Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Friday, May 26, 2017

Humbled by grace

I went to a play tonight where the main character was named Margie! And they said it right (like I do!). The main character was a single mom who struggles.  The play was mostly funny and probably most people left thinking it was a great story (which it was) and it was very very funny! But me, I had all the feels!  My heart was full of so many emotions, so you can probably guessed what I did... I cried. 

God's grace isn't lost on me. I know of it's value and it's weight. I know that I work hard because it honors God. But I know that without His grace, we'd still be going to bed hungry or out on the street.  

I'm leaving for Uganda in 2 weeks. And I know the honor in that. I also know the honor of being called to Detroit. And the honor it is to love people. 

Today as I left that theatre I was humbled. Humbled that God chose me, that He continues to choose me and use me, over and over again. 

I'm going to bed so very thankful. 

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Mailboxes and dreams

This mailbox. 

I love it. 

Who loves mailboxes?

I love that I walk to it and drop off cards to people I love. 

I love that it reminds me of my gram and we would walk to the mailbox after dinner to “make room for dessert”…  and how did she ALWAYS have a fresh “Heavenly Hash” ice cream that was my favorite EVERY time I came to visit.  It was like magic!!!
 I think I’m working on seeing the beauty of every day.  Its really easy to be in a place I’ve never been before and be in awe of it, but sometimes it is a little more difficult to see the beauty in the every day.  It’s easy to be so busy in the every day to walk past a flower on my walk. 

I’m a planner, I think it comes from always feeling like things were out of control when I was younger. The death of my mom, the fear of losing my dad.  Fast forward to a whole lot of garbage.  So the easiest thing is to “control” the situation.  Which in some ways only made me crazy, because we can’t control anything.  LOL

I’m going on a trip (Uganda), to a place that I’ve never been to, with people I don’t know that well, and leaders that I trust but don’t know that well (I wouldn’t go unless I really trusted them), doing projects that I haven’t planned.  Sounds nuts to me, and completely wonderful all at the same time!  (Welcome to the crazy in my over thinking brain)

I’m not really planning past Uganda.  I’m dreaming but not planning, those are not the same thing, and it feels good. 

Thursday, May 18, 2017

The Ramblings of my heart and mind... Uganda

Read this the other day Neinas
I am less than 30 days away from my mission trip to Uganda and I wait in great… anxiousness. 
I also wait in great expectation!  I know the hope that is in Christ.  But I know that going on a mission trip to a foreign country is a great responsibility and it carries a heavy weight.  What God will do in me is probably much greater than what He will do through me.  I know I am small, and yet God still uses me.  And I am thankful.  I am happy to be the dot in the formation of a letter in His story.  I am that small.  And I like it that way.

About this time I start to wonder “what the heck did you sign up for?”  It happens before EVERY single trip I take whether it’s to see my friends in Colorado or Haiti or now… Uganda.  It’s a weird thing, I love to travel but it makes me nervous.  Planes crashing, people killing me, I watch too much criminal minds.   I think everyone has the potential to be a serial killer.  (welcome to the crazy that is inside my mind!).  I also know a whole bunch of tears are about to be poured out, my eyes will leak out allllll over Uganda!  (there is no shame in my crying game).  I know that God will grow me, and stretch me (did I mention I might have to give my testimony – I don’t really like speaking in front of people) and there will be moments of pain. 
And as I type all this… I will tell you… I can’t wait.  For it allllll...

I can’t wait (if we are allowed – the local church may do it) to give out Little Dresses for Africa!
I can’t wait to play dominoes with kids and adults!
I can’t wait to see the smiles of the people of Uganda
I can’t wait to see the growth in my teammates
I can’t wait to see lives changed for Christ!
I can’t wait to experience a culture I’ve only seen in pictures and heard about
I can’t wait to hear the voice of God
I can’t wait to worship the Creator of the universe
I can’t wait to see what God will do!
And I can’t wait for the things that I don’t even know about yet!

So yes, I wait in great anxiousness, and but I wait in great expectation!  I will have moments of quiet, when I can’t find the words, and moments when I won’t be able to shut up!  All my crazy will be contained, and moments that will be ALLLLLLLLLL over everything!

I will hug hard, smile big, and love fierce!

Sunday, April 09, 2017

Learning and menu planning

I am learning to go with the flow lol

I have always loved structure because, let's face it, it's been about control and there is always some kind of crazy going on.

I have all the plates, cups, drink mix, fork/napkin packed for all three events this month. I make lists, check them off, there is great pleasure in that :)

I like to meal plan, but I've learned lately that our lives are crazy, and it doesn't always work out or we don't feel like eating what was planned and since it's only two of us, who cares! Lol so for the next couple weeks I've stocked the pantry, freezer, and fridge to choose what we'd like (and there's a big variety to choose from).

I'm thankful that as I'm getting older, I'm learning to hold on to what's really important, and let go of things that aren't worth holding onto, and to find a healthy balance of the rest :)

Dinners to choose from:
Shepherds pie
Taco salad
Chef salad
Chicken parm
Turkey burgers & sweet potato fries
Chicken Greek salad
Chicken alfredo
Pesto & veggies with noodles
Chicken stir fry

We are blessed beyond belief

Thursday, April 06, 2017

I must do something

There are things I love about myself, and things that I probably could do without.  I hate that I can find all the things I'm inadequate at or that I can easily go into the mode of "well I'm not equipped or enough".  I also love and hate the fact that I always feel like I must do something. I love it because when I set my heart and mind to something, it gets done, no matter how long it takes (the soccer field is just an example), I really try to be in things for the long haul.  I hate it because my heart is easily broken and I could sometimes cry for days if I over think.
I've learned to put my faith, and my life in the hands of Jesus.  I will do what He asks, whether I feel equipped or not.  And sometimes (often) it's a very humbling experience. 
I can't tell you why, because I don't know myself, I feel so called to refugees, Syrian Refugees to be exact.  If I had the money or I was allowed, I am pretty sure I would have booked a flight to Syria yesterday to go do... something.  Is it dangerous? of course it is!  But that dumb "must do something" part of me was on high alert.
That part of me, the negative self talk part of me, started with "you're not a doctor, a nurse, or anything probably helpful, YOU'VE GOT NOTHING".  I ripped my own heart out of my chest.  FOR YEARS I had listened to the voices of people I knew who "loved me" tell me all the things I'm not, who made me feel like I never lived up to their expectations, who thought I was too much spice and not enough sugar.   I'm spicy, God wired me to have a passionate heart...  that's just the way it goes.
And then I thought... I have two arms. I can love people and hold people, I can laugh with people and color with children, we can play dominoes, we can unwrap dum-dum suckers together and find out what color our tongues are after we eat them, and even for just one hour or maybe one minute, they will know that with all the evil in the world, someone really loves them. (John 1:5  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.)
I don't have any great talents, I've got a doctorate in Nothing. But I am a great hugger (one of the best) and when I loveyou, you know it.  And I can cook you a meal, and after all, you've got to eat.   I'll never be a great communicator from a stage (and nor do I really want to go that! but I really admire those who can) but when I speak, I want my words to be of encouragement and love, the person in front of me is the one I care about.  And I'll take the talents from God over any other worldly talent.
I am not everything but I AM enough. (Exodus 3:14 God said to Moses, “I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I am has sent me to you.’")
So, I'm going to figure out how I can help refugees in this area, and I am praying about going to a refugee camp in the fall in some other part of the world.
I don't know much, but I do know... I must do something.
Micah 6:8 (ESV) He has told you, O man, what is good;
    and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
    and to walk humbly with your God?
Micah 6:8 (NIV) He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God.

Friday, March 31, 2017

My Prayer time with Jesus

The last few months have been challenging on many
levels.  Sometimes I come home and I’m so exhausted from going 100 mph IN CIRCLES!
Going to Uganda and all that came with that was a blessing but a lot of pressure (that I put on myself).  Lots going on, keeping everything on the plate while planning for the garden… and a million other things… I still don’t know what we are serving on April 10th at the soup kitchen and I usually have it planned 3 weeks in advance. (and I'm dying to go to Haiti I'm just waiting for the "go" which may or may not be making me a little nutso)
I’ve spent the last 4 days at 5-6am praying for my church and the city of Detroit.  Each
day has been different, today I had no idea where to start… I’m just talking to God how hard can that be?  BUT I felt like I’ve been asking for the same things for 4 days!  I decided that today I would pray while listening to worship music.  I often hear a song and it reminds me of someone and I pray it over them.    So today I turned on the music and asked God to lead me in prayer. “ Just play what my heart needs Lord, because today I
don’t have the words.”

And near the end, Savior King came on by Hillsong
United though it will always be my favorite sang by Jon Whaley.  (he even has to sing it at my funeral). 
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed

Wow!  I prayed for people who have lost hope, they
are at the end of a very frayed rope, I could almost visualize it, I have been
there, when you’re perfectly healthy and you can’t seem to take the next
step.  It’s awful.  But then God comes out of nowhere, a Savior,
and rescues us and renews our hope!    I
closed my eyes and asked God to show me who needed that prayer!  Who needs hope, their faces were clear.  Some of the faces I knew, and some I've never seen before.
Let now Your church shine as the bride

That you saw in your heart as You offered up Your Life

Let now the lost be welcomed home

By the saved and redeemed, those adopted as Your own

I prayed that Woodside  Detroit, all the campuses would be beacons in their cities for those who need Him, that their love would be so loud, it couldn’t help but be heard and seen!
That because of that love, people would be saved and REDEEMED!   And I prayed for the churches in Detroit that I could think of, that truth would be spoken, that hearts would be
changed, that love would be lived. 

I give my life to honour this

The love of Christ, the Saviour King
I prayed this, for all, that they would give their lives as living gift to the one who gave
tehm life.  That they would honor Him.  That I would honor Him, in all that I do.

I Love you Lord!

Ramblings of my heart

I love traveling. To me it doesn't matter if I'm on adventure into another hemisphere or up to northern Michigan to see my friends. I feel like I haven't been anywhere in a long time!!!! It's been since December that my butt sat in an airplane on my way to snuggle three little boys and see my friends! (3 more weeks people I think I can make it!)

I love going away, but I love coming home.  I was walking around my neighborhood the other day and thought about how much I've always wanted to live in this neighborhood. It's not fancy and our house isn't much different than our old house but I love the feel of this neighborhood. I always have. I remember getting to go to levagood park on field trips and I was so in love with it!

I know I don't deserve all the goodness in my life after alllllllll the mistakes I've made and continue to make but I'm so thankful!

Today I'm on day 4 of praying for Detroit and my church and it's people. I've been so blessed by my sweet time. Each day has been different, one day seemed like I snuggled up with God and we just talked, one day was a great time of thanksgiving and excitement of what God is doing and yesterday was different in a way I cant explain. I have no idea what to expect, but this time is compared to no other, and I love it.

The fact that God CHOSE me and loves me for no other reason than He is loving is mind & heart blowing to me! He never stops amazing me! He is an amazing God!

Happy Friday friends! Sending love!

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Memories of Haiti

In my "on this day" popped up in my Facebook today and I was reminded that two years ago I left for Haiti! My girl Leah came "home" today.

I've had Haitian Chicken and Sauce on my brain lately and had it ready to make (which really means I have the ingredients and thawed the chicken) and I've been thinking and praying about Haiti a lot lately.  There is a trip in July lol

There is something about Haiti. I don't know what it is but my heart will always carry Haiti in my heart.

As I was making the chicken, I was thinking about the children at the orphanage. I was thinking about the time when sweet maxtelena thought it was hilarious that my name in Haiti (they don't say "r") sounds like the greatest flavoring ever - Maggi. I thought about Superstar Fally and his fantastic basketball skills and sweet Adonis who would smile the greatest smile and we'd hug as we both would cry at the thought of my leaving. We'd play dominoes until... we couldn't play any longer. Oh sweet Ruth and sassy woodla. How does your heart ever recover from such a love?

Man, I'm so thankful for my times in Haiti and I pray that God makes a way for me to go again... soon

Sunday, March 26, 2017

What's next?

Do you ever wonder what's next?

I'm a planner. I love what's next! I like to dream about it, I like to figure out how to make it happen, and then do it.

I loved youth ministry. There was always a "what's next"! Winter retreat, mission trips, big party... and then time to start over planning for... what's next!

My trip to Africa is paid for! I really can't believe it! The extra suitcases for the Little Dresses for Africa are sponsored, the goodies for the kids are donated, dominoes, phones to take, and my immunizations are done!

So now I wait! I hate waiting! Lol

But then I start dreaming! Where would I like to go next! I've got a trip up north scheduled, Colorado, Seattle, and then Uganda.

But after that... what's next?


Maybe more trips up north, maybe Haiti, maybe nowhere (ha! Not even I believe that!)

I'm learning to live in love with everyday.  Not always worry about what's next, which is hard. Don't over think, just be in the moment. I'm learning to love it and not overthink things. I laugh and my heart beats a little happier!

I just  keep praying! God has decided that the future is none of my business.

What's next?

I haven't a clue. And it's ok with me

Friday, March 24, 2017


On hard days I'm most thankful.

That sounds ridiculous but it's true. On hard days I cling to people who love me, I focus on God's faithfulness, His goodness, and every blessing around me.

I know that on hard days God is stretching me, working in me and making me better.

On hard days its easy for me to be thankful because I open my eyes wide to see it, I don't want to miss a thing, because it may just be the one thing that gets me through to the next moment.

Today I thought about how truly blessed I am. I have the greatest people in my life. Ones who give me flowers and cards that say "bloom where you're planted" and people who pray and laugh, people who say "be strong, be brave".

Today while at dinner listening to my daughter talk and tell me about how she stood up for what she believed in, I thought "the hardest days were worth it this week to have this moment" or the walk with the dog.

At the end of this week, I'm thankful.

I'm thankful for grace, and mercy.
I'm thankful for friends and family.
I'm thankful for forgiveness
I'm really thankful that I'm able to serve and love others
I'm thankful for Jesus

Sunday, March 12, 2017


When God put the trip of Uganda in my heart, it was a gift. It was a gift I tried to give back with excuses why I shouldn't/couldn't go.

One of those reasons was the cost.  It was a lot of money in a short amount of time. I have seen God provide in so many ways. I was literally so anxious about the money, I figured it out PER DAY of how much I needed to raise, made 3 different spreadsheets.

One of the requirements was that we needed to have 50% of our money raised by the end of March.

I've cut back on Starbucks, sold tshirts, did secret shopping, people have donated towards my trip. I'm excited to say that I'm 82% there and we aren't even at the end of March!! Each person who has prayed, donated, I'll take them in my heart on this trip. It's such a joy and honor!!!

Not only the cost of the trip, we'd like to take Little Dresses for Africa. Each suitcase costs $100, 5 suitcases (now I need only 4 sponsored - one is!!) I'm trying to get sponsored at $100 each. Have you ever seen those beautiful dresses? It's such a gift to give children hope in the form of a dress or shorts! I've done it in Haiti and El Salvador and I'm thankful that we will get to do it in Uganda!

I've seen God provide like crazy in my life!!! His love and grace is undeniable and overwhelming!

If you'd like to be a part of my trip financially, you can send an online donation via this link. If that is not possible, will you please pray for the trip? That God would move in and through each of us.

Sunday, March 05, 2017

Loving my gifts

I was just searching for a movie in our collection. It's annoying to me that our movies aren't in alphabetical order. They are grouped but our current layout doesn't allow for completely alphabetical.  (I'm not judging you if yours are just thrown anywhere).

As I poured beans in the pressure to cook them before I can them I laughed at what a nerd I am because the truth is, I like my own canned beans more than to buy them canned like most people do.

Methodically thinking about what order I'm going to do the laundry, I sighed.

I plant gardens and cook dinner.

I send letters and cards in the mail, I think hugs are great expressions of how much you love someone.

I am a nerd.

I've come to accept who God made me to be. I've even come to a place where I like who I am.

I love that I feel most beautiful when I look the grossest. lol I think about haiti and soup kitchens and my heart does a little flutter.

I love that when I hug people they know I love them. I love that feeding people not only fills their belly, it feeds their souls.

I love that I desire to spend time with God and do what He says, not because I have to but because I want to.

Sure there are things I don't always like about me, but I'll never give up trying to
Be my best me.

I'm not perfect but I love fierce and everything (except the alphabetized dvds) in my life is driven by that love. Even my crazy obsession with kayaking!

My prayer for the people in my life is that they will embrace the gifts that God has given them, and learn to love who God made them to be

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Music of my heart - let it happen

The very first thing I ever made for MBK was cupcakes.  I brought the dessert to the dinner that we served with someone else.  I was thinking of that today as I was making cupcakes for Monday.  I really love making cupcakes.  I don’t know what it is.  It’s faster to make regular cake but I really like making cupcakes and I can frost 24 cupcakes in like 4 minutes.   I don’t do fancy frosting most of the time, just back of the spoon frosting, some fun sprinkles… 

When I turn around and look at where God has me at any given moment, I think about how I just let Him guide me, use me. I didn’t try to orchestrate anything or just try to figure it out.  When I just take each step one at a time and not worry about what the path looks like, when I take in the moment of where I am, just as God intended, things go well for me.  When I remember that God is the director, it really is where I find the most joy and the most peace. 

I’ve got to just let it happen.

Thursday, February 09, 2017

Music of my heart - hidden

This song.  The first time I heard it, my soul took a breath.  Often my life is crazy and busy, but I can sit at the feet of Jesus and breath.  I can look at things that seem way to big.  Overwhelming really, but if I know I am in the will of God, I know I am, SAFE.
Most of my life I have not felt safe.  Always scared of something.  But there is something about the Love of God.  A love so strong that I can’t help but feel safe. 
There is a verse, Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,

    and he will make your paths straight.

When I would worry people would quote that verse to me, and even though I heard the words, they did not penetrate my heart.  And one day, I am not sure when it happened, I came to the point when I believed it. I didn’t just believe in God, I believed Him.
There came a moment when I knew that I could do whatever He asked of me, I just needed to believe it, and believe Him.  Often it seems crazy and nuts, but here I am, I just do what God asks. 

I never know what to say when people ask what is going on?  Sometimes I am just so excited about it all, I want to scream how excited I am.  Like just I was when I first learned about God’s grace.
This song.  My heart.  It’s the words when I don’t have them.


There was one when I was young
Who knew my heart
He knew my sorrow
He held my hand
And he lead me to trust him
Now I am hidden
In the safety of your love
I trust your heart and your intentions
Trust you completely
I’m listening intently
You’ll guide me through these many shadows

As I grow
And as I change
May I love you more deeply
I will lean upon your grace
I will reap because your goodness is unending

You are my vision
My reason for living
Your kindness leads me to repentance
I can’t explain it
This sweet assurance

But I’ve never known this kind of friend
I can’t explain it
This sweet assurance
But I’ve never known this kind of friend

The sun, moon, and stars
Shout your name
They give you reverence
And I will do the same
With all my heart I give you glory
The sun, moon, and stars
Shout your name
They give you reverence
And I will do the same
With all my heart I give you glory

I want to seek you first
I want to love you more
I want to give you the honor you deserve
So I bow before you
I am overcome by the beauty of this perfect love

I want to seek you first
I want to love you more
I want to give you the honor you deserve
So I bow before you
I am overcome by the beauty of this perfect love

Now I am hidden
In the safety of your love
I trust your heart and your intentions
Trust you completely
I’m listening intently
You’ll guide me through these many shadows

Now I am hidden
In the safety of your love
I trust your heart and your intentions
Trust you completely
I’m listening intently
You’ll guide me through these many shadows

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Music of my heart - You make me brave

Music gives me the words when I just don’t have them.

On Sunday we worshipped in church to “You make me brave” it always reminds me of Katie. She said it was the song that she sang before they moved to Colorado. I listened to the song on repeat one day and CRIED THE WHOLE DAY! There were moments, I will tell you the truth, I didn’t think I was going to make it without the Dorbands. That’s just the truth. Thankfully, phone calls, texts, and visits, I still here, probably stronger.

While listening/singing God simply spoke to my heart and said “I know you love them, but I wanted you here” and I know that had The Dorbands stayed in Michigan, I probably never would have left serving with them.

The truth is that I am scared about almost everything. I am always afraid of making a mistake. Do you know that when I make a meal for someone, sometimes I’m even afraid to ask them if they want me to. Like the other day, I dropped a meal off for someone, I didn’t even ask them LOL, I just did it. That way, I don’t know… they couldn’t say no.

Look I know I can cook. The other day we went out to eat, because I was kind of sick of cooking and eating my own food, so we went out (Had a groupon) and then we ate… and I said “I could have cooked way better than this” LOL but sometimes I think it might seem lame to drop off a meal. But it’s what I do. I can’t change that. So I do it even if I’m afraid of something dumb.

It’s in the daily obedience that I am the most anxious. Am I supposed to do this? Does it make a difference? Will my gift of love be looked upon as dumb. I just want to love people in a way that they want/need to be loved.

The craziest thing I've been anxious about is that I really feel like I need to learn to sing.  I am never going to be T-fab that's for sure, but not making people's ears bleed would be great.  I feel like I'm going to have to sing at some point in Uganda, and I'd prefer to do it well or at least not horrible.  I've been sweating over asking for help for a long time, I mean seriously, I cried.   I am such a crier!  The thought of doing something I am terrible in front of people, that's just crazy to me, but how will I ever get better if I don't ask for help?!? So I did it. 

In those moments of pure anxiety, I have to just be still and listen. Let Him speak to me, let His word get into my heart, get pumped up about who God called me to be and what He called me to do!

I stand before You now
The greatness of your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of you
King of Heaven, in humility, I bow

Wednesday, February 01, 2017

Applesause Bread

This is one of my favorite recipes.  I make it all the time for church and the other day I heard someone shout "There's applesauce bread!" and my heart smiled.  I love feeding people :)


1 cup white sugar
1 1/4 c applesauce
1/2 cup vegetable oil (or butter)
2 eggs
3 tablespoons milk
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 heaping teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9x5 inch loaf pan.

In a large bowl, combine the applesauce, sugar, oil, eggs and milk; beat well. Sift in the flour, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice and salt; stir until smooth. Fold in the pecans. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan.
Bake in preheated oven for 60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into center of the loaf comes out clean.

Saturday, January 28, 2017


I've been giving some thought to stewardship. I honestly thought I did ok with this one, not perfect. But when someone would say "if someone looked at your taxes or checkbook would they know you loved God?" The answer is yes. But in this last month I've been thinking about it... how much I wasted!

Money spent at Starbucks
Food that I threw away instead of freezing
Choosing to eat out instead of eating at home

I've been on a pretty strict budget. Pinching every penny.

An example is that so
Many times when we had leftover buns we would leave them. I noticed that the soup
Kitchen had tons of buns so I asked my
Friend if I could take them and freeze them. The truth is that buns are only a couple bucks, HOWEVER I've been saving lots of $2 to add up to more money

It's been eye opening to me how much I waste and what a bad steward of God's resources I have been. The thing is I know how to stretch a dollar i just got careless. It's been something God has been working on with me.

When it started I thought it would suffocate me, take away my freedom but to be honest, it's done the opposite. It really has been freeing. I always say "you either manage ________ or it manages you" and I'll be honest I think I've needed to take control for some time now. Nothing bad has happened, but there is no point in waiting until it does. It's been so great, and I don't feel restricted at all or that I'm giving anything up. It's been so great!

I'd like to invite you to really look at how you are spending your money and not
Compare to how the world spends their money but God's view and see how you stack up. You might get an A+ rating or you might need a little work (or a whole lot). Don't over look a little here and a little there. It all adds up!!! I saved $57 this month changing my Starbucks routine from everyday ($3 per day) to only going two times per week. I thought I'd hate it but I like making it myself. Less time spent in the drive thru, less money spent... its good stuff!!

I'm thankful God never stops working on me!!

Thursday, January 26, 2017


Do you ever just sit and dream?

Get real quiet and think “what if?”

I am often on the go, but in my quiet time, I think of how I would change things if I could.  And the crazy thing is most of the things I dream about are in my control.  Lately I’ve been dreaming about the garden.  I have been dreaming of apple trees lining the street.  I dream of the existing garden beds and adding to them.  I dream of trying straw bales and potato boxes. 

I dream of people, from all over the area, working together, laughing, sharing their stories.  All ages, all races, coming together to feed people.  Maybe even exchange a recipe or two ;) How great would it be to have an over-abundance of zucchini that there could be a class of teenagers with a leader, MAKING zucchini bread!  Or making applesauce from apples we picked off trees on the property.

I dream these things, not a wish, but a path, because I know that if God sets it before me, He will make it possible for me to complete. 

I’m excited about a next step that’s about to happen to make these dreams come true! 

Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

A lesson in love - a life well loved

When i was a child I had an aunt that was severely disabled. When She was young she lived with my gram and grandpa but with aging parents and her growing needs she had to be put into a nursing home. It was called Madonna. I remember my family had to make her a ward of the state because they couldn't care for her financially but my gram always made sure she had nice clothes visited her and there wasn't a family dinner she wasn't at and they'd bring her home on sundays and other times. We called her "retarded" because that's what they called it back then. No disrespect meant, it was what it was. She was different than us, but we loved her.

I can remember going to Madonna and the smell of urine, I remember being sad to leave her. There are just some things as a child you never understand, and as an adult you don't understand them any better. And that's the truth. I think my faith in God gives me a peace that really does surpass all understanding. I remember that God is good, and sovereign and I accept that He trusts the strongest with His most precious gems.  My aunt was a jewel in our family, she taught us how to love.

I guess in this day and age and I think about how far we've come, and how much further we need to go.  I see people who stand up and fight for what they believe in. They talk about it on Facebook and they get loud and big. You know when people listen the hardest? When you whisper.

From my own experience, when there are loud noise, a back down, back away, and cover my ears. Small sounds like birds chirping, waves rippling, I stop and listen intently at those things.

I am taking a lesson from my aunt today, while her words were very few and far between, her actions and love they made and impact on my life that is forever stamped.

She was the hardest hugger. A lesson I live out. Let my love be silent in words but in strong in action, may my laughter be loud, and may my hugs always be hard!

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Off to a good start!

It's January 17, the day after Martin Luther King Day. It was  the first year in a long time I don't have the day off.

We are only 17 days into 2017 and I've made some very intentional changes. One of them being how I spend my money. I've saved $27 so far just not having Starbucks everyday lol. What a terrible choice that was that became a habit.

I thought buckling down would be constricting but instead it became freeing and more creative! And that's been fun!!! Which is weird! Haha!

I really felt like God had been telling me to spend less. Specifically live on what you made 8 years ago. Truth is i need to save more, spend less. At this point, I can't do that. I have bills that need to be paid off, a trip to Uganda to pay for, but I'm getting there! I've even started mystery shopping to make some extra money to use as a fundraiser for my mission trip to Uganda!

I'm making good choices that will become good habits :).

It feels good to do this! It makes me feel a little regretful of how I spent money in the past but I can't change that. I can say I'm sorry and I can move forward. No shame, no guilt, just thankfulness!

I hope your 2017 is off to a great start!

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

My people

I shared with someone that I was nervous about raising funds about my trip to Uganda. It's a lot of money. I somehow felt at ease once I saw my tshirt for my fundraiser. It was a weird peace, but the one God knew to send at that moment. I might (eh em) cried.

Do you know that my whole life I've been scared? My WHOLE life. My mom died when I was a tot, I was scared my dad would die. Who would take care of me? Literally this was a worry I had my whole life. Let's me honest, I'm too much for just about everybody, who would have wanted that burden?

Because I've been a little (or a lot) too much for most people, I've learned to tame that back, be who I thought they wanted me to be. I always worried people would leave, and because of the loss of my momma at a young age, that's something I was scared of, people leaving.

As I became a single mom I worried about the money to take care of my daughter! Especially when she was sick.

I was always nervous that I couldn't really be myself around people. So I wasn't.

And then it happened, I met people who loved me for who I was because that's how God loves me. There's a remarkable beauty in that.

As you grow older, you realize the people around you aren't always safe. They will have their own agendas, they will be mean and hateful for no reason, other than their own jealousy and ugly pride.

I've learned to be around people who are safe for me. I don't worry about them leaving or not liking me. I know that the advice they give isn't for any benefit of them, but only helpful to me. They cheer me on and calm me down.

These are my people. The people I go places with and do things with that might frighten me or make me look stupid.

The people who say "MAR-gie!!" When I'm crazy or just say my name sweetly when I'm afraid or hug me when there are no words.

I got people.

Bucket people
Serving people
Praying people
Tshirt people
Friend people
Sister people
Haiti people
Church people
Family people
Friend people

I got people. People who love me when I'm scared, make me feel safe.

I'm always a little nervous, but God says "be courageous, I am with you always"

And who am I to argue with "I AM"?

Thanks for being my people

Monday, January 09, 2017

Steps to success

Today someone who doesn't take care of her health said "I had a _____" and I wondered why she didn't take care of herself. But the truth is... I don't always take care of myself!!!

My mom died of breast cancer
My dad had a quadruple bypass and
Countless vascular surgeries
My dad has diabetes...

And what's my excuse? Am I going to wait until it's too late?

So today, after cooking a big meal for my favorite people, I came home and roasted sweet potatoes, zucchini, asparagus, and broccoli. Found some chicken in the freezer for lunch tomorrow. I started back to Weight watchers online last week. Doing great and feeling great!

The truth is there is no time like today to make a difference in our lives. There is no tomorrow.

Want to read your bible more? Start today
Want to send letters to people you love? Start today.
Be encouraging
Be kind
Be loving
Take care of yourself

There are no excuses in success!

Join me !


The truth is I'm a little nervous! Not afraid, really. Just nervous.

I'm going to Uganda.

Which is huge. The cost of the trip, the vaccinations. It's a lot. In 6 months.

It's a lot of money and a big responsibility. The me part of me wants to back out. But the part of me that belongs to God says "He called, I'm going" and thankfully the part of me that belongs to God stuffs a gag in the me part of me's mouth, gets the duct tape out, and shuts me up.

I've done everything from figuring out how much I need per week and per day. Yes. I'm making myself nuts!!

Just like every other aspect of my life, I need


I believe He will. I don't just believe it, I know it. I don't know how it will all work out, but I know at some point, At every point, I'll stand in awe of it all.

Here I am, send me!!!

Monday, January 02, 2017

Happy birthday! Happy 2017!

Happy birthday to me!!

I feel so thankful for a wonderful birthday!!

I made a huge pot of sauce hoping to have friends with me at church for my birthday and come over for lunch, but it was a simple day surrounded by just a few people and it was perfect, and now I have leftover sauce which is always a good thing!!

The day was really low key! (Except for the 200+ birthday wishes). Scaled back church due to a power issue, and it was glorious! It was like God gave me a reminder... "don't forget child, I'm in control".

I even brought cupcakes for the treats at church but since we didn't have power there wasn't anything else out :) as I saw my homeless friends on the way in, I gave them their normal treat plus a cupcake and thanked them for celebrating with me!!

I took a long nap (1.5 hours) I've been really tired because my back has been bothering me and I haven't been sleeping well. It's gonna be hard to get back into the 4am wake ups that I normally live!!! But it won't take long to be back to 9pm sleeps and 4am wake ups!

We went to see the movie "fences" with Denzel Washington. Wow! What a great movie!!! It made me think about how if we don't find joy in the hard of our lives we will be miserable and stuck. I'd really recommend the movie!

I'm looking forward to 2017!!  I always ask God to use me and I have the opportunity to go to Uganda in 2017! A trip to Washington state to see dear "kids" of mine! A driving trip to the East coast!

I rejoined Weight Watchers to get my physical life back on track!!

I loved 2016 even with all its challenges and I believe 2017 will be filled with its own set of challenges (and goon squad) but every year that we learn, grow, and love, it's a good one!