not take care of Margie by herself, so that is where I fit in. Margie was down for her afternoon nap and Bob was at work. Phyllis and I were watching TV. She asked me how much my mom and dad had told me about her cancer. She explained to me about her cancer and then told me that she was going to die. She asked me not to cry for her, that she was happy to be able to give Margie life. A little hard for a 14 year old to do or understand at the time.

How do you not cry when someone you love is not going to be there for you anymore. She was always such a large part of our life growing up. She was always there. Like a big sister!!!!!! She was our big sister. She babysat for us, she took us to movies, she took us on the bus downtown to see the Christmas trees at Hudson's, she took us to lunch, and she was always there on Christmas morning. She took care of us. All four of us kids, Karen, Ed, Me and Rob.

I remember the day your Mom and Dad got married, and I remember the day we were told Phyllis was pregnant with Dee Ann, and I remember the day Dee Ann died, and I remember the day we found out you, Mugs, were coming, and how happy that made your mom, I remember the day we found out your mom had cancer, and I remember the day she died. And it still hurts but what I want you to remember is that your Mom loved you and always will.

My heart ached for the little girl that missed her mom so much. We all tried so hard to give you what you wanted and needed, but no one can take the place of your mom.



And if you know Pat, and you know her mom, write something to her, an encouraging story to make her smile.


I'll be gone this weekend on my scrapbooking retreat! Here's some worship.

I hope to come back refreshed and renewed. Pray for me since I leading a devotional and completely unworthy.

Love you.

From the New Crowder CD:

Everything Glorious

Here we are
Here we are
The broken and used
Mistreated, abused
Here we are

Here You are
Here You are
The beautiful one
Who came like a Son
Here You are

So we lift up our voices
We open our hands
To cling to the love
That we can’t comprehend

Oh, lift up your voices
And lift up your heads
To sing of the love
That has freed us from sin

He is the one
Who has saved us
He is the one
Who embraced us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy

Here we are
Here we are
Bandaged and bruised
Awaiting a cure
Here we are

Here You are
Here You are
Our beautiful King
Bringing relief
Here You are with us

So we lift up our voices
And open our hands
Let go of the things
That have kept us from Him

He is the one
Who has saved us
He is the one
Who forgave us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy

Oh, I can’t comprehend
I can’t take it all in
Never understand
Such perfect love come
For the broken and beat
For the wounded and weak
Oh, come fall at His feet
He’s the remedy
He’s the remedy

So sing, sing

You are the one
Who has saved us
You are the one
Who forgave us
You are the one who has come
And is coming again
To make it alright
Oh, to make it alright
You’re the remedy
Oh, in us
You’re the remedy

Let us be the remedy
Let us bring the remedy

Thursday, November 01, 2007




I am so amazed, little signs big signs.

Please keep praying for satan to be bound in my unspoken prayer request, God is working like crazy, and it's all coming together, I'll be able to tell you soon!!



Yesterday, I got some awesome news!! I was in church, and I usually sit by myself but yesterday Gail sat right next to me, and right after 'it is well' I got the news!! And she gave me a hug and I sat there with her arm around me. It's that kind of hug that mom's give but since I don't have a mom, I don't usually get that or haven't since I was little and my gram did it to me. And I swear to you (I don't know if you will understand) that my mom's love came pouring through Gail.

How amazing is that?!

So now, I am singing this song "Break free" by United. OH MY!! It's awesome.


And in case you didn't hear me...


Break Free - Hillsong

Would you believe me, would you listen if I told you that
There is a love that makes the way, it never holds you back

Who would have thought that God would give his one and only Son
Taken a stand upon the cross to show his perfect love

So would you break free, would you break free get up and dance, in His love

His love never ends, yeah.
There's no escaping the truth, there's no mistaking its you
God forever we'll get up and dance, get up and dance and praise you
There's no escaping your love, there's no mistaking your light
Across the world we will get up and dance, get up and dance and praise you

Now is the time to take this freedom that has come our way
Offer our lives to see the glory of His name

Living all our days
We are holding on, holding onto all your ways
We are holding on, holding on to all you've said and you've done
We are holding on to your love
Now we will dance