April 4 was my grandpa’s birthday. As I got older, my gram and I would go to the cemetery and lunch. Life seemed to slow down for a minute those days. I’d find the grave marker and then come get her to help her around the bumpy grass. It seemed only right that I help her as she helped me so much growing up. And if we didn’t make it then, we’d go for “Decoration Day” which my gram meant “Memorial Day” but she called it “Decoration Day”
My gram's 88th b-day party
with the grands
She taught me how to make the perfect tuna fish sandwich. Prepared “to go” snack bags for me when I’d go to visit her, containing a banana, a crunchy granola bar, a bag of fritos, and a candy bar (bit size). She taught me that when you leave the house, you put on lipstick, and honestly, I always feel better when I have lipstick on, even if I have no other makeup on.
She taught me to make her famous (or not so famous) orange jello. She taught me how to dead head marigolds so that you get more blooms than just the original ones. Lilac bushes belong outside your windows so that spring air blows the fragrance of the beautiful flowers in to your house, bringing back sweet memories of playing with dolls and having tea parties.
My mom, nana, Aunt Janie, Gram, my sister
She taught me the importance of naps and rest (though clearly I don't listen that well). The reverence of the Catholic church, it’s tradition is beautiful, and how to look up songs in a hymnal. She taught me to love shopping, and spending other people’s money, and how to find a good deal!
The past days have brought up some yucky memories, but I don’t live in those memories, they have no power over me. I am redeemed and forgiven. So today, I will share with you sweet memories of my Gram, a woman who probably prayed over me more than I’ll ever know, and a woman who said to me
Something has gone terribly wrong with love in our world.
Those words are ringing true in my heart. It's been a really weird week.
This past week I've had people say some of the rudest things to me. It's a weird thing to have people act the way i used to act and really it's quite sad.
I know that God is going to do some big things in the lives of "my kids" for the next few weeks. It's the sex and dating series and it's one of my favorite series we do, and it the scariest because i know how hard the pain from sexual sin can be on my life. I found myself praying for some of the girls. I don't want them to struggle all their lives with it.
This is a hard series for me. Because its my biggest struggle. And I'm working on getting to the root of that struggle so that I can pull it out and not struggle any longer! I will be free!! Completely free!
here's the thing, nothing can keep me bound up because Jesus is the key to set me (and everyone else) free!
This subject is actually hard to talk about because it brings up a lot of horrible feelings, it reminds me of many poor choices and a lot of feelings attached to those choices.
I have found such healing by Jesus. He loves me enough to not only free me from my sin, but my shame too. He's taught me by His example of forgiveness of the things in the past that have been done to me.
He is the answer for all things.
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. (John 8:36 NIV)
Well good morning peeps (sugary coated marshmallows!)!
It’s been the craziest of weeks, mostly because it hasn’t been crazy! As I’ve said before that I haven’t had much “be” time, this week because of some unforeseen circumstances has made up for it. I was able to have 3 days off!! How amazing is that! What exciting thing did I do? Cleaned house, spent time with friends, served in a soup kitchen, and spent some time with my daughter.
I have to say, that eating well certainly agrees with me! And yesterday, I didn’t eat well/clean for dinner. Headache & stuff nose this morning. Let that be a warning to me. My body will not tolerate eating garbage, it was not meant for garbage, my body like me, was made for greatness!!! So back to yummy quinoa egg muffins for breakfast, smoothie for my snacks… and eating well at lunch and dinner. Two words. Good choices.
I said no to serving TWICE this week. Not because they weren’t worthy things to serve, but because it was best for me. Honestly it was good practice because one thing that God has really been saying to me is that I need to do what HE directs not serve because I feel guilty. Because I said no to one thing, it ended up being the best yes for something else! It happened both Wednesday and Thursday night (my pantry looks amazing!! Now that it’s all organized again!!)! Got a bunch more stuff done for the mission trip, it’s so great to see everything starting to come together! It’s super fun everyday walking in the house to see what has arrived! Yesterday it was a big box from Oriental Trading!
I’m excited about starting my bible study this weekend. I ordered two of the First Place for Health Bible Studies and I am going to do the Fruit of the Spirit one first! I also bought their food guide, but was very disappointed in the fact that the recipes had “non-fat” and “sugar-free” stuff because those things are full of chemicals. Needless to say, I am returning that book.
Thankful to my dentist office
to bring toothbrushes for Haiti!
I’m so happy about the changes that God has made in my life. The peace that comes from Him really is beyond understanding and it’s amazing. When people do things to me or say things that are not nice, I check myself, and my heart, “is my heart in line with Him? Have I been in the Word, am I smiling? How is my own joy?” If the answer is yes to those questions, I pray for the other person and for me, that I will spread joy where I go. And if the answer is “No” then I immediately repent. I say I am sorry to God and then to them. Maybe that sounds ridiculous and not even real, but it’s true. I see people who pretend to have joy, they fake it until they make it, but I can tell you, there is nothing fake about what’s going on in my heart. It’s been amazing to see the fruit in my own life and to be able to recognize right away that something wasn’t, right away (this happened Sunday when I just had to check myself, stop, repent, & pray). Ain’t nobody got time for a crabby Margie, there’s no joy for anyone in that!
Gal 5:22-23 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Very rarely does it happen that we have apples left over or that they go bad in our house. I am not really sure what happened but I had almost two full bags of organic apples, some were starting to go bad because let's face it, organic produce just doesn't last as long as "normal" produce.
I decided that I wasn't going to let the rest go to waste and I made a favorite in our house.
Just plain ol' applesauce.
(Btw made the applesauce in the pressure cooker in 4 minutes took me longer to prep the apples than cook it :) This article is pretty interesting - though I cannot confirm nor deny the validity of this article )
Going organic is costly, but what's the cost if we don't?
I've added so many more fruits and veggies to my diet that I've become even more regular than I was before :)
Everyday I drink one smoothie that contains 2 c spinach, 1 c mango probiotic juice, 1 c blueberries, 1 c mango, and sometimes some raspberries (though it drives me nuts to pick seeds out of my teeth) or strawberries, & 1 T flaxseed.
I usually drink half at 10 and the other half around 2.
I am back on the vitamin regimen and feeling so good. I fall fast asleep and wake up raring to go (even more than before).
It is more work to take care of myself but its worth it! I'm hoping that eating better will help me lose weight but mostly I'm focusing on eating healthy (& it's also amazing how I don't just eat as much because my food actually tastes good!)
Today was my day off so I decided I would do nothing but... Well instead I decided to spend it doing things I enjoyed.
I was going to go for a bike ride until I discovered I had no air in the tires... Well I wasn't going to let that stop me from enjoying the weather... Thankfully God gave me two feet and so I took a great walk in the neighborhood. It was a beautiful warm evening (before the rain set in) and so I took a quick walk. I didn't have my headphones and I was so thankful. I walked outside and spent the whole time praising God! I have absolutely so much to be thankful for! So my gratitude journal entry #347 was that I had so much to be thankful for!
I came home and made a yummy stir fry for dinner and after I ate I made egg & quinoa muffins for the morning! I got a little nibble in, they are delish!!!
Phyllis did homework while I ran the dishwasher, put away laundry, organized my vitamins, cleaned out my purse, went through the mail, made my smoothie for the morning, and watched a little tv.
So that's my version of coming home and doing nothing ;)
And it's a glorious day when my hair goes in a pony (tail)
And the Levites—Jeshua, Kadmiel, Bani, Hashabneiah, Sherebiah, Hodiah, Shebaniah and Pethahiah—said: “Stand up and praise the Lord your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. ” “Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. (Nehemiah 9:5 NIV)
This original recipe called for 2 eggs and 4 egg whites but I used 4 eggs. Egg yolks actually have something in them that helps you burn fat! Lots of veggies that I had on hand. I used organic quinoa since I'm starting to switch to mostly organic.
1 cup cooked quinoa
1 cup diced veggies (zucchini, pepper, broccoli, your choice)
---I used onion, broccoli, grape tomatoes, green pepper)
1/2 cup reduced fat feta cheese
Salt and pepper
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Whisk the egg and egg whites together. Then combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix to combine.
Line your muffin tin with six liners and spray with cooking spray. Divide the mixture evenly among the six muffins.
Bake for 30 minutes or until cooked through and golden brown.
Busy girl. I should say it WAS my MO. I’m changing because my heart is changing!
It’s been an absolute crazy couple weeks. It is a way that I learned to deal with things. I stayed busy in order to “deal”, it was the escape of feeling. Well let me tell you, I’ve learned to love the quiet times in my life. I’ve fallen asleep more times than I can tell you lately just talking with God, because it’s the sweetest time I have.
I am one for preparation. Honestly my brain is always “on”. I’ve found myself tired, we’ve had a lot going on lately! I found this crazy feeling that my fruit was rotting. I was trying so hard to be positive, but I just kept thinking “what is wrong with you??”” You meaning me! While I was spending a lot of time doing good things… I needed some quiet time. I found myself soooo lonely. Surrounded by sooo many people and completely lonely. How does that happen?
I was praying all week, bringing my prayers and praises before The King, but I wasn’t really connecting with Him, I was just so busy, He’d still bring me peace but it was that exhausted child kind of time, not sitting attentively listening kind of time. The good thing is that it doesn’t take me nearly as long to figure out that “something is missing”.
I’m thankful for my bible time, praying, podcasts, worship music. I’m even thankful for my time that I was busy for Jesus. I’m thankful for the things I got done and the crazy preparation that is going to make packing for Haiti that much easier, but I missed my “attentive time” and I found myself having to say I’m sorry for something that I surprised that I had to say I was sorry for. Thankful for God’s grace and love (and the love and grace of others).
Looking forward to this week of my quiet “be” time.
Lam 3:25-26 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; 26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
These lyrics blow me away! I remember singing them as someone who loved Jesus and being so absolutely broken, at a time in my life when I wanted to end my life. At some point I thought that breathing in dirt would be less painful than the heart break that I felt.
The only real reason why I didn't kill myself was that I didn't want to leave my daughter an orphan and I knew that if I killed myself she would get no insurance money (I'm very practical even in my pain).
Through all this pain, I knew one thing. I was loved. I was loved by others, but mostly I was loved by God.
I believe this one crazy scripture.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)
All summer God showed me so many times how thing in my life had worked for His good. Things I messed up. Things I hated. He worked it out.
Do you hear me?
He worked it out.
Not only for His good, because all things are worked out for His glory. But He loves me so much, He worked it out for my good!!
I came out of that pain that I didn't think I could survive stronger than I ever thought I'd be.
I grabbed onto Jesus with both hands. I cried. I crawled. I didn't know if I'd ever come out of the darkness, but light shines brightest in the darkness. There were days that I felt so close to Him because I felt so absolutely lonely.
And all who hurt with nothing left
Will know that You are holy
I knew. I knew God's word. It was stitched onto my heart, thankfully I knew that He was Holy. He is set apart. His love is the biggest greatest thing I've ever encountered. It was/is a cloak wrapped around me.
It rescued me.
His love has rescued more times than I can count.
I will say, that I will spend my life telling everyone about Jesus. Maybe I will tell them about Jesus by just loving them and sometimes I will tell them with words.
I have this incredible vision of the community center and honestly I don't even know where to start. Partly in mind I keep thinking "God, are You sure it's me that you want to do this?"
I mean surely God can find someone else who is more qualified than me. Not saying that I am not going to do it, I'm saying that honestly there has got to be someone smarter than me (I mean clearly there is someone smarter than me). But He called me to do this, it's not for me to decide whether or not I'm qualified. He gives me wisdom and strength, and He protects me.
Sometimes I'm so paralyzed by what to do, so I stand there, praying. It seems like it's been years since I've been given the dream but honestly it's been a month.
I ordered a book about opening a 501c3. I should get it soon, usually it comes sooner but it's not going to be here until May :/
I am meeting with some people in Detroit next month. I would love to sketch out the actual building and what I see (did I ever mention I can't draw lol) for the record in my mind its an existing building not a brand new one.
Right now I'm praying. because I don't know what else to do. Praying God goes before me.
Softening the hearts of the children
Preparing the hearts of families
Opening hearts to open wallets
Keeping the building safe
Working in my heart, continuing to produce lots of good fruit (of the spirit)
Gathering the laborers
This won't be successful if Jesus isn't in the beginning, middle, and end of it ALL.
I am thankful for my friends who cheer me on and love and support me as I freak out on the inside :)
Going forward, courageous!
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9 NIV)
I believe that there will be fruit growing in places where there is now a draught.
In the recesses of my own heart the ground sometimes felt so hard and unfruitful truly only God could change it and make it good!
In my own heart I had to completely surrender my heart over to God.
For me it meant going to a place of thankfulness in all things. In dirty dishes, and sunshinie days. In mud puddles and flowers.
I believe that if God can heal the hurt and pain in my heart, the hearts of those in Detroit are no different. In my opinion, it's always a heart issue, get to the heart of a matter, then, there can be freedom.
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. (John 8:36 NIV)
Yesterday I heard a song by Mikeschair called “all I can do” and I don’t know, sometimes I am so overwhelmed by the greatness of God that I can’t even express it. I just know that my heart is changed. And there isn't anything I can ever do to thank God for all He has done in my life!
If He never did another thing, I would love Him no matter what. It seems that it’s easy to praise Him when things are great, like when you think you are going to have to pay thousands of dollars on your taxes and it’s no where near that. I would have praised Him even if I had to pay (but I am super thankful I don’t!!!) There is something about having God calm my life. Sometimes I long for the “big” moments, you know, those kind of miracles that blow your socks off. The kind where we trust God so much that we lower our friend in from the roof and know that He will heal them (Luke 5). Or we walk up with a fish sandwich (Matthew 14) and we feed a gazillion people. I don’t want to miss the miracles in my life, I want to be so thankful that I can’t help but see them ALL! Yesterday I started praying about all the things that we need donated for the Detroit Mission Trip and quite frankly we need a lot of things because we do everything we can to keep the cost per person so cheap, truly, without donations, we’d never make our budget (everyone thinks our lead pastor is so cheap, our Youth Pastor isn’t far behind him LOL). We need shovels, brooms, garbage bags, food. It’s nuts! But “somehow” we make it happen!! I posted yesterday that we needed 10 brooms, and within seconds, 5 were donated! What?! That’s amazing! If you saw all the cereal in my basement, you’d crack up, and I know that if I asked, more would be coming!! Those are some great things.
But I don’t want to miss the miracle of rain (especially when it doesn’t come up in your basement!), I don’t want to miss the warmth of the sunshine, and the yumminess of blueberries, the bible study, followed by my friend date. I don’t want to miss the miracle of providing pizza every week for Fuel. The miracle of my car starting every morning, or the over abundance of things collected for the mission trips. Endless toothpaste samples, and free toothbrushes. Let me not miss the everyday miracles, in the bubbles of a sink full of dishes because we have food. Let me not miss the kind of peace that I’ve never had in my life before. Let me not forget the kind of love that I never thought I’d feel when I put my hand in his. Let me not forget the miracle of caffeine! Let me not miss any of it. I want to (and I do!) live a life of thankfulness that I never miss a thing. I know people are waiting for “it” to wear off, that moment when I become so frustrated that I “lose” it. You know how I know they are waiting, I see their faces, and sometimes I wait for it myself, but honestly, I think I lost my “loose your mind” edge. I think I have even lost the meanness I could possess when someone was a jerk to me. At first, I was like “oh no” and then… I thought about it, and my heart lept a giant “Yippee!!”. It’s the weirdest, greatest thing ever! Well, maybe not EVER, but it’s super great! (I’m still in shock that I don’t swear!) To be in every moment with a thankful heart, my view has completely changed. I don’t have to struggle to see the good, I just see it. Let me always be thankful! In all things. I got fruit! Sending love! Gal 5:22-23 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
What would it take to set your heart out there and give it away with reckless abandon?
I've been thinking of this question since the moment I heard it.
Bigger than most.
But bigger isn't good enough.
I need to love biggest, but not biggest in a comparison sort of way just the biggest love ever!
But honestly love has always had protection around it. Until I trusted.
I've had a lot of push pull relationships.
But God is doing something amazing in my heart and I don't even notice if anyone has even noticed, but I've noticed, my heart has a love and a peace I've never known before. It's kind of weird not to be mad, or hurt, and I don't swear (& that is HUGE for me) anymore.
I've lived my life with walls as high as the Berlin Wall and thick too. In order to get close to me, you needed to put forth some effort.
I've really been taking those walls down, brick by brick, but I haven't just taken them down, I've discovered their origin, and I've destroyed them, at the root.
Things don't bother me anymore like they did. I don't worry like I did. There is more grace and forgiveness for others but even for myself. I still hate my sin, but I love me. I've learned and now believe that my sin doesn't define me, Jesus does.
In my life I've never trusted like this, it beautiful and wonderful, and a tad but scary, but GLORIOUS!!!
Thank you Jesus!
But if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him. Anyone, of course, who has not welcomed this invisible but clearly present God, the Spirit of Christ, won't know what we're talking about. But for you who welcome him, in whom he dwells—even though you still experience all the limitations of sin—you yourself experience life on God's terms. It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's! (Romans 8:9-11 MSG)
This is a super ramble... I felt like i had so much to say... and none of it makes sense...
Well, it’s kind of weird eating normal food now after doing the 4 day fast. I actually thought I’d be so excited to eat regular food again, but honestly, I lack the desire to eat at all. I mean I eat, because clearly by looking at me, you know I eat. Food that’s good for me actually seems to be more attractive than junk. I ate a piece of pizza and was like “blah” and I went out to dinner with my friend, and didn’t eat the amount that I would normally eat, it was good, but honestly, I love drinking the smoothies I make. My favorite is a spinach/mango/strawberry/flaxseed/probiotic juice concoction. It’s delicious and good for me. My goal is to have a smoothie of some kind 4-5 days a week in replacement of meals. I feel so much better!
I loved fasting a lot more than I thought I would, I felt completely connected to God and that was amazing! Coming off of that was difficult I have to admit. I loved being so connected and actually had to make more of an effort. God really did some big things in my heart last week, and so I really had to stay focused when things got “back to normal” whatever the heck that means. I don’t have a normal! I have to say that I am really missing my mom this weekend! I am so blessed because I have been blessed with the greatest “bonus mom” but that doesn’t make me miss my momma any less. This month is the month that she passed away, and I wonder at what point am I not going to miss her? It’s been 39 years. My heart seems so overwhelmed by God today! I’m so very thankful for so much and so many people and my heart is praying. I find myself so thankful. I find myself more and more in love (with God) and it blows me away. Just when I think that my heart can’t hold any more love, God increases it. I know that it seems weird sometimes, I never thought I could be one of those “Jesus people” but completely surrendering my life over to Him has proven worth it. It is true, whoever loses His life for my sake will find it. And sometimes in that crazy love, God sends me real life hugs to remind me of His love. Saturday I went to a party and my nieces (and one nephew) met me before I could get down the stairs to the door with ginormous love. Yesterday I asked my nephew Judah for a hug, and he hugged me for I don’t even know how long (it was more like a snug than a hug), and I said to my friend Jen “for this day I prayed”. And towards the end of the night, one of my girls came late and she met me with a giant hug, the long holding kind. I spent some time serving with some of the greatest people on the planet for the Creator of the Universe. Praying that hearts will come to know Jesus because of yesterday! Matthew 10:39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.
We were made to worship Jesus but we were also made to be in relationship with people.
Tomorrow is my friend's birthday so we celebrated today by having dinner and then we went to celebrate another friend's birthday!! We knocked on the door and I was greeted by three giant hugs from some of my favorite children!!
But before that as we were going to Megan's house, I started thinking about my momma and after a very emotional day I started crying! Oh goodness! Crying is not how I wanted to enter the party!! I was praying and just talking with God about how I did trust Him and even though I miss my momma I trust Him even if I don't like it. Just then "Your love never fails" by Jesus Culture comes on, I do not believe it was a coincidence. "You make all things work together for my good"
Hands raised, still crying, I love You Jesus, I trust You!
It's been 39 years, I didn't even really know my momma, how is it that sometimes I miss her so much that I can't breathe.
But it's at those moments when we are surrounded by friends and family that love us, that make us laugh, and we talk about big dreams, and Jesus.
It's fun moments when my niece hops on my lap and says "auntie Margie, can we go to that spaghetti place we went to last time?" (Meaning Roma's, yes its true, i spoil them!!) when I am not sure how God works it out my momma's death for my good, but I know every moment that lead to that moment was orchestrated by the God of the universe that loves me more than I can comprehend, a God who created every beautiful flower, yet created me more beautiful than them.
We were made to be in relationship with others, even those that leave, for His glory.
Do you ever have those days when you could just cry at any given moment?
I fell asleep crying last night. I started to type up a blog post but I just couldn't seem to express my emotions with words so I just cried and went to bed.
I woke this morning an I was raring to go, through in some laundry, emptied and ran the dishwasher, got ready headed up to our mom to mom sale and then to get my nails, and then back to the mom to mom sale.
I don't know if I was exhausted, mal-nourished (I've had a hard time eating since I stopped fasting) or dehydrated but I seriously didn't feel good.
I came home and took a nap. I drank a giant glass of water and ate a bowl of yummy soup with an avocado. I feel so much better.
I started just thinking about a bunch of things, and I actually started to feel like "blah". So I started praying about the Detroit mission trip and then it happened, the dark voice in my head started in about how I don't actually serve on the trip because I don't go out and get covered in dirt (I serve those who serve and organize).
Oh boy, I had to kick that voice to the curb and bind it up. That's enough of that.
I kind of knew it was coming... When I pray "sun stand still" kind of prayers, hell starts to quack. The only way to silence it is with Blood.
So... I did.
Death has no power over me! I belong to the King of Kings!
No wonder I didn't feel good.
I want to encourage myself and others (that's you), dont stop moving the Kingdom forward. Listen to the voice of Life in your head. Silence the voices of doubt because there is nothing like the truth of Christ to set me & you free!!
I'm asking that if you read this, please pray for me. I'm ticking off hell. Three mission trips, community centers, I'm just your average missionary going out into my little world loving people.
We have a high school outreach tomorrow too!!
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, (Matthew 28:19 NIV)
The fast was amazing!! I heard from God so much this week! I think the most important thing I heard was that I gave you crazy important dreams and you can do it, WITH ME!
I don't think it was a mistake that I heard Joshua 10:12 Sun stand still yesterday.
On the day the Lord gave the Amorites over to Israel, Joshua said to the Lord in the presence of Israel: “Sun, stand still over Gibeon, and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.” (Joshua 10:12 NIV)
I actually heard it at least three times yesterday on three different occasions. I was reminded of God's devotion and adoration for me.
The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to your ancestors that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments. (Deuteronomy 7:7-9 NIV)
Really going to start getting organic into our household. I have already started with some things, beans, frozen fruit, oatmeal, milk, some veggies and fruit. It's really important to me, I don't want to be a nut job about it but definitely want to get serious about it. I'm also planning on incorporating one smoothie per day into my diet. It's a great way to get fruits and veggies into my diet (even if I have to pick flax seeds and fruit seeds and spinach out of my teeth).
Also, if anyone was wondering about the weight loss, I lost 7 lbs which I've already gotten one comment about "if I'll gain it back" but this was just a jump start for me to eat well but I did not do this for weightloss, I was just an added bonus.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. (Deuteronomy 6:5 NIV)
And... I almost signed up to do something that wasn't meant for me to do... So God woke me up at 3am and i kept saying "but someone needs to do it" and God kept saying "not you" and after about a half hour of that... I relented and agreed that I wouldn't do it... And within seconds... I was asleep. That's how much God loves me, He has my best interests in His heart.
It’s amazing how much you can miss chewing! I’m on my last day of my fast. It’s been a great experience both spiritually and health wise. I’m actually considering doing two smoothies a day and eating only one meal a day. It took a day or so for my body to start “detoxing” if you know what I mean.
I feel great, most of the drinks are good, they take me a little while to drink them, which is good I guess. I don’t slurp them down. Certainly I am tired of picking raspberry & flax seeds out of my teeth in the mornings, and making sure I don’t have green pieces of Kale in my teeth from lunch and dinner. I’ve had some amazing God time, also some amazing sleep! It’s a funny thing, I had been given this vision about 9 months ago, that a group of adults would go and serve at the orphanage. It was something that I prayed and prayed about but I feel like I never really had an opportunity to “present” it to anyone. And as I was sitting at our Haiti meeting, I saw my vision come into real life! WOW! Sometimes people think that prayer is just something they do, for me, it is something I believe in, I know that when our hearts line up with God. Prayer moves mountains, it moves our hearts into pure alignment of God, it strengthens our faith! Sometimes I get these visions that seem crazy, but there is no way that I would come up them on my own. I know that people think I’m nuts and my visions are even crazier than me (and that’s crazy)!!! A dear friend of mine (thank you for speaking life into me!! I loveyou!) said that it is not the doubters who live in reality, but it is me who lives in reality, that yes, my dreams are out there and crazy but they are the truth of God. To keep going and do His work! I just heard Josh 10:12 and I literally teared up! Which isn’t that shocking for some of you to believe! SUN STAND STILL! I never finished the book. The attack on my life was too hard. I started reading it, and stopped. It was a great book, I just got scared (oh stupid fear) and never finished. But here’s the thing, I laugh in face of fear! (insert the laugh when Simba says “I laugh in the face of danger”) I need Sun Stand Still Faith. What would happen if I spoke my vision to God (that’s His anyway) and went forth, in His path, believing it will happen. My sun stand still prayer. I think it’s no mistake that I heard that today. I’m going to dust off the book, and finish it, and live a SUN STAND STILL life. It might be crazy… but well… you know me, I’m not afraid of a little CRA! Josh 10:12 On the day the LORD gave the Amorites over to Israel, Joshua said to the LORD in the presence of Israel:“Sun, stand still over Gibeon, and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.”
Well, I just finished my favorite smoothie of my day, it’s a yummy fruit one. I almost puked trying to drink that lunch one. I just can’t take the texture.
I can tell you, I’ve been hungry almost all day.
God’s been saying a lot… a lot of “be more like Me”. Which used to make me freak out and make me feel like such a failure. But now, something is different, it makes me grow. It makes me thankful that He loves me and wants what’s best for me (for me to be more like Him) and even though I have some of those “ugh” moments and I slap my forehead when I mess up, I kind of feel like a kind who can go sit on their parents lap and just talk about it. That’s pretty cool.
I’m also learning to take a compliment. I used to really suck at it. So much so that I have a friend who says “you’re my hero” just to tease me! Only one person can actually get away with that, so if it hasn’t been you, don’t go trying to do something crazy, I’ll get my spoon! I don’t take the compliment so much because of who I am, but because of who He so it’s almost like taking a compliment for someone else LOL.
I have at least one more day of this stupid Dr. Oz detox which honestly has only made me tired and hungry… and not a lot of “detoxing” if you know what I mean. I might switch up a couple of these smoothies for some other green ones that I have found online with similar ingredients. I can’t be puking because I’m drinking something gross.
I’m also really rocked by going organic. The problem is that I get so freaked out about replacing everything in my cupboards all at once! And then there is the freezer. Can you say overwhelming!?!?!
So I’ve decided that I am not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I’m going to start by going shopping and slowly replacing things, like today, Trader Joe’s had organic taco shells on sale. So I picked up 6 boxes (we eat quite a bit of tacos) and I got some frozen fruit that was organic for smoothies. We don’t have a good place super local for frozen organic fruit. I also picked up some organic lemons and limes, though some say that lemons and limes are not on the list of things that must be organic, but they were only 20 cents more, and I don’t have to worry about weird fungicides that have been deemed “safe” but those same people say Aspartame is “safe”.
Organic food tastes better, it’s better for me and my daughter, so we will slowly get there. One step at a time. It’s something I’ve been praying about doing for awhile, just need some guidance. And thankfully I have a dear friend who is providing for her family. I am going to start slowly and follow her lead!
Since I was a little girl, I have been a worrier. I think that of all the sins that I create, worry is the sin that I probably return to the most, it also is the root of my sin. Someone I love and respect once said to me “you know Margie, there is a fine line between worry and sin”.
All I could say was “ugh”
When I get angry, especially in the middle of an event, it’s because I’m afraid. I’m afraid that the people at the event will think I messed something up, and mostly I’m just mad at myself for messing something up.
My struggle with sexual sin is because I’m worried that no one will ever really love me. And I learned at a very young age that we can get affection, which is not love but it takes time to learn that lesson, if I turn up my sexuality. It took me a long time to learn that I’m more beautiful when I am not sexual (that was a hard lesson to learn).
When I worry about money, it’s because I am afraid that I will somehow let down my daughter and people will think I’m a terrible mom and person.
There is really one thing that I don’t worry about. Death. Isn’t that funny? It is probably the one thing I am most certain of, my place in heaven.
Fear only proves that I am self centered, which I hate about myself. My faith, even when it is as small as a mustard seed, shows my love for Jesus!
I’ve been fasting since yesterday. It’s been a different kind of experience than I’ve ever had. This is not a diet for me! Yes, this is definitely doing some good things in my body to detox because I eat a lot of junk, and almost everything I’ve put in my body in the last couple days isn’t just considered healthy, but mostly organic, which is really moving my heart to do more organic in our home because I want to be as healthy as possible. The best part is that God is really just speaking to me. “be faithful”.
I haven’t decided how long I will fast, probably just a few more days. At first, I thought 2 weeks then I thought 40 days… and I really feel like if I do 40 days, it will seem more about me, not about God. And that is not my intent. I want to do what God wants me to do, and I want to be faithful and I’d rather be faithful in my fast for 3 days then to cheat or not be faithful for 40 days. Fear tells me that once again “I must do something BIG” but faith says “be faithful in small things, just be faithful”.
The silliest thing happened yesterday… I had followed everything all day, and then it happened, I purchased 100 pieces of pizza for our Jr. High Ministry. Ok, who does that? Who fasts all day, and then serves pizza! What a bonehead! I was starving! I could have easily eaten a piece and no one would know. I mean, I was so hungry, my brain wasn’t working correctly. I couldn’t even use the copier correctly. As I was just thinking “who would know?” God simply said to me “I would”. Oh brother. This isn’t about a diet, it is about Jesus. It is about growing closer to Him. So I walked away from the pizza, and took a closer step towards Him. Be faithful. It doesn’t matter what anyone else sees or hears, it is God whom I serve.
God has really been changing my heart. And as I grow in faith, my fear diminishes.
I’m learning, and believing, that fear isn’t real. Faith is.
1 Sam 16:7But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
I have been praying a long time about doing a fast, a food fast. Mostly because, honestly, I just didn’t want to go without food. How about that for some honesty.
I have been deciding what to do. I know that not having nutrients would be disasterous for me since I work and need to always be on my game. Someone I love and trust suggested I do the Dr. Oz 3 day fast. I looked it over and decided it’s definitely do-able. Though I am a little nervous because I’ve only done a juice fast one other time in my life, and although this is different I am worried about being in the bathroom all the time as my body “detoxes”. I’m also planning on doing this for longer than 3 days, I am praying for 2 weeks to 1 month. Not sure yet. I think the first step is the hardest one. I did my best to buy organic items, I couldn’t find everything but I did my best! I’m going to Trader Joe’s today after work so I can get more things for the weeks ahead! I am really going to do whatever I can to really make the switch over to organic, it means we might have to cut out something else, but all these new things being introduced (GMOs) kind of scare me! I stepped on the scale this morning and was the heaviest I’ve been in awhile. I know that I have been “stuffing” some feelings down with food lately, and I just got back from a wonderful vacation weekend and we ate too much for sure! Which vacation is what it is… but eating as a form of comfort is not ok. I brought my journal so as I do this, and when I have a struggles or feelings I have a place to write things down. I may be sharing some of those things, but I will tell you, I WILL break free from these chains of “stuffing”. I have had enough and God not only has the key to break these chains that bind me, He IS the key! Started with my grateful journal this morning! It’s going to be a busy week (I have now learned to hate that! I like having time to just relax and recharge but sometimes it is necessary). Reading Joshua this day! Josh 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Updated at 1PM
So… I’m doing this detox/fast thing.I decided to keep a journal on how I’m feeling, where my heart is…
And I can tell you, that I am overwhelmed with thankfulness that I don’t have to worry about where my next meal is.I was really hungry about 11AM.I decided to spend my lunch hour (that I don’t need now) praying, taking a nap (15 min), talking to a friend who God gave such a great vision!!, I worked on some things, and God has been revealing all day to me that I am to do JUST what He says.Don’t try to do it on my own, don’t do something just because I think I should.And if I do too many things I don’t do them with excellence, and then I beat myself up!His plan, His timing = good!
It’s amazing the things that can get done when I’m focused and how my heart lines up with His!Just amazing!HA! (who would have thought!)
I have to say that doing this Dr. Oz thing isn’t so bad, so far, the drinks have been DELICIOUS!!!Though the green one looks kind of weird!(I’m not a big fan of Dr. Oz, often I feel like one thing he says one day contradicts the thing he said the day before).
This post is kind of crazy rambling... But my heart is overflowing
Sometimes I find myself in places that I'm stunned by.
Tonight I had dinner with two amazing friends at Flemings truthfully we were like fish out of water lol but when in Rome put your pinky in the air and take a drink :) and make your waitress smile!
Thinking over my life and thinking about the way God has loved me even when I didn't follow Him. He is certainly faithful. Thinking about the days o mac&cheese and corn, thinking about the months when Phyllis had prescriptions that cost $350 a month, once I had to put $.88 in my gas tank because I wasn't going to be paid until the next day and I was going to run out of gas.
And now, I can give when there is a need. It reminds of the quote by Anne frank "No one has ever become poor by giving". What good is it to have anything if you don't give?
I am thinking of the things I'm lucky enough to be involved in, the people that I'm so lucky just to say hi to and they love me, that's just nuts. I completely feel like its me who is the lucky one... And they are thanking me.
I was talking about the song "I once knew a woman" from the song cycle Edges (btw, if you ever get the chance to see this musical, don't walk, RUN to go see it, cancel whatever you got going!!! )
I wish so much that I can be that woman in that song
I once knew a woman who tried to keep going
Who made more of life than what she had been dealt
A woman who raised a city of children
Who never got back or got asked how she felt
I once knew a woman who had a laugh just like thunder
And hands that can wipe away anyone’s tears
A women’s whose life wasn’t measured by time
Who stayed the same age despite passing years
I often think we have been given the incredible gift of giving. Sometimes it goes unnoticed or unappreciated and really that shouldn't matter because to whom much is given much is required. I hate that whole "Christianese" stuff when we compare the gift of the cross and how much we take that for granted. Honestly I know I take it for granted. I know I do, but I've been blessed with a heart that likes to give. And I'm gonna have to remember that when I see that kid on 75 in my city begging. (I'm gonna start bringing him a sandwich or something). The love that we share today is carried on in the hearts of others. I think of all the people who gave to me, who prayed for me, who are the stars in my sky, and I can't help but want to give.
I think of the Saviour, who did indeed sacrifice His life for mine. Nothing is really a sacrifice compared to that.
I'm so blessed. My life is so full, even on my weakest days, I will always have been, and always will be, the lucky one.
Luke 12:48 But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
After two very busy weeks I came down for some relaxation to visit my friend with my friend my friend sheila. The only thing I had on the agenda was to go to the Yankee candle store.
It's been great! We went to get pedis and target (I got two skirts for my trip to Haiti and a super cute sun hat so I can go "fishing" which translated out of Margie-ism into English means I go sit on a boat and read. ) and today I slept in until 6:30 and got up and went to Starbucks to get some things done for my trips, had a super duper yummy breakfast casserole, then we came shopping and I was carrying around my bags I was overcome with crazy gratitude.
It's been a time of hanging out and a lot of laughter! It's been a seriously perfect day! The kind of day I needed. And I got three pairs of shoes!
I hope you're having a fabulous day!!!
“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. (John 15:9-12 NKJV)