Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Meal Plan Monday

I have great aspirations to make dinner every night, I also have great aspirations to plan it out.  However, rarely do both of those work out for me.  Sometimes I make too much of something and we have leftovers forever, sometimes we really want Panera.

So this week, my menu plan? To make White Chicken Chili in my crockpot (with black beans instead of Great Northern because that's what Phyllis likes) and if it's good, I'll share my recipe.  Anything after this is a bonus.

I cut up a bunch of chicken, and I have stuff to always make dinner, so I have a couple ideas but we will see how it goes. 

Maybe that seems horrible to you, maybe I seem like a terrible mom, but its not horrible, and I am a good mom.  HA! 

Maybe I'll go crazy and plan two meals next week :)

Proverbs 21:5 The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty

Small yet significant

This week has been full of big break-throughs and small feats!

I covered all the windows in my house in the past weekend. This may seem like a small thing to you, but I've only attempted this chore one other time, and it did not work out so good for me.  The past years I've asked the person living upstairs to do it, he was handy and so it worked out well, however, he got hitched and so now I'm left to do that stuff on my own.  I just finished the last one minutes ago.  It seemed to me like I just stood on the top of Mt. Everest. 

I changed the flapper in my toilet.  Anything associated with plumbing, I haven't shy'ed away from, I've run screaming!  So that was cool too.  Yesterday, the trap thingy came loose while I was doing dishes, water everywhere.  It was a simple fix, I did it myself.  AND I thought, well, it probably needed to be cleaned out under here anyway, so it was a good excuse ;)

Every Sunday I stop at the corner of Mack and I-75 and pick up a paper.  They cost $1.50.  I pay $4-5 depending on how much I have in my wallet.  I save about 3-5times the amount I pay in coupons so I'm happy to help.  You know, it may seem insignificant, but 'my paper guy' is always happy, and he never remembers, I actually like it that way because I love the smile on his face when I say 'have a good day'. 

I also stop at the Starbucks at the corner of Mack & Woodward to get my Venti Hot water to put my Wild Orange Tea in.  I always keeps a couple bucks in my pocket for no one in particular. Whoever gets there first.  Last week, one guy - we can call him Sam was there, and the moment I turned around, he was gone.  Under my breath I always say 'in the name of Jesus' and pray for whoever God blesses me to give to. You see, I'll tell you the truth, sometimes I have a hard time giving to beggers.  But my 'empty bucket' friends always say 'in the name of Jesus' and somehow those small words, make a big difference in my life.

What if we approached all little things with big praise?  And genuine BIG excitement.  What if we saw miracles in just sitting down to eat, or being blessed enough to pay 3times what the paper cost?  Or that silly tape that is so much easier to work with in window coverings. 

What if that is where we find peace, love, joy?  In the small yet significant things.

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.” - Psalm 136:1,26

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Ranch Dressing

This recipe comes from Family Feasts for under $75 a week!  I highly recommend this cookbook!

1/3 c mayo
1/4 c lowfat sourcream
1/4 c milk (a little more if you want thinner dressing)
1 T white vinegar
1/2 t dried parsley
1/2 t garlic powder
1/2 t onion powder
1/2 t veggie oil
1/4 t dillweed

Mix together. Cover and chill at least 1/2 hour.

Store up to two weeks

Last day of vacation

I have a few things I need to get wrapped up before I had back to work!

  1. Gym
  2. Church
  3. Lunch (Chicken Quesidillas & Spanish Rice - I doctored up this recipe a LOT)
  4. Finish Window Coverings
  5. Put in the glass for the screen doors
  6. Seperate & ; Freeze chicken
  7. Divide up bacon
  8. Bring up Christmas decorations
  9. Put lights on tree
  10. Dinner (chicken stirfry)
  11. Get stuff ready for work
  12. Plan dinner for the rest of the week!
  13. Drop off Cranberry Bread at Blessed Hope

Hope your day is productive & enjoyable!

Proverbs 31:31 31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Week's Vacation

At the last minute I decided to take a week off for vacation, I had the time, and I really needed some time off, I've been on edge for months. Everyone needs vacation.

I can't say that I am looking forward to going back, I mean, I like my job but I enjoyed my time off.  I feel rested.

I still got up everyday and went to the gym or ran outside.  Mon-Thurs.

I got most of the windows in the house covered in plastic.  I just need to do Phyllis's room (which I need help with because I can't remove the window treatments so I need someone to hold them up while I do the plastic, and the front window. 

I fixed the flapper in the toilet.  If only I had really known how easy that it was.  I heard that you should actually replace it every year because they wear out and you can save yourself money in your water bill because there is less water leakage.  I don't know if that's true, but I do know that mine was worn out.

I took my car in and thankfully my rear axle wasn't cracked (recall issue). 

I changed my burnt out head light and tail light (both on the left side). I don't know how a guy would replace it without removing the battery because there was not much room.

I had breakfast twice with friends, met a great friend for coffee, went to the chiropractor, logged onto work one day while I was chilling at Starbucks.  Sent Christmas cards and candy canes to Soldiers in Afganistan.  Cleaned house.  Christmas shopping.  Enjoyed Thanksgiving.  Found Freedom and Truth.   Had three beauties spend the night after going to see The Current. 

My tree is ready to go up.  Its been a great week!  I am rested.

2 Cor 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

its nice

It seems weird to say this, but its nice not to be hurt.  One of my friends has adopted an 'i don't care attitude', I have a adopted a 'its ok, you can't steal my joy attitude'.

I got a text the other day that would have sent me into a pissed off frenzy the other day. If I didn't know better, I would have thought it was sent to make me mad.  But you know what?  I was a little hurt but I just thought, it can only hurt you if you let it.  Just like sometimes you can chose to be a victim.  I wasn't giving anyone permission to do that.

Yesterday I spent my day shopping, and then home, and then I had some girl time with Rosie and Melissa, we went to see 'A Current'.  it was good, and then Michelle came over and Phyllis of course was home, and it was fabulous!  We just hung out, had snacks and sundaes, and fell asleep.  I made breakfast this morning, we watched 'The Book of Eli' (well, they watched it) and I made cranberry bread for a local church/soup kitchen because they had TONS of donated cranberries. 

I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.  Praising God for each step I take and each breath I take in.

Going to put up the tree, put on the lights, and tomorrow Phyllis and I will decorate our tree that is in a totally different place than it usually is... just like my heart this holiday season!

Joy to the World!  The Savior Reigns!

“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.” - Colossians 3:16

Thursday, November 25, 2010

A lie becomes the truth

I went to that inner healing prayer.  I almost canceled, I was frightened.

What if its a waste of time?
But that's not really what I was afraid of, I was really afraid that it was going to hurt.  What if I go back to that place, it hurts, and it never stops hurting?

But God did not create us with a spirit of fear, and He said it right to me, 'I did not create you with a spirit of fear', how do you cancel after that?

Before we actually started, this time in my life that I had forgotten popped in my head, which I thought was nothing, but it was all I could see.  The lie I believed?  That I was never a priority, that something was always picked over me.  That I was the wrong daughter that lived, that I didn't matter, that no one really cared to know me because they didn't really love me, that I'd never measure up.  And that was it, it was all a lie.  And God showed me that. 

You can't be measured by someone else's ruler, and then a visualization of a ruler.  And did you know that there is this ruler on my desk, that has my name on it?  Its a crazy thing, I've always loved that ruler.

Last night was my 10th grade girls life group.  Every life group went to the new Metro Building, well, every life group but ours.  I wanted to take the girls to a play, The Current, but one of the girls couldn't go, so if one can't go, then we all can't go to something like that if its on a life group night.  I got a lot of flack because I wanted to have life groups, I felt no leading to go to the building, I felt leading to have life groups. I take life groups very seriously, I know we have fun, and often get off topic, but I take it seriously, and if I feel lead to do something, then we do it.  And I felt lead to have life groups.  I even got the 'Don't you want to serve God?'  One thing I've learned is that we should not do things out of guilt.   I just said in my heart 'I am, just in a different way'. 

We read John 5 last night.  We read the whole thing but our discussion never got past this:

1 Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. 2 Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda[a] and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. 3 Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. 5 One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

7 “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”
8 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” 9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

This guy, hurt and broken, could get into this well to be better, but he just kept making excuses why he couldn't.  And maybe those things that held him back were real, but maybe, he was afraid of getting well. Maybe the fear of the unknown held him back.  Maybe he didn't realize how great freedom was, because he didn't know what it was.
I've heard people talk about freedom in Christ, and on some levels, I had that. But I think I was always held back.  I had 'good' reasons for never getting help, I was too busy, I was helping others, I was serving God, all what some may call valid.  This summer, God kept saying to me, "I've got some work to do in you, and I need you to be all here'.  I have come a long way in my walk, but I can tell you, I think I came an equal distance in that one hour, and found this crazy freedom that I saw that other people had, but never quite understood. 

I want my girls to have that freedom, and we talked about it last night, 'what holds you back? what hurt do you need to overcome to find truth?  What are you feeling? what lies are you believing?' Until you figure out what lies you're believing, you'll never find the real Truth.

This journey for me is nowhere near being over.  But now as I keep on this journey, I will be walking in freedom.

At one point during that healing this is all I could see:

2 Cor 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

picture from here

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Enjoying the days!

I can't tell you anything spectacular that has happened in the last couple days, I haven't traveled anywhere further than Somerset Mall in Troy, but I have SO enjoyed my days off!

Yesterday I worked out, had breakfast with a dear friend, got ready, coffee with another friend, hit Somerset Mall - the only thing I bought was an Eastern Market Coffee travel mug at the Detroit Shoppe, home, picked up Rosie, dinner (I didn't eat lunch - I forgot!), home and bed.

Today dropped my Windstar off for recall and I consider myself so blessed that I have another car so that I can still enjoy my day.  After my inner healing appt, I will probably head off to Starbucks, I need to do some work that I brought home, and then pick up Phyllis, she's enjoying coffee with Miranda, and I will pick up one of my 10th grade beauties, we are headed to Berkley so I can get a chiropractic adjustment and going to walk around downtown Berkley, for sure - Catching Fireflies.

So thankful today!! 

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.”- Psalm 100:4-5

Monday, November 22, 2010

Did I?

I've got a lot of lessons in my head right now.  I keep going back to one instance in my life that happened about 3 years ago, I actually am not even sure the year, but it was the year that Horton Hears a Who came out at the movies.  Shortly after that movie, I got a letter saying that someone didn't like who I was.   Now this wasn't just anyone, but it was someone who has meant a great deal to me over the years.  It was actually heartbreaking to read that.  And what was crazy is that I felt like I was finally starting to like who I was. I felt like my choices were a lot better, I was loving God, and living for Him.  I was trying so hard to be kind.   And then that.

I actually had thought that I threw the letter way, but I didn't, I found it last week when I was cleaning.  I didn't even open it, I just threw it in the garbage, because just a few days before that I had yet another 'event' with this person. 

Yesterday I was thinking about Noah as I was on the eliptical (really, I do a devotional while I am on the eliptical - I know - I'm ridiculous) and I was thinking about how he had 120 years to tell people about God, how they had 120 years to follow him onto this crazy ark, and man, Noah must have had some sunflower seed faith because I am sure people thought he was a whack job.  But think about how Noah must have lived his life that no one believed that he had something better.  No one believed that God was using him.

And then at service Pastor Chilly was talking about Joseph and the silver cup (and for the record, the reason I wasn't confused about the silver cup is because I didn't know what you were talking about) and how Joseph used the cup to prove if his brothers had changed. I was thinking about confrontation, I confront myself quite often about my motives, about my feelings (and truthfully a lot of times its after I've already jacked something up), but yesterday I wanted to just ask 'was it this way?' and to another person I wanted to ask 'do you REALLY believe it's fair to all?'. And God said "sshhhh... I don't think you really want to know the answers"

I think about a couple things... one is forgiveness and the other is God's timing.

God's timing is perfect, and like no other, God knows my heart, and I believe that there is a time for everything, and sometimes its a time to be quiet.  and that time is now. Just love.

And what about forgiveness? Did I really forgive if I keep wondering why? If I keep thinking 'you really don't love me, and I'll keep taking the licks because that's what you do'.  You see, I cannot control what others do, and I know that, but I can control my own actions.  Faith is not about feeling, it is about knowing who God is.  And He says 'forgive as you have been forgiven'.  And that's what I want to do, I want to forgive, and that means letting go of hurt.  I don't know why that is so hard, maybe its because it makes us vulnerable.  And then there is the opportunity for someone to hurt us again, but what if we let it go, and it never returns?  What if peace really is attainable?

I'm going to an inner healing thing, I have no idea what I am in for, but I know so much that I have been lead down this path, I have come to this time where I need to be healed, I need the internal bleeding to stop, and sometimes, you need God to send you someone to help you do that.  So if you read this, please be in prayer.

I just want peace.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.”- Colossians 3:15

Sunday, November 21, 2010


I'm sorry no post yesterday, I was too busy living life to write about it :)  Normal nail appt, then a pedi (unexpected but much needed) then a great day scrapbooking, then dinner and a play with Phyllis.

I love Sundays, I used to love them for different reasons, but now I love them as my day to kind of relax, I try to get to the gym by 8, then I come home and have breakfast, then to RC Detroit, then lunch with Phyllis, usually a trip to JoAnn Fabrics (like we really need anything lol) and wherever else life takes us! 

Enjoy your Sunday!

Be blessed!

Friday, November 19, 2010


Its Friday! I've got a lot of work to do today in preparation for being off for nine days! I'm excited! I don't have a lot of plans, but I'm excited to be off, I am sure there will be a trip to Cranbrook, a trip to the zoo, and some yummy tea in my future!

Wanna know something silly? I love wild sweet orange tea by Tazo, and its been really hard to find lately, they used to have it at Starbucks and that's how I fell in love with it! However they switched to some new disgusting (or bisgusting if you're Katie D.) one and then Kroger stopped carrying it, Target has it sometimes, so it seems that EVERYTIME I go to the store and find it, I pick it up, and then I just ordered 6 boxes (3 for me, 3 for a friend) and now I have like 10 boxes (not kidding!) so apparently I have some squirrel like qualities because I'm storing up for winter!

It is super yummy, a great zero calorie treat, and helps me relax!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Its Thursday!

Did anyone even notice I hadn’t posted since Monday? Where has the week gone? I’m not sure, but my house is the most picked up its been in months. I’ve been home.

Phyllis’s foot is healed, however the doctor wants three more weeks on crutches and this ginormous boot thing. Ugh. But when you pray for God to send His wisdom down to the doctor and He does, then you gotta live with it.

I’m exhausted. Mentally but not physically. Can I just tell you? Sometimes being a single mom, seemingly all alone in this world, really sucks. I remember when I was a kid, my dad had this great group of friends that supported him, and sometimes I just don’t feel like I have that. Its probably my fault because I’m so busy, but sometimes I feel like I’m always the one saying ‘can you hang out?’ like no one ever thinks of me unless they need me.

I struggled with ‘how come they only love me for what I do, not who I am?’ and then God said to me, “I created you that way, they love you for what you do, because that’s who you are, you are giving, and encouraging’. That was quite a revelation that God shared with me. However, the problem with me is that once I leave something, I think so does the thought of me unless they have to say ‘Oh Margie’s not here, who is going to do it?’ Oh well, that’s just something I need to deal with.

I also have another problem, a small one, but its still an issue. A lot of times when I use my crockpot the meals just really aren’t that good. I often wonder if other people are just like ‘hey who cares, dinner is done’ or am I just Crock Pot challenged. Yesterday’s dinner was pretty good, I loved coming home and having dinner ready, literally, walked in, went potty, washed hands, made a salad, and served dinner. That was nice. And even ‘that was a good one’ from Miss Phyllis. I guess I’ll just keep trying.

I’m off next week, so excited, 9 days off in a row! YEAH! I need some rest. Have some plans with friends, but not too much.

Its been a hard week to work out, its week 3, but I really do love it, I love the energy I have in the morning and the rest of the day! This morning, I came home, did the few dishes in the sink, washed and dried/hung up a load of laundry in addition to the normal morning routine!

So that’s it! I hope you’re still awake. Hope things are great in your neck of the woods!

Oh, and check out this devotional! I super loved it!

Eph 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Day 10: One Confession

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

My confession... as lame as it seems is that I am not always truthful as I'd like to be, I had another post that I would have loved to post about, how my heart is in turmoil, how I really feel, but I won't be posting it. Why?  because I don't think it will bring glory.

I'd also love to post it because its how I feel, but I think that in my hurt it would bring bad light to someone else, and I don't think that's right either, but just so you know... I'd really like to tell you how I feel, but I'll just be quiet, and if you feel the need to ask me what's going on, I'll be honest and tell you, I just won't tell you, here.

My Christmas holidays are going to look different this year, at least different for us.  I thought about going away for Christmas, however this year, I think I will be opening presents, and maybe painting my house, maybe tearing down paneling.  Its different but different is not always bad.  Or maybe we will go away, or maybe to the movies, I'm not sure, as long as I'm with Phyllis, I don't really care what we do.

“Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands give me delight.”- Psalm 119:143

Sunday, November 14, 2010

My decoupage project

1 John 2:14 I write to you, dear children, because you know the Father. I write to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God lives in you, and you have overcome the evil one.

Day Nine: Three songs that describe your life right now.

Today was supposed to be 2 smileys that describe your life, but that's dumb (I don't follow instructions well, or my 10th grade girls would tell you I'm a rebel lol)

Picking two songs is difficult considering I listen to music (like most people) everyday and so I picked three. They are all very different and can probably give some explanation of my heart, going in a million directions, I’ve included the videos but not the eminem song, you can look that one up on your own.

I think the first song would be Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman. I realize that the song is written in the view of a dad, but this song just reminds me how childhood is long days of fast years. I don't think I've ever listened to this song without getting misty, sometimes I ball my eyes out. I always tried so hard to be a good mom, to spend time with Phyllis, it seems that lately things are nuts but she's my girl and in my heart, she is always first.

The next song is I think God can Explain by Splendor. There are just so many things that I just don’t understand, things do not turn out the way I planned and sometimes its so easy to rest in Him and sometimes I feel like a 3 year old fighting sleep.

I think God can explain

There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things that
I don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you
to look me in the eyes
It's alright, I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get caried away
It's alright, I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet
The sent of vasoline
in the summertime
The feel of an icecube
Melting overtime
The world seems bigger
Than both of us
Yet it seems so small
when I begin to cry
It's alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet.
I'm so much better than you guessed
I'm so much bigger than you guessed
I'm so much brighter than you guessed
I'ts alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get off of your back
I think God can explain
I think God can explain
I think God can explain

Eminem, oh Eminem, I don’t even claim to understand you, but your music sometimes hits my heart like a 10 tandem truck going 100 mph. I can tend to be a loner, I can tend to pull away. One thing that happened to me recently is that I started to pull away but I wanted someone to know that I wasn’t pulling away from them, and I had suggested that we not buy each other Christmas presents, my plan was that we all go do something and spend the time together but before I could get that part out, it was a ‘fine’ and a hang up. I was furious! Fine, you’re not going to let me finish, that’s how you want it? Ok, all these times of pulling away, and then coming back, you saying you love me, but once that next thing comes along, you take off. Go, you have what you’ve always dreamed of, so I will get out of the way so you can enjoy it. I was right, I never mattered, thanks for confirmation.

I love this song because it reminds me that we are all beautiful and that we should never let anyone tell us we are not, that the world thinks they know us, but they don’t. God knows us, we are wonderfully made and even though we mess it up, it makes us who we are today, and no one can take away our beauty and His love.

Crazy what I can get from an Eminem song, huh?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

10th grade girls

I know that a lot of people are not fond of teenagers, I happen to love them!  Last night we had a sleepover!  it was really a good time, we ate, 'decorated' a house, made almost 50 cards for soldiers in Afganistan, watched a movie, then got up, made breakfast, and food for a family that just had a new addition, and they made cards for the beautiful new addition!! 

Then I had lunch with one of the girls, we ran some errands and then I came home to start decoupaging some journals and I am relaxing!

It was a great day!

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

1.  Loves Jesus
2.  Great smile
3.  Man of integrity

Friday, November 12, 2010

Thank the Lord!

so... the plumber came, and the issue wasn't with 'the stack' although I am not completely sure what that is, but I do know where it is.  He ran his snake thing, and my problem?

Tree roots.

This is the first time that I've had roots that it backed up in the laundry room only, and never all that food crud.  When I am not fast enough to get the plumber out (which this time I guess I wasn't), my whole basement floods.  And its a mess to clean up.  Well, if you recall, I pulled up the carpet in the living room and put it in the basement.  And for "some reason" it did not flood in that room. 

I cannot tell you how thankful I am that it was the stinky mess that it was and not a huge flood.  I would have had to haul that carpet (wet) up the stairs, by myself!

Let me also tell you this, I may be alone in this house, and alone in figuring all this stuff out, but God really does send me angels to help me get it cleaned up!

Psalm 119:76 May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant

Thank You Lord!

Day Seven: Four turn offs

1.  Being a creep
2. Lying
3. No intergrity
4.  Being clingy

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

This was meant for yesterday but I've had a super lot on my mind and heart. I chose to be quiet yesterday even though I wanted to scream from the rooftops.  It was a wise choice. I didn't hurt anyone by blabbing and I didn't fall off any rooftops. 

Today (yesterday) I am supposed to write about 5 people who mean a lot to me, I think I could write about 500, but I will chose just 5.

I am always amazed at how awesome my daughter is.  Not only is she super smart (4.0) but she is kind and loving.  I couldn't have imagined a daughter this great coming from such a mess like me, but God's grace, like every other time in my life has prevailed.  She is gone for the next 3 days and its super quiet around here.

My cousin.  I can honestly tell you that in all my life I can not remember a moment she hasn't been there.  She not only is family to me, but a very dear friend.  Can't imagine not having her around.

My mom.  I miss her everyday. 

My dad. I'm thankful for him. 
My friend.  I am so very thankful that he is such a man of integrity and he makes me laugh.  He is a great example of what being a dad really is!

Col 1:3 We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you,

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Before I knew you, I loved you

There is a scripture that is kind of a life scripture for me, I've always struggled with it, wanting to believe it.

Jer 1:4-8
4 The word of the LORD came to me, saying, 5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew[a] you,
before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” 6 “Alas, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.” 7 But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD

Our college pastor aka the single's director preached on it the other day.  And as I was thinking about a lot of things in the last couple days.  I've been thinking about how its hard for me, so hard for others as well.  I was thinking about how sometimes in the current times, its hard for people to see God as their father, and not be waiting for the next shoe to drop or to be let down.  God never lets us down.  we might not always get what we want, but we ALWAYS get what's best for us!

I could think of a million real life examples I have but I do not want to use them because I don't think that would be the right thing to do for the innocent and not so innocent, you know.  So, being that I just saw the movie "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" the other day its fresh in my mind, there are two examples in the movie of how dads let their children down, in this case girls.

The first is Carmen, her mom and dad get divorced, for really reasons we don't know about, but meets this new woman and is going to get married.  And in Carmen's eyes, has settled into this new family, leaving her in the dust because she just doesn't fit.  In her eyes, and perception is reality, her father has abandoned her.  He has moved on to something better.  Carmen has this feeling that her dad thinks she was never good enough, and when we apply that to God, we really are never 'good'  and many people wait to come to Jesus until they are 'cleaned up'. Now, we know (at least those of us who know the saving grace of Jesus) you'll never be cleaned up enough.  But it can really skew your vision. And in all reality, some dad's may never think you're good enough, they may find love in a new family, they may ditch you, but God never does.  Believing in His love and His truth, may be hard, but its the only real and true thing there is.

Then there's Bridget, her mom died, and her work-aholic father provides for her in many ways but never giving her the love that she needs. Who knows, maybe he blames her for her mother's death, maybe he just doesn't love her, and showing her love in shallow ways is all he knows, and truly we find that she seeks love in all the wrong places, when all she really wants is to be loved by her dad, and spend some time with her.  Who knows how long its been since they shared some time together, just the two of them, three days, three months, or three years.  Bridget just feels completely unloved because her dad doesn't spend anytime with her.  Its hard to believe that God would want you, when the people (your dad in this case) don't want you. 

But the thing about God, as I was reminded Sunday, is that if it was only my sin that put Him on the cross, He loves me enough that He would have gotten up there. He would have sacrificed Himself, for me, and He wants to have a relationship with me, that is filled with love, not rules.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done

Ok, so I think that's dumb, because God turns our mess into His message, so forget that.  Sorry, catch me tomorrow but let me tell you.  I woke up this morning and felt like I may be coming down with something.  I Netti Pot when I got home, took it easy (ate out), but there were dishes and laundry.  So I started the laundry and did the dishes and my drain backed up in the basement.  I tell you the truth, this was by far the STINKIEST thing I've ever smelled, I'm thinking 'uh oh, how will I finish my laundry.  Then I decided to see if it was still backed up, so I took a small bucket and drizzled some water, it went down!  THANK YOU JESUS!  so...  I cleaned it all up, and will have it cleaned out tomorrow by a plumber.  I had to take my two area rugs outside and they will go out with the trash.  Oh well. 

So I wonder, can I see Jesus in situations like this?  And so here it goes!

Thank You Jesus it was on the laundry side not on the carpet side
Thank You Jesus that I was able to clean it up, and do laundry
Thank You Jesus that I had bleach to clean it up (I never have bleach)
Thank You Jesus that I have the ability to clean it up (two working arms, and legs and everything in between)
Thank You for me not puking (that would have been even WORSE)
Thank You for a home
Thank You for the wisdom to figure out how to clean it up
Thank You for the ability to pay for the plumber
THANK YOU, that it could have flood the whole basement

So, this stinks, literally and figuratively, but its ok, its cleaned up (still a little stinky) and candles are burning, but its on its way for being fixed. 

No worries. 


Those crazy questions that Chilly puts out there. And then after answering the questions, I started thinking about why I don’t believe that my dreams will be fulfilled. Because I know those dreams are from Jesus. And so I started thinking about it, praying about it, listening to my heart (and what I am afraid of) and listening to the Heart of God.

I have all these crazy dreams, opening my own bakery, adopting older children, becoming a speaker, marrying someone completely awesome, and the crazy thing is that I really do believe that God has put these things on my heart. Those aren’t necessarily things that I believe I could do, certainly not on my own. I’d have to really step out in faith for each one of those things.

Opening a bakery. It would mean that I would have to be like those sister on DC Cupcake who quit their corporate jobs to make the best cupcakes. Need I remind you that I don’t have another income in my household to fall back on? Yikes. God is a God of provision. He is. So what is it that makes me think that He won’t meet my needs? Here’s some truth from the depth of my heart, what if He changes His mind? Ok, I know that won’t happen. But what if He decides that I’m gonna be one of those people who has to praise Him anyway. The bakery didn’t work out, I lose my house, and I have to praise Him anyway. I’d like to think I could do that. I’ve praised Him in corn and mac&cheese, I’ve praised Him in sickness and in health, but what if I mess it up? What if I stop relying on Him? Really, I struggle, I’m a jerk, but really I’ve got to stop looking at the stuff I’m not and look at the stuff He is.

Adopting Older Children. I would so love to do this. And I think its only God who has given me a heart to not only love teenagers, but to really like them. I like that they have problems and they are so resilient that they never give up. So what stops me? Oh this list is long. Who would want me for a mom? I mean, I know my own daughter would, but I work too much, I’m self absorbed, I can tend to be strict, I lose my temper, I feel like sometimes we have to pass up on stuff because I didn’t manage my money perfectly or don’t make enough… And remember, there is one person missing from our household, a dad. There is a Father in our household, and we choose to serve Him, but what will the outside world think? Will they say “you don’t meet our criteria” and let’s not forget that it costs a lot of money to adopt a child in need. But I know that if I step out, God will take care of all that stuff, because He sees the things I am not, and He is all.

Becoming a speaker. Ever since I was saved, God has told me that I would be a speaker. I love speaking, and I especially love talking about the things that God has done in my life. I have loved speaking ever since I can remember. But sometimes I think I screw up so much in my life, I lose my temper, I don’t follow through, I’m scared, I’m not super knowledgeable about the bible, I don’t know all the stories, or the Greek/Hebrew meaning of words, who would want to listen to me speak? But I know what God told me. I know how He is speaking to me, I know I am learning more about Him everyday, I know that He is not only penetrating my heart, He is CHANGING it to be more like Him.

Marrying someone completely awesome. Now, I look at myself. And just on the surface, I think who would want to marry me, just on looks alone, I’m average at best. And then… my faults… oh, I won’t even BEGIN to list them all, we just don’t have that much time. Me to write them, you to read them (besides, I bet you could run your own tally of my faults), but I have to remember, God created me, in His image. His grace, love, and beauty covers me like a cloak.

All this stuff, listing it out, you’d think that it would make me think of all the things I’m not. It doesn’t, it makes me think of all the things I am, in Him.

He provides
He’s alpha AND omega. He is all
He not only speaks life, He breathes it
He is beautiful

And He loves me.

2 Cor 12:9-10 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Monday, November 08, 2010


I'd like the answer to this... I wonder if it is even possible.

I've never thought of myself as one to set my feet about red clay in Africa for long term. I wonder how?

I wonder how I would be able to get enough money, and go there.
I wonder how I would muster up enough bravery to step out.
I wonder what it would be like to live a life so simply that all I could do is love.
I wonder if I could
I wonder if I am called to do that
I wonder how one makes that kind of thing happen
I wondered as I looked at this blog, seeing all those children, if I could do that. It seems sometimes I really want to.

but how?

Deut 7:9 Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

I understand that I have to give grace, but why do people act like jerks, making it a completely necessary act. Can’t I give grace, and you be less of a jerk?

If they stop making my favorite tea, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.

I really do need to stop swearing. God, just take over my mouth, and my heart!

To speak or not to speak, that is the question! Do I say something or not...

I really want to make a difference in the world.

I can’t believe how great I feel getting up in the morning, its absolutely nuts!

I am the luckiest mom in the world!

Sunday, November 07, 2010

If I could just tell you...

That getting up super early makes the kind of difference in your life that you'll never believe.

If you think I don't understand 'I already get up early enough' you're dead wrong.  It is NOT easy for me to get up at 4:30, it means that I must commit to getting to be NO later than 10, but my goal is 9:30.

It makes this amazing difference in my life, it gives me more energy, it gives me a better outlook, and it means that I do not stress over when (or how) I will get my workout in.  Yes, it is only 1/2 per day, but I can tell you, most people I know don't even workout a 1/2 hour a week, and I USED to be one of those people. 

It really does help me to focus more on what God sees in me, because my mind is clear.

It is difficult but you are worth it! (and so am I!)

Choosing to see!

Phil 4:8
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I love my dad. He's so great at a lot of things. But there is one thing that you really have to hear is heart not his words. And I often have to hear his heart. And I say this with the greatest affection...

My dad doesn't always give the greatest compliments. I can tell you, as I have before, that I don't remember very often being told growing up that I was beautiful or pretty. And so I often struggle with that now. The other day we were coming home from a funeral and my dad said something like 'now that you're losing weight, you're becoming more beautiful' and now I laughed to myself. My dad telling me that I'm beautiful, not meaning to link my weight and my beauty but doing so anyway. My stepmom tried to help him recover, but it was ok, at the point, I chuckled outloud and said "I know what he meant" because I did. I have to chose sometimes to see the good, knowing that a lot of times I am hurting, I am struggling with whatever I am struggling with, it is hard to see good. But I am trying, I am trying to live Phil 4:8, see the good in people, hear their hearts not their words. See where their heart is. Choose to see what is good because I want to see what God sees.

I also want to see what God sees when it comes to the broken. I want to see who needs love, but how they need love, and then I want to step out and do something about it. Hurting people hurt people, and I want to stop the hurt, one person at a time, what if we started a revolution (I don't like that word because it sounds so big, I say, lets love in small ways to make a big impact), what if each one of us, saw someone in the grocery store who wanted some tea but couldn't afford it in the budget, but we handed them the $3 and the box of tea, and in our minds just said 'in the name of Jesus'. What if we prayed for the guy who sold us our paper on our way to church? what if we loved one another, those close and those not so close?

Please Lord, help me to choose to see.

Romans 12:9-13 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Laundry Soap Recipe

· 3 pints water
· 1/3 bar Fels Naptha soap, grated
· 1/2 cup washing soda (Arm and Hammer, NOT baking soda though)
· 1/2 cup 20 Mule Team Borax
· 2 gallon bucket to mix it in
· 1 quart hot water
· hot water
Mix Fels Naptha soap in a saucepan with 3 pints hot water and heat on low until dissolved. Stir in washing soda and borax. Stir until thickened, and remove from heat. Add 1 quart hot water to 2 gallon bucket. Add soap mixture, and mix well. Fill bucket with hot water, and mix well. Set aside for 24 hours, or until mixture thickens. Use 1/2 cup of mixture per load.

meme - Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

I have to tell you, this seems really self absorbed but it is fun, this is a hard one!

1. Love Jesus, and live like you do, go to church with me
2. Take me for coffee (and don't laugh when I order hot water and whip a tea bag out of my purse because they don't have my favorite)
3. Let's Travel! Up North or greece and everywhere in between - anywhere but here.
4. Love kids (your own and others)
5. show me you love me don't just tell me
6. Pick what we do (of course make sure its something I like or you know I'd be willing to try) - I make a million decisions and I don't always want to pick
7. Drive (I drive too much)
8. Believe in me

Proverbs 31:11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value

You and Me - Dave Matthews Band

Wanna pack your bags, Something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone
The moon and the stars can follow the car
and then when we get to the ocean
We gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes (x2)

You and I, we're not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed, we're gonna spin through the stars
Our arms wide as the sky
We gonna ride the blue all the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes

We can always look back at what we did
All these memories of you and me baby
But right now it's you and me forever girl
And you know we could do better than anything that we did
You know that you and me, we could do anything

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything, baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything, baby

to reach the end of the world

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Way to go! I almost forgot to do day 2...

Nine things about me....

I buy the same shirt (or sweater) if I like it in every color that i like that the store has it. Recent shirt discovery at JCP - I bought 3 white, 2 brown, red, blue, purple, and black. Yes, that is right.

I hate GOING to work out, I love how I feel when I am done, and I count down the minutes while I am working out, but I claim to love it. its weird.

I love huge, but I feel like I constantly let people down

I rarely feel good enough

I love Eminem, I wish he'd meet me, so he could fall in love with me lol

I love going to the movies, and its the only time i watch a movie and sit down, otherwise, I do 10,000 other things while 'watching the movie'

I don't want to birth anymore children. I used to say that I would be happy if GOd only gave me one, but deep down, I wanted more, now I just want to love other people's children.

I really would love a brand new Chrysler minivan, however, my hate of payments beats out my love of wanting a new minivan

I miss my mom everyday

Romans 8:38-39 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Friday, November 05, 2010

Chicken and Stuffing - Sunday Lunch

I'm gonna try this for lunch on Sunday!  Gonna put it in the crockpot and then it will be ready for us when we get home!  I have some broccoli I might layer in, too!

· 4 boneless chicken breast halves, without skin

· 1 can (10 1/2 ounce) condensed cream of chicken soup

· 1 can (10 1/2 ounce) condensed cream of mushroom soup

· 1 cup chicken broth

· 1/4 cup soymilk

· 1 Box stuffing

salt and pepper to taste

Season chicken breasts with salt and pepper; place chicken breasts crock pot. Pour chicken broth over chicken breasts. Combine both cans of soup and milk. Cover chicken breasts with soup mixture. Sprinkle stuffing mix over all. Drizzle melted butter on top. Cook on low for 6-8 hours.

Modified from here:

a good one - stolen from my pean

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

I love meme’s. This one is a 10 day meme, everyday you’re supposed to write about something different, so I will do it, probably along with my other postings. Sometimes I wonder why you people even read this stuff, I am SO boring!

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

I loveyou. You are my greatest treasure on earth. I have no idea what I ever did to deserve something as great as you. You are God’s grace. I wish others saw your value. You are a prize worth more than rubies or diamonds.

I wish you would stop being afraid. You need to step out, and step up. God has created you to be such an awesome man, but you stand (and hide) behind fear.

I am so glad you stopped texting me, emailing me. It is annoying. I know what I saw in you, but you turned out to be a big fat jerk.

I never liked you. I thought you had no integrity, and I was right. You’re a creep. But God still loves you.

I am so glad you invented me. HA! Even though I feel like I haven’t seen you in like 5 years (which I know isn’t possible), I love you like I just saw you yesterday. Just reading your posts helps me grow.

Thanks for loving me, and thinking I’m beautiful. Even though most days I don’t see it, but I’m starting.

you’re such a good friend to me. I can’t even tell you how much hearing you smile makes me smile. You're amazing just the way you are!

Thanks for sharing your boys with me. I love them so much, and I love you so much! I know I’m probably not that good of a friend to you, and I am sorry about that. Thanks for teaching me what ‘Love is spoken here’ looks like

I miss you guys. I miss you so much, I loved being your mom. All of you, even when you drove me crazy to the point that I got lost. But I love you. I miss your smiles, even your tears

Thanks for believing in me. I can't believe you believed I could run. That's crazy, because I didn't believe it.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

I SUPER love this song!!!

I think God can explain -Splender
There's a lot of things I understand,
and there's a lot of things,
That I don't want to know.
But you're the only face,
I recognize, It's so damn sweet of you,
to look me in the eyes.
It's all right, I'm O.K.,
I think God can explain,
I believe I'm the same,
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm O.K.,
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed,
I'll get over it yet,
The scent of vaseline,
in the summertime,
the feel of an ice cube,
melting over time,
the world seems bigger than both of us,
yet it seems so small,
when I begin to cry.
It's all right, I'm O.K.,
I think God can explain,
I believe I'm the same,
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm O.K.,
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed,
I'll get over it yet,
I'm so much better than you guessed,
I'm so much bigger than you guessed,
I'm so much brighter than you guessed.
It's all right, I'm O.K.,
I think God can explain,
I believe I'm the same,
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm O.K.,
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed,
I'll get over it yet,
I'll get off of your back,
I think God can explain.
I think God can explain.
I think God can explain.

Random Thoughts

First I must say… I’m hungry today. I think I didn’t eat enough for breakfast, but it seemed satisfying at the time though.

Today was my 5th day working out this week, so that means if I want, I can sleep in tomorrow. But I doubt I will. I totally feel great all day when I’ve been to the gym in the morning, I’ve done 3.25 miles every day in 30 minutes. It is seriously amazing. And yes, I know… you want to choke me. It’s ok, sometimes I want to choke myself…

Today I had this awesome realization… God is really working in me! LOL! It was like I turned around and could see where I am compared to where I was… and it was crazy good. How awesome is it when you see that? So good!

We studied John 4 last night with my girls last night, it was so good. God knows us and loves us and the harvest is ready!! Read it, you will be blessed!

I was thinking about how great my bible study group is! I have to tell you that sometimes I think they are way smarter than me, or maybe more knowledgable, but I love it because it makes me grow, makes me think, and gets me closer to God! Wooo hoo!

Also started reading a book called ‘Fight like a Girl’, so far, I really like it.

Turned on my mp3 player and it was on ‘Savior King’. I love that song!

Life is so much better when you see the Jesus in people! Its like your own private sunshine!

Looking forward to ‘falling back’ in time this weekend!

I must make applesauce this weekend!

Reading ‘The boy who changed the world’ at a celebrity reading program next week! I am soo sooo excited to 2nd graders. I know I am not really a celebrity, but I am excited! If you’ve never read the book I urge you to, its AWESOME!

Thinking about doing this silly thing... Giving the book 'choosing to see' to someone and then they pass it on and pass it on... but here's the thing, I write something that I 'see' that God is doing in my life or something encouraging or how He is changing me, and the next person does the same thing and we just keep passing it on, don't you think that would be great? or do you think it would be dumb?

Jesus is amazing. His grace blows me away!

Read this… so good!!!

Psalm 19:24 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Keilbasa Potato Chowder

  • 1/2 ring Smoked Sausage (I use Kowalski)

  • 1 medium onion, chopped

  • 1/4 cup butter or margarine

  • 1/4 cup all-purpose flour

  • 1/2 teaspoon salt

  • 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper

  • 1 (15.25 ounce) can whole kernel corn, drained

  • 4 cups soy milk

  • 2 cups cubed potatoes, cooked, drained

  • Chopped parsley (optional)

  • Shredded Cheddar cheese (optional)

  • Cut sausage into 1/2 inch cubes.

    Melt butter in large saucepan over medium heat. Add onion; cook and stir until tender. Add flour, salt and pepper; cook, stirring constantly for 1 minute.

    Add milk. Increase heat to medium-high and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Boil and stir 1 minute. Add corn and sausage; return to a boil.

    Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer 10 minutes. Stir in potatoes; heat through.

    Top each serving with parsley and cheese, if desired.

    Key Lime Cookies

    • 1/2 cup butter
    • 1 cup white sugar
    • 1 egg
    • 1 egg yolk
    • 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
    • 1 teaspoon baking powder
    • 1/2 teaspoon salt
    • 1/4 cup fresh lime juice
    • 1 1/2 teaspoons grated lime zest
    • 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar for decoration
    Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets.

    In a large bowl, cream butter, sugar, egg, and egg yolk until smooth. Stir in lime juice and lime zest. Combine the flour, baking powder, and salt; blend into the creamed mixture. Form dough into 1/2 inch balls, and arrange on the prepared cookie sheet.

    Bake 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven, or until lightly browned. Cool on wire racks. Sift confectioners' sugar over cookies while still warm.

    Punkin Waffles

  • 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

  • 4 teaspoons baking powder

  • 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

  • 1 teaspoon ground allspice

  • 1 teaspoon ground ginger

  • 1/2 teaspoon salt

  • 1/4 cup packed brown sugar

  • 1 cup canned pumpkin

  • 2 cups vanilla soymilk

  • 4 eggs

  • 1/4 cup butter or oil

  • Mix Dry ingredients.

    Mix Wet ingredients

    Mix all together

    Use your waffle iron as directed

    Eat or freeze 

    Wednesday, November 03, 2010

    God's View

    So this morning while eating my exciting (not really) egg sandwich I popped on Joyce Meyer. She was talking about praying, however, most of what she was talking about was about praying. I kid you not, most of it sounded like Charlie Brown ‘wa wa wa wa wa’(and that was weird to me because I love learning about prayer). Until the part that she said ‘pray for your enemies’ and she said a verse Matt 5:44 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. I don’t know about you, but that one hit me like a ton of bricks. And then after that, I didn’t hear a word Joyce said after that, it seems like that’s all God wanted me to hear this morning.

    I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time with that one. I also have a hard time remembering that my enemies were created in God’s image as well as me, and then I have to remember that people probably have a hard time remembering that I was too! Its hard when people continue to come at people you love, or you, that they need Jesus too. That’s hard. And I have this one person, that God really put on my heart this morning. ‘They need me, and I want you to pray for them’. Ugh. But I will tell you it’s a toughie. I have spent a good part of my morning thinking about this person. Thinking about how broken they are but I don’t even think they know or understand how broken they are. Or maybe they do, they just don’t realize that God is way better than Arlene’s Tacky glue to fix our ‘stuff’, our brokenness. Oh, how I pray that she will see Jesus as her Savior, that she will put her trust in Him, that she will see that He… is. How she is beautiful, that her Heavenly Father loves her. And how I want to see that in her too. I want to see the beauty that God has created in her. I really do want her to be blessed but not necessarily in material things, not in the things that she can hold in her hands, but in the things that can only be held in her heart. But its hard sometimes to remember this feeling. Sometimes when emotions come at us, when people we love are hurting, when those people are hurting them, I want to see God’s view.

    Early Workouts

    Its Wednesday, and I was at the gym. I really did have to talk myself out of bed, and I did.  I love morning workouts but its hard to get up that early, but especially on days I have something planned at night, and I know I won't be able to make it to the gym it really is a necessity.  Also, I don't want anyone to say 'I knew she'd never stick to it', that's me, being honest.

    There are a lot of benefits to getting to the gym early, here are a few of mine:

    You have your pick of any machine, the gym is NOT busy.
    No stressing out about getting to the gym 'later'
    Feeling good all day
    Being more focused
    A feeling of accomplishment
    More energy
    Boosting my metabolic rate (supposedly)
    Feeling good about myself
    Starting my day with worship (exercise and music)
    It is God honoring

    Here are the cons:
    Getting up at 4:30

    In this case, benefits definitely outweigh the cons!

    1 Cor 6:19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own

    Tuesday, November 02, 2010

    Choosing to See

    I don't know what to write about. I could tell you about my awesome 5AM trip to the gym, however, I am not sure how awesome it was, although I truly feel accomplished that I made it, and worked out, AND did 3.25 miles at 5AM! 

    One thing I must tell you about is this book called 'Choosing to See' by Mary Beth Chapman .  It was a great book!  I read it on my trip to Brazil, however, I must warn you, I cried from the first sentence all the way to the end.  Sometimes I cried for the greatness of God, and sometimes I cried because of the pain that this family had to go through. 

    This book is about a lot of things, life, death, and love, even when its hard.  But most importantly, it is about the goodness of God.  Because in all things, He is good.  I am about to lend my book out to my friend Katie.  And then if you'd like to borrow it (I would recommend asking for it for Christmas or purchasing it), please let me know.  But you must supply your own Kleenex.

    After reading this, you will see, that there is no other choice, but to see the goodness of God.

    Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

    P.S.  This book is also stirring adoption in my heart again....  I wonder what God is up to....

    Monday, November 01, 2010

    Sorry its been so long!

    I woke up this morning, at 4:30AM to get to the gym at 5:00 and be home by 5:40 so I could start my day beginning with my workout, which really only included 30 minutes on the elipitical. It really doesn’t seem like much, 30 minutes, but I like it, its manageable in my schedule. Sure, if I had less responsibilities, like I didn’t work or have a beautiful daughter, I could workout more, but really, spending 1-2 hours in the gym 3-5 times a week doesn’t just seem possible for me. 30 minutes seems manageable and something I can do long term. Oh, and did I mention that, at my current size, I don’t like the gym. I’ll admit it, I’m intimidated. I’m intimidated by those who are thinner and more muscular than me, male or female. I have weird things that I call my goals – I want to lose 10 more pounds (by Christmas) before I get some help with strength training at the gym, those machines are crazy, I loved them before but I think I may have forgotten what works what.

    Let me also tell you this. Something I am struggling with. Back in the day I was thin, I looked so good, and you never caught me, other than working out, wearing sweatpants, or with roots, I never went more than 6 weeks before my hair was done, it was more like 4 weeks. I really took really good care of myself, I don’t know I believed I was worth it, but I know that I took care of myself, you didn’t find me at the store without a shower and if I didn’t do my hair, it was in a clip pulled tightly back, perfect. It really drives me crazy that people don’t take care of themselves, because I know my heart when I wasn’t taking care of myself, it was more like ‘it doesn’t matter anyway’. It does matter, and they matter!

    I am slowly starting to be awakened with love for me. I know it sounds selfish, but I am slowly starting to believe again that I do deserve love, well, maybe I don’t actually deserve it, but I need it. I need love from others and I need to love myself. For nothing more than so I can better love others. The bible says that we are supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves, but what does that look like if we don’t love ourselves? Hmmm….

    You see this journey, though it can be found more on my other website isn’t about food. It isn’t about food at all. It’s about my heart, its about the condition of my heart. Sure, I love ice cream, and cheese, and chips, and a whole lot of other things, but sometimes I just would seek that stuff for comfort, and that wasn’t good, because hunger wasn’t the problem, so eating wasn’t the solution, and really eating caused me more problems…

    For the record, it was hard to get out of bed. I almost just said ‘I’ll go later’ but I got up, and it was difficult, but I do feel better, I have a lot of energy today, as well as a small sense of accomplishment.

    Luke 10:27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”