Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I don't pretend

I do not pretend to be happy when I'm not, maybe that's because I am not fake.

I posted yesterday because something was bothering me. And apparently I am just supposed to put on some happy face and pretend like everything is ok.

Most of my life is good, actually all of my life is good. Because God is good, all the time, that never changes. However, there are things in my life that I struggle with. And I will not pretend that I don't struggle. Because I struggle it does not mean that I don't like God or that I think that He didn't know what He was doing. It means I am human, and I struggle, and I am not fake.

I am sure that most of you were well meaning in telling me that hating my birth-day is silly or that maybe those reading think I should dismiss my feelings and move on. It has been my experience that, in my life, that does not work. I struggled for 30+ years because my mom died, and when I was ready, God was standing there with a ginormous bandaid ready for healing, when I was ready to accept it. This will be no different.

For me, I can't deal with things until I admit I have an issue. Call it step one.

I still expect a pony for my birthday, so T~ email me and I will give you my address.

And thank you for your prayers.

And healing is on it's way.

Isaiah 53:5 5 But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Happy Birthday to me...BLEK!

Its two in the morning, I haven't posted much, honestly because I've been kind of crabby. I couldn't wait for Christmas to come, so it could go. Thursday is my birthday.

Having your birthday on New Year's has it's good points but today, I can't really seem to find any. Honestly, I don't think there are any.

Most of my life people have been hung over on my birthday, or they've wanted to watch the Rose Bowl (please note there is no football allowed on my birthday), the places I'd really like to go are closed (do you know there are places that only close 3 times a year and New Year's is ALWAYS one of them!!), and my favorite resturaunt is always closed.
I'm really a not all about me kind of person, with the exception of my birthday. I wish I could do what I want on my birthday but I never get to. If I could do anything for my birthday I would want to go to the zoo. Yes, I know it's cold outside, and the Detroit zoo has quite a bit of walking, but that's all I want to do, but I can't. And yes, I will be OLD, however, its not something I have ever gotten over, that I can't do what I want, on my birthday. I always feel like I am trying to make everyone else happy by pretending that what I don't want to do is what I want to do.

I hate my birthday, I can't wait for it to come, so it can go.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I will not be guilted...

yesterday I went to our local independently owned scrapbook store. I was looking for something in particular that they didn't have. They have 25% off everything for the next couple days. The owner was like "is that it? We gave you an extra 25% off" and he kept going on and on.

Here's the thing, I don't NEED any scrapbook stuff, I have PLENTY, MORE THAN ENOUGH! He tried to make me feel guilty.

I work in the automotive industry, yes, we got the loan, however, people need to start buying cars or there's no money. Scrapbooking is not even close to a need. I had a gift card for Michaels, I was just stopping in to check some stuff out. Don't try to guilt me into buying your stuff, I know you are feeling the times too, but I have to be sensible.

Psalm 32:5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah

Friday, December 26, 2008

The things we take for granted...

On Christmas Eve I took a bite of a Tootsie Roll. As I opened my bite, so came my cap off my tooth. OUCH! It did ok until I got to the dentist today. Now it feels horrible. Outside of this cap that I have, I've never had any major dental issues. And let me tell you, the cost of 10 minutes in the dentist chair for them to glue it on... $90, my portion is $54.50. I like my dentist, but they said I may need a new crown. I will be shopping around. And did I tell you, it FEELS HORRIBLE!! I couldn't even eat my salad at lunch. I have to go back, but I can't afford the new crown. so I have no idea what I am going to do until then. Ugh!

Imagine if I didn't have insurance, it would have been more. To the tune of an extra $35.50 more. Thank You Jesus for insurance.

I totally take for granted all the times my mouth doesn't hurt... and that I can eat pretty much whatever I want because I have good choppers. Note to self, don't eat another tootsie roll as long as you live!

I think about how many things we take for granted. Ugh, the thought actually sickens me. I hope that in this, I see the miracles of everyday that God sends down to us.

Job 5:9 He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Its not hard to remember

Sometimes we can forget the real reason for the season (ok, I can). It's funny a muslim was the one to point out to me that it's silly that we take a religious holiday and replace it with presents.

Sometimes we're hurt, the cap pops off on our teeth, we're disappointed, not with the gifts, but with the fact that it just doesn't seem like we matter to those who we think we should matter to.

And then I remember. No matter if all my teeth fall out, if I never get another present, and that when we feel that if I died tomorrow and no one cried, we have a God in heaven who loves us, no matter what. That in our hurt, He's there, holding our hands and our hearts, and that sometimes we just have to tredge through a bunch of stuff for someone else, and that it never really is about us anyway.

And that today, in a town, two kids, trusted God, even when it was hard, and I am sure that they had been hurt in all this, they came to a town, had a baby who saved us. Who loves us. And that's what it's really about anyway. And that even if our families disappoint us by the way we behave, He sends us people in our lives so that we remember that in Him, there is love, here.

Isaiah 9:6
6 For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, [a] Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

My heart is EXPLODING!

Things have changed a lot in the last few years... And you know you're getting old when your Christmas memories are over 25 years old!

It has always worked out that when Christmas rolled around, we went to "Mom's side" on Christmas Eve and "Dad's side" on Christmas Day. We would go to church after we went to my Aunt Dee's house. I love both sides of my family, they are VERY different, however love blends us all.

I think of going down the steps on Osage to Aunt Dee and Uncle Ed's house. I can remember how it looked, how it smelled. I remember the year I was pregnant and all I ate was Saurkraut and Keilbasa (I mean BIG PLATES of it!) and kept going up and down the stairs, Aunt Dee (she was like a mom to my mom) kept saying I was going to have that baby that night! For the record Phyllis came 12 days later!!

To gram's house for awhile for Roast Beef (aka the Christmas goose) and then my dad took over the tradition. My gram had a house very similar to mine (which is EXACTLY why I chose the style of house I did) we would pile in, smash around the dining room table, and I do mean SMASH!). I remember always I sat across from my gram, to her right was Janie and to her left my aunt sissy. My uncle Rich always sat next to me. Things are a little different, my dad adopted the tradition of French Onion Soup now.

For years my dad came over to open presents on Christmas morning, now I am blessed with a stepmom who seems more like a mom to me, even though she's been with us for a short time, it sure seems like we couldn't do it without her now. And truth be told, I don't know how we made it without her all these years! And so now, she comes too!!

We visit my stepbrothers house on Christmas Eve before going to my "mom's side" and we don't go to church anymore. It's too much, and I don't think for one second that Jesus doesn't understand, because I know He does. It seems wierd, but I think that if I am stressed out, not enjoying His love that He has brought me through these wonderful families I have, that would be just not right either.

I am excited about the Christmas memories of the past that make me smile, and I am excited about the memories we make each year.

Merry Christmas to you!!

May you see God in every moment, and feel Him and His love in every hug and smile!!
***The artwork is from Ava and Lana for Christmas this year!!

Merry Christmas

It's Christmas Eve!

I love Christmas!

Not because of the presents, really, Christmas presents kind of drive me crazy, to get them I mean. I love to give them! Although, I've gotten some sweet gifts and it's not even Christmas yet!!! I got the MP3 player I told you about, some yummy Christmas cookies, and a new sweet stone from Pampered Chef! I was so excited, I got it and seasoned it with some apple pie bar dough... mmmm!!

I can't wait for Phyllis to open her gifts and I have cookie plates to deliver today to my neighbors as soon as I finish baking! Ugh! I ran out of time yesterday.

If you think about it, there is no better gift than the one God sent us. The gift of life! The gift of Amazing Grace. Just as He had promised so long ago, why? Because He loved us that much. How can we not strive to love like that. We'll never be able to love like that, but I think we should really love wherever we go.

Luke 2:14 14"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Please make it stop!!!!

OK! You are all off on vacation! Stop praying for snow! Unless we get a heat wave of 70 degrees... it's going to be a white Christmas!

I need to go to the grocery store and while I don't have to travel too far on Christmas Eve, I do have to travel, so please start praying for no more snow...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Seeing their sweet faces

Today we wrote down all the Alive students who haven't been to Alive in at least 6 weeks. There were a lot of them. Oh, my heart. During worship, I normally do the words, however, I have an awesome shadow and she did them tonight. I walked down every aisle and prayed, and my heart spoke each name.

Most I didn't know, but some, I knew their faces. I could see their faces reflecting off my heart. I could tell you what color eyes they have, their hair color, I could see their smiles, and their tears. And at some points, my heart broke. I just kept praying.

I just know that God is going to do a work in their lives, that He has great plans for them! That they are the beautiful children of God, precious is each one. That God has formed each child, He loves them, He calls to them, He calls until they answer.

what a precious sound that our hearts hear, the sweet gentle voice of God. Our Savior, the Love like no other.

Those beautiful sweet faces. Oh, my heart will never forget.
Psalm 44:3 It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did their arm bring them victory; it was your right hand, your arm, and the light of your face, for you loved them.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A day of Love!

I got an MP3 Player for Christmas on Thursday! I was so excited! i had one, it was so small it only held 30 songs. I got a new one, it's 4gb... So far I have it loaded up with 174 songs. I'm actually so excited. The funny part is that I am listening to my playlist on the computer!! what a nerd!

I love that song 'welcome to Pooh Corner' by Kenny Loggins, but my taste in music is all over the board! Kenny Loggins, James Taylor, Earth Wind and Fire, Christina Aguilera (her Stripped Album is like one of my all time favorites - yeah, I know), one Queen song (i'll give you a dollar if you can guess which one!), Limp Bizkit (yes, I know!), Hillsong, United, Kirk Franklin... and the list goes on and on...

And then today, I was so excited, I got my favorite boots back from the shoe repair place, they are not at all sensible, let me tell you, 3.5 inch heal, and OH SO COMFORTABLE! I could not wait to get them back! I tore them up for 2 years, and they LOOK LIKE BRAND NEW! I was so excited, I took my shoes off, and put them RIGHT ON!! Everyone was laughing, and I kept saying "you have no idea how much I love these boots!".

I also am hanging out with the girls from Alive. Ok, we're not girls, it's amanda, Katie, and me! We're celebrating our birthdays! Katie is making yummy pizza, I'm making salad, and Amanda is bringing dessert! I also made brownies with Yorkshire peppermint patties for Adam and Katie. I know they love them, and I really feel it's truly a blessing to make those brownies for them!!

Even though it's kind of silly to be reminded of Jesus in such crazy things, I feel like God has been loving me all day in just everyday things like making cookies and loading MP3 players. isn't it amazing that we can have such a relationship with Him that we think of him in all things.

I am blessed and highly favored!

Psalm 33:12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance

Friday, December 19, 2008

Not another word

Ok, I've heard for the last four years that Bush is an idiot, I've heard it all. And somehow I've managed to hold my tongue, because I always believed they were wrong.

But after hearing today's announcement BY HIM not by congress to grant the loans to the Auto Companies.

I don't want to hear another word about him, his decisions, or ANYTHING ELSE.

And let me just say this...

Thank You God. Thank You God that You are our source, that this money is a resource that is directly from You. Lord, I ask that You continue to work in the hearts of all those involved from the executives to the workers, to the OEMs (GM, Ford, Chrysler) to the people who cater events and clean up from Tier 1 to Tier 100, that they make wise decisions what they do with the money, no wasting. God I ask that You work in their hearts that they realize that You are our Source, that it says in God we trust, but God it is much more than that, that Lord, we trust You with our hearts, and our lives, not just our money. Lord, God, Thank You! In Jesus' loving name, AMEN!!

Snow Day

Oh, I remember snow days.

I also remember those days when every school around you doesn't have school, but you do.

It sucks.

So I made an executive decision.

First and only question: Do you have any tests today?


You can stay home.

Letter from the editor... I found another website that was more updated, and she didn't have school!

Thursday, December 18, 2008


I have hives or something like that.

I only get them when I am stressed. The only problem is that there isn't one thing in particular to point this stress to, it's like 10 things.

Ugh! There are a lot of big things that I feel are out of my control, and so I really am asking God to take care of them maybe all this little stuff is adding up, maybe I just need to put it all in a shopping bag and hand it over to God.

The one good thing, is that last time it was my face and neck, this time its not on my face!

The other good news, I think I finally found a kinesologist and I can't wait to go!!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Let me tell you a tried and true secret to save money...

Make your own birthday cakes. Typically they taste better than store bought. Personally I don't care what a cake looks like, I only care if it tastes good. I hate wasting calories on cake that tastes like cardboard (Kroger's white cake! GROSS!!)

Also... here's another secret... love fun-fetti... buy the Aldi's or Savelot white cake and just add sprinkles. Just as good.

Cost to purchase a cake:

Cake Mix: $.79

Frosting: $.99

3 eggs: $.40

water: too small to figure out

oil: about $.25 (if that!)


And this does not include the gas to go get the cake (I keep all that stuff in stock!)

I make most of the cakes for everyone's birthdays at work. Some people go to the store or bakery and literally spend $50 on a cake. Are you kidding me? Do you know what a charity could do with the difference in money?

Grace Centers of Hope could feed 21 people

Souls to Soles could buy 18 pairs of shoes for children in need

Fuel (our Jr. High) could purchase 45 packages of cookies or over 50 bottles of pop to reach out to Jr. High students (we have snacks every week)

and by the way... my food budget for the month is only $250 that usually ends up about $200.

I bring all this up because this week we are celebrating 3 people's birthdays at work. And I always get 3-5 emails telling me how good the cakes tastes and how much they enjoyed the cake I made. Could you imagine if I spent $20 on each cake?? $60!! for cake (yes, I know they could share, but I am wierd about people getting their own cake on their birthday)

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

Sunday, December 14, 2008

You're blessed when...

Our church did a series called blessed. And I don't know why but I thought of how we are blessed when something is missing.

And you may be thinking... well, I can't begin to know what you are thinking... but here is how this has worked in my life.

I'm blessed because I didn't have a mom. Ok, it sucked not having a mom. I can't imagine what life would be like with a mom because I never had one. But not having a mom, has made me really appreciate being a mom. It has also been a blessing because in some ways I have given God the glory in the stuff that I just don't like. I may not agree with it, but I trust that God knew what He was doing.

I'm blessed because I'm single. No... not the way you're thinking. But having this longing to be married, it's a blessing because I fall more into love with God everyday. He's become the love of my life, fulfilling me in ways I don't think would be possible with a husband. And one day, when I am married, I will be blessed because I will appreciate that love, because it's been prepared by God.

I've been blessed to be poor. Who would think that's a blessing? I would not say I am poor now, I am just saying, there have been times I've gone to be hungry. THere are days that paycheck to paycheck needs a bridge. I've learned to rely on God, not on myself for resources.

I'm blessed to be lonely. When sometimes I am alone, when I am lonely. It makes me reach out to God more. It strengthens my relationship with Him.

I'm blessed when something is missing. God fills it all up.

Matthew 5:1-12
1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

what does your name mean??

You Are Powerful and Determined

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

7 Random

I wasn't exactly sure if I was supposed to do Connie's 7 random things... or my own. I copied some and did some of my own... I did 7 categories of 7 things... You can do your own (as many or as few as you prefer)
Oh... and do you know why 6 was afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate nine

I. Seven things I do now that I know Jesus really loves me:
1. love Junior High & High schoolers
2. feel the Holy Spirit in me
3. Worship with total abandonment!!!!
4. Study the word so I can learn how to please Him more.
5. Run to Him when my world falls apart!
6. Feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve and praise Him that I don’t. And keep seeking forgiveness and getting it
7. Look at life from an eternal view.

II. Seven things I would like to do!
1. Travel the united states in an RV
2. Get married !
3. Go back to school for a Master’s degree in Theology
4. Open a resturaunt
5. Go to Austria
6. Travel all of Europe
7. See a cure for Breast Cancer that doesn’t involve Chemo & Radiation

III. Seven things that I want in a husband (I couldn’t do Connie’s version)
1. He must be a man of God
2. He must make me laugh
3.He must make me feel beautiful
4. He must be strong
5. He must be a leader
6. Buy me daisies
7. He must have great character

IV. Seven favorite foods
1. Roma Salad
2. Dad’s French onion soup
3. Corned beef sandwich
4. Chicken Schwarma & hommous
5. All things Panera
6. Beef Barley Soup
7. Chicken & Dumplings

V. Seven things I say most often:
1. Good Lord!
2. Thank You Jesus
3. Stop being a jerk
4. I love you Pean
5. What do you want for dinner?
6. I’m fat!

VI. Seven of my most favorite things
1. watching a movie with Phyllis
2. Going to the zoo
3. Scrapbooking
4. Baking cookies
5. Going on the boat
6. Hanging out with my dad and stepmom
7. Cooking for those I love

VII. Seven places I would like to travel to:
1. Austria
2. Malta
3. Grand Canyon
4. New York
5. Greece
6. Africa
7. All over Michigan

Friday, December 12, 2008


Ok, so I know God has it all under control. BUT SHEESH!!

While us Michigananders were sleeping, AFTER the senate denied the loans to the auto companies.... Jennifer Granholm and her flunkies voted a 50% increase on our license renewal tabs. They ought to be ashamed of themselves!

As my beautiful daughter would say "are you serious right now?"

Good gravy!

Lord, please call the last one home, and let's get going!

He makes no mistake

Ok, so I don't know about you... but I could just cry as I walked from my car to my office. I work in Automotive. I had a post ready to go but realized that it wasn't God-honoring. So I deleted it.

This I know. God is the only way to go. He is the only one we can put our trust in. So today I recalled this poem, that I read a long time ago. It's a simple and true.

Psalm 31:14 But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God."

He Maketh No Mistake

My Father's way may twist and turn,
My heart may throb and ache,
But in my soul, I'm glad I know
He maketh no mistake.

My cherised plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away,
But still I'll trust my Lord to lead
For he doth know the way.

Though night be dark and it may seem
That day will never break,
I'll pin my faith, my all in him,
He maketh no mistake.

There's so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight's far too dim,
But come what may, I'll simply trust,
And leave it all to him.

For by and by, the mist will lift,
And plain it all He'll make.
Through all the way, though dark to me,
He made not one mistake.

(by Bro. Lester Roloff)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I'll play my drum for Him

The Little Drummer Boy is my favorite Christmas song. It has been. As a child, it was my favorite because it was my mom's favorite. Somehow I held onto her via song. I have a cross stitch Precious Moments Little Drummer boy that was done my cousin Kathy for my Aunt Dee (who was like a mom to my mom) that I got as a gift for my 31st birthday. It is the first picture on the wall when you walk into my living room. It may not be tre' chic, but I could careless, it's love is all the tre' chic I need. Cozy and homey is how I like my home anyway.

And I am sad to say that most of my life, I thought there was a little drummer boy in 'the Christmas Story'. Yeah, I know, pathetic. But now I love The Little Drummer Boy for a different reason. I love it because the song is like the song of my life.

Come they told me
God has been calling me for as long as I can remember! Family members tried to lead me to the Lord the best they knew how, prayed for me. I finally started listening.
A new born King to see
Something/Someone to rule over my life. I needed a new King. What was ruling my life sucked! No better better King than Jesus that is FOR SURE!
Our finest gifts to bring. To honor Him, when we come!
On my own, I got nothing! But the gifts God has given me to bring Him glory! Sheesh! Now those are some gifts I got!!
Little Baby.
God said (Isaiah 9:6) a baby is coming. He's a God of truth and wonder! His Word is true, you can bet on that! He said that was coming, to bring peace! Wonderful Counselor, Mighty (MIGHTY!) God!
I am a poor boy too, I have no gifts to bring that's fit for a King.
I came, I had nothing, I was BRO-KEN! A mess, a wretch! Who would want me?
and it goes on...
I played my best for Him.
I will run, give all I got for Him. For HIS GLORY! So that people I know will know that they are loved! ALL FOR HIM!!
Then He smiled at me and my drum.
Just to hear "well done, my good and faithful servant"

Isaiah 9:6
6 For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, [a] Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Little Drummer Boy
Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
When we come.

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum,
On my drum?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

living - really living

I got an email today. "how do you do it?"

This coming from someone that I love, but sometimes I think, "you really could do more". And I don't mean to sound judgemental, I just think that if someone thinks I'm overburdened, they could pick up some of the load, ya' know? We can't further the Kingdom by ourselves.

How do I do it?

God isn't first in my life. He is my life. When it gets to be too much about me, I realize that's how I got into trouble in the past. I have found that if I live for God, then all the rest falls into place. I sacrifice myself for something greater. Something far more important than me.

This doesn't mean that I don't do things for myself. This Friday being the example that I was invited to a Christmas party, but I am staying home to rest. I need to just be home and be with Phyllis. I just got Hancock in the mail, and I want to see it. It might be pizza and a movie or it might be something else. But this I know for sure, it will include me, Phyllis, and rest. I've started to learn that if I feel tired, there's a good chance I waited to long to rest, kind of like when you are thirsty - you should have had some water sooner.

I think of a couple of scriptures that just remind me how much God loves me...

Matthew 11:30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

John 7:38 Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

There are millions more. He loves me. I'll rest in Him.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008


I have a confession to make.

Its something I never told anyone before.

Until yesterday I've never actually lead someone to Christ. I mean like saying the whole "do you want to accept Jesus as your Savior" there on the spot.

Maybe I was always nervous that they would say "no, you're a crackhead". I am not sure.

That never happened to me. For me, God chased after me, He caught me, and I've never been the same since. I simply, rested in the Lord, and then started running for God ever since. I've always just thought that others will see God's love through me, and then realize it's Him, not me.

I could say that I don't know what came over me yesterday. I know what it was. It was the Holy Spirit. I was unsettled, and I could barely stand to see this young girl who was in the arms of God and not ask. I was nervous. I was afraid she would say no. Not because I was afraid she would say "you're a crackhead". I was afraid that she would live one more day not having God working in her heart and her working with Him instead of against Him.

It's hard to trust in God when you've lived a life of people who were supposed to love you, but they don't. People will always let us down, BUT God, He never lets us down.

No need to fear.

I think today's verse of the day says it all.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”- John 15:5,8

Monday, December 08, 2008

Not giving up.

Today was one of the days that I could just walk away.

After being poked by satan all day, I almost didn't even go to Fuel tonight. Then while I was there, satan was after me. And I know that those times when I am about to walk away because I am tired tired tired tired of satan bugging me, that God is about to do something huge.

So most of Fuel God was sending the Holy Spirit, saying "who would do this for me" over and over. Ok, God I hear You. Really. OK. Really. Can you just leave me alone? And yes, I know He won't. And I know there's a reason.

So tonight... we talked about what the world thinks of us and what God thinks of us. And how we're God's masterpiece. This subject is hard for me because it's hard to believe. I think I cried during my core group tonight, with the two girls I've been praying for. Relentlessly.

And you know what happened tonight?

One of them expected Christ as her Lord and Savior.

Pretty amazing, huh? I actually knew something big was going to happen, but I didn't know God would use me THAT much!

Eph 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. NLT

This is my prayer in the harnest. when favor and providence flow. I know filled to be emptied again. The seed I've received I will sow.

Saturday, December 06, 2008


I can't begin to explain to you how offended I get when someone uses a racial slur or make racist jokes or makes a derogatory comment about a race or ethnicity. It literally makes me crazy. It rocks me to the core.

Its always been like this for me. I don't care about color or ethinicity. Never have, never will. God made us all. He made us all a certain way (I think) based on the climate where He placed us. Nevertheless, HE MADE US ALL. IN HIS IMAGE!!

I got all jacked up about this because yesterday a bunch of people were talking about the OJ trial.... I looked at him and felt so sorry for him. Haven't you ever done something wrong and you are so glad that you never got caught? Haven't you ever done something and said I'll never do it again, but do. Have you ever been motivated by the wrong thing? Greed, sex, money, YOURSELF!

I made a comment, and I meant it. "he needs Jesus". The return comment "he was raised in a Christian home". Yeah. I got a bunch of students who were, and still made wrong decisions, still did drugs, still had sex, still fight. No one in their lives with true influence no one that chased after their hearts to help lead them to Christ. Another comment "money changes people". That's crap. And there were a few other racist comments. I was so ANGRY!!

I can't help but pray for him. I can't help but pray for countless others, even for a minute that need Jesus. Where prayer focuses, power falls. What if we sent up so many prayers at once about a particular person that God just couldn't help but say "all right already, I hear you!" (not that I think that's how/why He answers prayers but what if?") When do we say we should stop praying for someone? When they do something we don't like. When they do something and get grace and we don't think they should have. I'll tell you when... we never stop. I will pray for OJ, maybe not everyday, but I know that there will be days when God places him on my heart so strongly that I can't help but pray for him. Nothing will shake him from me. He needs Jesus. We all need Jesus. There's not a person I know that doesn't need Jesus, whether they admit it or not!

Racism sucks. If you are going to hate a person (well, you shouldn't hate), but hate the person not a race. Racial comments are crude. And then when people say "I was only joking". The mouth proclaims what the heart feels. Good or evil.

Rant over!

Romans 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good

Friday, December 05, 2008

It's here! SRT in Trenton, Michigan!!

UPDATE!! I wanted to give everyone an update!!
We had 251 students! by 7:30 - 85 rings were purchased (which also included a bible which is a great deal for $20!!) and 73 kids that hadn't already made a coventant with God to wait until they are married -did!!!


Last night the Silver Ring Thing girls spent the night. 4 of them! It was funny to hear them giggling. They travel 9 months out of the year! Very close bunch of girls!

We were going to have bagels today and french toast casserole tomorrow but they decided that they are going to head to their next destination tomorrow after the show... so it's french toast casserole today for breakfast!

I can't even tell you how excited I am for tonight!!

Romans 13:13 Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Miss Shirley

Today I went into the bank. I hate going into the bank. I hate waiting, I hate going out into the cold, and besides, I'm always afraid the bank is going to be robbed.

However, today was different. I walked through the metal detector and it allowed me in. I was waiting, I have a limited time to go to the bank due to the fact that I have to go on my lunch hour. (Please note, if you do not work outside the home, please do all of us working outside the home moms/wives a favor and don't shop or bank between 11:30 and 1PM - you're killing me!)

So... back to the bank.... Miss Shirley was there. She was taking quite awhile... she was jibber jabbering away... and then it came. Jesus and blessings. For 5 minutes she went on and on about blessings and how God blesses us.
Oh, thank you Jesus. I needed to be slowed down. I needed to hear someone PROCLAIM His love!

Oh! thank You Jeses for Miss Shirley! She is a blessing to all those who are around her!

Matthew 5:14 14"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Silver Ring Thing

On Friday we have an awesome program coming to Metro. Silver Ring Thing. it's going to be sweet!

It's a purity event for Junior High & High School! I'm so excited it's coming, Friday is the big day!!

I have a heart for teenagers, but being that I have made many mistakes, if there is anything I want, I want to educate them to not make those same mistakes. I believe it's true that nothing will take you further from the heart than sexual immorality.

This event will move hearts closer to God! I am praying for changed hearts! For changed minds! Kids are exposed to so much crap we have to combat all that the world throws at them with Jesus! and His way!!

Thes 4:3-4 God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. 4 Then each of you will control his own body[a] and live in holiness and honor—

And one more thing... I have a girl in our Youth you can just call her 'M'. She needs your prayers. She has been exposed to some very harsh realities of this horrible world. She needs Jesus to just cover her like a cloak, to seep into her heart. Even if it's just for a minute, please stand in the gap for this beautiful child of God.

Monday, December 01, 2008

O Christmas Tree O Christmas tree

I put my tree up on Thanksgiving eve. I did it by myself this year. And I have to say, I love trimming the tree with Phyllis, this year, I really enjoyed doing it by myself. I got to spend the time looking at every ornament. I have so many favorites, I think I need another tree. I look at each one and the memory it holds.

This year, I picked up one and thought "you really should get rid of that one". It says "our first Christmas 1997". I got it when I was engaged to someone I obviously didn't marry. I never put it on the tree. Its a part of my life that has passed, however the ornament is still there. I looked at it, and then just put it in the box.

One of my very favorites is the snow man with the mouse doctor. Purchased the year that Phyllis was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. This ornament has no ties to Jesus in any ways by looking at it, with the exception of when I look at it. Phyllis no longer has JRA, and it is only by God's healing is she cured.

My tree will never win Better Homes and Garden's tree of the year, but I wouldn't trade it, ever.