Passion



Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Triggers


If you think that an addiction to the fridge is any better than an addiction to crack cocaine, I'm hear to tell you, you're wrong. I know it might not seem like it because it's not really all that socially acceptable to shoot up in a large group of friends. maybe it depends on who your friends are. Because I'll admit, I've overspent on the grocery bill because of something "I wanted" knowing full well I didn't need it or the money isn't in the budget. I've eaten out when I had food at home.

I struggle with my weight. I know what to eat, I actually do like to work out, even though I never have the time. I may lose 7 pounds to hit a plateau say I'm just gonna give my system a "little" shock and before you know it the crash cart rolls out like a dessert tray. I loathe myself for it. I hate the way I look, I look at pictures from the past and think "you're such an idiot! What is wrong with you?" Don't tell me I'm beautiful because I see what you see, and it's gross. The scripture says "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." (Song of Solomon 4:7). And that's right, God did create me with no flaw, however, the chains of addiction to emotional eating have taken it's toll on my body as well as my spirit. Learning to forgive myself. I'm even going to be honest and tell you that the way I feel has nothing to do with health, I want to look better! How about that??

It affects how I look at myself and it affects how I look at others because I wonder if they are judging me, especially those who knew me when I was thin.

Here's an example of some addictive behavior. I ate dinner. I had plenty. Last night about 9:30 while watching TV I wanted a bowl of cereal, and I'm not talking a normal small bowl, I mean a big bowl with a lot of milk. First I said to myself "it's cereal" and then I said to myself "you're not even HUNGRY" if you are that bored, go do something! So I did laundry. But I thought to myself "you've got to do the right thing" and TV is a huge trigger, not wanting to really admit this.... I DVR General Hospital everyday. So this morning, I made the decision to stop DVRing it and instead, I'll use that time to read, clean or walk or something other than vegging on the couch thinking of what my next meal or snack will be.

it may be a small start, it might seem totally insignificant to you, it may be the 100th time (this year ALONE!) I've started to break these chains of addiction but every journey starts with a small step (in the right direction).

Judges 18:6 The priest answered them, "Go in peace. Your journey has the LORD's approval."

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

1...2...3...10!

James 1:19-23
19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror


WHEW! That was close! My motorboat emotions and mouth almost out ran my rowboat brain!

satan needs to leave me alone. Seriously, now, he's really beginning to get on my nerves! And he sure doesn't mess around when he starts to use the things you love the most against you.

Today I felt like Meshach, Horshak, and that bendy guy. In the fire. And I started to get a little hot, and I was about to start swinging, and there was Jesus, be slow to anger and speak! I was but it wasn't easy. UGH!

Greater things are yet to come. Getting ready for the Detroit Mission Trip, wondering if I messed something up, oh, I know His grace is sufficient but I want His Glory to be revealed! And I'd sure hate to let Adam down!

I'm tired already! I think sometimes the preparation is harder than the actual trip!

Pray for me, will you?

God is going to do some BIG things!

Breathing Peace



If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee

[INSTRUMENTAL]

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee

1 Chronicles 16:27 Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place.

Today I was asked “do you think you make a difference?” And sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes we do things that we may never see the fruits of our labor. But we have to know that if we’re called, we should be obedient. That’s it. It’s not about us after all. What I do may never be seen. But I know I am a laborer for the Lord and the harvest is plenty.

Today some knucklehead tried to cut me off as I got on the freeway, but I saw him, so I just let him go, and “I was told “Why don’t you do something about that?” I wondered… so I said it “What should I do? Cut him off and then we’re both mad” so I I just let them go. Maybe the guy thought he was all that, but I just knew that’s what I should have done.

I think sometimes, all I want to do it rest in the arms of the Lord, to snuggle up, breathe easy, and smell sweetly His fragrance. That comes in so many different ways, I do know it’s much easier to do that if there is peace.

I heard the song “Hymn” today by Brooke Fraser, and I’ve heard it before, I love it, but I just thought I want my solitary vision to be to dwell in Thee. Don’t let me see anything else that would block that vision of You. And when people see me, let them see You.

John 1:14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

"seagulls"


I hate seagulls...

Definition of a seagull...

...someone who comes in, makes a lot of noise and poops all over the place

Monday, July 27, 2009

WOW!

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

So yesterday my stepmom handed me my book that must have gotten stuck under her seat 'God's Leading Lady' by TD Jakes. I bought it quite sometime ago, actually forgot all about it. To say I'm a fan of TD Jakes sounds kind of wierd, but I am a fan of the ministry that God provides through him.

I'm having one of 'those days' the kind where you never feel '_________ enough' and I don't always have the words for to express how I feel, so I keep it all inside because when I try to talk about it, in my mind I think 'you're losing it, it doesn't seem as bad as you seem to feel'. so I started reading the book and this paragraph blew my socks off, and then as I continued to read streams of tears were coming down my face, as if God said "dear child, I hear you"
And at the center of this storm is it's power source, - a woman's battle with her self. This may take the form of an inner critic whispering a scathing judgment in her ear that sh'e not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, loving enough to be who she should be. It may draper her soul with the unending needs of others, suffocating any and all attempts for her to allow her soul to breathe. It may take hte shape of career confusion and relational uncertainty that is paralyzing her, keeping her in a state of indecision. It may be the weariness of the mundane rumbling through the darkness of her heart's depression. God's Leading Lady - TD Jakes, page 3.

Now all of that does not apply to me, but a good part of it does. All day I've thinking "if You're going to fulfill the desires of my heart, Lord, WHEN?" And after chapter one of this book, I don't have that answer, but in some small grace, I know He's listening. And as dumb as that sounds, that's all I need.

I'm sure there is much more to come on this subject!

Isaiah 26:8 Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.

Memories

I was driving last night, since my battery died, I had to reprogram my car radio, I happened upon 105.9 and the song "can you stand the rain?" by New Edition came on. I was blown away by all the feelings I had all at once. I almost had to pull over. I had forgotten all about that song, but my heart just sang last night. Crazy!

I had such good friends from Fordson, I had a few when I moved to Lincoln Park, but my friends from Lowrey and Fordson have such a great place in my heart. I don't really talk to many of them but it's been pretty cool to connect with them on Facebook. I was actually surprised how many of them remembered me!



And then I heard this song by Luther Vandross, Luther is amazing and what a loss now that he is gone.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Take THAT! you big jerkface

I love the word jerkface! I kind of made it up, but i love it!

Anyway, I got up this morning... well, yesterday I got up and my car wouldn't start! OH JOY! need a new battery! But I thought... I'll just make it to the end of the week! NOPE! Good thing I checked it early, no start today either! So I knew I'd have to get a new one... Off to Walmart. I don't know if they were the cheapest, but it worked! Of course, I needed the most expensive one! But that's ok, you know why???

I saw Phyllis LIVE on the internet performing at a church!! Nothing could steal my joy after seeing my baby do work for God... and Eric and Gibby did an awesome job on the devotionals for the Mission Trip, I got them formatted, all printed out and stapled!!

So, satan... YOU SUCK!! YOU'RE A JERKFACE!!

God Rules!

Psalm 64:10 Let the righteous rejoice in the LORD and take refuge in him; let all the upright in heart praise him!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Cemetery

I went to the cemetery for the first time since my gramma died. I have no great allegience to cemeterys the person you loved is not there it's just a marker. But i like to go to make sure the markers are cleaned off and not too much overgrowing of the grass.

First, I had to stop and get a map because in the last 10 years, there was 3 new arrivals in my family. That sounds wierd. So, first Fr. Jack. He's easy to find because he's in the area with all the other dead priests. They are buried in chronological order based on death. I just stood there thinking about a man who gave his life to God and about how much he probably prayed for me to get my life together. He's the reason I have my house, God blessed me through him. His marker says "remember me loving you" and as I walked away I said "I remember you loving me" and how I probably didn't appreciate his love as much as I should have while he was alive.

Next, Janie, Gram, and Grampa. I would often go with my gram to take flowers to set at the marker of my grampa. It was something we did together. It made me sad to think that I haven't done it in two years. I also remember that my Aunt Janie and Grampa died on the same day, 20 years difference. Oh how my grampa loved Janie, and how in heaven, Janie is now whole, no more pain, no more suffering. Made perfect, in Christ.

Then to my mom and sister. This one is always the hardest because it's a physical reminder of how much I miss my mom and how I wonder how you can miss something you never had and how that missing feeling never goes away. EVER. How in my pain, God had a plan, and how thankful I was to do the Breast Cancer Walk to finally really say "to You be the Glory" and how sometimes we have to rejoice because He is good, all the time. I love mums and daisies, they are my very favorite flower. They are the kind I have always taken to my mom. "they last the longest" my dad always said. I love them, even if they remind me of cemeterys, and because they remind me of such a love, my mom.

I'm thankful for such a beautiful day. A day of remembering how good God is.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Got this recipe from here. Zucchini and blueberries!! YUMMY!!

Blueberry Zucchini Bread

3 eggs, lightly beaten
1 cup vegetable oil
3 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 1/4 cups white sugar
2 cups shredded zucchini
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 pint fresh blueberries


DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease 4 mini-loaf pans (I made 6).
In a large bowl, beat together the eggs, oil, vanilla, and sugar. Fold in the zucchini. Beat in the flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, and cinnamon. Gently fold in the blueberries. Transfer to the prepared mini-loaf pans.
Bake 50 minutes in the preheated oven, or until a knife inserted in the center of a loaf comes out clean. Cool 20 minutes in pans, then turn out onto wire racks to cool completely.

Note to self

1. Peppers do not grow well at my house
2. Cucumbers are going to be in abundance!
3. Tomatoes... I don't know
4. Wear gloves when you weed
5. Weed more often
6. Working outside is great exercise!
7. Laundry isn't so bad when you keep up with it
8. Phyllis has a LOT of stuff in her room!
9. Stay in the Word to keep His heart
10. Jesus loves ME!!!

P.S. Only 4 more days until Phyllis returns!!

Friday, July 24, 2009

It's all in your heart!

Today a good friend of mine, who happens to be my co-worker, let me listen to a televangelist. This particular televangelist is what I would call a 'floral' preacher, he tells you a lot about the flowers, but never mentions the soil (dirt/sin) or the rain (trials and turmoil) that you may need to get those beautiful flowers (blessings). He's a sunshine preacher. And let me just say that I am glad that people hear the "nice" scripture, it's better than nothing, and they often sees the beauty in God, but I need a little conviction. I need someone to say "get out of your own way", I need someone to convict me with scripture, but that's me. I need all of the Word, I need the fire to purify me, while I might not ask for trial, after it's done and I'm stretched I know I am that much closer to being like Him. And that means I'm loving Him more, and loving others more.

At the beginning of the "sermon" this said preacher said "some said 'life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it' " Ok, I know that 'someone' was a very well known preacher. And I'd bet that said televangelist knew who it was. Please, give credit where credit its due. It was Charles Swindoll. Even if you just 'heard' it... ever think to google it? I google everything, which I guess the newest thing is to 'bing' it. but I like google.

I looked up the scripture that was used in his message... he took it kind of out of context, not that I've never done that, but I don't expect that someone with the title of 'Pastor' should do that. I will tell you that the two pastors I hear preach the most, don't usually do that. They also give credit were credit it due.

Stay with me, I've got a point... Somewhere...

I listened to the whole message, I said "God speak to me" and He did. It's all about where your heart is. If you want to hear God, you will, even in crazy 'florally' televangelists. If you want to see Him, you will, in small graces and big sunsets. You'll find Him in church, in trials, in grocery stores. God is always with us, He promises that He will be with us until the end of time (Matthew 28:20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.")

There is a saying on one of those silly church signs, if you feel far from God, who moved? It isn't God. He is with us, always. Just listen.

Pslam 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

CLEAN!

I decided that why Phyllis is gone, I would clean her room from top to bottom.

Yikes! DUST BEARS! maybe even DUST Godzillas. Again I say Yikes.

It was a great accomplishment to see it clean and for her to come home to a clean room, clean bed, clean blankets, clean piglet. It was a lot of work, but it looks great!

Make sure you check out the 2009 Colombia team updates!

Colombia Updates!

I check the Colombia Website about 200 times a day! LOL!!

There are many updates!! Videos, photos!

www.holyholyholyishe.blogspot.com

PRAISE GOD!!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

I can only imagine

Last night Pastor Clark talked about faith. His message was right on time.

having BIG faith. Oh, Lord, help me in my unbelief.

I actually haven't heard directly from Phyllis yet. I miss her so, I've kept busy to make the time go by quickly but it really doesn't make me miss her less. I received a note from Stephanie's mom that said that Phyllis was super good! Ok, then I'm crying, at my desk.

What did I do? I had faith that God would take care of her. He's hers, and He will. But it was hard to let her go, she's such a gift.

It's not like I'm Abraham, God said to him - sacrifice your one and only (read the truth here). Oui. And honestly, I'm thinking "God, don't ever ask me to do that, PLEASE!!"

But to have that kind of faith. To trust God that much. It's easy to trust God with little things, but I know in my life, I've been at the bottom with my only option to trust God. To have a sick child, and say, at the end of having no more answers and too tired to ask any more questions... it's Yours. All Yours, and then I think "it always has been". Always.

I can't wait to see my baby, to hear the stories of Colombia. God's story and how He worked in Colombia, and how He worked in the lives of those beautiful gems who came from Michigan to Colombia. His story, the One we believe, Always, even when it's hard.

Mark 9:23- 24 23" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"


I love you Dear God. And I believe ALL Your promises.



I'll Worship at Your Throne
Whisper my own love song
With all my heart I'll sing
For You my Dad and King
I'll live for all my days
To Put a smile on Your face
And when we finally meet
It'll be for eternity

And Oh how wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
And how far You would come
If ever I was lost
And You said that all You feel for me
Is undying love
That You showed me through the cross

I'll worship You my God
I'll worship You my God
I love You
I love You
Forever I will sing
Forever I will be with You
Be with You

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

This life is Yours for Your Glory... Always!

Sometimes it’s easy to say that and not so easy to live it out. To have your heart in the right place in order to really want to do that.

I read that book ‘crazy love’ it’s impact on my life is going to be huge I think. One thing I remember is that if you want to be more Christ-like you have to love the unloveable in your life. It’s easy to love those you love or even like, it’s hard to love those you don’t like so much. It's also easy to love when 'the timing is right' and it 'fits in your schedule' or you think 'I can do that, piece of cake'. It's not always easy when those things don't line up in 'our minds'. Ya’ hear me?

It’s been quite an interesting few days, God teaches me a lot when I’m trying to pick up the fruit that fell off my tree. And somehow, as I am picking it up, it gets bigger and better than it was before. And the things I am least qualified in, He makes me qualified. Love that about Him.

Gal 5:22-23 22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Let me tell you, I never thought I’d last a week without Phyllis without balling my eyes out. Somehow God has made me love her more while she’s gone. To appreciate what a gem He’s given me, as if to say that it’s not good to keep a gem like her under glass but to show off My creation to the world, with My love, for My glory, let her shine, for Me! And shine away she does.

I served as a volunteer on Friday and Saturday at GCH Men on a Mission softball tournament. It was so awesome! Originally I thought I would just go and watch softball but they asked for my help, and who am I to say "no"? I'm so blessed by that place! So I did. And I met some amazing young (and not so young men) that also served with me. It was so great to be used by God, even in a small way to help others who are going to be used as vessels to advance His Kingdom!

I think about the girl that I mentor and how I never really thought I was qualified to do such a thing, I often laugh and think “I can’t believe they give me such a blessing”. I’ve learned some valuable lessons because of this friendship that has evolved from “mentor/mentee” to “friends”.

I think about just last night when I thought “God are You sure?” Am I really qualified to help this beautiful girl who needs You?” I just kept praying. Just give me the words God, give me whatever she needs to hear. And in front of me sat a beautiful young woman that was I was most likely to take the story of God in my life, and use it for His glory. WOW! When you’re least qualified, it’s when He makes you most qualified.



This life is Yours for Your Glory
So the world will know You are the One and Only God
The One and Only God

(I am not dead - Alive Band)

Romans 5:1-11 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
9Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Yesterday

I walked in the door yesterday only to have the door shut right in my face because some idiot (I used a different word yesterday) held the door for a director and let it slam in my face (I was literally 3 steps behind the director). I try to log on... blue screen. Not good. If you knew how much data I had on my hard drive for work, you'd croak, and I almost did. I had a pile of work to do (I count that as a blessing! Thank You Jesus for work! and LOTS OF IT!) but no way to do really any of it because... the loaner computer they gave me was off the network. nice.
I finally got my computer back at 11, no data lost, thank You very much!! On to the work, got more than I could have imagined done.
Had dinnner. Great food, great company.
Drove home. Remembering how good God is.
Men of Grace & The Elected made it home safe and sound from Danville, KY. God is good. I am quite sure that many times God used them as vessels for His glory.
We can chose to focus on getting the door slammed in our face or we can chose to remember how good God is.
I chose Jesus.

“I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws.”- Psalm 119:30

(funny... Psalm 119:30 is the verse of the day... and I had no idea when I wrote this post)
Where the love lasts forever - Hillsong United



Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame dissolved,
And now forever Yours I’ll stand.

(Pre-Chorus)
In love never to end,
To call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.

(Chorus)
So I throw my life upon all You are,
‘Cause I know You gave it all for me,
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance with You,
Where the love lasts forever.

Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame dissolved,
And now forever Yours I’ll stand.

(Bridge)
And forever I will sing,
Lord forever I will sing,
Of how You gave Your life away,
Just to save me, Lord You saved me.

With You, where the love lasts forever.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Being like Jesus is unrealistic.

Ok, I said it.

Would I like to be more like Jesus?

Absolutely.

But it's unrealistic.

First of all, I am WAY too self-centered. I am way too much of a sinner. Even when I try I blow it, I'm still beating myself up over Saturday! UGH!

Maybe I should be more like Paul. Paul sucked. Ok, great writer, got his poop in a group, but he sucked, he killed Christians after all, but then God got a hold of him, and straightened his butt right out.

I wanna be more like Paul. I know I'm a sinner. Oh, don't I know it. But I want to be more like Paul who says I consider it all a loss if I don't chase after Christ and fall more in love with Him. I want to remember where I came from so I remember, I don't want to go back there. I want to say that I'm better because I know Jesus. And I know that Jesus is my LORD and SAVIOR.

I have to learn to forgive myself. I have to learn to hear Jesus' teachings and not just hear them but LISTEN to them. To chase after God with all I have and all I am. I want to point to Him and say it's for Him I live and I am blessed.

Phil 3
No Confidence in the Flesh
1Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you.
2Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh. 3For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh— 4though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: 5circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; 6as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.
7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Pressing on Toward the Goal

12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
17Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. 18For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. 20But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

growing

All the fruit fell off my tree yesterday, I left it at Borden Park. Yikes. I did not like who I was for a minute there. But it was a great day until that happened! I was blessed that I could help at the concession stand, it was in the perfect spot that I could watch the games and serve food!

Sometimes I wish I felt more 'found'. I know who I belong to, I know that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I get that I don't deserve it. I just wish that I would have grown up feeling a little more special, so that now, I would feel special. A lot of times, I just don't feel like I matter. I'm not saying this because I want a ton of emails or comments saying that I am, I'm just being honest, this is about my journey and that's how I feel.

And I guess it all came to a head yesterday when there was something I REALLY wanted to do, and I honestly I hardly ever say "I really want to do that" and it just didn't work out. It was really anyone's fault, it just didn't happen. And then the argument and then I just thought "I could just give up" not that I would but I felt for a moment that I could. The world would just keep turning long after I'm gone. But I remembered that I'm here for a purpose, and that God has great plans for me, so I should stop feeling sorry for myself, and focus on God and not me. SO I've got to collect my 'fruit' and keep going.

So, I'm striving to be more like Jesus, a little more everyday.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”- Isaiah 41:10

Friday, July 17, 2009

Thinking... about love

I've been thinking... that's always dangerous.

I was thinking about how good God is, not so much in what He does, but who He is. How when we live for Him and do as He instructs how much easier our life is.

Sometimes I think about our struggles and how we don't see the forest for the trees. I was talking to someone who struggles with alcohol addiction. She was saying how she sees people leaving a bar and how she thinks "the next day you're going to have a hang over".

I was thinking about some of the things I struggle with. That in a moment I could have happiness or just a little fun and probably no one would know, except me and God. And how that would leave me empty, struggling even more.

But when I think about just 'moment' of fun that will lead to destruction, I think about that emptiness and how long it takes to climb out of that pit, but when I cling to Jesus, that moment of struggle passes, leaving with fullness of God and His promises.

It says in Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. I see God in so much now. I see Him on softball fields, in serving, in sunsets, in provision, in children, even in grocery store cashiers. I think about how blessed I am, how blessed I am that He would want to have a relationship with me, how He would pursue me. And it seems the more I pursue Him, the more it seems He loves me.

1 John 4:9-17 7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son[b] into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for[c] our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
13We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. 16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
19We love because he first loved us. 20If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. 21And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

YO!


I feel like a yo-yo. Someone keeps yanking me around and it's starting to get on my nerves!


Yikes!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

REJOICE!!!

I'm so excited! And I'm going to miss her!! You know I've already cried a ton!!

She's also going to be excited because a good friend of mine sent her a check, so she'll have extra spending money! Thanks you-know-who-you-are!

I think about this trip and how BIG God is and how He is going to change her life and her heart even more!! I think about how God used so many people from donations to buying candy bars to the Prom Fashion Show! WOW! It makes my heart overflow!
I laughed because I got my first zucchini this morning! And I said "that's a good sign'!
It's a great day! It's a great day to rejoice in the Lord! and I will! He has blessed me so!!

Psalm 32:11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!
Prayer: July 15 Safe flight, smooth sailing through customs
Lord, I thank you for this day! Lord I ask that everything go smoothly today on the flight, that no one be sick that you hold up the plane as it flies from Detroit to Houston and Houston to Colombia. Lord, I ask that nothing stop them to spread Your Word, Lord. I ask that you keep everyone rested, Lord, most importantly that they rest in You. Lord give Adam and Katie super strength and wisdom, love and compassion as they watch over your flock. Lord, I ask that this be an incredible bonding in you and to others. Lord, prepare the hearts of those who are going to hear your word, from children to adults, let them hear that you are a God of Love and Compassion not a God of rules. Let them hear that in You Lord we have true freedom. Lord, I thank you for this incredible opportunity to serve you. Lord, I love you. In Jesus's loving name, I pray! AMEN!
Here's the song they are doing a dance to!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


My baby leaves for Colombia tomorrow! It's actually hard to imagine how life is going to be without her home. Yikes, I love that girl!!


She's pretty amazing, and has never really belonged to me, I think the sooner you realize this about your kids, the better, she's a gift from God. A lot of people can't believe I'm letting her go. She wasn't mine to keep, and that's the truth.


I love...


...That she loves Jesus!

...That she lives for Him!

...That she's not afraid to be who she is!

...That she's not afraid
...That she's silly
...her smile

...her laugh

...when she wrinkles her nose

...how she eats her Panera

...that she's so creative

...that she works hard

...that she's gonna miss her mommy :)

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10: 14-15

Monday, July 13, 2009

Like I needed another one...

I have ANOTHER blog.

I feel like everyday God is working in me through the Detroit Mission Trip and so I've decided to share my heart along this journey.

http://thereputationofthiscitystartswithme.blogspot.com/

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Not focusing but clearly focused

I have had hives on my eyelids since I came home, well, I think they really got bad on Tuesday afternoon, and got better starting last night.


I had them because of stress, I've gotten them before, usually on my neck, once spread all the way onto my face, oui, that was horrible.


The house has been looking like Hurricane Phyllis/Margie made it's way from Austria to Michigan, stuff everywhere, so I got that all cleaned up, laundry, and a beautiful wedding! Then Walmart to get the last of the Colombia trip needs and the lastly a trip to Meijer to get water that's on sale for $2.49 a case (which is a great deal!! $1 cheaper per case than I can usually find it! It's important to save money even one dollar at a time - especially when we need 15 cases! That's $15!!)

I have to tell you that i think my hives went away because I stopped focusing on myself and all the stress I have but the great responsibilities that God has blessed me with. I need to stop focusing on myself but focus on Him, and those around me.

Proverbs 15:3 The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Colombia Blog!

There is a blog for the 2009 Metro Colombia Team!

PRAY PRAY PRAY!

We had a meeting yesterday for the parents, they did a couple of the dramas and the dance. I think I got misty in all 3!

Isn't it glorious that we can be used by a God who loves us, who is Mighty! and GLORIOUS! Grace giving! Merciful!

http://www.holyholyholyishe.blogspot.com/

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Homemade Bisquick Mix

I'm excited to try this!!

Yield 7 cups

6 cups all purpose flour
3 tablespoons baking powder
1 tablespoon salt
1 cup vegetable shortening

Sift flour, baking powder and salt three times into a large bowl.
Cut in shortening with a pastry blender until mixture resembles fine crumbs.
Store mixture in airtight container in the refrigerator up to 4 months.
Use whenever your recipe calls for "Bisquick mix".

Staying Focused

Psalm 22:5 They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

I feel so overwhelmed. About so many things, mostly about people who are supposed to love. Oh, i expect to get disappointed but when you look at the core of their character and think "eww", it's disappointing. Today I am overwhelmed with disappointment. I could literally list off 4 people that in the last month that have disappointed me beyond belief.

I guess sometimes I am overwhelmed by people's great character. Men like Adam and Drew, though not perfect, their character is just inspiring. Same with women like Sara , her character is also inspiring.

Yesterday, I was surprised by a statement that someone said and thought "wow!" immediatly followed by "eww". I keep trying that whole Phil 4:8 (Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.)thing, trying to focus on the good things that God has done in that, but it always comes back to seeing someone completely self-centered and someone who thinks that he's better than everyone else. I feel like in all the things I pray for, he is at the top of my list, sometimes its hard to pray, but I do.

I'm really trying to focus on Phil 4:8, chosing to see the good, to see the good that God has done. Trying not be emotionally driven, keeping my focus on what God has for me to do, no matter how it's all spinning around me. I realize that some of this is satan in my head pointing out to me the worst, but I am chosing to cover it with God's Best, His Son.

Romans 5:5 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

God Save us

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Proud and Prayer

I know that the best in Phyllis is because of God, not because of me. It's kind of funny, I am pretty proud that she sung in Austria, but honestly, I'm more proud that she's answered the call of God and is going to love in Colombia, South America.

I stole Sara's old prayer list from when Mac went to Thailand because why recreate the list, hers was already God inspired.

Please join me in prayer for the Colombia team

July 15 Safe flight, smooth sailing through customs
July 16 Peace for parents & family at home.
July 17 Wisdom, favor and safety of the leaders.
July 18 Safe food & water; no illness.
July 19 Satan's plans to be bound, God's plans to be loosed
July 20 People of Colombia to receive salvation
July 21 Kids to really understand the meaning of "doing for the least."
July 22 Team unity
July 23 God to reveal to Phyllis (& other team members) some of his plans for his life.
July 24 God to use Phyllis (& other team members) personally in a mighty way to change the lives of the people he ministers to
July 25 FUN! Pray for joy in serving the Lord
July 26 Families back home, hang on
July 27 Team to have an increased love for each other.
July 28 Team to see the work God did
July 29 May the mission go on and on and on...

chosing love

Phil 4:7-9 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.


I read this book while I was on vacation, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, if you have every seen him speak, you know the Word of God flows freely from his mouth because it's flows freely from his heart. A very good read to say the least, I'll tell you that this will probably be my Christmas book this year. WoW! It's actually the only thing I read while in Austria, said to say, I didn't even read my bible, but in so many things God's Word was alive in me. I would actually see something and a verse would come to me, and I'd pray on it. It was pretty cool, and there is a lot of scripture in the book to meditate on.

This book really opened my eyes to some behavior that I have to work on, and some of it (ok, a lot of it) was stuff that I need to work on, like again my "self-talk".

Yesterday was quite a day.

I have someone in my life who doesn't always treat me pleasantly. And I am the queen of making excuses for people. It's not a good thing to be queen of, let me tell you. But anyway, yesterday, I just thought "why are you my friend? you don't even seem to like me..." only for it to end in "Don't worry, you won't have to see me or hear my insults anymore". And I'll tell you it was relief and sadness at the same time. Only to be followed with more insults, like somehow this was my fault, like it's my fault that I would buy that person a gift to hear "you paid money for this?". I tried really hard not to react to the situation. Finally ending my last text "grace". And their last text to me "you could use a little more of it yourself". I had two ways to react, mean or not. So I closed my phone, prayed, and went on with my day. It wasn't easy, but it was like God just held me all day. Peace.

As I remember this friend, I will remember this scripture, not because it's easy because it won't always be. But if we're standing in front of a sunset and we happen to look down and see a smashed worm that's disgusting and gross and that's what we focus on, we lose sight of the beauty that God has created for us. And my friend was wonderfully made just like Psalm 139:14 says "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

And so I chose, to focus on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy! Like a beautiful sunset, set before me by a God that loves me more than I will ever comprehend!

Malachi 1:2 "I have loved you," says the LORD

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

lessons from Alive... straight from God


A woman will rise or fall based on the expectation of the man she loves.
-Katie Dorband (she's brilliant)

I am not sure if this was her exact phrasing, but you get the picture. I heard this Sunday as Selena spoke about some of the stuff she's been going through and the story of God in her life. And it spoke to me on a bunch of different levels. Mostly because I have someone in my life who doesn't always bring out the best in me, and without even meaning too, I degrade myself.
Selena also compared us to cups.

We can think we are a...

styrofoam cup, valued for our use, and easily disposed of.

a glass, used more than once, easily replace, also valued for our use.

Or we can be a tea cup, valued by Who makes us. (that would be God)

I am a tea cup. Its about time I realized it.
Eph 2:10 (NLT) For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Also, you know what's kind of 'funny'... I've been looking at my mom's tea cups lately! I think God had this lesson just waiting for me.

Austria pictures

There are way too many pictures from our trip to post here because it takes way too long... but you can check out the pictures using this link

And it's on my side bar!

Enjoy. Nothing is labeled yet!

Monday, July 06, 2009

Jesus is everywhere...

You'd think I'd have so much to tell you about the trip to Austria. It was great!

I've been up since 5:30 AM and going going going!

Grocery shopping at 6:30AM because we had nothing!

Then showered, laundry, and prayer!

Then off to Meijer for a couple things and some shopping for the mission trip. I find Jesus in the grocery store! I do all the food for the trip so I kind of get a rough idea of what we're going to eat and then shop as I go. We always have spaghetti the first night... This year I'm going a little nuts and we are having a pasta bar, regular spaghetti sauce, alfredo... and probably pesto, but not sure about that last one or even if we'll have 3. We eat well on the Mission Trip.

I was thinking about how much bigger the Mission Trip is than just the people who actually go. And how much bigger it can be and how people can have such affect even if they don't "go". I go, I do a lot of organizing, but I hardly ever step into the facilities that we actually do the work. I have my gift of cooking, and what would happen if I didn't go? They wouldn't eat as well, the kids would spend money on "junk" and be worn out because I put a lot of thought into each meal, fruit, veggies, good nutritionally sound meals, water, snacks, dessert, and of course... it's YUMMY!

Donations. We need "stuff". Painting supplies, VBS supplies, Paint, Coolers, those drinking coolers, gift cards to buy stuff.

Prayer. what would we do without prayer?? It's bigger than we think. Lives are changed, people are used, all to the glory of God. He didn't need us but He loves us, prayer is our conversation with God. You can't have a relationship with someone without some kind of communication. And prayer is our communication. It's the words our heart says to Him who loves us more than we'll ever know.

Romans 1:10-12 10in my prayers at all times; and I pray that now at last by God's will the way may be opened for me to come to you. 11I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong— 12that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith.

No place like home

I am so glad to be home!

We had Alive last night... and yes, we went, we got there just in time because my car wouldn't start, dead battery. Oui. But Megan (my AWESOME neighbor) let us borrow her truck, she rocks!

Came home to be a little disappointed in someone. I know have to figure out an "or else" which I had hoped I wouldn't have to do. Ever struggle between someone taking advantage of you and trying to not be mean but knowing we need grace to survive? Yeah, it's not that easy. Another Oui.

The trip was GREAT! Pictures are coming soon. It's hard to tell you everything we did without them. I was listening to the Alive band on the way home just in awe of how good God is. Not just about the trip, but about everything. His love is so big, it's so big that we can't even really comprehend it. Oh how I want to love like He does!

Friday, July 03, 2009

WOW!!

The performance really was worth the whole trip!

Just to think that my daughter was standing, but not only standing but performing! on the same stage as Mozart, Haydn, Beethoven! WOW! And I didn't even cry!!

There was a guy from a different choir who was bugging-stalking our girls, I had to take care of that last night. Without even saying a word, he got the picture.

Today we are off to a castle! and our farewell dinner!

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Ready to come home

Believe it or not... There's no place like home.

The children perform tonight and after that, I'm ready to come home!

Its a funny thing, as crazy as it may seem, I am ready to come home. Outside of the few really beautiful churches, and a couple of castles, where we are, Austria all looks the same, that's probably why this crazy picture taker has only taken 170 pics since I've been here.

Maybe there's more to see but we can't because of the rehearsal schedules. Plus I feel like a jerk because I can't speak the language. We have a great guide but I wish I spoke the language, or at least understood it.

I know that it probably seems kind of like a waste... but I'm relaxed which I hardly ever do, I've read, and maybe I'm a little nutty, haven't thought of work much, outside of the people I care about there... but I miss the students and I miss my friends! And most of all... I miss serving God. I'm enjoying it here, but... as Dorothy says...

There's no place like home.

Hebrews 11:9 By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Crazy

Let me tell you... I think God is using me all the way in austria! how cool is that?!

Went to the zoo today! totally fun! It was really big and i didn't have time to see the whole thing because I had to be back in time!

I think my favorite was the elephants, there was 4 of them!! And they were playing in the water.