Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I don’t know why I’m surprised.

The last week has been an amazing transformation in my attitude. How about that? I start everyday off in the Word. Even if it’s 10 minutes.

This morning I was hurt about something, and it really wasn’t a big deal but hurt none the less. I was standing in the kitchen and I said “God, I really need You to speak to me”.

And then I went outside, yes, it was a little chilly, and after I started reading and I almost fell out of my chair. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I did both. I laughed because I didn’t know why I was surprised and I cried as I let go of the hurt. I cried as I thought about this day that God had planned all along, about how He comforted me with His great Word. I cried because I so don’t deserve any of His grace.

I think about how God worked so much in my about the fruit of the spirit and keeping it on my tree. I think about how sometimes the fruit rots on the tree and falls, and how I hate picking it up, but how thankful I am that He allows me to. I think about how sometimes I can hear the fruit falling before it hits the ground and I can catch it because His Word resonates my being.

My days are so much calmer now. My heart feels so full of life. I feel so much more relaxed. I breathe so much easier. It’s not easy. But it’s easier.

Phil 3:12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I can't believe I'm sharing this...

In my head... Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go (Josh 1:9)

Ok... Let me first say that it's quite possible that there will be some eye rolling going on... and I know that not just my "Christian Friends" read this... but I'm gonna be a little real and let you in a little on my heart.

I made the decision, a really hard one that I would not have sex until I'm married. Yes, it's quite obvious that I've already had sex, so why bother, right? Well, I believe God can wash away all our junk, I believe in His grace and mercy... and I decided that I've seen what sex can do to a woman (and a man) if not handled the right way. I've seen women have bonds with men because of this, they can't seem to let go. I've been there myself. I also believe the word of God, and if I'm gonna really live for Him (and yes, please don't state the obvious that I fall short on a very regular basis) that means I have to let all the parts of my life be surrendered to Him.

I know what society says, I've heard it said (and said it myself) "what happens if you're not compatible that way?" Well, I have to trust God. With everything. He doesn't say "trust me as much as you feel comfortable, He just says TRUST ME.

So I meet this amazing guy. You can check out my facebook, and yes, I can't believe I said that live on my blog (I must be brave today) but he already knows I think he's amazing. And thankfully a strong man because I got quite a personality... lol. And he treats me better than I deserve and it just blows me away when he just simply says "my job"

He had inspired me to read in the morning (I could write a whole post on this alone) since he gets up well before the crack of dawn (and we go to bed the same time because we're on the phone :) ) and so... today I was reading Phil 1, and it said:

3I thank my God every time I remember you. 4In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
7It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. 8God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.
9And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, 11filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

And I thought, this is really hard for me (the no sex thing) but how God has so worked in my heart about this issue. And I totally know it seems crazy, but I know that in this God won't stop working in my heart, that in all things, He is with me, that in all things He cares for me, and loves me, and that even in this (seemingly) small thing, it is going bring Glory to God, the only One who deserves it, the ONLY One who is Worthy (WORTHY!!). And how greatful I am He has begun a good work in me, in so many ways.

I can't even tell you how thankful I am to God. I can't tell you how amazing His grace is, you have to just trust and accept it yourself. And know you really really don't deserve it.

2 Cor 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me

Monday, September 28, 2009

Life Groups start this week!

WOW! I'm super excited and super nervous about core groups this week!

This is my first week co-leading the Freshman Girls Life Group! We've got a sweet lesson planned and snack! I'll show you the lesson once we've done it, it's a surprise!

Please pray that I am effective in loving... I want these girls to know they are loved by me, but more importantly (because I will fail) by God. That whatever we do, always points directly to Him!

We're doing a project and I think it's super sweet, the years of Girl Scouts and God putting on my heart to be a teacher... maybe it's all coming together now.

Acts 14:27 On arriving there, they gathered the church together and reported all that God had done through them and how he had opened the door of faith to the Gentiles.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

so much in my head...

I have some bible studies I'd like to do...
  • The friend's God sends... this might be my blog for the next week or so...
  • Every woman's battle
I'm still reading God's Leading lady by TD Jakes. Its blowing me away!

Things are crazy good!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

John 17:21 & John 21:17

Yesterday was SYATP (See you at the pole) a global gathering of STUDENT lead prayer around flagpoles!

I remember when it first started! It was small now it’s crazy good big!

After the day’s event the churches downriver unite for 1721 Worship based on John 17:20-21
20"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

I’ve been going to these things since they began. And they keep getting bigger and bigger! I’ve served by serving pizza and lemonade, my current job is to run words, and videos if needed.

I used to think that doing words was kind of a lame gift, what talent does it take to point and click. But really, my eyes have been opened to how important it is… especially if you’re new or it’s a new song.

I learned how to run words on Powerpoint, but once I moved to song show plus, it was great and now when I have to go back to Powerpoint, I don’t really like it, it’s more work for perfection. Last night was crazy, they had this gizmo to blank out the screen and I thought the guy was going to be there to do that for me… good thing I paid attention to what he was doing because he left and I didn’t see him for the rest of the evening.

I love doing words, but that also takes me away from the students. I didn’t get the view of probably close to 1000 students gathering to worship Jesus. But I know I played the part that I was supposed to (including showing up with a couple pizzas for the band John 21:17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep.)

I’m so blessed to serve with those I serve with, I’m so blessed by the talents that God has given me, I’m so blessed that He chooses to use me, because I certainly don’t deserve to serve such a glorious God.

Rev 22:3 No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

It's a crazy life...

Last night I came home, going to make dinner, wrestled with it the way home, I kept thinking “stop at Panera, it will be easier”. That’s the story of our lives, on a day when I’m home from some kind of ministry, I don’t always feel like cooking.

After working a long day, trekking through traffic, tired, and hungry… I’ve got to find the energy to make dinner? Ugh. But a good dinner is nice, and it’s nice to throw the leftovers in a container for lunch the next day. And it’s cheaper than eating out.

When we eat out, we sit and relax and detox from the day, we laugh, it’s what I would call “quality time”. And this week is a crazy and next week is not much better… so I think Sunday between church and Alive, we’re going to have lunch and maybe a movie or something… I’ll make a slow cooker lasagna for the Alive Staff’s dinner so it will be easier for me.

And while I’m thinking of it… we don’t even have the dining room table set up so that even if we did want to eat there, we couldn’t. I actually have been thinking about that for some time now…

Song of Solomon 6:9 but my dove, my perfect one, is unique, the only daughter of her mother, the favorite of the one who bore her. The maidens saw her and called her blessed; the queens and concubines praised her.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Chicken N Dumplin's

4-6 chicken breasts or parts
1 can cream of chicky soup
2 sliced carrots
1 cup water
Roll chicken in flour, pepper, paprika, an garlic powder
Brown chicken in fry pan with a small amount of oil
Remove pan of any excess oil with paper towel (if you want)
Add soup, carrots, & water.
Cover and cook on medium to low for 45 min (if bone in chicken) 20 minutes (no bone)

Then add dumplings...
1 c flour
1 1/2 t baking powder
1/2 t salt (optional)
1 egg, beaten
1/3 c milk
2T oil
Stir together dumpling mixture (will be stiff) and large spoonful on top of chicken pieces and gravy mixture.
Cover and steam for 15 minutes until puffy (I served them right out of the pan... this is the leftovers.
check out TMTT

Starting the day off right!

So today I got up when my alarm went off (which rarely happens), I only hit the snooze once which is only 5 minutes, I got up got in the tub (I always bathe, not shower), put some sweats on, hit the porch light and sat on the porch and read.

To be honest, that’s not something I normally do, I normally read either during the day or at night, but not in morning. But you know… I’m reading that Proverbs 31, and it says that in verse 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. And maybe that means actual food, but maybe it goes further than that, as a parent, I want to feed my daughter the “good stuff”, love, grace, joy… and so beginning my day in The Word, I believe that will happen. There was no crabby anybody this morning.

Apparently timing is what God is trying to teach me, and timing within His perfect will.

And then off to the rest of my day.

Because I sat out there, it didn’t take me as long to dry my hair, it was damp but not wet like usual. I am also having a good hair day because I had time to run the straightener through it. One of my favorite breakfasts… Ezekial toast, butter, and cream cheese… YUM! Traffic was good.

Or really maybe it was just me… Maybe I started my day off right, and so everything was lit in Sonshine. Not really sure, but I think I’ll try it out again tomorrow.

Amos 5:6 So seek God and live! You don't want to end up with nothing to show for your life But a pile of ashes, a house burned to the ground. For God will send just such a fire, and the firefighters will show up too late (msg)

Monday, September 21, 2009

so blessed...

I can barely stand it...

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Only God knows what's going to happen tonight at Alive...

Adam asked me to do something odd...

Of course I said yes, I didn't even ask why... LOL!

Saturday, September 19, 2009


1. Tea
2. First date
3. Zoo
4. Water
5. Prayer
6. Smiles
7. Phyllis & Stephanie
8. Music
9. Favorite sweater
10. Amazing!

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Proverbs 31 woman

I’m blown away right now.

Amazed at how God is working in me so much on so many levels, I can’t wait to see how they all come together! I think (I KNOW) it’s going to be better than I imagined, and I know that God doesn’t laugh AT us, but I can imagine He’ll be chuckling at me, saying “didn’t I tell you to trust Me?”

Someone called me a Proverbs 31 woman! Ok, I’ll tell you that when I used to think of that, I thought of a “little house on the prairie”. I’m no ‘Ma Ingels’. And didn’t really understand all of it, but I’ve been reading it, I even printed it off in the NIV and the Message version, it will be posted at my house, so I can read it. I laugh though, because I can barely sew a button on. Thank God Phyllis can sew. LOL.

And I’m so not there. But, here’s the crazy thing, I WANT TO BE!!

The verse that has speaking to me, even before I read it.

26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. (NIV)

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. (message)

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. (NKJV)

The versions are all a little different, and they all say the same thing… SPEAK LIFE!! (nowhere does it say cuss like a sailor).

I think about just a month ago, what a mess, and how I made the decision to seek God. To read His Word, to seek His will.

And last night… blew me away! There is nothing better than seeking Him.

Jer 29:11-15 11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Thursday, September 17, 2009

a conversation with God...

I said, "I've never done this before"

He said in Isaiah 42:16 "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them."

Seriously, that's the scripture I read tonight, everyone else read 2 or more, I only read one. And that was it...
There is usually a song that “sticks with me” for a long time. For quite a long time it was “Inside Out”, it was my ringer, it was the cry of my heart. And for that last six months (or so) it’s been the Desert Song by Hillsong.

This song sings to me on so many levels. When I’m full, when I’m emptied. It reminds me lately how good God is. When we get what we want or when we don’t. We talked in our meeting last night about God last night. In that time, we also had a prayer time, I was just sitting there thinking about how I was so scared to lead a core group and even though I’m still a little scared, I think I am realizing how God is using me, in so many ways, and how thankful I am, and how when I’m empty, He fills me up, and when I’m full, He sends me out to be emptied again. I am so blessed to have the gift of encouragement. A smile, a note, a hug. It’s a blessing. It’s not really something that you can hold in your hand, but it far more precious than that.

I was reading 1 Thes the other day, I actually started in Chapter 4 and read until the end of 2 Thes, quite a bit stood out, but one verse just spoke such life to me… 1 Thes 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

I’ve been really thinking I need a mentor. I’ve had people in my life that have “mentored” me in small ways that ended with big results, but I’ve never really had an “official” one. And then I started thinking last night, instead of having my own, that I should mentor someone (another young woman) in that time. I know, you’re thinking “does she really need another ‘something’?” but let me say this, if I’m not living my life for God, then really what’s the point? Getting up and having breakfast and walking with/alongside someone in His name, is there anything better?

This is what I’m kind of heading towards, helping young women do things for cheap. Look at things differently, meal planning, better choices, I still make poor money choices, but I am blessed that I can make a quality meal for $6. And what good is a gift if other’s can’t enjoy it? My God is a God who provides

Or maybe it’s a bible study twice a month for the female Alive/Fuel leaders. Maybe it’s two of us, maybe its 10, I don’t know. This I do know, Youth Ministry can be brutal, but it can also the most rewarding thing you’ll do in your life. We must lift each other up, we need to not only serve together, we need to live alongside one another, love each other, stay focused, and as the song says “be filled to be emptied again, the seed I’ve received I will sow”.

And while I’m going on and on (hey, it’s my blog… you know where the X is)…

For the last year, one of the leaders I serve with has always been “it sounds horrible when you swear”… yeah yeah, I know. I said to him once (insert snitting voice here) “when you quit smoking I’ll quit swearing”. Late December he tossed a box of nicorette at me. Oh $***! Yikes! Well, let me tell you, he quit smoking and I did NOT quit swearing, it’s better than I was, but not where I’d like to be. I know I'm stubborn, but I can't do it on my own.

Like most things in my life, my behavior is a symptom of the problem. Too fat, swearing, etc. So I really started thinking about why I swear. The tongue is the mouthpiece to our heart, right? (Psalm 5:9 Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit.) I asked for prayer yesterday. I want my tongue to mimic how I want my heart to be. It’s not about the swearing, because I could replace “son of a B” with son of a biscuit-head or “F” with fudge, or S*** with shoot, but really, my heart is still the same. I want my heart to be full of love and joy and I want my mouth to speak of such things.

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

So, there’s a lot going on in my heart, crazy good stuff. Thinking about a God who wants all of me, and that I need all of Him and all that He has to offer, let nothing stand in my way to get there. Let me grow in Him everyday, let me feel His love more everyday, let me see it, and let me give it away as freely as it came to me, full of grace and completely undeserved.

And yes, I realize, I post this song A LOT!!

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Gimme 5

My 5 words came from Pat… I love this kind of stuff… I don’t know why, but I do… I'll give you 5 if you want me to.


I love taking pictures, I don’t necessarily like being in them, but then sometimes I’m sorry that I wasn’t in them because no one would know I was there. I used to like being in them when I was thin, now I look and say “yuck”. I love taking pics of Phyllis and I have so many in the house, I don’t ever replace an old picture with a new one, I just get a new frame and smash it on an already over crowded table.


I love cooking (and eating!). I love making people their favorite foods. And usually if you tell me once, I’ll remember you like it, and if it’s a special occasion I will make sure it’s there. That also means I always have too much food because I like ot make sure everyone has their favorite. I think of my Aunt Dee who cooked people’s favorite when they would come to visit. I love to make people smile, even in little things like cookies or cakes or whatever. That’s also why I make so many different cookies, everyone can have their favorite.


I never really knew this meant that much to me until I dated someone who didn’t have any. I’ll tell you, to find pictures and emails (BAD ONES) they sent to other women blew me out of my socks. To pretend to be one person and then be someone completely different, holy moly. I expect honesty and integrity. Adam says your character is more important than your talent, how true. I remember an issue a while ago, my friend was in the middle of, details don’t matter, but she has so much integrity that she said she’d turn in her own sister! WOW!! That blew me away and gave me something to strive towards.


An under-rated city. Beautiful history and beautiful buildings. Her beauty often goes undetected. She is quiet and loud at the same time (like me). She is a place that people are often scared of, and her jewels are hidden. I love discovering her treasures, she is calming and exciting. She can light up your life or break your heart. She gives you so many opportunities to bless her, so that you can be blessed. Her heart is as big as her potholes. God reigns her. She will never be defeated. She is beautiful.


I love quiet, but not for too long. I know that in my life it is a necessary thing, I know that God calls me to hush and listen, especially when I don’t want to. I have a sign in my dining room (and at my desk at work) that says ‘Take time for the quiet moments, because the world is loud, and God whispers”. Quiet makes me nervous. But I know I need it. I need to rest in order to do what God has intended for me to do. When it’s quiet, sometimes God speaks to me about things I just don’t want to deal with, and if I’m busy I can use that as an excuse not to work on it.


Everyone has a purpose, even the bible says to everything a purpose under heaven (Ecc 3:1)

A best selling book was written by Rick Warren, I personally didn’t care for the book but so many people do.

And so I ask you, what’s your purpose?

Not what you do, but what’s your purpose?

Sara once told me that you should be purpose driven, not emotionally driven. If you are, you’ll be 100% correct, emotionally, 50%.

Its stuck with me since coneys and tears… she’s so wise.

I decided that a long time ago, my purpose would be to love. I take a lot of flack for it. People tell me I get walked on, that I’m too nice, that I forgive too easily. Trust me, I don’t. I can hold a grudge like no one else, at least for a minute. But did you ever think that when you’re holding a grudge, you can’t hold anything else. Not flowers, not beauty, not even love, because that grudge takes a lot to hold on to, and it usually grows faster than…

Because I’m kind of scattered, it means that I love all over the place. It also means that I have to make sure that while I’m being scattered that I get my rest because when I’m tired and not paying attention, I get distracted and then I forget my purpose.

Purpose = Love

Love always wins. EVERY TIME!!

Song of Solomon 4:10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


It’s funny how you look at certain things.

I never thought I had an issue with pride. Turns out I have quite an issue with it.

I laughed so hard when someone pointed it out to me (thank you), I mean I laughed, like how could I be so stupid?.

I dno’t know why but I’ve always liked proverb 16:18

18 First pride, then the crash— the bigger the ego, the harder the fall. (message)

18 Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. (NLT)

I never thought much about the fact that I hate being second best as an issue with pride, but man, oh man that is a huge pride issue. Like I really deserve to be first? Who says? Me? I don’t deserve it, and I don’t deserve favor, but I’m thankful for it.

And now I’m thinking about it.

Oh to be more like Jesus. That He came and served. He washed others feet (gross!). to not look higher upon myself than I ought.

New lesson, yikes, I think I better buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Punkin Cake

¾ cup vegetable oil
¾ cup apple sauce
2 cups white sugar
4 eggs
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons baking powder
3 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups solid pack pumpkin puree
½ cup pecans (optional)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease and flour a 10 inch tube pan. Sift together flour, soda, baking powder, cinnamon and salt. Set aside.

In a large bowl, combine oil, applesauce, and sugar. Add eggs one at a time and mix well (seriously? who does that??). Add the flour mixture and beat until smooth. Add nuts and pumpkin and blend until smooth. Pour batter into greased bundt pan.

Bake at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) for 1 hour or until a toothpick inserted into the center of cake comes out clean. Cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and finish cooling. Dust with confectioners sugar before serving.

I found this recipe because Pretty Sarah loves punkin anything... and she brings such joy to my life that I thought in a small way, I'd bring some to hers!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Get to steppin'


I knew deep down that I shouldn't go to the Uncle Kracker concert this Wednesday. I committed to purchasing the tickets and I will still purchase them if needed. But I'm not going.


Because in service today Jeremy quoted some Jewish Rabbi saying that God shouldn't just be first, but He should also be center.

Will go seeing Uncle Kracker send me to the pits of hell? Probably not. But there is training for core group leaders Wednesday and I believe that living a life for God means I serve. And I will be serving as a Core Group Leader this year, and so I should go to the training. It will make me a better core group leader in preparation for this coming year.

So I told Phyllis I shouldn't go and I told Mike I shouldn't go, just so I can be accountable. I don't want to look at either one of them in shame knowing I did something I know I shouldn't have done. Accountability.

Does my walk match my talk? (pictured my feet)

Deut 6:7 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.


Romans 11:6 6And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace

Reading that actually made me laugh last night because the other day I was talking (texting) about how I think sometimes I should get to choose how much grace I get. Ha ha... because then it wouldn't be grace!!

I'm always amazed how God continues to speak to me.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


Luke 15:8-10 8"Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins[a] and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? 9And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' 10In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

So in the last two days I've heard the parable of the lost coin. In the last week, I think one additional time. hmmm. That's not coincidence, at all. My God is an on time God. I've read that story in the bible so many times. SO MANY TIMES.

I'm already saved, heaven already rejoiced for me, though everyday is a sweet, but not always easy surrender. Do you think there is a party everyday?

God loves me.

When I feel second best. God loves me.
When I'm struggling. God loves me.
When I fall. God loves me.
When I want to run. God loves me.
When I bring up my old crap and think I don't deserve His love. He loves me.
When I say I trust Him, but don't show it. He loves me
When I try to determine how much love, grace, and mercy I should get. He loves me.

His love amazes me. Just thinking that last week, He was in the car with me, protecting me, loving me.

2 John 1:3 Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father's Son, will be with us in truth and love

P.S Go see the new Tyler Perry Movie, you'll laugh, you'll and you'll praise God.

Believe it or not...

I've got nothing to say.

For the first time in a long time, even if it's just for a moment, I feel so content.

Cleaning the house this morning, putting things back in their place, looking around thinking about how blessed I am.

Thinking about how Sara once said to me, God can't put anything in your hand if you're holding on to something else. How true! Not that anything has been put into my hand but letting go has been a relief!

I think we are going to see the new Tyler Perry movie, which are always my favorite! (thanks to an gift card and $4 before noon show!) A lesson and laughter!

Always in my head, Mr Magorium's advice to Mahoney.... "you're life is an occasion, rise to it"

Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Friday, September 11, 2009

Signs Signs Everywhere there's signs

Let’s take down the signs.

Our church decided to launch this campaign “satan hates metro”.

Let me tell you, in all honesty, I’m ready to take down the signs.

You see, I already knew that satan didn’t like me. I also know that he’s a defeated foe. But I also know that when he really decides to launch warfare upon you, it’s difficult to take. He uses the things from your past, the concerns of the future, and your own feelings of failure to fight you. You become your own worst enemy. I don’t know very many people who aren’t feeling the affects of his warfare.

Yesterday I was in quite a battle myself, it started out as I walked in the door and didn’t stop until I sat with a fellow sister in Lord.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble Psalm 46:1.

I was going to go to meeting last night to get some Christian help for a ton of stuff that I’ve been fighting. Trying to get some healing from some things. It wasn’t easy for me to decide to go to the meeting, and then I got nervous walked up the stairs, took one look in and turned around. And then it really started, I almost feel bruised inside. A huge battle.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Tim 1:7 NKJV

Knowing that God did not create me with a spirit of fear but one of power, of love, and sound mind. I know not to fear. I have spoken on such subjects with many and with few. Fear. It’s a crippling emotion. I drove around in my car crying, ok, balling my eyes out fighting over whether I should still go in, but not wanting all these people congregating around me asking me what’s wrong, I decided against it. I know that people were praying for me, I know God was giving satan a one-two punch on my behalf.

I was wrestling with a feeling of being afraid, and knowing I’m not supposed to be afraid, why don’t I trust God, and on and on it went, a giant tornado, all on my insides. I know that only God calmed the storms that were brewing inside me. I know that prayers were going up on my behalf, that when I couldn’t stand on my own, I was being held up in prayer and by God.

Isaiah 40:29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak

I will tell you that a got a much needed phone call from a new friend who invited me over, and somehow the battle seemed much easier, we talked, we laughed, and we told satan that he is a booger and needs to leave us alone, we’ve had enough.

I can tell you, I’m not completely healed, and I’m tired, but I know that my strength comes from the Lord. I know that in Him, I am strong, and when I stand in His light, in His shadow, in His strength, in His grace, in His mercy, with His children, and in His love, I can do all things. I can find healing in my brokenness, I can find comfort in my lonliness. He is all things. And I love Him, and I am loved.

But I'm still ready to take down the signs.

Col 1:10-12 10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[a] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009


Ok, I have no idea why I am so annoyed.

Ok... I really do know. Twice today people have wasted my precious time... not once but TWICE! that's irritating, to say the least.

And dare I say it... I can be annoyed.

And when you act like I shouldn't be annoyed, it makes me want to just drop all the fruit off my tree AND THROW it at you...

Not to mention... and this is the root of it... don't say I'm so great, and then ignore me. Don't act like I'm important and then treat me like last week's news. Ok, let me just say, I could care less what you say, it's your actions that count.

No regrets!

When I moved into my house, it instantly filled like home. It felt like I had always meant to live there. I took good care of it, my lawn went from a weed patch to lush, and then soon after that, it went back to a weed patch.

My house was pretty neat for the most part, and then… clutter.

Why? Because I was never home. I filled my life with lots of ‘stuff’. Mostly good stuff, but I neglected my home, and really neglected myself.

Yesterday I came home from work, made a quick, but delicious dinner. We ate, Phyllis cleaned the bathroom and got on our new treadmill, I went outside and weeded the area by the driveway and the house, for an hour. Sweaty and all. It felt so good to get outside and enjoy the earth. Then I came inside and got on the treadmill, a quick bath and we watched a movie, A family that preys together, a Tyler Perry film. Then off to bed.

How I enjoyed being home. I’ve been falling back into love with my home. And falling back into love with me. I think somehow in the last couple years, I’ve forgotten who I am at my core. I think that I’ve allowed myself to do things that I enjoy, too much. Scaling back.

In the last week or so I’ve gone (in some parts of my life) from restless to rested.

And you know what started it? Getting a treadmill and wanting to make time to get on it! I loved running, I loved working out, I loved that completely gross sweaty feeling after a good run, my heart pumping blood through my veins so strongly that I could feel it.

I’ve loved rediscovering myself, looking back on the last two years with no regrets because that’s how I got here. I’m nowhere near the end of my journey but as I stop at this stop and look back, I say “thank You Jesus, You’ve been with me at every step, teaching me and stretching me, and pumping through my heart so strong that I could feel it”.

No regrets, just love.

2 Cor 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Change the world...

In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. – Mother Teresa

I don’t like to get rid of anything that belonged to my mom. I only havea few things, some pillow cases, her wedding rings and a few tea cups.

I was never blessed to have a mom growing up, she died when I was very young, and quite often I think I am burdened by this because I don’t always have a “mom” point of reference. So I wing it, thankfully, by the grace of God I haven’t screwed things up too badly.

I have these teacups, and I gave one to Selena after hearing her amazing testimony about being a teacup. She took it to her dorm room and she text me today telling me that it started a great converstation.

You know people say one person can’t change the world. I don’t believe that to be true. I think one person can do more than we think. I mean, there after all is THE ONE, who did amazing things, in Him, we can do so much.

I think about my mom, someone I don’t even know, and her love affected me so much. Think about the things we can do! WOW!

My mom’s love lives on and on.

1 Cor 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love

First day of school!

My baby is in 11th grade! WOW!!

I can’t believe it, just like every other parent or care giver, “it seems like just yesterday…”

I can honestly say that I REALLY do love my teenager. I think she’s amazing, and if you had her for a daughter, you’d love her too! HA!

I was thinking about how different our lives as teens were and how similar they are. I hated high school in Lincoln Park (I loved it at Fordson). She really doesn’t like high school either, she’s got quite a few friends but the whole high school thing does not thrill her to say the least.

I hope for her and so many other of “my kids” that this year they really do blow the doors off with Jesus. It is my hope that our Youth Group and every other Youth Group in the Downriver area is packed full, so full that there is no choice but to sit on the floor. Jesus is already in the schools, but I pray that His presence is known.

I pray for the students to be brave about their love. I pray that they learn to stand by each other, to celebrate each other, that His light is so bright that they get a Son-burn! LOL!!

The harvest is plentiful! So many lives to be saved, so many hearts that are broken to be healed! I pray that these students are kept safe but dangerous. That they love so big, that its seen in every small detail of their lives. That they are brave when they are scared.

I pray that as a leader, my ears and my heart are always open. That the love that He’s given me is poured out into the students, I pray this for every leader. I pray that the Holy Spirit guides us as we leave.

And above all else… we always love. If we do that, God will handle the rest

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins

Go here for Sara's first day of school prayer!

Monday, September 07, 2009


1 clove garlic
1 (19 ounce) can garbanzo beans
4 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons tahini
1 teaspoon salt
black pepper to taste
2 tablespoons olive oil

In a food processor, add all ingredients, blend until smooth.

Serve with Veggies or Pita

I don't run unless someone's chasing me...

...with a knife.

I used to run, 5 days a week, and 3 of those days I did 2 a days. Not gonna lie, I was one hot mama!

For various reasons I stopped. None of them good.

Recently I got a treadmill, it's in the basement. I've used it nearly everyday, a quick 20 minutes. I'm no where near where I used to be as far as endurance, but I worked up to it last time, and i can do it again. Last week I ran 2 minutes out of those the 20 minutes, today, I am happy to report, I ran 4 minutes, I'm still sweating.

I've noticed that it's much easier to make better eating choices because I ran, and I don't want to mess it up, that's a lot of effort, you know.

I can't wait for the day when I don't have to hide behind someone in a picture.
I look forward to 30 minutes at 6 miles an hour and faster!
I look forward to being healthy, sleeping better.
I look forward to looking in the mirror and liking what I see.

Jer 9:24 but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the LORD

Sunday, September 06, 2009

You can't break free

I was thinking today while sitting in church, some of the best sermons I hear are the ones that God starts from the stage and finishes in my heart....

I was sitting with Phyllis in church, how blessed I am to have a daughter who loves and follows Jesus and is a good example to me, and we worshiped together, and then we served at M2 together which really was a lot less scary than I thought it was going to be... it was fun! We had a great time loving each other and laughing and rushing home to make lunch so we could be back for a meeting that didn't happen... lol.

I've been holding on to my own chains of longing to be married. Even didn't go to the zoo yesterday because I didn't want to see all the "happy families" only to be reminded by JB that Phyllis and I are a happy family. Oh, out of the mouths of babes. Be thankful for what you have, not mad about what you don't.

I love my life but sometimes get caught up in what I don't have or never had.. and I have more than most. I have more than I deserve.

I thought about how hard it is to break free, it's because I don't let go. I hold on to what bugs me, and how can you ever break free if you never let go?

Matthew 18:18 "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Long weekend

1. Struggling to say goodbye to so much!
2. Going to Cranbrook
3. Maybe the zoo too!
4. Meatloaf & rice for dinner today
5. Work in the garden tomorrow
6. Stretching myself and doing M2 tomorrow
7. Hoping to see Phil Vasser & Elected Monday
9. Wondering if I'll ever truly break free
10. Love Big!

Hebrew 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Friday, September 04, 2009

Just love

I’ll tell you a funny story. I knew nothing about the movie Rent except this song. So some Friday night I decided to buy the movie, bring it home, pop it in and make dinner. Imagine my surprise when I walked in the room and saw the movie and no one was watching it, THANK GOD! Holy cats! And dogs! LOL!

I love this song. I think it probably one of the greatest songs ever. How do you measure your life? By days, by years, or by how many times you loved someone?

I can’t help but think about death! I’ve kind of always been afraid of losing people. I lost my mom so young, lived my life worried about what would happen to me if my dad died. I hate abandonment. I suffer from it, if that’s possible.

And besides, I’ve learned of 4 people in the last 8 days that have died. Death is inevitable. So until I die, I plan on loving.

Eph 5:1-2 1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God

Whether my love comes in the form of a hug/kiss, a birthday cake, dinner, lunch, just listening. How many opportunities do we have to love, but we pass it up. We say we just don’t have time.

I think about the beautiful young woman who died who went to my daughter’s school. I think about how those beautiful children rallied around each other to love each other. May they never forget how they needed each other. May they never forget that in the end, all that matters is how you loved. There is an email about how when you die, there is your birthday, your end day and the dash, and even though the dash is the little part, it is the most important past. Please make note, I want a heart, not a dash.

Some people say I’m great at loving, and I am sure some would tell you that I am the meanest person they ever met, I gotta work on that second part. I went to a funeral on Tuesday and they talked about how much Frank loved. Wow! Not too much else was said about him but because he loved, people in his life knew they were special, that they mattered.

We have this crazy ‘campaign’ at my church, a bunch of crazy signs, and if you go to the website, it says “He loves you. You matter to Him. You really do.” You see, in the end, at the very heart of these crazy signs, is love. His love. And because you matter to Him, you matter to us (as a church body), and you matter to me.

It really all does just come down to love.

John 3:16-17 16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[b] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

Seasons of Love - From the movie Rent
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure,
measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you
measure a year in the life?

How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you measure
the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or
the way that she died.

It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends. Remember
the love! Remember the love! Remember
the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love! Seasons of love

Thursday, September 03, 2009


“This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.”- Isaiah 48:17


I bet that works for some people. But most people aren’t looking at eternity. They are looking at right now. How they feel right now and how do they get out of the mess they are in. Some might not even realize how bad it really is because they’ve got laser vision, only focusing on what they can bare to focus on, because if they looked up for a minute, they’d see everything would come crashing down around them.

I tell you that because I’ve been there. Screaming at me about hell would have sent me into the “FU” mode, and I don’t mean Findley University.

As crazy and backwards as it sounds, sometimes Heaven is a bonus.

When we’re surrounded by our own personal hell, when we’re up to our eyeballs in the bondage of sin, all we can think about is breaking free from that.

To take the narrow path is not always easy. The choices at the time do not seem that easy to make, however the consequences are less and the rewards are great.

There’s a lot going on in the life of my “church”, we’ve got media attention, and I am quite sure that satan really is pissed. One thing we can’t lose sight of while the media circus has ramped up, God. A God of grace and love. One that never disappoints. One that is beautiful, who heals the broken, restores, renews.

I can tell you in the last few days, I’ve been surrounded by disappointment. In others and myself. Yesterday I found myself crying over spilled cookies. Stupid mistake, and wham! A bunch of cookies wrecked for a funeral. UGH! I was so upset. And then here it comes, all the ways I disappoint. Myself, and how I disappoint others. In my head “see you really are a constant disappointment”.

Oh, I was fighting it. I can’t even tell you how hard it was. I can even tell you that I just said “I’ve had enough of what this life has to offer”.

And it’s true. I’ve had enough of what this life has to offer. But I haven’t had enough of what God has to offer. His freedom, His grace, His love.

And that is what I pray for those who don’t know Him but see our signs, are reached by the media. That when they see that this world has nothing to offer them, that His love sets us free. I pray for those who will come to our church, who check out this crazy website, who speak to those in our “church”. That they see that His life, really is Life. He’s like oxygen to someone who can’t breathe, He indeed is the water that will quench their thirst. That’s He’s the keeper of the keys to break them free from the private prison that they live in. I pray this weekend that satan will be bound, that God’s love and His power are unleashed, on the unsaved and the saved. That those who don’t know Him come into a real relationship with Him, that those who know Him become closer to Him.

I pray for the Pastors who will be leading Metro, Oasis, Unite, Alive, & Fuel, that God speaks through them and to them. That His life is abound in their lives, that their families are blessed and love, that there is peace in their hearts, the peace that comes from only Him.
For our church secretary, who handles more than we know or could even begin to understand. That in all she does, she knows she’s loved, and respected and appreciated. And that she’s energized for everything she does in the “church” and in her life that echoes Jesus to all of us who know her.
For the bands (Metro, Alive, Fuel, & MetroKidz), that their lives reflect Christ. That when those who walk through the doors of the auditorium, that they have the words through worship to help us when there just aren’t any in our brains to say what our hearts are feeling.
For the elders in our church and our staff, that God gives them clear direction of where He wants us to go.
For the staff of each ministry from the top to the bottom, that they be renewed in His love, and that they show His love to all those they come in contact with.
I pray for those who attend Metro, that the love they’ve received will be poured out into their families, friends, and even people they don’t know. That His love be seen in their lives, their eyes, and their smiles.

God has entrusted us with the privilege of sharing His love, and it is not something we take lightly. Let us be full-on in love with Him, let our lives never be the same, and let us share that love that He has given us. WE ARE A CITY ON A HILL, THAT WILL NOT BE HIDDEN! LET US SHINE BRIGHT WITH HIS LOVE!

Matthew 5:14 You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden

Wednesday, September 02, 2009


I'm looking forward to the long weekend! It's Labor Day Weekend, and I don't plan on doing much laboring!

I got a new treadmill yesterday, not new but new for me, a friend blessed me with it! I can't wait to start running again! Thanks to Tom and Pretty Sarah it got delivered! Boy, was that sucker HEAVY! It was a work out carrying it down the stairs!!

I wish I had some grand plans for the weekend but I don't, work around the house, get some more prep done for the coming projects, clean out a closet or two to donate some more "stuff". I have to clean out the garage so I can get ready for me soon to be new roof!! That won't happen until October but that will be here before we know it!!

I'm kind of excited about 3 days at home with a quick trip to Arts, Beats, and Eats on Monday to see Elected perform.

There is a lot of stirring that's going on in my heart these days, I'm unsettled and uneasy, I hate that. I'm trying to be quiet and still. But it's not that easy for me. I keep wondering why someone who acted like they had so much integrity, doesn't. It's hard to figure out how when you think you know someone, you really don't. And how you came to trust someone, but now you wonder if you ever could. Then I begin to doubt myself.

Taco Rice

2-3 Cups of Cooked Rice (depends on how ‘ricie’ you want it)
1 pound ground turkey (or beef)
1 package of taco seasoning
1 small zucchini
1 14 oz can of diced tomatoes (I used 3 yummy fresh ones)
1 small onion
2 cups shredded cheese (I used 1 cup Monterrey jack/1 cup cheddar)

Preheat oven 350*
Brown turkey, drain, add taco seasoning and pkg direction for water. Add onions, cook all together for about 10 minutes.
Mix together meat mixture, rice, tomatoes, zucchini, and half cheese. Pour into casserole dish.
Sprinkle with remaining cheese.

Bake 30 minutes until cheese is bubbly.

I like this recipe because it’s adaptable. Double it to make for large group, add or delete depending on what’s in your fridge.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Today was...


I went to a funeral. Sad to see a life come to an end. But we know that in Christ, our life here is just a vapor. And eternity is...

God spoke so loudly to me today, it was almost, well, it was deafening. Just love.

That's it Margie, the rest is noise, just love. When it's easy, when it's hard. Just love.

Love Loud, Love quietly. Sometimes love so quietly that at the moment, no one notices you, and then they turn around and say "love was here"

Love others, love yourself. I made you, and you are loveable.

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
Find More lyrics at
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

this is us...

For all my friends and family that didn't see this... it's pretty awesome.