Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Friday, February 29, 2008

I gotta battle going on inside of me. No, it’s not last night’s Chinese.

This war has been going on since Tuesday. I mean like all out war. I wish I could put it to words, there are only hurts. I feel like my insides are completely bruised, like two people are playing Atomic Arena inside me. I feel like there is a war for my soul raging.

Maybe you don’t get it, and to be quite honest, I am not exactly sure if I get it either.

I call on the LORD in my distress, and he answers me.”- Psalm 120:1

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Daniel 10:7 So I was left alone, gazing at this great vision; I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless

Psalm 71:16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone

What's in a name

Today is all about silly stuff until God tells me what to say.

What Margie Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.


Vikki tagged me today... too funny!

Write 6 quirky things about yourself.
1. I don't like my face being touched, it makes me completely uncomfortable
2. I love to grocery shop and cook. I think my "motherhood" gene is always on overdrive
3. I absolutely hate awards
4. I am a fast eater
5. I am a hard hugger
6. I laugh when I am scared. I always make a joke.

Consider yourself tagged

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Turning back

I can understand why people come to Jesus and then go back to their old lives. Ok, pick your chin up off the floor. You've never gone on a diet, looked and felt better than ever, only have something go right or wrong in your life, and right back to the fridge you go? Get over yourself.

I listened to a sermon on a CD last night and today. It was about surviving, mostly focused on ministry. Ministry (any ministry) is brutal. I don't trust the person who acts like everything is perfect... go blow it out your ear. There is a part when someone says "I'm just glad I made it". I feel like that at the end of some (most) days. I am just glad I made it.

The other thing on the CD, accountability partners. This guy had an accountability partner for everything. Spending time alone with God, working out, you name it, I bet he had someone who asked him if he pooped everyday (pooping is very important, I am not mocking, if you don't think it's necessary, ask someone who hasn't pooped in forever). I started to think, who is my accountability partner. Who says "how you doing on your struggle with always wanting to have sex? (I am not married, BTW, so I can't do that), or "have you read your bible everyday this week?"

Let me answer that for you. No one. I am accountable only to myself. Apparently people think one of two things... she's too busy to get into trouble. (Here's the very quick answer... I'm NEVER to busy to get into trouble, trouble seeks me out) or they figure I was Catholic before I really followed Christ so I have too much guilt to get into trouble. If you think either of those two things... You're dead wrong. I fight my battles on my own (with God's help of course).

And today, I could have done a 180 and walked away from this life I have. To be perfectly honest, until the consequences start rolling around (and they always do, eventually), life is easier as a "worldly" person.

Now, I am not asking you to run out and send me an email and say "how you doing on that whole sex thing". Here's your answer... I'd be a lot happier if I was getting some, but I'm not. And am I reading my bible, most days yes, some days no. But sometimes I read a book about growing Christ, so it's almost the same thing.

I don't necessarily know if I want an accountability partner. I know my answers, I have to sleep with myself every night, and at the end of every day, I have to answer to God.

There's a million things I struggle with, some daily, some weekly, some monthly, and some just sneak up on me every once in awhile. I think of the armor of God. I remember first learning about it. I don't fight any battle alone anymore, I sometimes crouch down and I hide. Sometimes I stand tall. Knowing full well, that everyday, a war rages on for my soul. And I am not a quitter.

Hebrews 10:26-27 26If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

My Path

Psalm 16:11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

I type before you as a mom in awe. I can’t believe the blessings I have received because of my beautiful daughter. She sang Sunday at the Detroit Opera House. The home of the Detroit Symphony Orchestra. The only person who could have stopped me from seeing that, was Jesus Himself.

At times, I got lost in the music (sang in Italian, French, and Latin) and really forgot that anyone was singing except her. My eyes focused on her. It was amazing.

As a single mom who started out working in a hardware store, I turn around and see a path covered in grace. I never could have imagined that my daughter, would have had this opportunity. Not me, but God. But God knew.

Who would have ever thought that I would end up in this job, that I never knew existed, and love it so much. Not me, but God. But God knew.

Who would have ever thought that the gifts I have, would be used for His Glory. That I would be blessed by a bunch of kids that the world turns away or takes no interest in, because they are teenagers, but in everyone of their faces, I see God. Not me, but God. But God knew.

Who would have thought that I would have such great friends that I can trust with an open heart. I have had friends that I could trust, but usually only to a point, and I don’t trust everyone. But to say that I have a couple friends that I can be completely open with, and not risk of feeling taken advantage of… Not me, but God. But God knew.

There are things that I struggle with, one being that I really want to be married, and maybe consider expanding my immediate family. I don’t know if that will happen. But God knows.

Romans 11:33 Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!

Monday, February 25, 2008

New recipe
I'm always cooking for a meal for us, or for someone else. A couple who are leaders at Alive had a baby, so her core group and a few other leaders made food for them and also a wonderful lady in our Women's Ministry had surgery and we made food for her and her hubby!

Here's the chicken recipe! It can be frozen so if they get a lot of meals, they can thaw when they are ready. Please note, all ingredients are to be used as a "guideline" I don't follow directions well :) Recipe adapted from here. We baked it before we gave it to them. Make sure when you are making meals for people, you put the directions of what they need to do on the packages :)

Parsley Parmesan Chicken
1/4 C. Italian salad dressing
2-3 lbs. boneless skinless chicken breasts
1/2 C. grated parmesan cheese
1/3 C. dry bread crumbs
2 T. parsley flakes
1/2 t. paprika
1/2 t. salt
1/4 t. pepper

1-gallon freezer bags for chicken, quart freezer bags for crumbs.

Assembly Directions:
To Pre-Bake on Cooking Day: Pour salad dressing in a large bowl. Add the chicken parts to the dressing, coating well. Cover and chill about 4 hours, or overnight. Turn chicken in the dressing occasionally.
Combine parmesan cheese, dry bread crumbs, parsley flakes, paprika, salt and pepper in a shallow bowl. Roll chicken one piece at a time in the crumbs, then place chicken in a greased 9x 13 baking pan or on a cookie sheet. Spoon excess dressing over the chicken. Bake at 350º for 1 hour, or until thickest piece is done.
To Bake on Serving Day: Pour chicken parts and salad dressing into a freezer bag. Combine the parmesan cheese, dry bread crumbs, parsley flakes, paprika, salt and pepper and pour into a quart-sized freezer bag. Attach to the bag of chicken or put both bags into a larger freezer bag.
Freezing and Cooking Directions:
Pre-Baked Chicken:

Remove from oven and cool. Put baked chicken pieces into a freezer bag or rigid freezer container. Label and freeze.
To serve, place chicken in a 9x13 baking dish or pan. Warm in 400º oven for 10 minutes or until warmed through.
Non-Baked Chicken:
Seal, label, and freeze. To serve, thaw marinated chicken and crumb mixture. Roll chicken one piece at a time in the crumbs, or shake in a bag, then place chicken in a greased 9x13 pan or on a cookie sheet. Spoon excess dressing over the chicken. Bake at 350º for 1 hour or until thickest piece is done

Sunday, February 24, 2008

You're not false

Someone said that to me today. "that's what I love about you, you're not fake".

If they only knew. How many times I hold my tongue when I want to say something, how many times I shut up when I know I should say something.

If they only knew that sometimes my stomach hurts because of things I'm holding in.

Sure, a lot of times, I say things that need to be said, I walk out of church because I don't think it purtains to me. Sure, I do all those things.

But what about the times when I want to tell someone that I care about them more than just as a friend? And I don't.

What about the missed opportunities I have to tell someone about Christ, and I don't?

What about the times when someone says "are you ok?" and I'm too afraid to trust them to tell them the truth?

What about walking out of a place holding back every tear I have because I don't want to appear weak, and alone?

Sometimes, I feel like if people really knew me, they wouldn't like me so much...

Phil 1:17-19 17The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.[a] 18But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, 19for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.

Saturday, February 23, 2008


I know that it sounds wierd but if you ask me, Heaven is an added bonus. When God found me (or I opened my eyes to Him - whichever you prefer) I wasn't looking to go to Heaven. And don't get me wrong, I am and will forever be greatful for eternity in paradise. I believed in God, I believed in the Holy Spirit, I believed who Jesus said He was.

When I was found, I wasn't looking to go to heaven. And if you would have said that's why I should come to Jesus, I would have told you "I got the heaven part covered". I was looking to get out from underneath a huge burden. I was looking to eleviate some pressure, to find forgiveness for what I had done, to make my praise list longer than my apologies.

Life as a Christ-follower isn't easier. And sometimes it's more difficult, you've got people watching and waiting to see if you slip up. And when (not if) you do and someone points at you... you can say either one of two things... "that's a mighty fine plank you got there" or "if I was perfect, I wouldn't need Jesus"

I thinking about this because I was singing "where will I be when that first trumpet sounds (oh please tell me) where will I be when it sounds sooo loud, it will sound so loud, it will wake up all the dead, where will I be when it sounds when it sounds..."

And I thought to myself, that's kind of wierd, I know where I'll be, and burdens, they are cast away, as soon as I let go of them. I love the scripture that says "29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:29-30). I love that saying. Because I remember that day, I remember the day I walked into church for the first time in a long time, when I reached out to the Lord, and His arms reached around me, when my burdens were released. I remember, I remember the day, the feeling. It was March 13, 2004.

I'm so thankful for that day.

Here we are
Here we are
The broken and used
Mistreated, abused
Here we are

Here You are
Here You are
The beautiful one
Who came like a Son
Here You are

So we lift up our voices
We open our hands
To cling to the love
That we can't comprehend

Oh, lift up your voices
And lift up your heads
To sing of the love
That has freed us from sin

He is the one
Who has saved us
He is the one
Who embraced us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He's the remedy

Here we are
Here we are
Bandaged and bruised
Awaiting a cure
Here we are

Here You are
Here You are
Our beautiful King
Bringing relief
Here You are with us

So we lift up our voices
And open our hands
Let go of the things
That have kept us from Him

He is the one
Who has saved us
He is the one
Who forgave us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He's the remedy

Oh, I can't comprehend
I can't take it all in
Never understand
Such perfect love come
For the broken and beat
For the wounded and weak
Oh, come fall at His feet
He's the remedy
He's the remedy

So sing, sing

You are the one
Who has saved us
You are the one
Who forgave us
You are the one who has come
And is coming again
To make it alright
Oh, to make it alright
You're the remedy
Oh, in us
You're the remedy

Let us be the remedy
Let us bring the remedy

Friday, February 22, 2008

Inside Out



You deserve

To know Your name

My future decided

Savior King

A praiseworthy night

Yesterday was Phyllis’s ‘debut’ with the Detroit Symphony Civic Orchestra singing Carl Off’s Carmina Burana. You can Google it if you want. It was pretty cool, they sang in Latin, French, and Spanish, and the music was phenomenal, they even had the translation in the program. It was pretty sweet, and they are recording it, you know I am pre-ordering it :)

When we left it was blowy-snowy. Instantly began praying for safe driving. Roads were slippery. Slow and steady wins the pace in those times. I just took my time slow laned it, white knuckled it over every bridge, got off on 696 first chance I got, there’s no overpasses on 696, only underpasses :)

While driving, I got a call, “we’ve been in an accident”, my dad had gotten in an accident at 94 & Mt. Elliott. If you are from ‘the D’, that’s not good. I got to him and my stepmom. Thanking God the whole way (while praying for protection) that they were ok, I could care less about the dumb car, but they were safe. I get there, my dad gets out of the car (HELLO! It’s slippery, dark, and a dangerous area – I’m yelling at Cheryl “tell him to get back in the car”. Literally, two cars spun out 20 feet in front of us. Eventually I called Kevin. Honestly, I needed to hear his voice. And I also know in situations like that, nothing calms you like the Word of God.
Me: “read me a scripture”.
Kevin: "Which one?"
Me: "I don’t care, just open the bible and read me one. "

2 Corin 4:16-18
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Someone once told me that there is a fine line between worrying and sinning. Now if you read again about it said that two cars spun out in front of me. Like 20 feet. We fix our eyes on what is unseen. Because I know that God was going to take care of us, but please understand, I wasn’t going to put myself in a bad position, I was out of there as soon as I could. Yes, I trust God, but no point in pushing in my luck.

By the time I got home (having to pee really really bad), I was singing praises to God, for taking care of me, Phyllis, my dad, Cheryl. I was thanking Him for the gift of song He gave Phyllis, for the gifts He had given to all those who prepared for the performance, I was thanking Him for Kevin for answering the phone, for His Word to soothe me. For a wonderful performance, for the gas in my car, for heat in the car, for a safe, warm home to come home to. For love that is often unseen. For the Glory that all belongs to Him.

He is a mighty, loving, protecting, and powerful God. And to Him goes all the glory and praise.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”- 1 John 4:18

Thursday, February 21, 2008

who I am celebrating who you are

I think that part of the problem with women and self esteem is that they spend too much time comparing and not enough time celebrating each other.

Personally, I find myself often comparing myself to others, not to tear them down, but to lift them up. I try to see the greatness in others and help them see it too. If I am going to tear down someone, it will be me. I will find that person who writes better than me (Sara), that person who is prettier and skinnier than me (Elizabeth), that person who is just all the way around way more awesome than me (Katie), the person who is much funnier than me (Marilyn), smarter, etc… you get the picture. SO I tear myself down, I say to myself “you should be…” but I can’t. I’m not wired to be like them, or I would be. They have different gifts than me. And I celebrate that. Think if we all used “our powers” for good.

Think about the lives we could affect. Think about the mountains we could move, the worlds we could change, and the love we could spread. Think about how if we just took a little of the gifts that God gave us, think about the GLORY that would be brought to Him.

I have a challenge for you. You can chose to take it or tell me to bag it. I would like you to celebrate one person today. Tell them the thing you most admire about them. I would be willing to bet, you will change one world for the better.

Luke 15:24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


Who I am. Who am I really? I'm a daughter, a mother, an Alive/Fuel mom, a friend, and a daughter of the King. I've really been thinking about this, I don't think I'm done thinking about it...

You can read my post from yesterday if you are so inclined. (it's below, posted today because Blogger was being a booger).

I know who I was. Though the world would have thought I had it all together, I was a mess. Inside, I longed for love, and looked in wrong places to get it. maybe you've been there, whether you were looking in a crackhouse, at the bottom of a bottle, the fridge, or in someone else's bed, it really doesn't matter, maybe you can relate, and maybe you can't, I won't stand here proudly about the things I've done, but I will stand here and tell you that the will of God will never take you where the Grace of God cannot find you. I will tell you that I stand here a sinner, in love with someone who I certainly don't deserve, only because of His grace.

Thinking about who I am, means I must figure out who I am in Christ. I think about the things that God has done, and continues to do in my life. Believe it or not, I'm known as thoughtful. it might be a card, a meal, and sometimes even lettuce :), but if I think about you, I usually do something for you, and sometimes that includes buying a $3 shirt that was on clearance because I know you'll use it, or handing you a bag of romaine lettuce, or a mountain dew because I know you like it. It might be a card that I think you need or an email telling you that I think you're awesome. I will never buy you (I shouldn't say never, but the chances are slim) a yacht or a car, or take you on an extravagant vacation, because that's not who I am.

I think that I've learned that God does big things in our lives and very small tiny things, that are sometimes over looked. I love blueberries. Love them. Especially with the whole eating healthy thing, I've been a blueberry-aholic. Concessi's had them on sale, $.99/pack, then i picked some up for $1.49/pack at Eureka Farm Market last week. But when I went this week, they were $2.49 at EFM, that's just too much, especially since I eat one pack in one snacking. I was kind of bummed. I was talking to katie about it, and as I was pulling out of the bank on Monday... I looked at the sign for Concessi's... blueberries, $.99. Yes, folks, there is a God in Heaven, and He loves me. I think that it's in the little things that you will realize how much God loves you.

You want to know who God is? Start counting your blueberries, I mean blessings, you will see who He is, and you will see who you are, and you will be filled with joy.

Isa 55:3 Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David.


*this was yesterdays' post, blogger wouldn't let me on....

In order to be found, you must first realize that you are… lost. I often steal the great thoughts of Adam (our Youth Pastor) and then have my crazy way with them. “If you want to know who you are, you must first know who God is”. Brilliant.

Most of my life I’ve always been somebody’s something, Bob’s daughter, Phyllis’s mom, Dani’s girl (and Dani is a guy though his name is spelled the feminine way). And that’s ok.

Unless you are just reading this for the first time or you’ve really not been paying attention, you know that my dad got married in December. And it is taking some adjusting. I’ve never had a step mom, I know what I do as a mom, but I don’t know who does what when it comes to mom’s relating to dad’s, and that whole hubby-wife thing, because that’s never really been a part of my life. My role in my dad’s life has changed considerably, really for the good. I love the whole mom thing. Though, I did call her because I bought my dad clothes for his birthday (as I often do) but didn’t want her to be offended. I have had to figure out a new role for myself.

I’ve been coming to the realization that my daughter is not going to be in school much longer, and she will be finding a life outside of the one I have with her (and I am praying I have done a good job).

I was writing a letter to Dani, he’s not too thrilled with me because he had once told me that we would never make it, and so my relationship with him has changed. Meaning marriage, babies, etc, for a lot a reasons. And in the letter I said “sometimes I don’t even know how to be happy. I have lived my life for someone else for so long, for my dad, for my family, for Phyllis, and even at times, for you. Trying to be everything and someone that everyone else wants me to be.”

Things are a changin’. The only thing that stays the constant is change.

Our lives are never the same, the mom I was when Phyllis was 1 is different that age 4, different from age 15.

Even the life I live as a Christ follower is not the same as it was 1, 2, 3 years ago. I’m learning who I am in Christ instead of just who I am.

And my interests have changed. Even what I liked 6 months ago, I have decided maybe wasn’t for me. Things I thought that would work out, and that it was part of The Plan, aren’t. People I thought that I really had an interest in, and they me, isn’t seeming to work out, for whatever reason. But sometimes things and feelings change, and I can’t help the way they feel.

I like that I am constantly changing, and most importantly growing. I’m not lost because God found me, but I was. And at times, I didn’t even know I was lost. I was lost in a world that I had no business being in. And somedays, I find myself back there. And as always, God has a close eye on me. So I will never be completely lost, my heart always knows how to find home.

I say this all because I feel like I know who I am, I know who God is, I know who I want to be in Him. And if I have to be known as somebody’s something, I want to be a part of His flock.

Matthew 18:13-14 13And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.

Now my life song sings

I once was lost, but now I'm found
I once was lost, but now I'm found
So far away, but I'm home now
I once was lost, but now I'm found
And now my lifesong sings

I once was blind, but now I see
I once was blind, but now I see
I don't know how, but when He touched me
I once was blind, but now I see

And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings

I once was dead, but now I live
I once was dead, but now I live
Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give

Let my lifesong sing to You

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Sit still and shut up already!

My favorite song for the week has been "I am God" by Kirk Franklin and Toby Mac. I had purchased the CD awhile ago, but ended up giving it to someone else instead of keeping it for myself. On Thursday, I purchased the CD again, for myself this time, and I kept it. There is a song on the CD that I fell in love with. I am God. I've been jamming to it ever since. Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10) is probably one of my very favorite scriptures and it's also one scripture that I struggle with most. Asking me to be quiet and sit still is like trying to harness a two year old after a giant pixie stick, you just have to wait. I'm getting better but God still has a lot of refining to do before there is gold.

Today, guess what the first scripture was? Just guess. Yes, Psalm 46:10. And Matthew 11:28, rest. But not just take a nap rest, Rest in Me. Do you think it's a coincidence? Coincidence is when God chooses to remain annonymous, and God is not annonymous in my life.
I don't sit still. I don't relax very often, I'm always going. That's the way it is. And when it's quiet, it's loud in my head. Remember all the things you screwed up on... and on and on and on and on and on... And so I am off again. But sometimes when it's quiet, I hear God speak so clearly that it shakes my earth. I get goose bumps, and in an ever so clear tone, I hear, "I've got you, you are Mine, I am your Father, and no matter what, I love you". Its not the words, its the tone.

I heard the message today. I'm going to be still, because I know He is my God, and I serve a mighty, loving, powerful God. He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or EVEN think!

Psalm 46:10 Be still and know I am God.

Matthew 11:28 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

My Job

I work in sales. I have worked in the same company for 11 years. I've done a multitude of different jobs. I have loved probably about 10 of the years total that I worked there.

I just transferred to a new group, doing the same thing, just selling to different people, and I have a new boss. It's the first time in 7 years I haven't worked for the same person. I loved my old boss, she was great. but it really was time for a change. I prayed, and I thought there was an open door, and just as I was about to walk through it, it shut. And can I tell you, thank God for closed doors because I have been rejuvenated since being in this new group.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday, and I couldn't go out to eat with them because they left early, and I couldn't leave work. I was bummed but because Phyllis went with them, I worked late. And most people would complain they had to work late, and tomorrow I am going in for an hour or two, and even though I am not paid by the hour, I'm ok with it. I actually left work (at 6:45) yesterday and thought, "man, How blessed am I that I love my job". And in the peacefulness of the parking lot (because only the cleaning people were there), I gave profs to God for leading me here, and placing me exaclty where I am supposed to be.

We got a new VP starting Monday, and it's going to be a time of adjustment, because they all like things a different way, but really, I'm excited. A lot has already happened in 2008, but I am so excited to see the wonders God has in store for the rest of the year. I can't wait to see Him move in BIG ways, and in little ways. I can't wait to see His beauty in sunsets and in macaroni and cheese.

He's amazing, and I am forever greatful for His love. He knows way better than I.

Psalms 20:4 May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my dad's birthday. If you know me, you know how much I love my dad. Sure, he gets on my nerves sometimes, but I am quite sure that is in the job description of parent, that's one of those added bonuses we get... lol...

Yesterday he was "awaken" to have to come rescue me. My car didn't start. Happy Valentine's Day, dad ;)

Today, he is at my step-brother's working on his rental property. I called to wish him happy birthday and I said "what an exciting way to spend your birthday" and his reply "that's what I do, it's like that movie, Pay it Forward. I could never repay all the people who helped when your mom died. But I can help someone else." That pretty much sums up my dad. He pays it forward. He loves.

Sometimes I feel incredibly guilty about needing his help, I think, "if only I would have done it correctly, if I got married first, made better choices... if only..." And then I remember that my dad loves me, even though, hard to believe, I get on his nerves sometimes, also part of the daughter job description... again, an added bonus... he loves me. He's a great dad, and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

I love you, dad. happy birthday!!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

to the rescue...

My dad has a 2003 (I think) E-150 extended van. Green. Big. The front of it looks like a monster. I will usually be the first to tell you that he should have bought a Toyota. I like Toyota... but last night we left one of the doors open in the car... and this morning that means... dead battery. So, you know, I have to call my dad, faster than AAA.

My dad pulls up in my driveway with this giant van. And somehow it seemed appropiate that my knight in shining arm, ok, my dad in his van came to same me in a BIG van. who needs white horses anyway?

And that my dear friends is why God made man. Because they are strong enough to love us and let us be us, and they are strong enough to come rescue us when we do something stupid.

Happy Valentine's Day! May you be surrounded by love!

And oh yeah... he even called ahead to the mechanic so I could just pull in and get a new battery... My dad is the greatest!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Valentinie's Day

While I think it's RIDICULOUS that we let a calendar dictate the day we tell someone we love them and we go out to dinner, I think it should be done everyday (not the going out part).

I love Valentinie's Day, and I subscribe to the 'better to give than receive' philosphy. I sent out cards, I bought candy for friends, got a bunch of stuff for Phyllis. I love to spread love. Yesterday in the mail came the Valentine from my dad. It made me smile. Each one of the people in my group got a little M&M tube with a Hoops & YoYo card. The kids at Fuel got Valetinie's cards, made and signed by the leaders. And of course... candy... :)

Tonight I will make heart shaped peanut butter cookies, no-bakes, all with my daughter, who is my favorite Valentinie.

There's nothing better than love.

Love saved us.
Love got up on a cross and took away our sin.
Just because He loved us.

There's nothing better than love. (Sorry the scripture is a repeat, its probably my top 5)

Romans 8:31-39 31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[a] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


For some people the word sorry is an apology, for some it's a personality trait.

Last week I discovered that someone was trying to take credit for something I did. Now, this was no little thing. We are all tasked with certain objectives, and for one of my programs, I acheived it all in one shot instead of little steps. It was one of those perfect opportunity things, where I know it's God, and I hit the sweet spot. Perfecto. Someone tried to take my perfecto as credit themself. This makes me crazy. They had nothing to do with it, they weren't even on the program when I did it.

Then... earlier today, I found out that for about a year, in a small way, someone had been taking advantage of me. Not thrilled. It kind of made me angry because I was shocked.

Now, I know what I have to do... I have to forgive. Ugh. I hate that. But I will. I just need to go talk to God about it.

Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven

Monday, February 11, 2008

Move it...

This can mean so many things... Move it... could mean start exercising (which I should), could mean move (like to a warm place - man is it cold outside, sheesh!) but what I mean today is move in a positive direction. Encourage each other, make a difference, love love love.

I often wonder (and i am not sure why I wonder this) "will anyone come to my funeral?". That's an odd thing, but I wonder that all the time, seeing that I was just visiting (thank you Lord that I was only visiting!) a funeral home on Monday, I was thinking that. Poor Katie, she'll have to come, John Whaley too, well, the whole Alive band because they have to sing. I have a whole list, it's going to be loud at my funeral because you can all rejoice that I will be with God. But anyway, I digressed a little, I wonder if anyone will come.

You know you go to those funerals and you here people say "they made such a difference in my life" all I care about was that you were loved by me. There are many different ways I love. Sometimes it's a gentle (or not so) nudge to do the right thing, sometimes it's a big hug, or an invitation for lunch, a prayer, a note, I cooked, who knows. But I will tell you that I often feel that if I am not moving in the direction of love, I might as well be dead. If lives are being touched by love, I might was well be six feet under.

I think (and hope) that everyday is a step towards love. The Alive! band sang it best... live His love, live His power... I'll do more than sing!

Deut 30:6 The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live.

Saturday, February 09, 2008


Dear satan, please leave me alone! Stop calling me on the phone, stop being the jerk you are, you are a defeated foe, I don't like you. you're bugging me, stop pushing me down the stairs. you can't stop me, I'm loved, you're a jerk, but I bet since God is so awesome, He'd love you if you let him. stop being a jerk.
Love, me

Ok... now for my real post. Things that are pretty cool about me.

1. I can do anything once I put my mind to it (and follow God's path)
2. I can cook so great!
3. I am an encourager
4. I have cool hair when I do it
5. I cry when I am happy and when I am hurt
6. I am a good friend
7. I give great advice (I should follow my own advice)
8. I make good food choices (at least for today)
9. I love to go boating
10. I love

We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing.”- 2 Thessalonians 1:3

Friday, February 08, 2008

"Unsettled" I will no longer be.

You've may or may not noticed that I didn't write for the last couple of days. For once in my life, I didn't have much to say. I could have said though "hey knuckleheads, going 70 mph on ice even with 4 wheel drive will cause you to do donuts on 75 thus endangering yourself, and all those on the freeway" but I didn't, but I could have. OK, I digressed.

I finished Captivating. Yes, it took me a long time to read a book that only had 228 pages. But this book wasn't about reading it quickly, it was about reading a part, and letting God melt a lot of ice that had formed around my heart. Things that I thought were not normal, God has revealed to me, are completely normal, it's the hurt and disappointment that comes with living a life not in Him, that is completely un-normal.

Do I believe that I am totally beautiful? not really. Do I believe that when I remember who I am in Christ, I have a beautiful spirit? Yes. I think that's most important.

The last chapter had 3 questions.

What is it that you yearn for -- how do you long for the world to be a better place? What makes you so angry that you nearly see red? What brings you to tears?

That last question made me laugh because a lot of things bring me to tears. I am a crier. But a lot of times, I hold it in.

But that first question, what do you yearn for, how do you long for the world to be a better place? Love. Seems kind of simple and complicated at the same time. There is a card that I have (and I don't know who said it) "to love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides". How true is that. I've felt kind of unsettled (I REFUSE to use the D word), not myself, getting by, holding it all together (barely). I have wondered if all hope is lost in finding a husband and maybe expanding my current family. I've decided, I am not claiming any of that crap. For God has put these desires on my heart, and whether I like it or not, He will fulfill them. He has wired me to want to have and love a family, to care for them. To make cookies, and meals, and that I don't mind doing laundry, that I love the kind of activities you do with families, zoo, museums, beaches, boating, and I have a family I can do that with, I'm greatful for her (them). And so I will. And HE WILL fulfill the desires of my heart, if maybe I stop doing and start loving a little most. "Unsettled" I will no longer be.

What makes you so angry that you nearly see red? Not living up to one's potential. Not changing the world, when you really do have the power. And we all have the power (so stop thinking it's someone else's job). Though God created the sun, we all have power to spread sunshine. Imagine the wattage we could spread if we all just loved a little more, and thought about ourselves a little less. God has made me (and you), He has wired me (and you) with great gifts, and I don't think He gave them to us to waste. So... with a greatful heart, I am going to go use them. "Unsettled" I will no longer be.

What brings me to tears? Again, love. Either a whole lot of it, or lack of it. Either way, tears. And when it's time to cry, I am going to work on not holding it in (unless of course I am at work) I am going to let it out, no matter how awful I look. "Unsettled" I will no longer be.

I can't even tell you how getting a little nudge to "pick up" that book has changed my view. Love. God loves me that much. Makes me misty.

Ezk 16:8 " 'Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Holding it all together

You know after awhile, you stop and you say "man, I don't feel well". You kind of just keep going until you just can't go any longer.

That's exactly how I feel.

I don't sleep well at night, I feel like I am not doing much of anything. I'm tired. But not tired of doing too much, I am just tired. My head has hurt for what seems to be 2 weeks, and guess what? I actually went to the doctor!

I go for my blood work next week and I am having a test that checks all your levels of stuff for vitamins!

I feel like I am not even busy and there should be no reason why I am so tired so I better figure it out before I need to kick into overdrive!!

Thank God, He is keeping me all together!!

Col 1:17 17He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

Monday, February 04, 2008

I'm at a loss - Because I don't know what you want

Phil 3:12-14 12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I have to tell you that I have been struggling. I have been afraid that at any given moment I would start to cry and not stop, and one comment yesterday, and it was over. I still look like crap from crying and that was over 12 hours ago. I feel like I am getting it at every angle, its around every corner.

I can't seem to win for losing. I don't feel like at any given moment I am making anyone happy, that I am letting tons of people down, and the most unhappy person of all? me.

You know what? Stop telling me I volunteer too much, stop scheduling things on Sundays if you want me to be there. And don't be mad if I am not. I will not apologize for being fully devoted to Christ. I won't. If you want to spend time with me, why don't you come and volunteer with me, I will even drive. Or come and hang out with a bunch of great leaders and amazing teenagers.

I just have to tell all of you who disapprove of this love of my life that I have. Bite me. Maybe you just don't get it. maybe you don't get that a little sin is a sin, and without the cross and that amazing "Man" who got up on it, you're bound for hell. There is no reason why God would have saved me except that He loved me. And I get it, maybe you don't, but I do.

If I am not living my life for His glory, I don't really see the point.

And yes, sometimes my "wanter" goes into overdrive, and I would love love love to go to the Museum, to the DIA, to the zoo (if I had time, I would go every month, at least once) but with everything else going on, I just don't always get the chance. God made me with desires, and I believe in time, He will fulfill them all.

For the record, most of the time, I don't mind getting up at 4Am to drive to make breakfast, sure it's early, but if you could only open your eyes and see the way God moves, its in every word, in every breath, and it never stops.

I am only one person. I will love Jesus, I will live for Him, and I hope by my actions, you see Him move too. And when I am tired, I will rest. In Him.

James 1:24-25 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

The Things you do for love

1. Shovel snow so your loved one(s) don't slip

2. Stay in when you want to go out, go out when you want to stay in

3. Miss Lifegroup because they need a ride somewhere

4. Give big hugs

5. Don't get mad when they don't call (when they say they will)

6. Pick up their clothes (and various other items) without crabbing

7. Forgive when it's difficult

8. Cook dinner

9. Love longer

10. Save the world
“However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"—”- 1 Corinthians 2:9

Friday, February 01, 2008


Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Can you please tell me what the heck happened to 'an honest day's work for an honest day's pay'?

Ok, I don't know about you, but will someone SOMEWHERE please stop being greedy!

Remember those days when you put your money away, when you saved for your future? I am shocked and sickened by people who think that they can 'day trade' and scam their way into saving for their future only to find out that it just doesn't work. I am tired of corporations closing their factories in the US, demanding their suppliers use LCC's (Low Cost Countries) to manufacture the goods they buy, and then scream "buy American". (and as a side note, you stupid union workers who voted for Granholm because you are brainwashed by your union - she drives a Honda and rents an "american made" car when she visits your plants. DUH! get a freaking clue!). If you close all the plants here, if you take away our decent paying jobs, who the heck is going to buy your cars that you amortize all your research & devolpment, your suites, and fixed costs into? DUH.

And Brittney, I feel sorry for her, ok I said it. I do. She's in a terrible spot because greed (hers and those around her, including her own mother) is so much a part of her life, she can't seem to get out of it. She wants and wants and wants and wants and never seems to be satisified. I feel sorry for her, she can't get off her selfish glasses and see the blessings she has all around her.

And let's talk about K'wame for a minute. You know how he got where he is (as my gram would say, in a "heep of trouble") it's because of GREED and arrogance. He wanted too much and he felt like he 'deserved' it. Let me tell you this, if you got what you (and I) deserved and Jesus hadn't paid the price for your sins, hellbound you (and I) would be. And so would all of us.

Now, let me tell you, I am angry. I mad as heck. Because someone somewhere is trying to sell us a bill of goods that we just can't afford. Face it.

And sometimes I am mad at myself for not taking better care of the blessing that God has given me. I will also tell you that I do very well for myself as far as a good paying job goes. And sometimes it seems I just don't have enough. And that's not because God hasn't given me enough, it's because I don't manage it enough. It's because sometimes 'I just have to have it' when I really don't need it.

I dreamed but never thought I would own my own home. I love checking that box 'own' instead of 'rent'. And to be quite frank, I say "thank You Jesus" everytime I do. I'm greatful, and if I live in this house instead of a bigger one for the rest of my life, I will be happy!! And if I fill it with 5 kids and we're a little cramped, and we have to snuggle more, so be it! :)

I've learned over the past year to live within in my means. To count every blessing, and every penny, and sometimes when I am stupid, I count those pennies right as they fly right out the window. Because I'm greedy and foolish, not a good combination, but I'm working on it.

Greed. ugh. I think it's one of those 'seven deadly sins' whatever that means because last time I checked, sin is death, none is really better than the other. Sin is Sin. It's a war out there baby, keep praying.

Romans 5:21 so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Dear God, here I am talking about greed, and asking for help myself. God, help me to be more like You, teach me to love others, to put myself aside like You did, for me, for all of us. God, remind me in big and small ways to be thankful for ALL that You've given me. Lord, I love You, You are amazing, You are the giver of all blessing, and of life, Lord. Thank You so much for my home, for my car, for Phyllis, for a family that loves me. Lord, thank You for sending Your Son to give me life. Thank You for music so that when I can't find the words, the music connects me with You. Thank you for prayer, so that we can talk. Lord, thank You for my dad, and for Cheryl. Thank You for my friends, Lord, thank You for letting me serve You. Lord, You are awesome, I love You. Thankful, I pray, in Jesus's precious name. Amen.