Passion



Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)


Saturday, November 18, 2017

November Thankfuls Day 17

It will come to no surprise to you that I love youth ministry. Shocking, right?

I’m crying right now thinking about the millions of blessings that come from the hard of youth ministry. 

The kind of friends I’ve made and the silly and crazy experiences I’ve had. 

My friend Beckie and I had a night out. She’s always willing to try new places with me! And instead of the tree lighting that we’ve done the last two years we went to “twisted storytellers” and it was so nice to sit and chat and laugh and the moment someone said “east side” we looked at each other and laughed and said “east side” like we did quite a few years ago on a mission trip. 

We talked about a million things and I love that she helps me to grow and we can talk about real life stuff, Including hard stuff. And we laugh and we love. 

I’ve been blessed a gazillion times over in youth ministry, I can honestly say my friend beckie was one of the greatest blessings I’ve ever received!

It’s just too bad we never take any pictures together 😂😘❤️

November Thankfuls Day 18 ponchos

In my whole life I’ve never worn a poncho. Today at a terribly rainy day I’m wearing one. Bright yellow 😳

I never knew I’d be so thankful for one of these! Seriously! Some guy felt sorry for my ill preparedness and let me wear it. 

Who knew I’d ever wear one AND that I’d be so thankful for it



Thursday, November 16, 2017

November Thankfuls Day 16

Im absolutely ridiculous I tell you. So darn grateful. I painted these signs today while spending time with my cousin. 

I made them as Christmas gifts. Do you know that each one I made was pure joy for me! I made them for people i love and every time i did a new color I’d cheer.

I’m thankful God made me to be a dork and that I can find joy and wonder in the simplest places 

 

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

November Thankfuls Day 14 Home 

Today after a long day I’m most thankful to come home and be. 

I made dinner from a hodge podge of leftovers topped with a couple eggs (it was delish) and took the dog for a walk all while listening to EWF dancing as I walked. 

I got some Christmas lights up on the house. I was able to take time to put out the coffee mugs for my friend and soon I’ll head to bed to start the next day over. 

I’m so thankful for my little homestead. I’m just so thankful 

November Thankfuls - serving others 

Day 13 came and went. 

Serving dinner is such a weird gift. I don’t think people grow up thinking I wish I could serve in a soup kitchen but it really is one of the greatest joys that I have! Knowing someone has a full belly and it was a good yummy meal makes my heart happy!

I’m thankful to be able to serve delicious meals for people I love! We were so busy yesterday serving dinner to people we love!

I’m thankful that God provides that meal over and over and all I’ve got to do is show up and serve it :)

Yesterday’s meal... I’m thankful for a ridiculous amount of meatballs, soooooo many pies and friends I love serving with! 

I always come home exhausted but my heart is full!

And next week I get to do it twice!


Monday, November 13, 2017

November Thankfuls Day 12 Chapstick 

I know there are a lot of alternatives to Chapstick but i happen to just really like this one.  I can use almost any flavor but this is my go to. 

In the summer it’s the only SPF I use. I hate suncreen. In the winter it heals and protects my lips from the bitter cold. 


e ar

Saturday, November 11, 2017

November thankful - day 11 sleep 

There are a lot of gifts. 

I am lucky to possess a few.

One gift I’m especially thankful for is the gift of SLEEP 🛏 

It’s very true that i can sleep anywhere. Loud tv? Me? Sleeping

Lights on? Me? Sleeping 

Place I’ve been before? Me? Sleeping

Place I’ve never been before? Me? Sleeping 

On the floor? In a bed? Me? Sleeping 

In a box with a fox? Me? Sleeping 

I don’t like to spend my days sleeping but given my great love of youth ministry (and people) it’s a blessing for this gift. Life without sleep is terrible. Like kill someone terrible.

I go to bed, I get up early. I love to sleep for just the right amount of time, then I get up and I’m raring to go! Like right now, I’m not even in charge of breakfast... and I’m itching to start cooking.

Thankful for the gift of sleep!

Friday, November 10, 2017

November Thankfuls - Day 10 Trying new things


Trying new things.

It’s hard and exciting at the same time. Kind of like the Ying and the Yang. They fit together perfectly.

So I signed up for our church “Sisterhood Retreat”. This might seem like a pretty easy thing for me, right? I like people, I like getting away.  And I’m sitting in the bedroom while everyone is downstairs because after a long week I just need a minute by myself plus I promised myself a blog everyday.  And soon I’ll be ready for bed.  HAHA

I’m excited to hear the stories of these beautiful women and learn the things that God has done in their lives. I’m excited to love and learn and to recharge and get organized and ready for the holiday season.  I feel like my life is out of control, and I’m the one in charge of my calendar and my time.  It’s time to slow back down.  In my life I used to love the hurried life style, but it seem harried now not just hurried. It’s seem quantity over quality.  I’d much rather have quality.  

So again I’m trying the new(ish) thing of slowing down, remembering what I love, trying new things (maybe even plan for a new exercise class or strength training).

I’m excited about this weekend just a little nervous, I must be brave and put myself out there.

Trying new things always works out.  Sometimes I learn things I don’t love, but most often, I learn I love a new things.

Thursday, November 09, 2017

November Thankfuls - Day 9 My job (God's provision)

I've got this problem, sometimes I'm just not thankful.

And then I get a gut check.  Sometimes it feels like God gave me the scobie (or whatever it's called) of Kombucha, made me eat/drink (whatever you'd do if you had one) and I feel like a jerk.

How about that for November thankfuls?  Let's be real today.

Yesterday was hard. I have a great job and work for a great company with really amazing people.  And yet, yesterday I was like "but I'm not saving the world" sitting at my desk selling wire harnesses.

I know so many people "on the ground" and often wish I was one of them. 

And then my friend reminded me that because of my really great job I have really really great health insurance at a really really great rate.

I picked up pictures at Walgreens and as I looked through them all, I was reminded that because of God's provision I am able to buy gift cards for "my kids" or candy or pop or school supplies when they need them.  I get to travel to places like Africa and preach the Gospel.  I get to see friends in Colorado.  Because of my M-F job (though the hours have been REALLY long those days) I am able to travel to Chicago on a Saturday to love and support my friends.

Because of my job (God's provision) we have a warm house and a high electric/gas bill because I can afford to keep the temp how I want it.  I drive a nice car that gets me where I am going and currently it's filled with donations for our "Home Free" friends for my church.

I talk to friends at work about Jesus and we serve together at MBK and because of God's provision we are able to provide really great meals for our friends there.  And that Halloween party, yo.  (yes, I really just said that)

The truth is that it's because of my job (that I'm really great at) I am able to serve Jesus in a way that others aren't, and that's a gift.  A really great gift.  And I AM VERY THANKFUL!

So today I put up new pictures to remind me.  I am blessed beyond measure, and loved beyond words.

That's today's truth and thankfuls.

Never miss the blessings in the hard times, my friends, you've survived 100% of your hardest days. 

Tuesday, November 07, 2017

November Thankfuls - day 8

Sometimes I’m caught off guard by thankfulness. You too?

I was sitting watching my daughter smile and was overcome by the grace of God. It was not that long ago (at least in mind) that her body was riddled with arthritis, and there she was stronger than ever doing the hanging hula hoop (it has a name but i can’t remember)

And she was surrounded by people who love her. She has quite a fan club and I was so proud of her (i am her biggest) 

I’ve been making plans/goals and I’m working on becoming stronger. Watching her made me want to keep going.

I’m so thankful. Of all the things I am, my favorite thing is that i am Phyllis’s momma

Here’s to strong women, may we be them, may we raise them ❤️

November Thankfuls Day 7 - Voting

I LOVE VOTING!

It is an honor to me! Today I vote for Mayor in our city. It’s the second time I get to vote in Dearborn. 

As a child i voted with my dad, he’d take me to the polls. 

It’s important to vote. So many times people complain but I just can’t imagine all those people complaining actually voted. 

People have fought for our rights to vote and later today I’ll be at the polls ❤️

Monday, November 06, 2017

November Thankfuls Day 6 - Cookie



When I was a child, I loved dogs, I'd check out this one book at the library over and over again studying dogs, wishing I could have one.  Never got one.

One day I was walking and a dog came charging at me, and literally 3 feet before it was about to eat my face off the owner yelled a command and it stopped dead in it's tracks.  From then on, I was not a fan of dogs. 

We got a dog when Phyllis was a teenager, unfortunately she had issues with her pancreas and we gave her away to someone who could afford to take care of her.  She was a cute dog but she peed everytime she saw someone new.  I thought I was going to kill her at one point.  Instead, I'd take her outside, let them meet her and everyone would go inside together....  I was never going to stop the peeing so I figured out how to live with it.

It's been a long time since we had a dog.  We were going to move to Detroit so we decided we needed a dog (jokes on me, we moved to Dearborn. 

We got this crazy pooch.  Cookie.  She's a rescue.  She drives me crazy.

But I love her.

She greets me at the door and jumps around begging to go out.
She thinks she gets a treat just for being cute.
She chokes herself while walking because she pulls so much but it's fun to take her out and explore.
She smiles and smirks
If I don't pet her enough (like EVERY MINUTE) she licks my arm (so disgusting)

I'm thankful for her even though I never really wanted a dog.  For the record, having Cookie doesn't make me a dog lover, I'm just a MY dog lover.


Sunday, November 05, 2017

November Thankfuls Day 5 - Youth Ministry

There are a lot of things I love but for real I’m so thankful for youth ministry. The kids are amazing and I️ can't believe God lets me love these kids!  They make my heart so happy! I love hearing about their highs and lows. 

I am surprised about how God can expand our hearts to love so many.  It is amazing to me how many kids I love and I still have room in my heart to love more.

My life has a little bit crazy and today I realized that I didn't have the verse of the week written on the index cards today so I did what any crazy youth leader would do... I chose the shortest verse in the bible to give them.  John 11:35... Jesus wept.    Hey, it's important.  it's all important.  I was writing them out and one of the girls asked if she could help.  Of course I said yes, because I'm no dummy.  She's writing scripture!  She's serving Jesus alongside of me.  Is there anything better??? 

I loved today when Jamie asked the kids to find the verse we were focusing on before we needed it and his message was ON POINT!  Especially for me!  1 Sam 24: 8-11 Respect

David came out and shouted after him, “My lord the king!” And when Saul looked around, David bowed low before him.

Then he shouted to Saul, “Why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you? 10 This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn’t true. For the Lord placed you at my mercy back there in the cave. Some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, ‘I will never harm the king—he is the Lord’s anointed one.’
11 Look, my father, at what I have in my hand. It is a piece of the hem of your robe! I cut it off, but I didn’t kill you. This proves that I am not trying to harm you and that I have not sinned against you, even though you have been hunting for me to kill me.

it really was soooo good.  It was real and relevant and the truth he spoke into their lives I am sure will not return void. 

I'm so thankful for my time with my new kids. They are loving and funny and crazy!  They are all so different and yet, they fit so perfectly together!  I love them so much!

I'm so thankful God called me to work with teenagers!

Saturday, November 04, 2017

November Thankfuls Day 4 - Transportion

So I can’t imagine people I love moving away and never seeing them again. 

Remember that old game “Oregon trail”, it’s like the original video game.  Or how about Little House on the Prairie. People would leave and maybe people would never see them again. 

I hate when people leave, but there is one thing I know, if you love each other you’ll find a way to figure it out. 

My friends moved to Colorado but thanks to airplanes I’m able to go and see them often (not often enough) and this weekend we were able to hop on the freeway and be with our friends. 

I’m so thankful for people who have crazy ideas like trains, planes, and automobiles.

I’m thankful they were bold with their ideas and I’m thankful it’s affordable 

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

November thankfuls Day 2

Honestly I don’t always get sibling love. Some days as an only child I don’t really get it all.

I have “sisters” - same Father, different Dad and Mom. These sisters have taught me what it means to forgive and accept forgiveness. 

No matter how far or near, when something happens happy or sad I want to be there! Celebrate their kid’s birthdays, walk with them through good and bad times, vacations, and just fun times in the city (or anywhere - even MOD)

The truth is that it’s not always easy but it is always worth it. Knowing that no hurt feelings are ever intentional. That kind of friend is priceless. That also makes forgiveness come easy. It takes effort but sometimes there is time between us, but distance or time doesn’t separate us.

They have taught me what it’s like to share my feelings even when I don’t feel safe, because I might not feel safe, but I am.

There are few in this life that I trust like that, but I will tell you, those I do, I’d fight the devil himself for those friendships (and I think I have).

I’m thankful for those kind of friends.

November Thankfuls Day 3 

 Once I learned to read, my nose was constantly in books. They were so fun for me! I’d imagine myself in far away adventures! Now days I love reading books that help me be my best me or autobiography’s. 

I’m thankful for books! In all genre and sizes! I’m especially thankful for free books!! One of the things I love about books is that they take us to a place we’ve never been before and don’t leave us there! I can snuggle up with a books for days and barely move. I’ve live them since I’ve discovered the beauty of the way the pages feel in my hand and the way paper smells! 

Oh books... I love you ❤️ 

I’m asked to read and review books and I’d like to share some with you that I’ve recently read!

Is your dad a pirate by Tara McClary Reeves

The illustrations in this book are phenomenal!! I loved this book and it’s view from the beautiful girl who’s father goes off to war! I actually think this is the perfect book for all children who have a parent in the Armed Forces as well as those who don’t!  

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes ❤️

Lizzy the Lioness

This story! Ohmyword! This book was written for children but it’s message is POWEFUL to everyone who reads it! I think this book might be my next go to book for children’s gifts! Soooooooo good!!!


This book! I love learning about people and learning what makes people tick and how they think! In life we encounter so many different kinds of people and serving and working with people is not always easy, this book is a tool in your tool belt for sure!!


This book takes your breath away!! Walking in the paths that God asks us to isn’t easy and I don’t know about you, but sometimes I want to give up! I love Katie’s honesty because things are never easy! I love how much she loves God! This is a must read!!


November thankfuls Day 1

I really couldn’t decide what to start with for thirty days of thankfuls. Do I pick people, things... oh I don’t know. The thoughts are spinning!

Yesterday was Halloween! We had 353 kids! Yes literally I figured out how many things I had to give out minus what we ate, 3 bottles of bubbles left... 353! Last year it was about 250 and I ran out! I give chips, juice boxes (which everyone was stoked for), and bubbles for the littles.

There was one trick or treater that stole my heart!! From far way it looked like two adults... it was. One caregiver and one man that was special! He was special all right! Stole my heart! I asked him if he wanted chips or juice box (he chose chips) but then saw the bubbles and excitedly asked for them. Somehow I managed to only give him one because if you know me, I wanted to give him ALLLLLL OF THEM!!

I’m thankful for a lot of things! I love giving out stuff at Halloween! I love that there are so many kids that go out! I love that the older kids get a chance, even for one day to be a kid again! I’m thankful I can afford to give out cool stuff! I’m thankful for a night of just sitting and laughing with my daughter! I’m thankful for sweet care givers that take special people out to have so much fun! I’m thankful for neighbors who all participate! I’m thankful for the crossing guards at the corners to make sure the kids are safe! I’m thankful for blankets to keep us warm! I’m thankful for a warm house to go into after it’s all done!

Hope your Halloween was happy! And happy November! 

Thursday, October 26, 2017

It was a good day 

Life is not always easy. Hell sometimes I feel like I’d like to give up because it’s so darn hard.

But then there are days like today.

Where I actually feel like God whispers “today is for you my lovey”

I have a job that I mostly enjoy (until I’m a community center director it won’t be perfect )

My dad is getting better!!

I spent the evening feeding people for a great event and prepping it with people I really really have grown to love

I really love my church. I came home and told my daughter I love serving there, there isn’t a crazy amount of stress when I serve, we just have a good time loving each other

I listened to a bunch of great speakers tonight. The kind of speakers that not only make me want to be better, they ignite a spark that won’t be put out.

I totally geeked out making appetizers and decorating cupcakes. Serving food is my jam.

After a long event, the only painful thing is my feet. I felt like I spent the whole day with Jesus.

I’m so peaceful, so content, and so loved.


Sunday, October 22, 2017

Not in a Hurry

Do you ever find yourself restless?

No?

Well not me. When I am in the middle of something, I am planning the next thing.

I love projects.

When I was in Youth Ministry before I’d start in the summer planning the back to school kick off or Big Party, then it was the Winter Retreat, then Detroit Mission trip while also planning global missions.

When I left Youth Ministry I told God I’d do whatever He wanted. And it meant I had to sit for awhile. Then it was the community garden, then the soccer field, and now I am back in Youth Ministry. We are fnishing up the soccer field and I found myself like “what’s the next big project?” I mean there must be something.

6 weeks of hospital visits and loving my dad has been weird.

So now that my dad is on his way to recovery, what’s next?

The last two days in Colorado I’ve spent lots of great time with my friends and I’ve gotten some walks in and time by myself. It’s been the perfect combination.

Today the song “you make my brave” sung by Jon Whaley came on and I felt this incredible peace, Youth Ministry. There might be more later but for now it’s Youth Ministry and relationships.

Part of me is like “what the heck?” because I love planning and accomplishing something. Doesn't He have something cool for me to serve on? But the part of me that really loves God knows, that what He says is best.

As I was singing “You make me brave” this morning walking, I said “I’ll be brave enough to do just as you ask, and I’ll wait, but I’m not going to rush it, I will love right where I am, even if it’s difficult to go against the ways I’ve done things before. Which you all should feel sorry for the kids (and other leaders) in our ministry because that just means I’ll be planning like crazy for them! (HAHA!!!!!)

I love the song “Not in a hurry” because it reminds to slow down and not try to get ahead of God. (Song and lyrics below)

I am thankful for everyday right where I am at. To love Him and love others. Whatever that looks like.

(remind me of this if I get restless again)

Lord I don’t want to rush on ahead

In my own strength

When you’re right here

Lord I don’t want to rush on ahead

In my own strength

When you’re right here

[Chorus]

I’m not in a hurry

When it comes to your spirit

When it comes to your presence

When it comes to your voice

I’m learning to listen

Just to rest in your nearness (Oh-oh)

I’m starting to notice

You are speaking (Oh-oh)

[Verse 2]

Lord I want to love like you (ooh-ooh)

I want to feel what you feel

I want to see what you see (ooh-ooh)

Lord I want to love like you (ooh-ooh)

I want to feel what you feel

I want to see what you see (ooh-ooh)


[Chorus]

I’m not in a hurry

When it comes to your spirit

When it comes to your presence

When it comes to your voice

I’m learning to listen

Just to rest in your nearness (Oh-oh)

I’m starting to notice

You are speaking (Oh-oh)

I’m not in a hurry

When it comes to your spirit

When it comes to your presence

When it comes to your voice

I’m learning to listen

Just to rest in your nearness (Oh-oh)

I’m starting to notice

You are speaking (Oh-oh)

[Bridge]

Open my eyes I want to see you

Open my ears I want to hear you speak

Tell me your thoughts what's on your mind

I’ll be your friend, I want to see through your eyes

I wanna see through your eyes


[Chorus]

I’m not in a hurry

When it comes to your spirit

When it comes to your presence

When it comes to your voice

I’m learning to listen

Just to rest in your nearness (Oh-oh)

I’m starting to notice

You are speaking (Oh-oh)

I’m not in a hurry

When it comes to your spirit

When it comes to your presence

When it comes to your voice

I’m learning to listen

Just to rest in your nearness (Oh-oh)

I’m starting to notice

You are speaking (Oh-oh)

Friday, October 20, 2017

It's never too late

If you only had one cell phone for the rest of your life, how would you treat it?

That is a question my friend Katie asked a bunch of middle schoolers today. 

Well we only get one body and one brain for OUR WHOLE LIVES to take care of. We don’t usually get an upgrade when we are too tired to go on (our battery runs out) and most people can’t afford plastic surgery if they don’t take care of their body.
But what happens when the choices we’ve made won’t help us to be our best selves for our whole lives?

Is it too late to start over?

NO!

Even if your screen cracks, you can still use your phone, the same goes with our bodies. We can take extra good care of them, and protect them.

This really struck a chord with me.

I’ve working on my financials. I am trying to prepare for an unknown future and I’ve not always saved like I should of, or racked up some debt that seems almost overwhelming to overcome.
I decided last month that I was going to move forward and stop looking at a mountain from the bottom thinking I can’t climb it. I took the first step. I went and acquired some tools to make a difference in the acquisition of my financial freedom. Then I took the first step. And a second… and this paycheck was another step.

You know what?

 It feels good. I thought it would feel confining, but it feels freeing.

I’ve got lots of things to work on because believe it or not, I am not perfect.

I’m going to keep moving forward to be my best me!

It’s not too late to be better even if I’ve made poor choices in the past!

Eph 2:10 (NLT) For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

This is one of my favorite songs lately :)




Tuesday, October 17, 2017

The benefits of slowing down...


“Phyllis” gave my dad a throw blanket many years ago, it had a poem on it.  He still has it laying over one of the chairs in the basement.

I like to walk with Grandpa,
His steps are short like mine.
He doesn't say "Now hurry up!"
He always takes his time.
Most people have to hurry,
They do not stop and see.
I'm glad that God made Grandpa
"Unrushed" and young like me.

 
If you know me, you know I am always moving, keep going, and usually in a hurry.  In the last two weeks I’ve been forced to slow my roll.  Eat slower, walk slower, be patient.  When I’d get hurried I’d remember this poem, and remember how my dad was so patient with Phyllis, how she’d ride the tractor or tinker with his computers.  I think his favorite picture will be the one when she was little and was “working on” a computer with a little screw driver.  Seriously so cute.
That poem reminds me to slow down, the last thing in the world I want is for my dad to feel like he is a burden or that he's too slow.  When I was young, he had to teach me, and slow down for me.  So I try to be patient (sometimes I do better than others).  A new part of fruit to work on.

In these times, I’ve come to realize that the most important things are not how much I can get accomplished but how well I can love someone.  I’ve always been task driven, it’s easy to accomplish a task.  It hurts to get hurt by people.  It’s hard to put myself “out there” because I hate the thought of being hurt. But it’s worth it.
Relationship.

Life is about love. 
Galatians 5:22-23 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

 

Monday, October 16, 2017

Thankful for His faithfulness

It has been a long 6 weeks, the last two I’ve lived with my dad to make sure if he needed anything I was there.

I can’t say enough how thankful to my daughter I am. She spent her vacation days off the first few week days he was home so I didn’t have to take work days, she kept up our house and she stayed with my dad the nights before I had church. There are a million things I could thank her for, seriously.

This wasnt easy for anyone. And some days it was hard to be thankful. But I saw the goodness of God in so many things.

Saturday I had King of my Heart on repeat in my head. 

“You’re never gonna let me down”

He didn’t

Not one minute even the hardest times.

Yesterday we had to take my dad back to the hospital and I walked 1.7 miles to my car because I was at the marathon and my car was at church.

In a matter of 1.7 miles you sure can feel a lot of emotions and I sure did have quite a conversation with God (and it wasn’t all nice) and I prayed a lot of prayers. 

One thing I know about God is that He is good. Often in these last 6 weeks i have thought “this isnt the life I intended”- and God reminded me that my life was to be one lived in love, and it won’t always be what I expect. Just love, Margie. And so that’s what I did. 

I’ve spent a lot of time with God, in the word, praising Him, thanking Him, and crying, and through it all, He’s been there.

I don’t know what’s next. Heck, I can’t even seem to get a day off (where’s my rest?!?!?) but I’ll do whatever He asks me, because He made me for love and there’s nothing better than love.


Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Lessons from socks 

We learn a lot from other people.  I’ve learned never take for granted warm, dry feet. 

My friend Carly taught me that you always take a new package of socks when you go on a short term mission trip. After a long day in the field, and after a wonderful much needed shower, it always feels A-MAZING to put on new socks. Seriously.


Alllllll morning I had wet feet. Our current weather plus a pair of Toms shoes does not a happy pair of feet make. True that.

So... after running out in the rain to mail postcards (youth min), get cookies for the afternoon snack, and pick up lunch, I slipped on a pair of socks and a different pair of shoes. Note from the editor: everyone thinks it’s funny that I have 3-10 pairs of shoes in my car- came in handy.

I thought about so many who don’t have that opportunity. Wet shoes, no shoes. 

Isn’t it funny how we can take for granted the smallest of things or they can be infinitely amazing to us.

I never want to lose the wonder of thankfulness. I never want to lose the perspective that God is good even in the moments of hard, or wet feet or whatever the current distraction is.

And that, my friends, is why daily I write 6 thankfuls every day on Facebook. To always turn my heart to thankfulness. I need to be reminded. Every.day.

It is not happy people who are grateful it is grateful people who are happy


Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Random thoughts

I don’t have anything really important to say but here’s some random thoughts from my crazy brain.

I think I’m 2017 I’ve made over 100 loaves of quick bread

Some days it’s hard to be thankful so I must dig deep 

I wish I could wear leggings to work 

I really need to drink more water

I love the Chicagos (fire and pd)

I miss my mixer 

I like electric stoves and ovens more than gas stoves and ovens

I love serving people (even at work)

I love laughing and must do it more

If you see Kay, tell her I’m thirsty 😂

I’m going to Colorado soon

Seeing my dad eat peas makes my heart happy

Im tired but mostly I need rest 

I’m doing a 5k on Saturday and I hope I dont die (I’m just walking)

I need a trip for March 2018 

I’d like to go to the movies 

Wednesday, October 04, 2017

got movement?

One time I did this workout and someone asked me if that even counts as exercise.... after they picked themselves up off the floor I explained that it was lol

Every joint from my hips down has been hurting for a month. One day I almost cried it hurt so bad. I’ve been to the chiropractor and I’m feeling better! Not 75% yet but I’m getting there. 

I have been taking care of my dad and doing the best I can at taking care of me. I knew I needed some good endorphins though so today I did a beach body 10 minute trainer video! While I realize i didn’t burn 800 calories but I did move (and sweat) and felt good! It was better than the ice cream that I wanted!

I’ve taken a few steps back in my health walk but I’m moving forward from where I am, today. No sense in beating myself up. I’m still better than where I was and I’m not hating myself (which is better than what usually happens).

Maybe you’re thinking I’m a slacker because it was 10 minutes but I think I’m a champion because I moved forward today! And so that also just proves I’m getting smarter by the day :) 


Tuesday, October 03, 2017

Book Review: 5 Word Prayers


I wondered how I was going to like this book, 5 wordprayers?  Seems like there aren’t enough words.

Isn’t that how it is when we pray sometimes, there aren’t enough words…  that being said… I LOVED THIS DEVOTIONAL!  So much so that I’ve already ordered/sent it as a gift! 
I remember when I learned to pray the scriptures.  It was eye and heart opening! 

Each day this book has a 5 word prayer and a scripture and a devotional for 40 days. 
Some examples:

You love is my joy Eph 3:19
Without you, I am nothing John 15:5
Help me to forgive others Matt 6:14

I liked this because it was a good size for my purse so I could read it anywhere.  Each day was a quick read, but kept me thinking all day. 

I’d highly recommend this book!
 

Monday, October 02, 2017

How I’m feeling 

I haven’t quite felt like myself. Often my smile seems forced, at least to me, I’ve lost the joy in my every day. It doesn’t make me less grateful it just makes me i the mode of getting by. 


For awhile I thought it was because I’m tired, and Lord, I’m tired. I push to the sundays of church and youth ministry. I miss the days of walks with my daughter and dinner and events with my friend. 

You know why? Because I was made for more than just tasks, I (we) am (are) made for relationships. 

I love my church but it’s not because of great worship (which it has) and it’s not because the Word is brought every week (which it is) and it’s not because everyone likes the Bread I bring (let’s face it, it’s great 😂😂😂😂😂), it’s because the people there. I love sitting down and hearing about people’s lives and hugging them, and telling them that I love them (and they tell me too), it’s about the relationships I’ve made. I’ve even thought of joining a neighborhood group 😳

The other day I went to the leader of our youths house and we had dinner and talked about youth stuff. It was so great to be part of their day and just get to know them better. It was funny because they asked me how I feel appreciated. That. Dinner with friends. Seems so simple. And it is. I’m a simple kind of gal. I love Love. There’s nothing better.

I miss my friends, I miss times with my daughter that are more than just what needs to be done. I’ve missed celebrating my friend’s birthdays.

My soul longs for relationship. I know I’ll get there again. I’m thankful that I’m able to have some time, and I’m thankful I can take care of my dad, I just miss my friends

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Finding the joy 

I need a rest! I'm in need of a trip to somewhere! Thankfully I have a trip to Colorado in 18 days!


I'm exhausted and there have been moments when I can't form a sentence. 

Fall normally tends to be busy because it's time to put up food. Applesauce and peach jam and apple butter are really among my favorites. I had a case of peaches that I had to get cut up and ready to make jam. I probably could have eaten the whole case of them because they smelled so delicious, which really means they will make the best peach gold jam :)

The last month has been hard. It's been long days and stress. It has made me want to take my trip to the east coast even more! 

It has made me look to the future and not only prepare for it but enjoy it!

If you wonder how I'm doing, I'm tired and wondering what the future holds. I wonder what the heck God is thinking and why I'm at this place at this time, and I'm not all that thrilled about it. But I know there is joy in this (somewhere) but I can't see it because I'm tired. I find myself thankful in weird times over weird things (like tacos at sin limite) and thankful for my mixer that I didn't have and had to hand mix cupcake batter today. 

I wish I was one of those people who didn't question God or that was just always joyful but instead, I'm me. Wondering where the pony is...

See the link below about ponies... 

Ponies


Thursday, September 28, 2017

Messy Marios


This is kind of a cross between Sloppy Joes and a meatball sub runs right into spaghetti.  I make a lot of hot sandwiches, pulled chicken, pulled pork… sloppy joes.   You can imagine.  One time on the menu for MBK (My Brother’s Keeper) I was looking in the pantry and I had tons of spaghetti sauce (because EVERYONE has 20 jars on hand like I do) and I was going to make sloppy joes but instead I came up with this crazy creation.  Now, I have to tell you, this is not an EXACT recipe.  This is a guide.  If you need an exact recipe… you’ll need to surf the net.  It’s easy, delish, and a change of pace.

1 jar of spaghetti sauce
1 can tomato paste
2 lbs of your favorite meat (ground turkey, ground beef, ground chicken

2 c of shredded mozz cheese

Garlic/onion (or each of these in powder form)

Cook up the meat with garlic and onions.  Add spaghetti sauce and tomato paste. Cook it up so the flavors meld.  You can also put in crockpot.  Just before you are going to serve mix in cheese.
Serve on your favorite buns (you can toast up with garlic butter to take it over the top)

ENJOY!
P.S.  This is on the menu today on a much larger scale for the soup kitchen today serving with pasta salad and strawberry cupcakes

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Gotta have a plan

You can have all the goals you want but without a plan... you're probably not going to achieve much towards those goals. 

I've had some goals and to be honest the end seemed overwhelming... how

Will I ever get there... I had no plan. Last Friday my friend organized a bunch of us to make vision boards. 

I had been thinking about my goals, short term and long term. And how to achieve them. I'm happy to say I have a plan in place for a few of them!

I feel like I had lost some time recovering from Africa (it is always so hard to

Come back and embrace all that God did and to see to continue to unfold), a month of "hospital" but I feel on track to make some progress!

One day at a time, one step at a time!

Fail to plan then you plan to fail!

Friday, September 22, 2017

A vision of the best version of me

It's been a long day and with all that's going on I could have easily said "I'm really tired from this long week I'm just going to stay home" but instead I went to be with friends and work on my vision board. I set goals every year but I've never done a vision board. I'm kind of creative in an order sort of way lol.

So I went. I laughed and just dreamed of a better version of myself.

If I could be me, only better, what would that look like?

If I could dream a dream and have it come true, what would that be? 

You can't have a dream come true without a dream (and a vision to get there). No one runs a marathon without training unless you're p-Diddy and I'm not.

I've been thinking about my goals (you might remember I do them in September) but haven't taken the time to write them out or, more importantly, how I will achieve them. 

For the last month, life seems to be a little on hold... but life will quickly get a way from me and then I'll wonder where the time went or wonder why I haven't grown or become better. (To be honest I didn't smash last years goals like I wanted)

When I look ahead and think of what would be only better...

I'd be less busy and more extraordinary 

I'd be stronger (though I did have one goal of weight loss) - I don't want to be skinny I want to be strong 

I want to love me, even my shape

I want to be bold...

Fearless

FREE

I want to enjoy my life

I love that we all got together, I love that our dreams/visions are all different and we had different ways to express those ideas.

I feel like joy seeped back into my heart a little today. I'm thankful for friends who not only invite me to dream dreams but laugh and dream along side of me 


Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Through the tears

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love." Washington Irving

Yesterday in the morning before church I knew it was probably destined to be a waste of eye make up day! There is no shame in my game. I cry! 

The combination of tired, the crazy of my dad in the hospital, work,  the joy of youth ministry, and seeing God around every corner and straightaway, it's going to have the end result of tears either happy or sad, or a combination of both.

My friend posted the other day about how when she was overwhelmed she did something that gave her instant gratification.. she does the dishes, I do the same... I bake.

We are going on our 19th day of hospitals and how that has just become a regular part of our lives (not gonna lie, can’t wait for this to be over).  I have to admit something to you, in all this “hard” I have felt more loved than I could possibly imagine.  People ask what they can do and I feel bad saying nothing because there isn’t much but the most important thing is prayer.  I mean what am I supposed to say “I’m dying for a pedicure” or “starbucks” or “hey can you drop off some bananas, we are out” LOL because that’s all I really have. Its’ not like I’m being prideful, there just isn’t much to do.

When I’ve asked, people have stepped into my crazy and helped in so many ways, picking us up lunch, trying to drill stump to put the stuff in, listened, laughed, brought starbucks, dinners, grass cutting, signed papers, given me whole30 thai yumminess.  So much!  And soooo much more!

There have been so many times I have cried because of alllllll the love.  I see it around every corner.  Through every tear I have cried, I have seen the good. 

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Back where I belong 

It's an odd thing... I didn't really choose youth ministry.

In 2006 when I was at Metro South Church I kept asking to get involved and EVERY single time they'd tell me that they had someone to do this or that, until one day my dear friend Adam (he wasn't my dear friend at the time lol) contacted me and I got plugged in doing a lot of different stuff but I served in youth ministry and for the most part (it's hard!) I loved it.

When I left that church I was done with youth ministry except to go to Colorado and serve with adam. 

I loved the kids in the church but I was ready to do something else.

When I got to Woodside Detroit I swore I'd never volunteer. I loved it there but I wasn't going to get involved again. And then it happened. And slowly I got involved. And then they had a volunteer sign up. I signed up for a bunch of things and none of it seemed to click with my schedule... except... you guessed it... youth ministry!

And here I sit on a Sunday night so thankful for my new kids. Thinking about their smiles and dreaming of mission trips and camps, and maybe even a sleepover!

I love youth ministry but I wasn't so sure that's where I was supposed to end up, but clearly it is!! 

Thursday, September 14, 2017

It's just stuff

Some friends of mine moved to Florida from Michigan. With one box.  One box of important things. 
I’ve been in awe of that since I saw it.  Things are not important, people are.
I moved from Lincoln Park to Dearborn, with a lot of stuff.  Stuff that I’ve been giving away.  Stuff isn’t important. 
When going to Africa and saving money to pay for my trip, often I asked myself, do you really need that?  If it was “that” or Africa, which would you choose?  Africa.
Stuff isn’t important, people are.

By most standards, I don’t own a lot of clothes, and mostly wear the same ones over and over.  Except T-shirts, don’t judge me by the amount of t-shirts I own. 
I know most people don’t think about things like this but if you could only pack one box of belongings, could you do it?  What would you put in that box?

I’m challenging myself these days… what’s important?  Stuff isn’t important and yet… I have a lot of it.
Out of the overflow of your heart, your mouth speaks.  Or maybe the overflow of your possessions your heart speaks.

The funny thing is that just the other day there was a really great deal on a Kindle Fire.  $15 less than usual.  And you know I had it in my cart to buy it. And then I thought “what are you doing? You bought one once and you gave it away because you never used it!”  Truth.  I don’t need one but for some reason saving $15 was appealing. How about this?  I save $35 and dont buy something that I don’t need! LOL .  Deleted out of my cart.  And even looked at it the next day… same price.  Step away from the Amazon Shopping cart.
I have always kind of prided myself that I can keep my grocery bill pretty low, but I’ve come to discover that what I save now may cost me in the future. Cheap food is full of sugar and garbage and it leads us to an old age of doctor visits and too much time in the hospital.  We are what we eat, so we shouldn’t be cheap, easy, or fast (unless it’s home grown).  I save money on groceries to buy things I don’t need. That makes no sense when I really think about it.

I’m working on being intentional in all areas of my life.  It’s a little painful sometimes but overall it’s worth it!  The things of my heart matter, people matter.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Whole30 results

Some of my friends know I did a round of whole30.

I got to a place in my life where food controlled me. I ate in sadness, in gladness, when I was happy or mad, grumpy or glad.

A friend mentioned to me that she was starting a round of whole30 and I said "I'll do it with you" I kind of knew what to expect as far as eating but not everything. So I got the books, looked stuff up online, we had started about two weeks after my initial "let's do it" because I wanted to be prepared, understand everything that i was to do.

At first I thought "that's a lot of stuff I can't have" and then I thought if that's the way you're going to approach this you will not make it past day 5. So I changed my perspective. I thought of what my life would look like being healthy, not regretting the food choices I made. No more heart burn, diarrhea, constipation, no emotional eating, no diabetes, no heart issues, lower my risk of cancer. Inflammation gone in my joints. And I got to eat really tasty food that was healthy.

The truth is it wasn't easy, because companies put sugar in almost everything! EVEN IN CHICKEN BROTH! WTH!  I no longer wonder why so many people I know and love are diabetic or pre-diabetic. 

The truth is it wasn't as hard as you might think either.

So today is day 31. I'm happy to report I made it! And I'm better for it!

My dad was in the hospital 2 times for some pretty serious stuff and I didn't even flinch. I stayed more level headed (which was better for me and everyone around me). Even though I was exhausted due to so much time in the hospital, it would have been way worse if I pumped myself full of garbage.  I got a glimpse of life if I don't change

My mind was clearer.
My skin was clearer.
My joints hurt less.
My clothes fit better ( as a matter of fact I'm wearing a pair of jeans that I bought that I could never wear before)
Even though I didn't do this to lose weight, however I'm down 6.4 pounds, 10.5 inches, 4.5 in my waist alone!
I feel good about myself
When Aunt Flow ;) came to visit she wasn't a savage and my PMS was at a minimum
No sugar cravings at all
I learned about food and what's in it
I ate delicious recipes and shared with friends (I can cook Thai food now)
I prayed more

What's next? I'm not EXACTLY sure. I'll hold close to the whole30 spectrum for sure. In the beginning I thought I'd want a pizza today but I'm excited to have hummus and lentil soup. What a change in thinking.

I'm thankful

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Fitting into Molds


So many times I think… Am I even a Christian? Do I look like a Christian? What does a Christian look like?
When I was growing up to me a “church lady” was well dressed, looked well groomed and always held her tongue. And she could quote the scriptures.  She always seemed to be smiling and encouraging.

Have you met me?  I mean yeah probably since you’re reading this.
I show up to church in jeans and sometimes I’d go barefoot.  My hair was sometimes(often) a mess and sometimes I barely have makeup on.  I am not quiet and sometimes I cry in church, and sometimes I swear (in real life)

I feel like I could do so much better at loving people.  I feel like I can always do more...

Yesterday someone sent me a text and asked if I’d make a video answering a couple questions.
What does it mean to pursue Holiness?
Do you personally pursue a sinless life or a Jesus filled life?

Oh great.  I don’t know. I’m not that spiritual.  You know some days I feel like I'm just a blind squirrel trying to get a nut.  I don’t have any great answers to what it means to pursue holiness. HAHA  but so I answered it (in video form which is horrible for me)
What does it mean to pursue Holiness?
I’ve found that if I try to purse things other than Jesus Himself, even the things of Jesus, I get caught up in the humanness of thinking.  Holiness – set apart.  I want to be set apart but not so much that people can’t relate to me or I can’t relate to them.  Let’s face it, we are all imperfect, or in other words, jacked up.  I don’t pursue Holiness per se because most days I am trying to get through them and I just want to be honoring to God. Do my best every day to do what the Bible says.  Some days I do ok, and some days, I end it on my knees asking for forgiveness and hoping I do better the next day.

Do you personally pursue a sinless life or a Jesus filled life?
I pursue a life filled with Jesus.  If I focus on trying a sinless life I will get tripped up, because I get focused  on sin, then it seems I see it around every corner and it grabs me up like a crazy lady trying to get that 57” TV at Walmart for $49 however if I focus on Jesus then that’s what I see.  I don’t even know if that makes any sense.  Where your eyes go, your heart goes, so I set my eyes on Jesus, and my heart will quickly follow.

So there you go.  Short and sweet. 
I don’t know if those were church lady answers but they were my answers.  I just want to love Jesus and love others.

Maybe I’m changing the way church ladies look…  jeans and t-shirts and real talk.
Sometimes I wonder what the heck God is thinking or why He doesn’t just come down and take care of a few things… Like why is Montana in need of rain and Texas and Florida got too much. I know God is good, but what the heck is that about?  Or why people who really want babies can’t get pregnant and people who aren’t exactly thrilled get them.  What’s that about too? I mean I trust God and stuff but I just wonder… 

And that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of wondering why He chose me...

I don’t know if I fit the mold of a God loving person, but I do.  I just am a little rough around the edges.

Thursday, September 07, 2017

thursday happenings


The truth is I learn a lot about myself during trials. It's not that I like it but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger... except bears, they will kill you.

If I'm gonna be truthful, I'd like to tell you that I'm exhausted. And even though my dad's had tons of surgeries and procedures, this time, I'm a little anxious.  My dad is my first love, and though he drives me absolutely batty sometimes I want him to be strong. 

I am in uncharted territory.  I want to fight something but there isn't anything to fight so I'm staying quiet. Quiet is not me.  But in the quiet I can listen.

In the times when I am the most tired that is the time when I think that I'm all my weakness.  When someone says that I am hard to love, I take it to heart because that same person all my life made me feel like I wasn't good enough for... anything.  But as a dear friend reminded me, I am loveable and loved.  I just might be too much for them.  LOL, I am too much for a lot of people!

The truth is that God made me loud, and a fighter, and passionate, and kind.  He made me a lot of things but mostly He made me so that I can love LOUD and BRAVE!

It's been hard.  To see my dad who has survived so many surgeries and gone through so much in life, more than most people should have to, be reduced to needing so much care.  And let's face it I'm no Florence Nightingale.   

So here I go, in uncharted territory knowing a few things...

I was made for this, even in the moments I don't think I was.
God has all of this in the palm of His hand, and nothing happens without His permission.
I am a child of God.  He has chosen me, protected me, and made me perfectly imperfect.

Wednesday, September 06, 2017

Keep Calm and whole30 on...


Whole30 has been such a process for me. I have been kind of quiet about it, but I'd like to say with 7 days left I am so very thankful I did it.

I've had some comments and some crazy looks.  One person said "the lengths that women go through to lose weight".  I'd like to state for the record, I did not do this to lose weight. I did it for one reason and one reason only.  To move towards healthy.

I did make the vow to myself that I would not allow this to make me crazy. I was going in with a healthy mindset and with the attitude that I would complete it. I really haven't looked at is as the things I was restricted by.

No sugar (sugar is in darn near everything!)
No legumes (peanuts, lentils, beans)
No dairy (somehow I've survived without Feta)
No grains.  No corn, no quinoa

My whole attitude was about how good I was going to feel.  And I'll tell you, I feel really great. I think there have been moments that I've wanted to stress eat but that doesn't change my circumstances.  So I did what I knew to do and made good choices.  I can honestly say this is probably the first time in my life that has happened. And honestly, it was more out of habit then cravings. 

I feel good, even though I'm EXHAUSTED from the past days.  But I can't imagine what I'd feel like if I pumped my body full of junk!    I think I'd have a lot more energy if I wasn't in the hospital every day and if I was sleeping better, but I have had enough energy to keep the house clean in all this crazy of my life. 

This was a choice to see what would happen after 30 days and I can honestly say I could make this mostly my way of eating.  Its a lot of work and there have been dishes for days (I ran my dishwasher 4 times one day!)

I feel good.  And I don't feel crazy.  Except the week roasts were B1G1, those days I was crazy!  LOL

Sunday, September 03, 2017

Sunday night thoughts 





As I was driving home today, I looked at the sky and a crazy peace came over me. 

Red sky at night, sailor's delight. 

Everyone knows it will be a good day the day after a beautiful red sky. 

It's been a weekend of a complete array of emotions.  Too many emotions. 

 


I don't always know how we are supposed to survive the trials that are sent our way, but I know that God never leaves us. 

And He sends people our way to help comfort us, or He sends us the most beautiful sky to remind us, it's as if God says to me "don't worry, I'm watching you, and I loveyou".

While this is hard because I love my dad, I have been surrounded by so many people who love me and have been praying for me, and with me.
 
I'm thankful.

Grace.

Friday, September 01, 2017

Friday night feelings 

I'm trying really hard not to get ahead of myself or anything else which is hard for me. I like to have a plan, A, B, C.

 My dad ha in the hospital again 

They think it might be... oh they don't know. 

So then I go into planning mode. But we don't know.

And I'm afraid. (I know the Bible says don't be afraid but I'm not perfect - but I'm sure I don't need to tell you that 😳)

That's the truth. No sugar coating it.

When I'm afraid I want to fight. I don't know who I want to fight but surely there is someone who needs a good ass kicking somewhere, right? Yeah, I know, that's not the answer.

It sure feels lonely when you're walking out of the hospital with your daughter. Thank God He gave me her, what the heck would I do without her?!?

I trust God, He knows what's going on, He Loves my dad more than I do, He will take care of him. 

But pray, please. 

For all of us.  

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Homemade Christmas!

I've been talking a lot to people about "homemade Christmas"

I did it 2 years ago and I wondered if people thought it was dumb or if they liked it or if they thought I "cheaped out" or if they realized the value of my time when I made something.

I always say "you can always make more money" but the truth is you can never get more time.  My time is valuable.  It often seems like its scarce. 

In 2015 I did homemade Christmas. I made peach jam and apple butter along with homemade biscuit mix.  I gave out my homemade taco seasoning.  It was fun to make these things, it was A LOT of work but I think worth it.

In 2016 I was too busy and did normal Christmas and spent a lot of money but not a lot of time and I had some guilt about it.

As 2017 Christmas comes closer, I've got blueberry jam made and peach jam and apple butter on the brain.  Requests for taco seasoning.  Thinking about hot chocolate again too!  And there is always cookies!  And gifts of Redbox codes and popcorn!

I'm pretty excited about homemade Christmas again this year!  Hopefully all the recipients are too!

What's your favorite homemade gift you give or have received?

What do you think about Homemade Christmas?

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Foggy

Photo from here
Its foggy outside which always slows me down.  

When it's foggy I think about when I went to Terre Haute to see my friend and it was foggy and I couldn't get anywhere I wanted to be.  Now that's foggy.  Could barely see the front of my car.

Fog changes my perspective.

I don't try to see what's far off in the distance, I only focus on what is in front of my face at that very moment (and that's a good thing because a fawn ran out in front of the car in front of me while driving today).  Fog reminds me that I don't always need to see "the big picture" we need to focus on what God has set before me.

Fog makes me thankful.

It makes me see the things in front of me and count my blessings.  Thankfulness.  It precedes the miracle (Ann VosKamp).  I have read that it is not happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are thankful.  Well, isn't that the truth.  When I focus on the things I am thankful for, it changes my mood, my countenance. 

I believe that the little things that I (we) do in my (our) life changes the bigger picture, the love I live today is magnified in the long haul.  Being faithful in love isn't always easy, sure, sometimes it is, but sometimes it's hard and inconvenient, and not always well received, but that doesn't change the fact that it is what God has called me to do.

Today I will remember to love people right where they are, in the smallest of things.

Today, fog makes me thankful as it reminds me to slow down (rest) and why it is so very important. 

1 Corinthians 13:12The Message (MSG)
12 We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Strength 

One thing I've really been focusing on is getting healthy, being strong.  I don't worry about getting "skinny".  I have skin, that makes me skinny. I want to be strong, so strong that I can admit my mistakes, learn from them, and grow.  That is my goal.

To me being strong isn't about how much I can lift or how much I can endure, I am a single mom, I've already proved all of that. 

Yesterday I had a crazy day.  It was not easy. I actually felt bad because I was not myself... my poor daughter, I think she waited for me to explode because in the old days that's what I did.  I was quiet until I couldn't take it anymore then I exploded.  Yesterday, I just was quiet because I was trying to be thankful in the middle of a kitchen filled with dirty dishes, trying to prepare food that can't have dairy, sugar, legumes, or grains...  All I wanted to eat was some string cheese and a tomato for dinner.  I chipped a starbucks cup and was just plain tired.  Thankfully there was no explosion. 

At some point, covered in gross sink stuff, feeling a little like a failure, I surrendered, I'm not a plumber.  Thank God it's not important to be a plumber, but at least I know the best ones.  I tried. I really did. My best. There is no failure in trying my best. 

I actually started to think of all the times I have beaten myself over being "failing". 

I think the real change came in knowing, I am God's Masterpiece.  He made me just how He wanted.  I was not made to be a drain cleaner...  Apparently He made someone else to do that :)

Eph 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (NLT)

Being healthy to me isn't about just about my body but it is about my heart and soul.  It doesn't matter what anyone says about me, if I know that I've been of good character acted humbly. 

This verse has been on my heart so much lately...

Phil 2:1-4Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

I will walk with my head held high, knowing that each day I am my best me, growing stronger in my love for others as well as my love for myself.