Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Thursday, May 31, 2007

No weapon

There is a scripture something like "no weapon formed against us will prosper". Yeah it's in the bible, somewhere, someone can go find it if they want.

I never wonder where God is when I am struggling. Never. I wonder what He has up His sleeve, but I never wonder where. When I've stressed myself out to the point that I am crying and barfing, I think He's holding my hair.

I have someone in my life who again and again tries to make my life difficult, no matter what I do. I think this person has no control over anything in his life (like any of us do?!) but I think he feels like because I am nice that he can be mean to me. Well, I have one word, grace. it's ok if he's a jerk, sometimes people can't help it. So what if he's mean, I can take anything he can dish out, because I am protected by the love of God, I wear His suit of armor everyday. I know that no weapon formed against me in hate can prosper against the love of God. I think of Dean singing "If God is on Our side, who can be against us". I think back to Kaymac's post about her stupid ex-husband and how she just wants him to bask in God's great love. Her post was timely, and I figure if she can forgive than so can I. I hope that controlling God learns & feels God's great love, quick.

I am going to shine up my armor, and satan, hit the road, you're a jerk.

Eph 6:10-20 10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007


I was just given a bunch more responsibility at work. I am thankful that they trust me so much, but quite frankly, I can't help but be stressed out about it. Save it for the pulpit, I don't need a sermon.

In my life I never thought I would be smart enough or strong enough to handle the things I handle, and if I pull this off, holy cow! But I kept thinking about that saying "to whom much is given". I'll admit something to you, I didn't know that came from the bible. I know, say it with me "SINNER!!". I, like any good blogger, googled the saying, and lo & behold, there is was... Luke 12:48. Who says that the bible isn't relevent?! What to say, do I think that this is going to be easy, but to whom much is given, much more will be demanded. Great.

I am never amazed at the blessings God throws my way, and I guess, I should expect that even though He doesn't ask for anything in return (because He knows I can't ever pay Him back for His Son) that He'll want me to grow in Him, and that means, much more will be demanded. And I guess I should just count my lucky stars, that I've been blessed so much, huh?

Are you buying it, I'm not sure I am yet either, but I'll go pray on it....

Luke 12:48 But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Worship Wednesday song - I'm a survivor by Reba McEntire

I was born 3 months too early
The doctor gave me 30 days
but I must of had my momma's will
And God's amazing grace
I guess I'll keep on livin'
Even if this loves to die for
Cause your bags are packed and I ain't cryin'
Your walking out and I'm not tryin' to change your mind
Cause I was born to be...
Chorus:The baby girl without a chance
A victim of the circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just to hard headed
A single mom who works two jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands and a heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor....
I don't believe in self-pity
It only brings you down
Maybe the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing’ fast
Who I am is who I wanna be


Please reserve me a room. A nice padded one, I would prefer green walls.

Deut 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Unexpected Miracles

I know it sounds nuts, and to some of you may already know this, but God loves me A LOT! I mean A LOT!

He sends me a million reminders, everyday. From the fact that I own my own home and that I get to work in the dirt (His creation) and see His flowers up close and personal.

I was asked to help out at someone's graduation party. This may sound like a silly thing, but I love to help. I actually am uncomfortable when I'm not helping. Use me, use the gifts God gave me, I like that. You know that when you get notes demanding you help, you know you're really loved, and you really are part of the family. I'm excited to cook and take pictures! Silly, I know.

I got an email from a friend that God aligned everything so I can go worship with her! I am SO excited that I can barely sit still. I can hardly believe it!!

I have the most precious little girl who I certainly don't deserve, but boy, am I thankful for grace, because she's amazing.

My dad was out on the boat on Sunday and the boat was acting up and it didn't happen until he was at the dock. We went out yesterday for 5 minutes but had to turn around. Everyone was safe. I'm thankful that He keeps my family and friends safe!

I'm not saying that life if perfect, but it sure does seem a lot better when I can pick out all the great things God does! He loves me SO much!

Psalm 31:7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.

I was singing this song on the way to work today...

Forever & Ever - David Crowder

Love so incredible to know
It's never gonna go
Never gonna go
Love too impossible and true
For anyone but You
For anyone but You
I think I'm on the brink of something large
Maybe like the breaking of a dawn
Or maybe like a match being lit
Or the sinking of a ship
Letting go gives a better grip
I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet
Where I wanna beI am Yours
Love so indelible to know
You're never gonna go
You're never gonna go
Love too unthinkable and true
For anyone but You
For anyone but You
Maybe like a match being lit
Or the sinking of a ship
Letting go gives a better grip
I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet
Where I wanna be
I'm finding everything I'll ever need

I am Yours forever...
I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet
Where I wanna be
I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet
Where I wanna be
I am Yours

Forever and ever and ever and everAnd ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and everForever and ever and ever and everForever and ever and ever and ever Forever and ever and ever and everForever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Reap what you sow...

Ahhh... this is one of my favorite sayings, it's even on my white board at work.
Adam taught today at Metro, Pastor j was out of town. You know sometimes God is sweet like that, He aligns everything.

It's not that I think that J wouldn't have done a good job, I just think that today, Adam knocked it out of the church and into our hearts.

Reap what you sow. Ugh. I should have the biggest pile of weeds you have ever seen. I won't go into the long and undistinguished list of sin I've had/got going on in my life, frankly, it's none of your business. There are consequences to our actions. God forgives us, but sometimes we take ourselves off a path and onto a bumpier one. Not to say that we can't find God's work all around us, but come on, admit, doing it God's way is much better. ADMIT IT!

I love my daughter, I hope she knows it. I feel that sometimes I have to work 100 times harder than if I did it the right way. I have to budget more because there is ALWAYS something to pay for, a trip to New York, a trip to Kings Island, clothes, etc, you get the picture, and there just isn't always enough money. We both have to work at keeping our house clean, because I am too tired to do it all by myself. I hope she sees that I struggle. I hope that she sees that because of my mistakes, though I am forgiven, we both reap because of what I sowed. To say that I would change it all, would be, a complete lie. Wouldn't change a thing, but now I know, stay on the right path. If you get that feeling in your gut, Margie, that something just isn't right, it isn't. Go back.

I think that the harvests are much better if we stay on the right path, but God will use us in a million different ways no matter what, we just have to be open to letting Him.

Gal 6:7-8 7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature[a]will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

Teen Video - Life of David

In case you were at Metro today and you want to see the WHOLE video, here it is. YOUTUBE rocks!

Fuel Video

It's a little late, but I thought I would share the Fuel Lock-in video.

How can you not love these kids?? They are AMAZING!!

Saturday, May 26, 2007


I hate compliments. If you tell me something good about me, like you think I look nice or I'm beautiful, I'll tell you 'you need glasses' if you tell me you wear contacts, I'll tell you to go check in with your dr. your prescription isn't good enough. (BTW- I think I'm average)

I was emailing a new friend, and it's hard sometimes for me to talk about myself, so to give this person some insight, I sent him here. To my blog because if you want to know me, here's where you should come, good days, bad days, me being nice, me being mean, you can find it all here.

He said I was an amazing woman... ah... a compliment. I squirm in my seat just thinking about them. The hardest session in Dale Carnegie, the thank you session. Even tried to skip it but it didn't work, and I had to make it up with complete strangers. UGH! Not kidding.

I don't know why I am like that, because even though I could tell you a million things that are wrong with me, I can tell you some really great things about me. The most important, I love BIG. That's why I cry so much, that's why I get hurt, because I love big. I like that about me. I love that even though I've never met Deb, brillo man, & Miss O, I love them. Or that Pat was my mom before I met her. I love that the day I met Sara, I already loved her, this all may seem wierd to the average person, but maybe when it comes to loving, I am a little above average. In a life that I have not felt loved, the cycle stops here.

I take a lot of flack for the music I listen to at work, they don't understand it, so they don't love it like me (I can't sing a note on key). It's different, its what the kids listen to, and I love music, still, after years and years. There is a band, UnderOath, they are considered "screamo". I think they are amazing. They sing a song "some will seek forgiveness, others escape". It's an awesome song about love.

This seems like a really random blog today. Maybe my heart is just loving so big, my brain isn't getting an blood.

Psalm 40:11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me.

Some will seek forgiveness, others escape - UnderOath

I heard a voice through the discord
A deluge of passersby
I saw one gaze frozen in time
Watching me passing by I swear
I'll know your face in the crowd
And I'll hear your voice so loud
When you're whispering
Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger
Hey ungrateful I will teach you
To forgive one another
Here's my kiss to betray
Desperate to brush the lips of grace
Do you feel hollow when you think of how I lied?
Oh sweet angel of mercy
With your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me
Oh sweet angel of mercy
With your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me
Hey unfaithful I will teach you To be stronger
Hey ungrateful I will teach you
To forgive one another
Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger
Hey unloving I will love you
And will love you Jesus
I'm ready to come home
I'm ready to come Jesus
I'm ready to come home
Hey Unfaithful
Hey Ungrateful
Hey unloving
I will love you

Friday, May 25, 2007

Memorial Day Weekend

I didn't think I had anything to post. it's a long weekend, and I am ready for it.

It was a long week, and I just found out that I get to take on even more responsibility at work. I guess if you are already drowning, what's two more feet of water? Glad they trust me with so much responsibility, but I'm a little nervous!

Last year was the first year I didn't take my Gram to the cemetery on Memorial Day weekend. We would always go and get red, white, & blue flowers for my gramps grave, and a little flag. We would stop at my mom & sister's grave and leave daisies & mums. We'd have ourselves a little cry and go have lunch. Me & my gram. I don't know how it ever started, like most traditions it just becomes something you do, again and again. It was something we did together. Seems wierd that now I will have to go by myself.

I am glad that my Gram is with Jesus. I am glad she's holding the babies that left their mom & dad's too early, probably in a rocking chair sitting with my Gramps, eating cold candy bars. I But there are things that run so deep and I miss her. God made it very apparent to me that He didn't want me to remember the rough times with her, the times when she wasn't so nice. I think of Pat, and how much she must struggle with her mom. I know it's hard. I hope that God puts great memories on her heart so she remembers the good things like traditions that were started by her mom, she carried on, and will be carried on well into the lives of daboyz and Sarah (with an H).

I'm looking forward to this weekend, spending time with family, hanging out with friends, working in the yard, cleaning house, and doing nothing. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?!


Pictures from Lock In, Fuel Explosion Tour


You know that I am not a huge fan of roses. But I think that these were the most BEAUTIFUL flowers I have ever gotten in my life. The Fuel kids got them for me! They were so gorgeous, I think I am a fan of cut roses now!! Maybe it's the love that went into giving them :)
Hosea 2:14 "And now, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to start all over again. I'm taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I'll court her. I'll give her bouquets of roses. I'll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope. She'll respond like she did as a young girl, those days when she was fresh out of Egypt.
I looked up this verse, and it reminded me of how much God loves us and how so many times we get to start over and how in Him we have acres of Hope.

Cedar Point Trip - Music in the Park - May 12th

Thought I would share pics today!! Enjoy!!

Job 21:12 They sing to the music of tambourine and harp; they make merry to the sound of the flute.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Overlooking the obvious

I think the MP3 player must be the greatest invention ever. I have an 'old' one that only holds about 70 songs or so, and I love it! I went walking yesterday while Phyllis was at Core Groups. I was going to drive over to Trenton High School and walk on the track but instead I went over to Eliz Park and walked there instead.

It was so beautiful, I wish I would have brought my camera. Did you ever notice how sometimes we overlook the beauty that God puts right under our noses? We see it when we go out of state or up North, but right here in Trenton, in our neighborhoods, we overlook the beauty He made for us to see everyday.

I have a thing about the water. I love the way it smells, the way it looks, the way it feels, and the memories it brings me from when I was 5 to just last year. It's the boater in me. I was driving my car the other day and my skin was warm to the touch but the cool breeze was going over it, and it reminded me of the days spent on the boat and the cool nights spent sitting on the end of the dock catching fish (Ok, I watched).

I say over and over how I am amazed and in awe of how much God loves me. How He sends reminders all the time. I hope that I never overlook the beauty He's given me to show me His love.

Yesterday was Worship Wednesday and I completely forgot to post a song, but as I walked, I sang "Open Skies" by Crowder (loud).

Proverbs 2:6 And here's why: God gives out Wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding. He's a rich mine of Common Sense for those who live well, a personal bodyguard to the candid and sincere. He keeps his eye on all who live honestly, and pays special attention to his loyally committed ones.

Weight Watcher's Update -1.8/-15
Open Skies - Crowder
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
I will dance, I will sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud,
lift my voice and shout
From where I am
From where I've been
He's been there with me
He's built a monument
His very people
So let His people
Sing, sing, sing
And it's so wonderful
Just to be here now
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company Of all who love the King
Let us dance,
let us sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud and sing
And it's so wonderful
Just to be here now
And it's so wonderful
Just to be here now
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company
Of all who love the King
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company
Of all who love the King
Lift your voice to Heaven
Lift up your head and sing
To the One who gave His love
This is our offering
Lift your voice to Heaven
Lift up your head and sing
To the One who gave His son
Here our lives we bring
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company Of all who love the King (YEAH!)
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company Of all who love the King
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company Of all who love the King
From wherever you are
Wherever you've been
He's been there
So let His people sing
From wherever you are
Wherever you've been
He's been there
So let His people sing
bride photo taken from here

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Showing my age

I went to Walgreen's yesterday, I bought one card. ONE CARD. $2.64. What the heck. I can remember when... shoebox cards were $1.25!!! What the heck!? $2.64. Perfect card though, had a hole puncher on the front, when you opened it, there was a heart punched out and it said, "I love you a hole punch!" HA!!

I made some comment to the cashier about how I could remember when they were $1.25. She looked at me like I was a crack head and said, "oh come on, how old are you?" 34. "NO WAY" she said, I thought you were my age, a little over 20. Yeah, ok, let's not get crazy, who's the crackhead now?!

I like being 34. I could not wait to get out of my 20's. Could not wait, when I was 29, I said I was 30. I have a lot of growing to do, but I am happy to be where I am. A lot of lessons under the belt, a lot of mistakes, a lot of grace, given and recieved. Glad to be 34.

I'm glad to appreciate the grace, glad to understand what my gifts are (and what they aren't). Glad to witness and appreciate God's awesome miracles from a coupon for free subway to new babies on the way to Arlene, Mac, Phyllis, Grace, Hal's & countless other's healing.

God is good all the time.

Psalm 107:42 Good people see this and are glad; bad people are speechless, stopped in their tracks. If you are really wise, you'll think this over— it's time you appreciated God's deep love.
P.S. The picture has nothing to do with the post, I just liked it.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


I love McDonald's. I have to be honest. I could eat there everyday for Breakfast or Dinner. My new treat is that on Monday nights for dinner we stop (because if I don't we won't eat until 9:30 at night).

My favorite: Double Cheeseburger.

I love them! Every bite of the 440 calorie, 23 g fat grams, and a WHOPPING 2 grams of fiber, 10 Weight Watcher's points. Washed down with a diet coke and usually no fries.

I watch what I eat all day and use 2 exercise points for Fuel so that I can have them.

A girl has got to eat, you know. Can't live on spinach & water alone.
Psalm 78:25 Men ate the bread of angels; he sent them all the food they could eat.

Monday, May 21, 2007

One step

Yesterday in church God spoke to me about direction. Making me think about where I have been and where I am now, and where I will be going in the future.

One step in the wrong direction can lead you down a path, you just don't want to go. Where there is darkness. A place so far from God that only He can pull you back. I've been there. A story not shared in this blog, and it may never be. I hope someday I am brave enough to share it.

As someone who is very cautious about things because I worry, I have take my steps slowly. And sometimes as someone who is very impatient, I jump in with both feet, forgetting to see if there is water in the pool. Rarely am I in the middle.

I always have decisions to make. Right, Left, Up, and Down. I pray about things, I ask for guidance and wisdom, and sometimes I am just stupid and make the wrong decision anyway. A lot of times I try to get a different perspective on things because my perception is not always correct. But our perception is our reality. I'll be honest, I am thankful for grace. I am glad that when I make the wrong decision, Jesus is there, always willing to take me back and forgive me for what I've done, if I am sorry.

Jeremy's message helped me to remember to think and pray before I make and follow through with the choices I have to make. One wrong step can be the first ingredient in a recipe for disaster.

Psalm 86:10-12
10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Fuel Fundraiser

Tonight was our Fuel Fundraiser, if you turned out, thank you. If you prayed for it, thank you, if you helped, thank you. (A VERY special thank you to Allison Brown!!)

I cooked for the whole thing (with the exception of some noodles & Steve's famous cheesecake) for the dinner. Ham, cheese potatoes, green beans, mostacolli, potatoes, meat balls (from scratch), and dessert.

There are many times when I don't feel like I belong, that I am not cool like the rest of the leaders, but tonight, God used my talents for His glory. Being broke has it's rewards. I cooked A LOT of food for not a lot of money. And I loved it. It was fun!! I know, doesn't sound like fun, but it WAS! (And Sara, Mac knows how to wash floors).

Yesterday, I posted that I am just one. But I am one in the great body of Christ, and He chooses to use me at Metro in numerous ways. I am in love with Jesus, and I am in love with those awesome Fuel kids and leaders. It reminded me of an email that I got once that talked about all the people God used in the bible, I listed it below.

Romans 8:28 God works for all those who love Him (and He loves ME!! - and you too!)

The characteristics of great people God used in the bible.
1. Noah was a drunk!
2. Abraham was too old!
3. Jacob was a liar!
4. Leah was ugly!
5. Joseph was abused!
6. Moses stuttered!
7.Gideon was chicken hearted!
8. Samson was a long-haired womanizer!
9. Rahab was a prostitute!
10. Jeremiah and Timothy were too young! (like the Fuel kids!!)
11. David was a murderer!
12. Elijah got depressed, and was suicidal!
13. Isaiah preached naked! (glad Jeremy doesn't do that!)
14. Jonah ran away from God, and must have smelled terrible!
15. Naomi was a widow!
16. Job went bankrupt, lost all his children, and then had to live with a nagging wife!
17. Peter denied Christ, and cursed!
18. The disciples fell asleep praying, and then abandoned the Lord! (Yikes, you know how many times I've fallen asleep praying??)
19. Martha worried about everything! (me too!)
20. Mary Magdalene was ...well, you know! (hello, I'm a single mom!!)
21. The Samaritan woman had lived with six different men, without marriage!
22. Zaccheus was too short!
23. Paul was a religious zealot!
24. Timothy probably had an ulcer!
25. Lazarus was Dead!

Friday, May 18, 2007

I am but one... and I have hope for the world

I am one person, who has the ability to touch those in my life in a positive way.

How many times we ask ourselves, "why on earth am I RIGHT here?" I don't always feel like I belong. I feel like a square peg in a round hole at work, and sometimes even at church, I feel like a round peg in a square hole.

I am not like anyone else. I have characteristics like others, but I am my own me. God made me that way.

Sometimes, in my loudest screaming "WHY AM I HERE, LORD, WHY?"
I get my answers in quiet whispers and thunderstorm loud screams. "You are here because that's where I need you" or "you are here to learn a lesson".

My boss, who might I add is awesome, she is one of the greatest people I know, has a neighbor who's son needs help. He needs Jesus, he needs to not only be told he's loved, but to feel God's love. So, I sent out some emails looking for some places for him to go to get loved on like crazy (they live too far for Metro). I got some emails back. I don't know how this will all end. I know that I was here to help. Prayer their family hears the quiet whispers of God, and the loud shouts too.

I am but one, but can be used for many of God's great things.

Psalm 31:24 24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.

Thursday, May 17, 2007


I am a single mom. Everyone who has ever read my post knows that I am a single mom, I am not bitter (even towards those who hurt me - at least not for very long), I want to be married, but I will wait on God's timing because His plan is always right.

When I had my daughter, I worked at ACO Hardware for $4.85/hour. I remember thinking that if I could just get to $8/hour I would be set, HA! I continued onto different jobs and at one time I had 4 jobs(Insurance company, Jerry's Ace, Chiropractor, sold Pampered Chef). One paid for daycare, one paid for gas and car insurance, one paid for a car payment (it was a little used Escort) and one paid for anything that we needed. I eventually got down to one job thankfully because while those 4 jobs were going on, I also went to school full-time at HFCC. Yes, that's right, if you do the math, I wasn't home much, out of necessity not because I wanted more money. But this mom did what it took to take care of my family.

There has never been a time in my life when I wasn't "busy" and even now, I think, maybe I could squeeze one more thing in, but I came to realize something on Tuesday when my plans fell through and I didn't know what to do with myself because Phyllis is in New York, this IS NOT NORMAL. It is not normal for your calendar to be filled on every day. I decided that instead of filling up more, I was going to take something out. So, I prayed about it, and it wasn't real hard to hear God's voice. I just needed to shut up for a minute, and slow down.

I am totally jealous of Sara. I wish I could have been a stay at home mom, I wish that sometimes I could just say no. But all my busy-ness is not for me. I go and go and go because of Phyllis. Monday is Fuel, Tuesday was lifegroup in my home, Wednesday is core groups (and nails, and when I can make it, Jim & Tonya's life group- also known as the Dean & Sara Show), Thursday is the day that Phyllis and I go out to eat, just her and I (though it sometimes gets moved for various reasons), and Friday is also our night, we do whatever is going at Metro for the teens or we watch a movie (that i always fall asleep to). Did I mention, I work ALL DAY too.

I will be honest, I don't know what to do to slow down. I am part of the over-achievers club. Sitting down and doing nothing makes me uneasy, there is always so much to do. Always. I am not sure how to say no. I can be guilted into doing things that I know I should say no to. I am getting a little better at it, but I still have a long way to go. I am sooner or later going to have to give up my "I can sleep when I'm dead" attitude. I am jealous of Sara, I wish that I could say "no" and be criticized for it (if you know me, though, you know I don't do well with criticizm) instead of always praised for working so hard. I often wonder, does a potential male come into my life, see how it looks like a 3 ring circus, and wonder "there's no 4th ring for her to fit me in", even though I would drop something, given the opportunity.
I gotta work on this...
Jude 1:1 I, Jude, am a slave to Jesus Christ and brother to James, writing to those loved by God the Father, called and kept safe by Jesus Christ. Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!

Weight watcher's update... reduced by 2, total -13.2!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Worship Wednesday

In honor of my boss who has been making fun of my music choices on my MP3 player hooked up to my computer, I decided to put a little love in it and give you the words to Love Addict by Family Force 5.
This song always makes me smile because it reminds me of the Fuel kids and going to the concert at SouthPoint. The kids were so excited and I got some great pictures. I love fun songs that you just can't help dancing to.
Love Addict - Family Force 5

Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it
Doctor, Doctor, I've got an emergency
It seems I'm head over heels, a case of L-O-V-E
It's like I'm glowing inside
Yeah, a light I can't hide
And if this feeling is bad then I don't wanna be right
What I've got in my soul gives me the highest delight
Oh yeah it's better than drugs
In fact it's sent from above, huh huh
Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it
Hey, Can't kick the habit
Yeah, I got to have it
Yeah, I 'm what they call a
Love addict, Love addict
Hey, can't live without it
Yeah, G'on shout about it
Hey, I'm a symptomatic
Love addict, Love addict
Need a refill cause I just can't get enough
I've got a fever, oh yeah, and the prescription's love
So lay the truth on me
Cause that is all that I need
Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it
Hey, Can't kick the habit
Yeah, I got to have it
Yeah, I 'm what they call a
Love addict, Love addict
Hey, can't live without it
Yeah, G'on shout about it
Hey, I'm a symptomatic
Love addict, Love addict
I'm blessed, I must confess
My heart is pounding in my chest
Cause this love's the best
I'm just a love addict
Coming down with something outrageous
Lookout now cause it so contagious
This feeling's got me reeling
So amped up that I hit the ceiling
Gotta clear my throat
Huh huh, now I gotta have some more
Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


Romans 1:16 It's news I'm most proud to proclaim, this extraordinary Message of God's powerful plan to rescue everyone who trusts him, starting with Jews and then right on to everyone else! God's way of putting people right shows up in the acts of faith, confirming what Scripture has said all along: "The person in right standing before God by trusting him really lives."

Music always seems to be in my heart. A song can resonate to places I didn't even know needed to be touched. I could hear a song I've heard a million times and be brought to my knees when I hear the song the 1,000,001 time. God uses music to get to my heart so I will let go, and call out for His rescue.

I've been feeling uneasy, actually for quite some time know but it's rising to the surface. It can't be held back too much longer, I think the series of events that have transpired over the last month or so are causing this to happen. It doesn't matter, things need to be dealt with sometimes.

Some people do not like Mondays, I love Mondays, Mondays mean Fuel. Fuel = kids = love (can you have 2 equal signs in the same equation?) Kids can teach you more about love than you can imagine, but your heart needs to be open to it.

I show up at Fuel late for the meeting in the beginning because of the church move, usually right about the time they are praying. There are somethings in our lives that we just can't control, and traffic is one of them. Yesterday, after a long, exhausting day, I "showed up" I was ready, and in great need of loving on some kids. (funny, I thought I was supposed to help them, not the other way around) We did worship first, which is not how we usually do it, usually worship is close to last, but I got filled up, to the rim, in worship, I opened my heart wide open and would have been on my knees if I didn't have to do words, "God, take it all, make me more like You, less likely to let the stress of my life take over, Lord, I need You, You are the ONLY thing that can save me. It's You Lord, HELP ME!!" And so I opened up, and did something COMPLETELY out of character. I needed to do something completely out of character, I let Mac pour syrup on my head! We had a contest and our team could get 10,000 points for the Fuel Explosion Team if a girl leader did it, and so I didn't want the high school leader to have to do it because she does so much already. So I did it. (Please note, Mac tried to blind me with that syrup). I let God use me in a very unexpected way (at least for me). There will be pictures later.

We all have our gifts, I am the uber-anal administrative, cooking baking, keep the kids safe, mom-type one. But yesterday, God gave me the gift of just being silly. He rescued me from the world and all it's troubles today (and from myself), He is amazing.

Jer 50:33 And here's more from God-of-the-Angel-Armies: "The people of Israel are beaten down, the people of Judah along with them. Their oppressors have them in a grip of steel. They won't let go. But the Rescuer is strong: God-of-the-Angel-Armies. Yes, I will take their side, I'll come to their rescue.

Who You Are - Desperation Band

I won't be satisfied
I wont be found alright til I find who You are
I'd climb every mountain
I'd travel the deepest valley
to find who You areYou,
You cause the lame to walk
You open lips to talk
You're everything and that is who You are
You, You calm the storms at night
You turn the dark to light
You're everything and that is who You are
I won't be satisfiedI wont be found alright til I find
who You are
I'd climb every mountain I'd travel the deepest valley to find who You are
You, You cause the lame to walk
You open lips to talk
You're everything and that is who You are
You, You calm the storms at night
You turn the dark to light
You're everything and that is who You are
You, You cause the lame to walk
You open lips to talk
You're everything and that is who You areYou,
You calm the storms at night
You turn the dark to light
You're everything and that is who You are
That is who You are
My savior
my healer
that is who You are
my maker
my father
That is who You are
That is who You are

Monday, May 14, 2007


I really want to go back to school. I have never actually gone to school for anything I like.

I went to high school, hated it.

I earned my Associate's Degree in 1999 in Business Office Specialist because I had enough credit hours in that field and it was easy.

I earned my Bachelor's degree in Business Administration in June 2006 (I got a BS in BA!). I got it because I needed to be a little more secure in my career.

Now, I really would like to go for something I like. Something I am interested in, but I don't know if I really have the time (or energy) but sometimes wouldn't it just be nice to do something we WANT instead of doing something that we HAVE to do.

I am looking at a bunch of different stuff, my favorite would be communication. I love to write but my writing could use some work and then I could refine it some. I don't have natural talent, but I love to do it. I think I would have been a very creative type person if I would have been encouraged more (not blaming anyone, I'm just saying).

I honestly feel a little off center, a little unsettled. And so I am wondering if I am just trying to cling to something that I know will have order. Something that I can put my arms around and control... or do I really want to go back to school. It's not a time to make a decision, but I think it maybe a time to listen.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

I don't mean...

I don't mean to sound like a brat, but my whole family (please note... not my church family) knows how hard Mother's Day is for me... makes me wonder why on earth I would not get a phone call or anything to see how I am doing... I take that back, my dad finally remembered to call at 4:30.

Ugh! It's very frustrating...
Apparently I am not done learning that disappointed lesson yet...
Psalm 22:4-5 4 In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them.
5 They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Grace meets disappointment

I have been thinking a lot about this lately. How I've been disappointed, in the things others have done (or not done), in myself in the same.

According to
Wikipedia Disappointment is the emotion felt when a strongly held expectation of something desired is not met.

I gained 1.2 this week. I'm disappointed in myself. I know I could lose weight if I would put forth some more effort. I've done it before, and I know I can do it again. I should have just behaved myself, did better planning, I would have lost instead of gained.

Someone was supposed to do something, they didn't. I was disappointed. I let it go.

Here's the thing about disappointment, if you didn't love someone and you didn't think highly of them, they would never disappoint you, right? Some people who have disappointed me most, have brought me the greatest joy and happiness I have ever known. EVER. Disappointment is a lesson. It's a lesson in forgiveness. It's a lesson in grace. For all of us. For the person who was disappointed and the person who did the disappointing. For the disappointed, we need to forgive the person who hurt us, for the one who did the disappointing, we need to learn the lesson so it doesn't happen again, and forgive ourselves. And in that we have great peace.

Grace & peace. I love grace & peace. And according to the Bible, so did Paul, Jesus, & God.

1 Cor 1:3 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Cor 1:2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Gal 1:3 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Eph 1:2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Phil 1:2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Thes 1: 2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
(photo taken from here)

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I got a feeling

It's official, I have every Third Day CD, if there's one out there that I don't have, I just don't know about it. I purchased the "Wire" CD, which I had the "Live Wire" CD already, but it didn't have "You are Mine" on the CD, only the DVD. So of course, I had to buy it.
One of my favorite songs on it is "I've Gotta Feeling". Everytime I hear it, I think about Mac Powell jumping on the stage up and down like a pogo stick. It's one of my favorite Third Day songs. But I really love the whole CD.
If someone asked me which of the Third Day CDs were my favorite I would be very hard pressed to pick one. Every CD has at least one song on it that has a special memory.

"I gotta feeling" reminds me that we need to get the message of Jesus out there. He might come today, He might come tomorrow, and He might come back 100 years from now, we don't know. The long term affects of getting "Jesus" out there is important. The short term affects are important too. I don't know if I would necessarily say they are equally important, but they are pretty darn important. The message of love needs to get out there. It makes life a whole lot easier to deal with, don't you think? The fact alone that it can bring peace to our lives during the loudest, craziest storm, is enough. The fact that when we have something amazing happen to us, that we can look up and say "thank You God, for loving me" is probably enough too. It's like the math equation that can always be solved. Good + God = love, Not-so-good + God = love. No matter what, He's with us. Whispering in our ears, shouting in our ears, and loving us right on through it all.

The message needs to get out, and it needs to start with me.
I Got A Feeling - Third Day
I got a message
I got a song
Can I get a witness
Tell me what’s going on
I’ll show the people
A better way
Maybe I will tomorrow
Maybe I will today
‘Cause I got a feeling it won’t be long
Maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong
But I know one thing for sure
Only time will tell it
I got a feeling coming over me
Nothing else here can set me free
But I know one thing for sure
Well, I’ve got to show it
I got a mission
I got a sign
Is anybody listening
I gotta make sure this time
I’ll tell the people
What’s on my mind
Maybe I will tomorrow
Maybe I will tonight
I got a message
I got a song
Everybody help me sing along

Gal 1:1 I, Paul, and my companions in faith here, send greetings to the Galatian churches. My authority for writing to you does not come from any popular vote of the people, nor does it come through the appointment of some human higher-up. It comes directly from Jesus the Messiah and God the Father, who raised him from the dead. I'm God-commissioned. So I greet you with the great words, grace and peace! We know the meaning of those words because Jesus Christ rescued us from this evil world we're in by offering himself as a sacrifice for our sins. God's plan is that we all experience that rescue. Glory to God forever! Oh, yes! (msg)

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

A guy at work’s wife is expecting a baby. Their first. We were talking for a minute and he said it’s hard to even imagine what it’s going to be like.

I can’t remember a time without Phyllis outside of high school. Being a young mom (at 20) she has always been a huge part of my life (as it should be). Sure I have my moments when I am completely jealous of people who have property up north who are the same age as me because they had their kids a little later or people who have literally traveled the world while I was a Girl Scout Troop leader.

I can only imagine the country side of Germany or California. I’ve actually only been on one “real” vacation, and that was to Disney when she was 8. All other vacations have been to someone else’s cottages, and usually only for a couple of days for me because I had to work.

This is one thing I can tell you, I would never trade it for every smile, every smell of the top of that beautiful head, of hearing her sing. There is going to be a time in my life when she is off doing something else, going to college, getting married, and starting a family of her own (IN THAT ORDER!) when my nest will be empty, but this I know for sure, she will know she was loved and that every sacrifice of me not getting new shoes because she needed them more, it was worth it, and I wouldn’t have done it any other way.

Yesterday was her Spring Concert. There was suite tickets to the Tiger Game yesterday, and you know, I didn’t have to even think about it. I wouldn’t have missed her concert for the world! Seeing her little face up there singing, oh my, life is amazing. In all it’s ups and downs, exciting moments, and disappointments, struggles and triumphs, I might not have chosen this way, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Sweetest Sound

Yesterday was Fuel's Talent Show as part of the Fuel Explosion Tour. It was amazing, we had so many kids with SO much talent. Of course, the most talented was my little Phyllis, she sang acapella a song that she wrote about how she is going to leave the world behind to chase after God. Ok, could a mother be more proud, you all know I was misty. She was totally nervous and I totally could tell, but she did awesome. We had some sweet talent, Eugene the Weapon with some Karate thing, have no idea what it's called, but seriously, it was SWEET. We had drummers, full bands play "the announcement song", girls singing, we had human pretzels, it was so cool.

I love Fuel. Jim had an awesome message for the kids about how their words need to match their actions and their feelings for Jesus. The worship band, as always, was on fire, it was a great mix of singing by John and Dave plus some other great talent. I think the sweetest sound of the night was during "there is nothing like" when the kids were singing "I'll love You forever, I'll love You forever, I'll love You forever, Lord."

I am amazed (I don't know why), I guess it's more like I am in awe of what God does in these kids lives and how humbled I am to be part of it. There is nothing like Your love, Lord.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

There is Nothing Like by Hillsong

Father true and merciful
Bound to me with love
Adopted in free from all sin
Jesus Saviour glorified
Your offering none could give
I stand before You humbled and in awe
And all
To You God
For all You are to me
(Chorus)There is nothing like
There is nothing likeYour Love..
Your Love
(Verse 2)Holy Spirit gift of God
Teach my soul to soar
Train me in Your Holy ways oh Lord
And all
To You God
For all You are to me
(Chorus)There is nothing like
There is nothing likeYour Love..
Your Love
I love you forever
I love you forever
I love you forever Lord

Monday, May 07, 2007

I didn't have a blog today, so I decided to do this 7 habits thing from Kelly, I actually think I did it before, but whateva...

Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!so here are my 7 totally random things.

NUMBER ONE: I only own black work pants and I wear the same black shoes until they almost walk by themselves.

NUMBER TWO: I love too big (it means that my heart is broken or at least cracked but it also means that I also get to experience love in amazing ways)

NUMBER THREE: I really like my job, I work some real knuckleheads but I like my job

NUMBER FOUR: One of my best friends is in Federal Prison

NUMBER FIVE: I could eat cheese so much that I would never poop.

NUMBER SIX: I kill ants that are in my house with my bare hands but I never touch a spider

NUMBER SEVEN:I LOVE being alone.

I'm not going to tag anyone because usually no one ever wants to play along. If you do play, let me know where to check out your answers.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

God works, always

One of my favorite verses is Romans 8:28, God works for all those who love Him. I used to have it on a pen. I am a scripture periphenalia freak. It's dorky but it is what it is and I am what I am.

Next Sunday is my favorite and least favorite holidays of the year... bittersweet.

As a kid, growing up in a world that wasn't used to the single parenthood thing, I got asked a million times "what happened to your mom?" to the point where I was so tired of saying it I just couldn't stand it. People, especially kids with two parents, are just so curious about the whole thing. Mother's Day came and went and I would make cards or presents for my dad (because he was both my mom and my dad) or my gram, but usually for my dad (ever notice that Father's Day is past school time?). I am sure that many Mother's Day evenings my dad probably cried (though I never saw it) because his heart broke because he knew mine did.

As a mom, I love Mother's Day and this will be the first one I will do whatever it is I want because my Gram is not here (she always wanted to go places I didn't like- but we went). I'll probably cook lunch or go to Panera and I'll be at Al!ve doing words.

There are many times when I just don't know what to do as a mom because I didn't have anything to gage it after, good or bad. And in those times I just have to turn inward and upward to hear what the Holy Spirit and God guide me to do. When I listen, it's usually wonderful, when I don't, well... yikes...

One of my favorite scriptures is Romans 8:28 because no matter what I do, no matter how many times I screw it up, fall down, God still works, because He knows I am not perfect, but I do love Him, oh, so much, He knows my heart, and for me, because of that, He still works.

Read both versions, Message and NIV. Amazing His word, isn't it?

Romans 8:28 28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (NIV)

Romans 8:26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. (msg)

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Letting Go

I like to hold on with both hands. I'm that kind of girl. I am the kind of girl who has her eye on every thing around her that could go wrong, I have a Plan A, B, C, sometimes all the way to Z.

I am also the kind of person who doesn't like to let go of something that has great meaning. I have a friend who has been staying with us for about 4 1/2 months. Being someone who likes to have her space, I kind of thought this person might get on my nerves, say, day 2, but its been 4 1/2 months and the worst thing was that they kept forgetting to turn the shower thing so we would get splashed in the morning. Seriously, that was the worst thing. Tomorrow they move out, to their own condo, and I am SO excited for them, new beginnings, fresh starts, and I remember when I first got my house and how excited I was. How exciting!

For me, I am completely sad. I hate to let go. My dad says that a PSYCHO-trist told him when I was little that because my mom had to push me away because she couldn't bare my weight before she died that this had some kind of affect on me. I don't know if all that is true. All I know is that I am going to miss my friend, a lot. I think about people who are married and when one person is left standing all by themselves because the other one left, I can't imagine this being even close to that, I just pray for all those people out there who need to be loved.

Deut 31:6 6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."