Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Home Again Finnegan!

We just got back from Cedar Point last night.

I actually had a pretty good time outside of one particular terrible incident. Its done but I don't think its over. Praying for that whole deal.

I was so happy to be in my own bed (and the fact that I only got 3 hours of completely interrupted sleep) I slept until 10AM! WOW!

Phyllis is working today, Alive later, tomorrow Phyllis has to sing. Looking forward to working in the garden. I might go get some mulch!

Thank You God for a Target and a Qdoba in Sandusky, surprise visits, and a great new friend! And a safe trip!!!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I think that people can’t help it. I think they can’t help but use people up until the next best thing comes along. I don’t think they mean to hurt people. I don’t think they mean to belittle people or treat them like crap. I don’t think they mean to, however that doesn’t mean that they don’t.

One thing I hate the most in this world is when you do something for someone and they say you are awesome for what you do for them. Because if you don’t do something for them, does that mean that you are not awesome? Its been my experience that people only love you if they can get something from you. You have no value to them if you can provide nothing for them.

I was in a meeting once, sat there as 5 people walked in, all talking to each other, they sat down, and 15 minutes later they were like “Margie – did you just walk in?” I had been sitting there the whole time, thanks for noticing.

One of my favorite quotes is:

The best index to a person's character is
(a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and
(b) how he treats people who can't fight back.
~Abigail van Buren
US advice columnist (1918 - )

The problem is that serving isn’t just what I do, its part of who I am. So if I don’t serve someone, I think they don’t even notice me. The problem is that its PART of me, not all of me.

I wish someone would notice.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

A week in review - early

Oh boy.

Ok you know its crazy when you can do a week in review on Wednesday morning!! But it also means that God is moving!

Monday I seriously had some kind of anxiety, I was sweating, and crying, and stressed. I thought at one point ‘this must be what a panic attack feels like”. So I got in the car (probably not the best choice) and prayed. Not one of those ‘dear Lord, all great sounding prayers” but one of pure anguish at one point yelling out ‘I just don’t want to forgive’. After it was all done, I thought to myself that God was just waiting for me to say that. He knew.

Then yesterday… oh boy, hurt feelings. It’s hard to be like Jesus when you’ve got hurt feelings.

So I’m kind of a weird pray-er. Maybe not, but I don’t really do the whole get in a quiet place, unless you mean my car. I’m not usually still. But as I was praying, God said: Micah 6:8.

Here it comes. Its also on my key chain, I should check it out more I guess, that’s why I got it.

And so I started breaking it down. I started thinking about the lessons I’ve been learning in the last few months – Favot telling me I was prideful, Mike telling me that it must be hard to serve me, forgiving (or not – depending on the episode), grace, surrender. Letting someone pay for my movie ticket (really for me that was hard!). Dirty blenders, markers (which wasn't about dirty blenders or markers). While I am a ‘justice’ person – risk/consequence. I know that sometimes there is a back story, and grace is always required. I know I love, but do I love mercy? Hmmm… and I certainly am not humble especially when I think about how many times I say ‘I’.

Micah 6:8
8 He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

I wish that I would have had a concordance with me (though since I was driving and I am not patient, that could have been disasterous trying to drive and read at the same time – worse than texting!) , so I looked up the three words: Justly, Mercy, Humbly. Sometimes we think that we know the definition of words but we don’t always or we don’t know their original meaning so I am going to look them all up. I know that I have a lot to work on, but I also know that everyday I want to be a little bit closer to walking like Jesus.

I know that God has a lot to teach me in this verse, I know that I have a long way to go.

I asked the other day that God continue to work in me, and through me And so it might be painful, like trying to dig dirt during a drought, but He can, because He is.

2 Chr 20:17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Africa - A love so great!

I've always said that I never wanted to go on an overseas mission trip, that if God called me to that, I'd hang up the phone. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I may let the phone ring for a long time, but eventually I'll pick up when God calls...

I've never really said the words my heart has held until last night.

People ask me all the time, "are you going to Colombia?" No, not in the physical sense. And I have no desire. I believe that I am in Colombia in prayer, silly but I feel like prayer opens the door before they get there. Its important to have open doors you know, especially if you've ever walked into one. OUCH! Another reason I don't want to go is because I feel like if I went, I'd get wrapped up in taking care of everyone (bandaids, water, etc) that I wouldn't do whatever God would have me do, I wouldn't feel the full impact of His love. I feel guilty that if I went I wouldn't want to take care of everyone but I wouldn't. Sorry about that.

I have the desire to go to Africa. And I would go by myself or with Phyllis, maybe one other person but pretty much on my own. I hope that someday I'll go, but I often wonder, would I fall in love so deeply that I would never want to come back. Maybe.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to go. I pray that God would make a way. That He, in His awesomeness, would make a way. The time, the money, all of it. Oh to kiss the faces of those beautiful children, to love the mothers/widows who sacrifice for their children, to give them a break by holding their babies so they could rest. Oh the Glory in it all.

I dream of blue skies and dirt paths. I dream of a love so great my heart will not be able to contain it.

Isaiah 1:17 (nlt) Learn to do good.Seek justice.Help the oppressed.Defend the cause of orphans.Fight for the rights of widows.

Monday, May 24, 2010

God, please continue to work in me

Alive did a series called ‘The Cause’ – our goal to reach 30,000 students in the Downriver area with the love of Jesus. To share the Gospel with people who need it.

So as always, our students are inspiring! They cut out paper people to represent the students of downriver, 29,000 of them.

So really, doesn’t the bible tell us to go make disciples, to share the love, to love others more than yourself, and to be strong and courageous. Not just students, but everyone! So inspired by my students I’ve been praying that God reveal people that He would like me to focus on.

God has put someone on my heart. I decided (I was guided) to go purchase a bible for this person, and I went to get one (Sam’s Club has bibles cheap!) and last time I went there was 3 or 4 to chose from, which makes it difficult for me because then I’ve got to get out of my own way and let God guide me. Well, when I got there, the decision wasn’t difficult, there was only one to choose from! LOL! I love it when God does that!

So tomorrow is the big day, I go from praying to moving. Faith. Small as a mustard seed. I don’t want to move a mountain, just a heart, closer to the only one who can save us

I just think about where I was last week, poor attitude, crabby, hurting, and after continually seeking after Him - RESCUE!

He is a Mighty Good God!

staying focused

its gonna be a busy week, there is only one way to succeed, stay focused!

Focused on planning on what to eat
Focused on making good choices
and most importantly...

Focused on Jesus!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Weekend Past and Future

Not in any order, and something WAY more than once!

1. Grocery Shopping - Preparing for a great week ahead - good in good out!
2. Ikea with Katie and the boys!
3. Making my own Cream of ____ soup mix
4. Meatballs and rice for tomorrow's meeting
5. Telling a friend about Jesus
6. Banana bread for my boys!
7. Lunch with my girl
8. Cleaning house (its actually not that dirty - yeah!)
9. Reading 'the same kind of different than me'
10. Alive
11. Prayer
12. Making encouragement for friends and AIDS patients
13. Praising God
14. Iron Man 2

Pic 1 - Katie and Judah
Pic 2 Judah and Levi waiting for me (well not really, but it makes me happy to think so!  LOL!)

Cream of Anything Soup

Ok, so really? Could I love the Family Feasts for $75 a week book anymore? i don't think so! it's my favorite gift to give, you'd think that seriously I get a kick back, but NO i don't, but I love love love it!

Today I made the mix for Cream of Anything Soup. I like a lot of things about this.
#1 its $.40-$.50 a 'cans worth' cheaper than the 'regular store'
#2 I know what's in it. The more I make my own 'stuff' the more I taste chemicals in the stuff I buy. YUCK! Really? That can't be good for you!!

3 c powdered milk (I got a big box at Aldi's for $4.99)
1 c cornstarch (1 16oz box is around a buck)
1 c powdered chicken boullion (just picked it up at Kroger, used 1.5 containers, $1.89 each)
2 T onion powder
1 t dried thyme
1/2 t dried basil
1/2 t black pepper

Combine all ingredients in large bowl, mix well. Store tightly covered at room temp for a year.

To make soup, in a pan mix 1/2 c mix with 1 1/4 c water, 1T butter, blend well and bring to a boil cooking 2-3 minutes. Thickens as it cools

Cream of Chicken: as directed
Cream of Celery: add 1/2 c minced celery. YOu can puree soup when it cools if you wish
Cream of Mushroom: 1/2 c minced mushrooms

Cream of Anything Soup

Ok, so really? Could I love the Family Feasts for $75 a week book anymore? i don't think so! it's my favorite gift to give, you'd think that seriously I get a kick back, but NO i don't, but I love love love it!

Today I made the mix for Cream of Anything Soup. I like a lot of things about this.
#1 its $.40-$.50 a 'cans worth' cheaper than the 'regular store'
#2 I know what's in it. The more I make my own 'stuff' the more I taste chemicals in the stuff I buy. YUCK! Really? That can't be good for you!!

3 c powdered milk (I got a big box at Aldi's for $4.99)
1 c cornstarch (1 16oz box is around a buck)
1 c powdered chicken boullion (just picked it up at Kroger, used 1.5 containers, $1.89 each)
2 T onion powder
1 t dried thyme
1/2 t dried basil
1/2 t black pepper

Combine all ingredients in large bowl, mix well. Store tightly covered at room temp for a year.

To make soup, in a pan mix 1/2 c mix with 1 1/4 c water, 1T butter, blend well and bring to a boil cooking 2-3 minutes. Thickens as it cools

Cream of Chicken: as directed
Cream of Celery: add 1/2 c minced celery. YOu can puree soup when it cools if you wish
Cream of Mushroom: 1/2 c minced mushrooms

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Failure... turned inside out!

I wrote a blog about failure, and I am thankful to say that I have so many friends who sent encouragement my way! THANK YOU ALL!

Let me tell you I have to get all that out, writing helps me with that, I know that God never leaves me, He has created me - wonderfully made. In my own life, I need to get those negatives out, and then Jesus can fill me up with positives!

I have started another journey, a journey that I've been on a million times before, however, I will keep getting back on the narrow path until I learn to stay there. You can check it out if you'd like.

Another New Beginning

So I stepped on the scale today, because my pants are getting tight. And because I want to know where I am starting. Its no surprise if you took a look at me that I’m not happy. I hate the way I look. If I was the correct size, I’d be happy, but I’m the one who made these choices, and continued to make these choices that lead me where I am today, and it’s only my choices that will lead me back to health. It’s about depending on God instead of food. Yes, I know I’ve said this a million, maybe two million times.

And I know what to do. I just need to do it. I need to plan, I need to shop correctly, I need to get out of the mentality that it’s cheap so I’ll buy it. Nope. That’s not a good mentality.

So today, I started. If it doesn’t have a momma or come from the ground, it shouldn’t go in my mouth!

Scrambled eggs (2)
Turkey sausage (2)
Spinach salad
Turkey breast

Not sure what’s for dinner yet, but I’ll figure it out, probably chicken breasts and salad or some yummy veggies. Going to try to just walk today, no running, no gym, just some fresh air and moving my feet!

Dear Lord, be there with me. I know in You I cannot fail. I want my outward self to reflect the amazing changes You’ve made in my life!!

Another New Beginning - Lyla Akouri
Dear God,
YOu know how lost I've been
You also know my fears.
As I stand here - at the beginning of this new year,
I ask that You take my hand.
Pull me out of the question mark I have been living in.
Lead me through the days and months ahead.
Give me the strength to let go of me, and hold on to you.
Only You, oh God.
Teach me again the ways of Your love.
Show me once more your spirit within me.
Reveal to me anew what a blessing it is to be alive,
to love and be loved; and the beauty in each new day.
I promise I will do my best to find joy in all things;
to be a light of love to others;
and a light of love to self.
From this day forward, a new "me" emerges.
From this day on, a new song written.
May it be pleasing to you, oh Lord.
May it be beautiful, to all those who hear it.


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

WOW! how time flies!

So yesterday my baby got her license! Amazing to me how the time has passed.

I am amazed that even though I make a mess of my life, and i try to plan (HA) God takes care of everything I drop.

I am amazed at how in the midst of feeling like such a failure, He pointed out to me how beautifully and wonderfully made I am. How He protected me against a crazy (and probably drunk) person who tried to find his way back into my life, He whispered to stay away. I can pray for him, but that's where is must end, no point in wallowing in his vomit with him.

I am just amazed at His beauty. How in all my mess, He sends a message. He stands by me, holds me, protects me, sends grace all over me and loves me.

Started a new bible study, excited about it!

But back to Phyllis. 17. Yikes, what's that saying "where did the years go?". How I've enjoyed taking her to school, though completely stressed about making it to work on time, today was the first day she drove herself. That's crazy to me. I can't believe what an amazing young woman I've raised. But by the grace of God go both of us.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

God is working

So yesterday I was pretty honest about how I was feeling.

I was earnest in seeking God through the whole thing. I was amazed how He turned so many things around yesterday, about how He opened doors, made a way for things to happen and by the end of the day instead of feeling like a failure, I went to bed smiling and praising Him.

Even one of those failures yesterday was turned into a success! YEAH GOD!

I'm always amazed at how He can speak to us in so many ways, through little and big things. About how He can push way the clouds when all we see is the cons to rain, He changes our perspective, and we see the glory in it.

I still am struggling with some of that stuff, but I'm allowing God to change my perspective.

Monday, May 17, 2010


I don’t know what the deal is but I feel like an epic failure.

And I’m not one of those people who uses the word ‘epic’ so much that it loses its value.

It’s all a whole bunch of little things. And one big one.

My weight. I hate my weight, I know what to do but I just can’t get motivated and stay motivated to do something about it. Makes me hate myself. FAIL!

I signed up to bring a meal to someone, forgot it was my day… oui… froze it and was supposed to bring it to someone else’s house for easy delivery, and forgot. FAIL!

Hole in my garage roof. Need to get it taken care of but can’t. FAIL!

Didn’t finish weeding this weekend. FAIL!

Didn't blog but had lots to say. FAIL!

Forgot a couple things at the grocery store. One of which was on the list for me to go get. FAIL!

Putting my value in the way other people treat me. FAIL!

Can’t paint my house myself. FAIL!

Dishwasher handle broken, can’t fix even though I tried. FAIL!

And really, my list could go on and on…

And why I ask myself do I focus on all the things I’m not or can’t do? I know I shouldn’t.

Good thing I’m starting a bible study on my worth.

Eph 2:10 (NLT) 10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Friday, May 14, 2010

The week in review...

Its been a crazy week, don't I always say that.... I've been tired...  I've been lonely.... and I'm wondering why I'm finding it so hard to reach out, why I'm so scared.

Worked in the garden, getting the beds ready for planting.  Felt so good.

Seriously need to clean out the garage.  Too much stuff, some of it is going this weekend - to the trash!

Rained a lot this week

Rearranged the furniture a little

Lost my composure

9th grade girls life groups are the best!!

Need to paint

Phyllis takes her road test Monday

Her blood tests came back 'normal' so we still don't know what's wrong with her belly...  GI doctor on June 3rd

Love love love bible study

Dishwasher handle broke... great...  :(

New cookbook, lots of recipes i want to make

Love scrapbooking encouragement stuff

Its been a good week...

Thank You Jesus

Thursday, May 13, 2010

His Word

If you haven’t seen the movie ‘The Book of Eli’ I highly recommend it. I haven’t seen it come to the dollar show, but if I do, I will go see it again. I went with some good friends, and it was completely awesome! It blew me away about holding onto God’s Word. It drove me to get into His Word at any cost at any time. I almost always have a bible with me, I have one in my car, even on my counter at home, and let’s not forget the awesome resource of but not only that, I carry it in my heart. I put a big emphasis in our life groups about memorizing The Word. We have a scripture basket that if you memorize the scripture of the week, your name goes in a drawing, and you can win (because you earned it) some goodie, soap, highlighters, hair ties, books, stuff that girls like. It might not seem like much but 1 scripture a week, that’s 52 in a year! 52 ways to show you that God loves YOU!!! WOW!

I’m a self-professed Paul-aholic. I love the books written by God through Paul. His lessons are amazing, His Word is true. I was thinking about encouragement, I was thinking about how many times when I am struggling with something, I’ll pick a book, and read it, and it so speaks to my heart. It guides me when I’m walking in the dark and even in small ways I can’t seem to find my way. And never ask a lost person for directions, find someone who knows how to find the map!! Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
I was looking up something and found myself here. WOW! What is God teaching me? I could go on and on.
*Be self controlled
!!!!!!!!In Christ!!!!!!

1 thes 5:16 16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus

His Word is life. It brings life to me, and to those who follow Him, it even brings life to those who don’t know Him, one well-spring at a time.

1 Thessalonians 5
1Now, brothers, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, 2for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. 3While people are saying, "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.
4But you, brothers, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. 5You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. 6So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled. 7For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. 8But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. 9For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. 10He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. 11Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Final Instructions
12Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. 13Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. 14And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.
16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
19Do not put out the Spirit's fire; 20do not treat prophecies with contempt. 21Test everything. Hold on to the good. 22Avoid every kind of evil.
23May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.
25Brothers, pray for us. 26Greet all the brothers with a holy kiss. 27I charge you before the Lord to have this letter read to all the brothers.
28The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Peace and joy

Sometimes I wonder… what it is You’re trying to teach me Lord?

Today, someone came over to me, this person was ready for battle. She wanted to fight. I wouldn’t even engage, the madder they got, the calmer I seemed to be. You know what’s crazy… I had just prayed not knowing that she was coming over “God, protect my peace, and protect my joy, left up to me, I will let satan steal it, but Lord, You give peace and joy, and You can protect it, Lord, I’m weak and fleshy, so Lord, I need Your strength.”

And He did.

My circumstances change, there are crazy people, but the Lord, His love endures forever!

1 Chron 16:34 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Out of sorts

Could be lack of sleep, could be that I haven't made cookies... I'm not sure, but I've been out of sorts lately.

Today I lost it...  my mind...  yikes.

But I'm going to get lost in my newly ordered cook book, "home cooking with Trisha Yearwood".  I don't know what it is about glancing through cookbooks.  Its weird but I'll think "so and so would love that". 

Its weird that I love in food.

So weird.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Phyllis and eating

So the other day there was nothing for lunches in the house.  I don't know what happened to me but apparently the lunch elves swooped in left... nothing.  Seriously, not those moments where there is nothing to eat but there really is moments, this was a "there's no bread, no leftovers, no lunch meat" yikes kind of moments.  And French Onion Soup was on the menu at school (that's a big NO).  So I said "can't you just buy? what do they serve at school?" 

Phyllis didn't know.  A Junior in High School and outside the soup line, has never purchased lunch at school.  I was kind of in shock thinking "really?"  And thinking back, I guess it's true.  Phyllis would almost always choose fruit over junk, home cooking over processed.  She takes plenty of snacks to school, fruit, veggies, fruit snacks or roll ups, granola bars, cereal bars, special K bars, rice cakes, pretzels, gold fish (I try to buy whole grain), maybe a wrap or leftovers.  If you've ever been to our house, seriously, our snack drawer is a wonder to be seen.  If she likes it, its probably in there.  Lots of variety.  And everything purchased is usually on sale. 

Obviously one of us (there's only two of us) makes lunch every morning or if it's leftovers puts it together the night before.  Usually I do the main part and she picks the snacks.  It's one of those things that I like to do, why do I love in food, that's so weird to me.  I always laugh to myself when she actually knows what she wants because it makes me happy because then i don't have to put together a list of 'what would you likes'.

Just in case you're wondering, today she took chicken cacciatore that we haven't even had this week yet (I made two meals for the week - so she's having leftovers before they are left over) and some snacks...

I have no idea why I wrote all that.  It was on my mind, as she is, I just finished lunch (I had the other meal - Rotini Mexican Chicken - before it was left over too - we are so weird!) and I was thinking about how much I love her. 

And... I miss my mom today.  Who am I kidding?  I miss my mom everyday

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.  Desmond Tutu

Sunday, May 09, 2010

I am...a mom

Today is Mother's Day!  Its a crazy mix of emotions for me.  But for us, outside of lunch with my dad and stepmom, today is like every other Sunday.  No big plans.  Normal cooking for the day, Phyllis has to work, and we have Alive.  We are celebrating next Saturday.

I have to tell you that inside I always laugh when someone calls me "super mom" I actually saw a shirt that said it, and to be honest, I REALLY wanted it.    Silly.  I don't often feel like a super mom.  I feel like someone pulled in a million directions, striving to be like Jesus and loving where I go, often failing miserably.

I've scheduled birthday parties two weeks late because we didn't have the money for a party.
I probably work too much.
I don't cook enough
We eat out too much
We're too busy
And my list of the things I have failed at could go on and on (and on and on and on...)

But this I know.

My daughter knows I love her.  And she knows and loves and has a relationship with Jesus.

And so if I've failed at every thing else.  Oh well.

Happy Mother's Day!

Proverbs 31:15-22, 24-31 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Friday, May 07, 2010

I AM... a teller of Jesus

You know what happens when you don’t tell people about Jesus. They die and you sit at their funeral and you cry because there was something you could have done, but you were too afraid.

I believe that the Word of God is complete truth. There isn’t anything in the Bible that I’ve found to be a lie. Maybe I don’t want to hear it, but it’s the truth.

About four years ago, I met this guy, I remember the day I met him. He walked into my dad’s basement and I was mesmorized. He was cute and charming and he had a smile that would light up a room. I hung out with him quite a bit. As I got to know him, I soon learned that he didn’t know Jesus. He would ask me to pray for him because he know I loved Jesus, but we never talked about it.

I knew his struggles, women, drugs, and drinking. I loved him where he was. But I never talked about what was bothering him or why he did what he did. I never talked about Jesus, though I invited him to church. He never came. And it was my job to tell him, not the churches. But I didn’t.

A couple of years ago he died. It was very sad, and it was a tragic way for him to die. I went to his funeral. People saying what a great guy he was. He was a great guy. He would give you anything he had. He tried, in the life that everyone saw, to be the best guy he could be. If you really took the time to know him, you know he struggled with lonliness. And people kept saying he was in heaven because he was such a great guy… But you don’t get to heaven based on your works.

I remember sitting in the back of the funeral, I knew 2 other people there, crying. Because I would miss my friend, but mostly because I know he didn’t love Jesus. I know he wanted to but I think he was waiting to clean up before coming to Jesus. Why didn’t I tell him he didn’t need to clean up for God, that God would take his mess and make him clean? WHY WHY WHY???

I still have quite a bit of anguish because of this. I try to always remember that day, so that I never repeat it. We are in this series with Alive ‘The Cause’. It reminds me to be obedient to God, to go make disciples, to go and love wherever I go. To tell people about Jesus, and His love.

Lord, don’t ever let me forget. Help me to be bold and courageous, and when I’m scared, let your presence be known. Help me to be obedient to Your Word. Please remind me of what you've done.

May I never go to another funeral and say "I could have done... something"

Matthew 28:16-20 16Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Thursday, May 06, 2010

I AM... tired

I'm resting because I am tired.  Totally uninspired to do anything but rest!  It's been a couple of crazy, searching for Him, busy weeks with just a whole lotta things to do... and I'm tired.

But I never get tired of chasing Him, and letting Him catch me and remind me how much He loves me!  And then resting in Him

1 John 4:19 We love because He loved us first!

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

I AM... a daughter

In a time when it wasn't normal to be a child of a single parent, I was.  My mom died when I was 16 months old, breast cancer.  I never knew what normal was, and maybe when I was little I knew things were different but I didn't know any better.

It was different being raised by a dad, but you know girls hold their dad's heart strings.  We did everything together.  One funny thing that is still in my life is that I buy shoes when I need them, not when I want them.  For the most part, that's a guy thing.  I love shoes, but buying tons of black shoes is not practical.

I think that as parents we learn a lot by example, some of how to be, and how not to be.  In my case I am a child of a mom that died.  The only example I have of my mom is to love your children more than anything else in the world.  That's an example that is hard to live up to.  Its a big example that has to be lived out every day of your life.

My life as a daughter has evolved.  I went from being my dad's everything to having someone else take that spot, its taken awhile to figure out that he still loves me even if its not the same way it used to be, I'm amazingly blessed because that person who is now my dad's everything is a beautiful woman who loves my dad like crazy, and that love spills out of his life into those he loves.  Now I have a dad, a mom, and an earthly mom.  I love them because they all showed me love on earth, however...

We love because He loved us first.  1 John 4:19

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

I AM... a greeter

So I bet you’re thinking – she’s lost her mind… well, I probably have. I am writing about all the things that I am because that is how God wired me. So bear with me, or click the X in the upper right corner.

Sometimes I think people might think its incredibly silly that I take the volunteer of ‘First Five’ super serious! I mean like when its my week to serve, I am praying to remember the names of people I met the weeks or months before, that I greet each person with a smile. That the moment they walk into Metro, they know, “You matter, you matter to God, you matter to me – even though I might not even know you” I want them to know that this place – it is home. It’s your church home, that you will soon be surrounded by friends who will turn into family. That you, your children, your friends, spouses, girl/boyfriends, matter. That Metro is not a building but a bunch of people who encounter God everyday whether you realize He is speaking to you or not. He’s there (in all aspects of your life, not just at Metro), He’s carrying you when you can’t walk, He’s crying when you’re crying, and He’s celebrating when you’re celebrating. That He loves you!

And maybe some might not think that a simple smile and a program can tell you all that, but I believe it can.

We love because He loved us first 1 John 4:19

I am... an aunt!

I don't have any siblings, I have two step siblings, so I am an aunt to 3 nephews and a niece!  They are so cute sometimes I can barely stand it!

But I am an aunt to my friend's children. 


Their cute little faces.  Their big hugs and crazy smooches, and the sometimes refusal to give them to me.  The fruit, the waffles. The silly smiles and zerberts, the snuggling time, the crazy time, book time, game time,  the silly time, the running to give you a hug and knocking you down, and all the love your heart can hold.  The realizing that family is what matters in life, that blood doesn't make you family, LOVE makes you family. 

I love being an aunt to those cuties!

We love because He loved us first 1 John 4:19

Monday, May 03, 2010

I am... youth staff

Its no surprise to anyone who reads this that I am youth staff at Metro.  Anyone knows that I am there, loving kinds, telling them to get off the counters sometimes my most spoken line is "we sit on chairs not talbes/countertops" and don't think for one second that I don't know that when I leave or am not around that you all sit on them.  But I digressed.

My heart is full of a bunch of kids!  Its explodes when giant donations come in for Colombia, when they want to buy a shirt for their friends that says 'Jesus'!  when they tell me something great in their life, I love celebrating with them.

And on the flip side, my heart breaks when they are hurting.  There are times when I am praying or thinking about them that I think that its not possible to feel anymore pain.  How my heart aches, and how much bigger that ache must be for God.

In all the pain, I'd never give up all the joy and love I have for those kids, for my kids.  I love them so much, even the ones I don't know that well, if they only knew...

We love because He loved us first.  1 John 4:19

Sunday, May 02, 2010

Panda Style Orange Chicken

I got this recipe from here! YUMMY!!


2 lbs chicken, cut up in bite size pieces
1 egg
1 ½ t salt
½ t pepper
1 T oil, plus additional for frying
½ c cornstarch
¼ c all purpose flour


¼ sugar
¼ white vinegar
2 T soy sauce
2 T water
zest from orange
1 T from above orange (I added this!)


1 T grated ginger
1 t minced garlic
dash red pepper flakes
¼ c green onions
¼ c water
1 T sesame oil

Place the cubed chicken in a large bowl. Stir in the egg, salt, black pepper, and 1 tablespoon oil. Mix well. Stir 1/2 cup of the cornstarch and the flour together in a large shallow bowl. Add the chicken pieces, a handful or two at a time, and stir to coat evenly. Tap off any excess

Pour about 1 inch of oil in a wok or deep, heavy skillet and heat to 375 F. If you don’t have a thermometer, heat the oil until it starts to ripple in the pan. Add the chicken pieces, a small handful at time, and fry until golden and crisp, 3 to 4 minutes. Remove the chicken from the oil with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towels. Set aside. When cooking the next batch, you will probably need to turn the heat down to keep the chicken from cooking too fast and possibly add a bit more oil.

Once all the chicken is cooked, reserve a couple tablespoons of the oil remaining in the wok in a separate bowl (I just used fresh oil because the excess oil I had was gross with burnt chiky crust in it). Clean the wok.

Combine the sauce ingredients in a large measuring cup and whisk until the sugar dissolves.

Heat the wok for 15 seconds over high heat. Add the reserved oil back into the pan.

Add the stirfry ingredients to pan. Heat through.

Add the sauce and bring to boil. Add the cooked chicken, stirring until well mixed.

Serve with rice or low mein noodles

Saturday, May 01, 2010

I am...

Sometimes I have no clue who I am. 

Sometimes I feel completely lost while holding a map, forgetting where I am going.

Sometimes I don't who I am, where I'm going, or how I got here.

Sometimes I wonder around aimlessly like the guys from "dude where's my car?"

Sometimes my head spins and word vomit like Poltergeist

Sometimes I am Mommy Dearest.

I've been struggling.  I just kept on.  And a few times I tried faking it til I make it, however, while I did that, I was seeking God like crazy, if I felt lost, I was going to get lost in Him.

There is a song by Brooke Fraser that I sing during times like that, CS Lewis Song.
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
An avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming

I'm learning to deal with the fact that sometimes it seems weird to be grateful when people aren't.  To be thankful for little & big things, to find the wonder of it all.  To hold a high standard and be sorry when I don't achieve it. 

Of course I feel out of place, I AM out of place. As much as its sometimes difficult to be different, I want to be thankful, and full of love. 


A hopeless life doesn't seem like it was that long ago.  But now there is hope. Great expectation of greater things that are yet to come.  Not a low standard, but the highest notch on the pole vault, because after all, all things are possible for him who believes.

I was thinking of the video today.  I could make a video of all the things I am.

I am a mom
I am a daughter

and lots more, but mostly,


1 John 4:19 We love because he first loved us