Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Yellow 8 Track Tape

When I was a kid we had a black Tornado, I don't know what year, it's not really that important. We had this eight track tape that was by Petula Clark. It was my favorite in the whole world. I loved that. My favorite song was "downtown". If you know anything about 8 tracks, which i don't, you may know how they worked. but I don't. I knew how to get to that song. I loved that song. I secretly dreamed that Petula Clark would one day come marry my dad. Oh, how cool that would have been?! I think I need to marry a singer or band guy... Someone please call Chris Tomlin and tell him I have an opening next Saturday.

Anyways, today I was in Savelot and a different song by Petula Clark came on but it instantly reminded me of that song and I smiled thinking of simpler times, Barbies, weekends on the boat, my dad in his Coast Guard Uniform, and "downtown". I can't help it, that song makes my day. THEY EVEN HAVE IT ON YOUTUBE! Enjoy both versions.

What's your favorite song from when you were a kid?

Matthew 24:26-28 (message) 26-28"So if they say, 'Run to the country and see him arrive!' or, 'Quick, get downtown, see him come!' don't give them the time of day. The Arrival of the Son of Man isn't something you go to see. He comes like swift lightning to you! Whenever you see crowds gathering, think of carrion vultures circling, moving in, hovering over a rotting carcass. You can be quite sure that it's not the living Son of Man pulling in those crowds.

Friday, March 30, 2007


Yes, that's right... TGIF!

It's been a long week. A LONG STRESSFUL week that I have had just about every emotion thrown into, I've laughed, I've cried, and I've walked away pissed off.

And today is Friday. I am looking forward to shopping with Phyllis to get her new running shoes, having dinner, and maybe renting a movie on PPV.

I am glad it's Friday, I am looking forward to the weekend. Maybe I will blog about those Fuel Leaders this weekend.

Is 41:1 "Quiet down, far-flung ocean islands. Listen! Sit down and rest, everyone. Recover your strength. Gather around me. Say what's on your heart. Together let's decide what's right.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Check In

I weigh in today. I have no idea how I did this week. I don't check the scale at all during the week. I try to do my best and then Thursday comes and I pay the piper (WW) and roll the dice. Last week I stayed the same. Which was probably good because 1) I was getting a little too cocky & 2) I didn't eat that great.

I've been really stressed lately. I have been trying to keep it under wraps which just means that I become more stressed. It's about a lot of little things. The funny thing is that if you know me, I don't keep it under wraps too well anyway. I feel like I have a million things coming at me all at once like in a Chuck Norris movie and I am trying to deflect them all, but now, I'm tired...

I have been trying to throw myself into the God's arms instead of praying for Him to wrap around me (I just came to this realization). I know that God will take care of everything, if I only would get out of His way... I guess, there's my lesson... I'll check in with WW later.
Deut 11:21-28 18-21 Place these words on your hearts. Get them deep inside you. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder. Teach them to your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning until you fall into bed at night. Inscribe them on the doorposts and gates of your cities so that you'll live a long time, and your children with you, on the soil that God promised to give your ancestors for as long as there is a sky over the Earth.
22-25 That's right. If you diligently keep all this commandment that I command you to obey—love God, your God, do what he tells you, stick close to him—God on his part will drive out all these nations that stand in your way. Yes, he'll drive out nations much bigger and stronger than you. Every square inch on which you place your foot will be yours. Your borders will stretch from the wilderness to the mountains of Lebanon, from the Euphrates River to the Mediterranean Sea. No one will be able to stand in your way. Everywhere you go, God-sent fear and trembling will precede you, just as he promised. (msg)
Here's the song that's in my head today...
Hold Fast by Mercy Me
To everyone who's hurting
To those who've had enough
To all the undeserving
That should cover all of us
Please do not let go
I promise there is hope
Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast
Will this season ever pass?
Can we stop this ride?
Will we see the sun at last?
Or could this be our lot in life?
Please do not let go
I promise you there's hope
You may think you're all alone
And there's no way that anyone could know
What you're going through
But if you only hear one thing
Just understand that we are all the same
Searching for the truth
The truth of what we're soon to face
Unless someone comes to take our place
Is there anyone?
All we want is to be free
Free from our captivity, Lord
Here He comes

Wednesday, March 28, 2007


Did you ever notice that we give certain expectations to our kids like what time to be home, and about some behavior but then we slack on other expectations? We do it with our friends, our families, and in some cases our spouses or significant others?

I admit that some expectations are easier to communicate than others... be home at 6, dinner at 6:30, you do the dishes, I'll cook dinner, etc. But there are some expectations that are not so clear. I have a friend staying with me until they get their new condo, timing issues. I expected them to call if they weren't coming home (they often go to the other side of town to visit friends - late), they thought it would be disturbing my sleep if they called to wake me up. I didn't want to seem like an over controlling mom (even though I am!) and say something, but I lost sleep in worry (if you want I could probably state at least 10 possibilities of things that could go wrong) but a phone call... right to sleep. Eventually I said something, it was so easy.

Believe it or not, it also helps in dealing with a teenager. Sometimes I think "oh, she should know that" but sometimes I don't communicate it that well. If she knows what is expected, it is much easier for her, and me.

There are many more example about how communicating my expectations has really helped me (thanks Sara, oh wise one) and even though I am not even close in marriage realm, I think that it has proven to be a lesson that will serve me well when I do get married.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Believing in myself


Believe in yourself
What you think, what you feel,
Believe in the truth,
In the good, the ideal,
Believe that your dreams
Can someday be real...
Forever and Always,
Believe in yourself
And in what you can do,
Believe in the goals
That you strive to pursue,
Believe in the friends,
Who believe in you, too...
Forever and Always,
--Amanda Bradley

This is one of my favorite poems. I have it on a card somewhere at home and I used to have my website that I created at the end of my associate degree in a class where I learned to write html code. It was really fun, I put a lot of “inspirational” things on there.

You want to know a secret? And I guess if I tell you, it wno’t be a secret, but if you know me, really know me, you know it already. I don’t believe in myself. Some people think I do, but really, do you think I fight so hard because I think I can? Its more like I work really hard to prove someone wrong, maybe it’s me that I am proving wrong. Maybe I am the one who thinks that I can’t do it, so I work really hard to prove myself wrong. It’s quite a battle when you fight yourself, I don’t think there is ever a winner.

I think as a youth leader, and most importantly I think as a mom, if I could help those kids realize anything, it’s that they are loved and because they are loved, they can do anything. And because they are loved, I hope they see all the wonderful things about themselves and because of that, they know that they can do anything.

There are a lot of things I wish I could change about myself, weight probably being at the top of the list, but truly if there’s anything, I wish I could see myself the way others do (the ones who think I am wonderful) and like myself. I wish that somehow I saw myself the way God sees me, not including all the times I’ve disappointed Him. Maybe someday I will get there or maybe I am just having a rough week.

1 John 3:18-20 My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. (msg)

Monday, March 26, 2007


You know you pray and you pray and you pray and finally you get an answer that you don’t want. An answer that even though you know you are good enough, it makes you feel like you are not.

You know that somehow in faith, you have to trust that this is the right thing, even if you don’t like it. You have to know that around the next corner there is the possibility of greatness, just waiting for you.

I feel like I am continually riding a roller coaster. Two step forward, one step back. Still forging ahead. But sometimes it’s a few steps forward… then boom, right on my butt. The thing is, that I will press on, I will keep going because I do indeed know that God has great plans for me...

I know this is very general... the wounds are too deep to be focused.

Jer 8:18 O my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me.

Sunday, March 25, 2007


Sometimes I feel so small and sometimes I feel like part of the big picture.

Last week (and the week before) I felt small, and weak. I felt run over by a bus. Thus, I feel like I wasn't used in any way. Even Saturday I was sitting across from a dad of someone from Phyllis's school and I had the PERFECT opportunity to talk to him about Jesus, and I didn't know what to say. And the funny thing is, that I DO KNOW WHAT TO SAY!!

I am determined to be part of the big picture this week. I started by asking God to fill me up, to give me strength, and I had a DUH! moment (I know that 'the O' calls them "ahhh moments but for me it's more like DUH! moments). I know that everyday is a constant surrender over to Him. I know that if I want to be used by Jesus, it means that my heart has to be open to it. So I started my week off by telling God that I needed His strength, to give me Joy, and a peaceful week. And DUH! I feel better already.

I'm excited to see how God is going to use me this week, and maybe I won't see the end results, but I am excited to be used... and if you see a "Death of religion" card in the gas pump handle, it was me...

1 Peter 3:13-18 If with heart and soul you're doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you're still better off. Don't give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They'll end up realizing that they're the ones who need a bath. It's better to suffer for doing good, if that's what God wants, than to be punished for doing bad. That's what Christ did definitively: suffered because of others' sins, the Righteous One for the unrighteous ones. He went through it all—was put to death and then made alive—to bring us to God.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

A very tiring week

It was a rough week, I didn't even post yesterday, I was so tired in the morning that I chose to sleep longer than blog, and then I had to get the girls off to the concert at Metro.

It's been a pretty busy week, and I can tell you that sometimes I struggle with being a good parent (most of the time I think I'm not). After the last couple days, if I were graded on a curve... A++

I have to tell you that I am certainly surprised at the shape of some of the parents I have been running across lately. One today at Phyllis's Choral competition (we had to be at the school at 6:30 AM) I think was still drunk from the night before, she certainly smelled like it!! A few others... yikes.

I could go on and on about the crappy things that happened this week, but I am going to chose to focus on the highs not the lows... (except for 1, 2, & 3 there are no order)

1. I got to see Phyllis perform today at District 12 Choral Competition (she did great!!)
2. Hugs & kisses from Phyllis
3. Fuel
4. Dinner with Megan yesterday when I thought I was going to have to eat alone
5. Phyllis loved core groups
6. I had enough money to pay for my car ailment, and it could have been so much worse!!
7. I settled most of my program pricing this week
8. Phyllis' cold is getting better
9. I got to see some friends at Metro last night
10. Life group

Eph 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

A couple of random stuff

I broke even at WW today. Not a gain not a loss. Truthfully, I am thankful for that, but it's time to get back on track.

Back to perspetive... On my way back to the office from Troy the bracket broke that holds my muffler. On 696 (Autobon, Jr). Ok, this could be looked at two ways! 1) AHHH!! why does this kind of crap always happen to me?? BUT really, if this happened an hour before I would have been on my way back to Troy from Chrysler, and it was POURING rain. When it happened, it was not raining and traffic wasn't that bad. It also happened 1/2 mile from the exit, so I just drove off the freeway - do you know how hard it is to find a gas station with service in it these days? I pulled off the freeway, and God had one waiting for me. hmmm... pretty sweet. He totally protected me, my car, and all I need is a bracket instead of a whole muffler. Its all in how you look at it... I chose the 2nd avenue.

On being nice... there are a bunch of guys who don't act very nice to me at all. Most of them are actually pretty rude and mean to me. I hate it. Sorry, but I just don't understand why we can't just get along. My friend at work always tells me that I am too nice. This is how I look at it. There isn't a thing I can do to make them like me, but I can control my attitude. So... I forwarded a bunch of them an event for hunting that I thought they would like... It's better to be nice, it makes me feel better inside.

Life is good, God is great!!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


Perception can be a killer, at least a mood killer.

I got all upset about something, totally internalized something BUT I HAD IT ALL WRONG!!!! And so being somewhat smart (usually after the fact of being an idiot) I decided to talk to my friend about it. And… let’s just leave it at the fact that I had the wrong perception.

I never realized that people could have the impression that I don’t have time for them because I am so busy that I have to whip out my calendar to see if a date is open. If they realized how much time I spent alone not doing anything they would probably be amazed. I am usually REALLY busy Monday-Thursday but then I never have anything to do weekend nights…

I am busy, but sometimes I would like to be busy hanging out with my friends instead of running errands. Sometimes I only have a couple hours but I would rather spend a couple hours hanging out with like, Tonya, than going to the grocery store (for real, we have 2 weeks of food in our freezer and pantry).

I am asking God for wisdom on my perception of things. So that I see the real truth, not an issue that stems from my own insecurities.

Those lessons just keep on coming…

Psalm 119:25 I'm feeling terrible—I couldn't feel worse! Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember? When I told my story, you responded; train me well in your deep wisdom. Help me understand these things inside and out so I can ponder your miracle-wonders. My sad life's dilapidated, a falling-down barn; build me up again by your Word. Barricade the road that goes Nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation. I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; God, don't let me down! I'll run the course you lay out for me if you'll just show me how. (msg)

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

In 4th grade I had two teachers, we were actually on the cutting edge of education because we switched classes. Mrs. Nebel & Mrs. Hess. Mrs. Nebel was strong in Math & Science and Mrs. Hess strong in English & Social Studies. These two teachers used that to their advantage and we switched classes.

My very favorite thing in 4th grade, well I had two. I got to go to the Salt Mine as a field trip, only 7 of us were chosen, it was SO cool, up until then I thought field trips were lame. My other favorite thing was this thing they called “TOP – Talk on Paper”. We got to write a story, put it in a book, make our own cover, draw our own pictures. It was SO cool.

There are a lot of things that I think I would have been good at if I would have stuck with it or had any self confidence (which is why I didn’t stick with it, I never believed I was good at anything - funny how those things carry into our adult lives). I loved to write, I loved to read. As a kid I have told you that my nose was stuck in a book A LOT!

There is a point to this, I promise. Today is my blogiversary. One year ago today, I decided to give this blog thing a whirl. I always wanted to journal but to be honest I always sucked at it, I didn’t stick with it. I felt like a complete dork, even though no one else ever read it. I started blogging because I thought Sara’s was so cool, even though I am not nearly the writer she is, I love it.

I love taking the lessons of my life and finding a scripture to go along with it. I like that I can express myself (though sometimes I delete the posts after I’ve written them – I did that Sunday) and I like that somehow I touch the hearts of others knowing that we are not alone in this world, that we have friends and most of all, we have God. I’ve “met” new sisters, and probably pissed off the old ones.

In a year’s time, I graduated from college and grown closer to God than I ever thought possible. I’ve moved on from my old church to a new one, all by hearing the voice of God in my head and in my heart. I’ve seen the lessons that God has taught me and writing in this blog has helped me to see His plan unfold. I’ve laughed and cried.

I’ve know graduated to TOB – Talk on Blog.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

"She's my #1 Granddaughter"

I had it really had it on my heart to take my Gram out to dinner. So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to have dinner, "when?" was her reply. "right now, I'll leave and come pick you up". She said I'll be ready.

You know the story of my gram, she's not always nice. But frankly, I don't have much more time with her. God has done a great work in me putting together the pictures of when I was little, seeing how bright and smiley she was when all of us were around.

I never know what I might come up against when I get there. I always kind of protect my heart in a way, and really that's not a good way to live or spend time with those that you love. I was listening to Third Day "Consuming Fire" on the way. When I listen to worship music it take the rough edges down, the music of God melts away the ice crystals that are forming so there is nothing left but an open heart. That sounds completely dorky but thats the only way I can explain it.

She wanted pizza. Pizza is not good on a day that I already didn't do well. Oh well, Gram wants pizza and I can only hope that God is merciful on those calories sticking to my butt. So we went to a little resturaunt somewhere in Westland called Angelo's and had pizza and salad. I will admit that it's difficult to hold a conversation sometimes because I don't think she understands about my work (but we talked about Phyllis chasing after God, and she said she was proud!) and she doesn't get out a whole lot, but we managed.

She must have told me 100 times how much she loved her surprise dinner and the candy I brought her. She told everyone how I was her #1 Granddaughter. It was a good day and a good memory. For both of us.

I know the song doesn't have anything to do with the love of a g-ma and a g-daughter, but it's the song God used. Be blessed by it.


I know today is list day... but you'll have to get over that, go see Sara's it's really good today, gotta figure out what her verse will be tomorrow.

Speaking of Sara, I had breakfast with her. I love her. The first time we had lunch together, it was at the same place, Opa Opa! or aka 'Opa'. I cried over coneys and she ate greek salad. Yeah, she is a better eater than me. Today, she ate oatmeal, i ate an omelet & potatoes. Sara hasn't been my friend all that long, about a year I guess. I've come to love her and depend on her wisdom (don't choke on that one), on her sense of humor, and her love. Can't imagine my life without her.

Then it was off to get my hair highlighted. All is right with the world if your hair looks good. And mine does! But anyway, I went to see my oldest friend to do my hair (she works at Ventura's in Dearborn - $62 for a highlight and haircut). Erica is her name, I've known Erica since I was in kindergarten at McDonald Elementry school. I look at Erica and I still think she is my coolest friend. That sounds completely dorky but it's me, so get over it already. I can't even tell you how I admire her. Erica has a talent, she is great at helping people feel good about themselves, she's incredibly talented when it comes to hair, but Erica has this way about her that you feel completely comfortable with her.

Dani's (it's a guy) birthday was March 14th (Wednesday) and all day I caught myself smiling. Dani is my friend in prision. This is his last birthday he will spend in prison, because he is up for an appeal hearing and I am praying like mad that he gets out (he has a life sentence, you can email me if you want the story). I have known Dani since I was 11. He's true and honest, and he loves me. He tells me when I need to be checked and he loves me when that's what I need to.

I was driving thinking about the friends that have come into my life (and sometimes out of my life) and how thankful I am for each on of them. I have friends that I have never met (they are my blog friends), I have friends that were just once just family but have become friends, I have friends that I have known for a long time, friends for a short time. Friends who let me just be me, and friends who push me to do things that I am just not comfortable with doing.

I'm thankful for all of them.

1 Samuel 18:1 By the time David had finished reporting to Saul, Jonathan was deeply impressed with David—an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David. From that point on he would be David's number-one advocate and friend.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Fuel Family Friday - Mel Capra

We have a fearless Leader Adam who chases after God in amazing ways, The Fuel Band which includes Dave, Jacqueline, Shane, Amber, and Dennis, Mac on sound, Mark – aka Gunther, and Steve at games, The girls - Mel, Jessie, Megan, and Brynne, and the high school leaders Jessie, Selena, Ashley, and May and to round it all out… me, the Fuel Mom.

Sounds kind of crazy… As individuals, they are amazing and as a whole, whew, there isn’t even a word. Every one of us is different, talented in our own ways (and to be completely honest I am a little envious of their gifts). I cannot even tell you how much I have come to love each one of them. So each week, I will tell you about a new one! This way I got Fridays covered. This week is Mel Capra.

Name: Mel Capra
Your favorite thing about being a Fuel Leader:
My fave thing about being a fuel leader is that I have anawesome oppurtunity to let God use me and the gifts hehas given me.
What’s your favorite song (you need not limit to one):
"I will live for You" Dave Buckenberger
"This is our God" "Blue and Yellow" The Used
"I'm moving on" Rascal Flatts
Favorite Food:
I love food! I don't really have aparticular favorite. I love chicken fingers, pizza,spaghetti, mexican, etc....
Favorite Dessert: CHEESECAKE!!!!
Have you always known Jesus? Have you always> loved Jesus? If not, where did He find you?
I haven't always loved Jesus, unforunately. He found meat a really bad place in my life. I was a sophmore inhigh school and I had depression badly since junior high. And by chance a girl that I knew sinceelementary school invited me to Cedar Point with heryouth group. I went only because I usually didn't havefriends to hang out with and I was shocked I wasinvited. I went to the trip and started meeting peopleand some of the leaders invested into my life. One ofthe most important and influential people in my lifethen and now was Jessica Chubb. She taught me so muchabout God and taught me that I'm beautiful and Godcreated an awesome girl in me and I just had to findwhere she was. Well, I kept coming back to Real Life,because I was so loved, even though I didn't lovemyself, the leaders and my new friends did. I neverhad that before. I listened to the messages Jeremyspoke, and everyweek I just thought more and more andmore about Jesus and who He is and why He did what hedid for me. So about six or seven months after I wentto Real Life I accepted Jesus. And it has been a crazyand wild ride ever since.
Tell me something cool about you, something that you are super proud of: I don't really think there is anything. I haven't done anything really great.Maybe I should work on that.

Mel is Dave’s girlfriend, I can’t tell you which one is the better half because they are both awesome. I met Mel a long time ago, at a DRIVEN/Fuel event. When I first met her it was weird, I didn’t think she liked me. I don’t think that anymore. I love her, she has so much patience and when you stand next to her, you can feel God’s love resonating from her. My first day of Fuel, I really did a lot of observing, one of the coolest things I watched her do was lead the kids by not saying a word… There were a bunch of girls talking during worship, I watched her walk up to the girls, she didn’t say a word, she just worshipped. The instantly stopped and before you knew it, they were worshipping right next to her.

She stated on her sheet that hasn’t done anything special. Here’s the thing about Mel, she’s an encourager. Speaking from my own experience, as an encourager, I don’t think I do many things that are all that great. I think Mel is so special and so awesome, love pours completely out of her pores. When you have a smile as great as hers, and not be special. She also has an amazing amount of patience, I watch her with the girls and they know they are loved, they are like magnets to her.

I think God will work in amazing ways through her.

Her blog is listed over on the right...

1 Thes 5:13 Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other's nerves you don't snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Weight Watchers Update

I will tell you that if I didn't have to weigh in today, I would have snacked like a crazy person, completely out of boredom, so I fought off the urge and myspaced a bunch of kids and other leaders. Which was good on two points!

-1.4 this week, total reduction -8.6 pounds!!!

It's a battle everyday!!
Lev 19:35 "Don't cheat when measuring length, weight, or quantity. Use honest scales and weights and measures.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Worship Wednesday

I was standing in the kitchen on Sunday, turned on the radio, 106.7, snappin’ green beans getting them ready for a dinner of Pot Roast, carrots, green beans, and asparagus.
A song comes on the radio, and since I don’t listen to anything usually but 103.5 or CDs I have, I had never heard the song before.
I seem to be in a crossroads right now, I want to make a decision but I need to wait it out, I know that its not my plan but His and so I must wait. I hate waiting. I could walk away from something, because I have the potential to be pretty hurt or I have the potential to be happier than ever. Most people tell me to walk away. It’s not worth the risk. But it is. And so as I am listening to this song in my kitchen (prior to that, thinking of the millions of reasons why it wouldn’t work out), here comes this song… and one part of it rang out, “You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk awayLove ‘em anyway”.
I walked out into my living room, and my favorite quote from Pastor Jeremy was sitting on the coffee table, Phyllis had written it on a card – “without love, it’s just noise”.
So that was my lesson for the day. Love.

Anyway Martina McBride
You can spend your whole life building something from nothing

One storm can come and blow it all awayBuild it anyway

You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way

Dream it anyway

Chorus: God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good

And when I pray it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

This world’s gone crazy and it’s hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today

Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away

Love ‘em anyway

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang

Sing it anyway, sing it anyway

Monday, March 12, 2007

Yesterday our Pastor talked about a lot of things regarding "Evangelism" and how once we make commitment to spread the word that we can't turn around. Not if we are going to live like fully devoted Jesus Freaks (my words, not his). We could turn around, once we've committed and really besides me & God who would know?

I volunteered to give my teenage testimony for tonight, and part of me just wants to quit Fuel and run the other way (if you think I'm kidding, I'm not). You know what that means don't you? It means someone must need to hear it! UGH! So I will press on, nervous or not, knowing that I can't even practice without my voice cracking.

I wish that my testimony stopped there. I wish that I handed my daughter over to God and we just skipped on our merry way chasing Him.... but that's not what happened. And I am not brave enoough to tell you all the rest of the story, at least not yet.

Now when I talk to people about Jesus, even those who are believers, I want to tell them, it's not enough to just believe in God/Jesus, you've got to follow Him if you want the full affects of all He can do. A lot of people who "just" believe don't understand why I chase God so hard, why I do things that are so far out of my comfort zone, I can't even see the lazy boy, but this I will tell you, I do it because I want better for others, I would do anything so that they don't stumble, that they aren't afraid to give their testimony, that the find God walking up not crawling on their knees to Him. Sure, He finds you where you are (because He never left), He makes good from bad choices. As long as He's here, there's no such thing as a lost cause, there will always be that one sheep that He'll go after.

I guess I am kind of rambling, I'm not an eloquent writer, but my heart is the same. Don't just love God, be in love with Him. Chase Him down, get a good hold of Him, and enjoy the ride.

I was drawn to this chapter, I couldn't just pick part of it to put in my blog, so you got the whole thing.

Isaiah 55

1 "Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.
5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."
6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
And making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Part of my story...

Tomorrow I have to talk in front of the kids of Fuel about sex or at least my testimony. I wonder now why I opened my big mouth and volunteered for this... what the heck was I thinking... So here it is, I don't have anything else to write about today.

When I was 15 I had this incredible crush on someone that I had known since I was 5. It was the summer that I moved to Lincoln Park, I was all alone. My friends all in Dearborn had been sleeping with their boyfriends and it seemed that I was the only one who was still a virgin.

I really liked this guy and I thought that if I slept with him that would make him like me more and take us to the next level. We had been friends for so long and you see stuff on TV that shows that it’s the thing that takes you over the edge. I really liked him, he liked me but just as a friend.

So we had sex. And you know what, our friendship didn’t change, it didn’t bring us any closer and didn’t push us apart. It was like any other thing we ever did. We went fishing, we listened to music, we had sex. That was it. I could tell you that I felt all empty inside but I really didn’t. But I didn’t feel great either.

Then I met someone when I was 18, we were friends and we started dating. He had his own apartment, and he smoked pot and we slept together. After about 6 months or so, he started doing cocaine. I told him he had to chose between the drugs or me. And he chose the drugs. A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I went to go tell him, and he asked me to marry him. Believe it or not, I said no. He hadn’t stopped doing the drugs and I asked him for money for an abortion because I didn’t want to face my family as “a single mom”. I made the appointment for an abortion, but on the day of the appointment, I cancelled it. I couldn’t go through with it.

And from that day, I knew that people were going to talk, they would either talk about how I pulled myself out of the mess I got myself into or they would talk about what a shame it was that I had “so much potential” and a few wrong choices turned my whole world upside down.
I don’t regret the decision I made to keep my baby, because it’s Phyllis, but I will tell you that life as a single mom isn’t easy and that I knew that I couldn’t do it on my own. I gave her right over to God right from the beginning. I wish that I would have “saved myself for marriage” but I know that because of the decisions I made, God made good from wrong choices.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

10 Spring Things

Spring has begin to Spring here in Michigan, I took my first walk to begin my training...

Top 10 things I love about Spring

1. Going for walks

2. Flowers starting to 'pop'

3. Birds chirpping

4. Squirrels chasing each other (and not chasing me)

5. Singing Praise songs really loud

6. Kids playing

7. Blue Skies

8. Green grass is on it's way

9. The smell

10. Summer is on it's way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, March 09, 2007

Fuel Family Friday

1 Tim 4;12 Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

I thought I would start the Fuel Family with the most important part of Fuel (Of course, this is next to Jesus), the kids.

These kids are amazing!! It's the most awesome thing in the world to watch them worship! When they sing (or really SHOUT) to the Lord, it is the sweetest sound I've ever heard, the birds don't even compare.

They run after God with such energy, it makes me tired to watch. They are open to Adam's teaching, they worship in love, games, and song. I'm so glad to be the 'Fuel Mom'

1 John 2:12-14 12I write to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name. 13I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one. I write to you, dear children, because you have known the Father. 14I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God lives in you, and you have overcome the evil one.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Weight Watcher's Weigh In

We went to weigh in today, I was actually pretty excited because I thought I did good for the week. I passed up A LOT of desserts this week, including cake & ice cream yesterday, & no garlic bread.

The results:

A reduction of 1.2 pounds, which my total reduction is 6.8!!

I am not calling it losing weight because I don't EVER want to find it again!!

3-01-07 -5.6/5.6
3-8-07 -1.2/6.8

New format

I decided that since I am having such a hard time thinking of things to blog about... i am going to do specific things on specific days...

Sun-Wed will be whatever...
Thursday will be my check in for either Breast Cancer or Weight Watchers updates
Friday I am going to write about my new Fuel Family, every week will be someone different... Friday is going to be Fuel Family Friday!
And Saturdays of course will be a copying of Sara... lists...

Have a good day, I will be checking in later today after my weight watchers weigh in

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Good from Bad

I thought I would update you all on my trip this past weekend. It was a great trip all in all. Not exactly what I was expecting but it was really good, I got a lot done, spent some time with some WONDERFUL women.

One of the women said to me on Saturday “you’re a SINGLE mom?” Yes with infliction in her voice and everything, “who cuts your grass, shovels your snow, and fixes things?” In my mind I thought “what planet are you from??” In my out loud voice I said “I cut the grass, shovel the snow, I call my dad or someone to fix things or I do it myself”. Then later she said to me “so, as a single mom, I bet you date a lot” WT HECK! What does that mean I thought in my head, but in my out loud voice I said “I don’t think I date a lot, did you date a lot before you married your husband?” And then I asked her if she thought it was weird that I was a single mom.

I struggle all the time with being a single mom. Would it have been my first choice to be a single parent, not married? No, but I made the choices that got me here, no one else. That being said, that believe that if you want to, with any bad choice, you have the power to turn it around. I also believe that a lot of time will be spent leaning on God’s strength or sometimes just plain asking Him to pick you up and carry you. I think that what she said (the 2nd time) was completely inappropriate. Completely. But maybe she has a perception issue, or maybe she’s just an idiot but I will give her the benefit of the doubt and say it’s perception.

I will admit that I have probably judged someone the first time around but then I try to put it in the perspective of being a Christ Follower which means that we all fall short, whether your picture is pretty or you have one like mine that is a little lop-sided. Because if we were perfect, then why would we need Jesus? I think of someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol and I can’t stand in judgement because my addiction to food is “legal”. Addiction is addiction. How can I stand in judgment of someone else’s sin when I have my own that I wrestle with everyday? Last time I looked sin was rated, sin is sin. There isn’t one of us who doesn’t fall short.

I think that’s what it means to be a Christian, I think that falling short and being pulled ahead by the grace of Jesus, that’s how we grow, that’s how we get a little closer, fall a little less.

God makes a lotta good from some really bad choices.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose
Luke 6:42 How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007


Growing up I never understood why people liked to go to church. I never understood having a personal relationship with Jesus. I got the basics that God is always there, but a relationship... no.

I missed "church" on Sunday. Satan tried to stop us and sent us back to the high school - (whatever, you big dork, hit the road - you can't stop us!) but we'll be back in the grocery store before you know it! It was just one of those things, I couldn't schedule around and so I missed it. I never like to miss "church" (in quotes because Pastor J says that we're the church). Whenever I hear someone say to Pastor J "I missed church" his answer is always the same "you missed an awesome service" and yesterday was the first time I ever heard him say that... to me. I laughed inside because even when we were on Luke 2, for 3 weeks, I thought each service was better than the week before.

When it comes to the service, I don't do much, I basically just show up (sit in row 4, seat 209 if we are in the HS or row 4, dead center in the building) and bask in God's glory. But one thing I do is I get closer with God. I learn more things I need to change about myself to get that relationship. I am understanding this "church" thing a little more.

I can't wait to go to "church" this Sunday, I am sure there will be an amazing lesson to be learned, and I am quite sure, I won't want to miss it.

1 Cor 4:17 For this reason I am sending to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church

Monday, March 05, 2007

Accountability & Weekend eating

It's very important that when you chose an accountability partner, that you pick someone who will call you out when you are not doing what you said you were going to do.

With that being said, I am doing weight watchers but I track everything electronically on It's a great way to track (at least I think so) because they have most foods in there, and since I am following the core program with weightwatchers it's pretty cool to see how much my intake is. I was on vacation Friday, Sat, and Sun... I returned to my email with a note from Tonya that said "are you still doing this? I didn't see your food in there". So... I went and added it all today. I wanted her to do that, I wanted her to check on me. And now I am all on track on my tracker.

I did well on my eating, I didn't eat cheesecake with the rest of them, no chips and salsa, and no brownie sundaes. It wasn't as hard as I thought... I only ate when I was hungry. Hmmm... there's a novel concept. But that ice cream almost got me. Almost.

It was a great weekend, rest and relaxation.

Thanks for checking on me Tonya, you are a true friend.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Quote of the Day

"it's so awesome, it's like chasing after God, and He lets you catch Him"

See You Sunday... off to dorky scrapbooking retreat... and I know you are TOTALLY jealous!!



Pray for the building!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Got this from my meeting on 3-1-07

WW Fruit Pudding

15 oz pineapple in juice (crushed or tidbits)
1 pkg sugarfree/fat free butterscotch pudding
1 c FF cool whip
1 lg apple, diced

Mix - Chill - Serve

1 c = 2 points

WW Update

As part of my "training for the Breast Cancer walk, I joined WW. Boy, did i need it!

So... Saturday I weighed in, and I am NOT going to tell you how much.

I really started watching the little things that I eat that seem to add up, it was a tough week because I am tired but I stuck with it. I didn't eat cookies and cupcakes with the Fuel kids on Monday.... Tuesday we had salad for my lifegroup... Wednesday for lunch my g-friend wanted "Breadbasket" which usually consists of a big ol' corned beef sandwich and fried mushrooms, I said I would go, but I only ate one mushroom as we were leaving, and i had turkey instead of corned beef.

Today I went to weigh in because I am going on the retreat so I couldn't weigh in Saturday.

I was in SHOCK when I got my card back... are you ready for this...

5.6 lbs!!

My g-friend braved the cold and rain and joined too. I am inspired to eat smart and wise this weekend, I am even going to bring my own fruits and veggies to snack on.

Can I get a woo hoo!!!???

Things to do tonight

Since I will be gone this weekend, scrapbooking... I thought I would post my list today...

Things to do tonight:

1. Get my nails done

2. Laundry

3. Dishes

4. Cook food for the Metro guys

5. Wash the floors

6. Vacuum

7. Pack the dog up to go to G-pa's

8. Order the rest of my pics from Walgreens

9. Organize my pictures

10. Pack my my clothes and scrapbook stuff