Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Friday, November 30, 2012

I love...

This is a terrible picture but you can
see the lights in the city
I was on my way to work today, driving down the Lodge (M10) that I take every day. I take 75 to the Lodge, to the Davison, back to 75 to avoid the Downtown traffic, I don’t really know if on my way to work it’s faster but I know on my way home it certainly is.

In the early morning there isn’t much traffic on the freeway, there are lights all around me shining brightly reminding me that this city is not dead, it’s just missing a few light bulbs.

I said “I love the Lodge”. Ok, who loves a freeway? I say “I love” a lot. I love Eastern Market, I love Phyllis, I love the place where I get my tires. I love.

That’s what I do.

I was reminded of a picture that my daughter posted on her blog. It was about different kinds of love. I thought it was awesome.

I was thinking back about love. Opening your arms wide to all that love has to offer. I always want love to be my testimony. About how I was loved and how I loved. I was thinking about this summer and how most of my life I have loved. But I loved with arms half open. This summer, I learned to truly give of myself, to trust, and to love so big. I learned to love so big that I learned that true love means that sometimes we have to let go. True love is my testimony <3>

I love loving. It is what runs through my veins. It is what keeps me going. Love is what makes me beautiful.

I love love.

It’s not just what I do… it’s who I am.

I love this song!!!! Not necessarily all the lyrics, but I love the way the music penetrates my soul.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

God's timing

Yesterday I was driving to work and the moon was amazing. The sky was midnight blue (even though it was 7am) and the stars were still sparkly. The moon was so bright I felt like it was shining just for me. I felt like it was following me. As if God lit up the sky to say “I love you, Margie”. I even got out of my car to take a picture. The picture is terrible, but I kept it anyway to remember the way I felt. I opened the car door and the air was crisp against my face. The air had a sweet smell. It was a perfect morning. I would normally be the first to say that I don’t like driving into work in the dark, and home in the dark. But yesterday, and as I write this, I remember that God’s timing is perfect, and even when we don’t always like what’s going on, He loves us, and there is always a reason to be thankful. Thankful that the ones I love are under the same moon.

Then today, I walked outside and the air was the perfect temperature. I took a deep breath in and exhaled thinking about the perfection of the fall day. The perfect amount of chill in the air, but not too chilly.

Today I was thinking about God’s perfect timing this morning as I was reading John 11. Lazarus dies and maybe it might have seemed like Jesus didn’t care. I was thinking about the last few weeks. The time I thought that I felt dead inside. When I thought that my light was burnt out. I seriously felt like God had left me, broken. I am sure that Martha and Mary were thinking “What the heck Jesus???? You could have saved him but what a jerk you are, you didn’t save him” and we know the story (if you don’t, you can read it below), Jesus comes and raises Lazarus from the dead. I wonder how many people were thinking that I was dead inside, there were moments when I thought it myself. I wondered where God was. And as I was wandering around, looking for God, doing a whole lot more than looking, I was seeking. I wanted to hear God’s voice, and I had even thought (and said) “I think God has left me” but my love for him was so desperate, I kept pursuing. Because I know that I can’t make it on my own without Him. So if it means I listen/read the bible even if it’s hard, or I have to listen to podcasts with an open heart, if it means I have to write thankfuls even when my heart is breaking, listen to music that lifts me up to be closer to Him, that’s what I will do, so that I, like Lazarus will come alive with Christ.

He has pursued me, and I will pursue Him. He loves me… and I am ALIVE in Him!

John 11:1-44

Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) 3 So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”

4 When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” 5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, 7 and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”

8 “But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews there tried to stone you, and yet you are going back?”

9 Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? Anyone who walks in the daytime will not stumble, for they see by this world’s light. 10 It is when a person walks at night that they stumble, for they have no light.”

11 After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”

12 His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” 13 Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.

14 So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, 15 and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”

16 Then Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

Jesus Comforts the Sisters of Lazarus

17 On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18 Now Bethany was less than two miles[b] from Jerusalem, 19 and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20 When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.

21 “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”

23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

24 Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”

25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

27 “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

28 After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” 29 When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. 30 Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31 When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.

32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.

“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

35 Jesus wept.

36 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

37 But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”

Jesus Raises Lazarus From the Dead

38 Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39 “Take away the stone,” he said.

“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”

40 Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

41 So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”

43 When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

Dreaming of giving more!

2 Cor 9:7 Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

It’s a crazy thing, I wish I was one of those people who could make fancy cookies, or great fancy presents, I wish I could knit (and you can tell me I could, but everyone who knows me knows I do not sit still well so unless you can tell me how to drive and knit at the same time… forget it – I’m out).

I love to give! If you know me, you know that. I will surprise you with lunch delivered to your work (it might just be Jimmy Johns – but whatever), I love giving a meal, though I wish I had more time to do this… I wish I could find someone to do the delivery part… and I’ll do the cooking, what a ministry team we could be!

I started last year giving away homemade taco seasoning. I don’t have any idea if people actually liked it, well, I know one family did, but honestly, it’s one of my favorite things that I make, and I never buy taco seasoning because I like mine best, and it’s cheaper. I plan on doing it again this year (so if you hated it, well… sorry about that!). It's good & it's not expensive!

I was just listening to a podcast that talks about giving. What if we schemed to give more??? What if we gave more of our heart, and our money? What could we accomplish??

Let me tell you about one of my favorite things to do, it came out of necessity back in the day, but now I do it… well because I can and it’s smart.

If I know that there is something that I give to, like Joy to the D, I start shopping in January. I buy nice gifts for 50% (or more) off. Yes, it means I have to store them for a year but it means that I can give more.

It all started when I was a young mom. When your kids go to school, they get invited to birthday parties. And even if they say “no gift necessary” you know… your kid must show up with a gift. So… I had this thing, it was called “the magic closet”. It was the shelf that I stored gifts that I had purchased for half off (don’t forget the OR MORE part), and I could give an AWESOME gift for less than $10-$15 which was in my budget.

This summer I was in Target and a lot of their toys were half off (which is kind of weird to me because I have seen them lately for NOT half off – full price!) and I picked up a bunch of toys for Joy to the D because I knew it was coming! And it’s an awesome outreach at an amazing church!

I schemed to give more!

It means that now, I can still give. And give different things like wrapping paper, tape, bows (ok, not bows, I think bows are dumb), or I can give somewhere else that God calls me to give. It means that I can be even more giving! I love giving. It’s probably not something that comes from me, but it comes from God.

What if we always schemed to give more? What if we planned our meals that we prepare for others on what was on sale so we could bless them with two meals instead of one? Or we could bless two families instead of one? What if we started shopping for 7 for 7 in July by stocking up on noodles and those boxed meals and potatoes to give more?

What if we said “all I have is Yours” and we meant it?

Imagine how we could change the world?

I’m dreaming big today! Thinking of a world changed! Thinking of my world changed! All around me… changed. Lighter and brighter!

Deut 15:10 Give generously to them and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Just love... just love!

It’s a crazy thing what fear can do… and it's even crazier how love overcomes it!

It can make you hold on to things you shouldn’t hold on to because you think there will be something missing if you let go. But no matter how big God’s love for us, if our hands aren’t open, God can’t put something in our hands that’s better than what we are holding on to.

Fear makes us hold on to secrets that the enemy uses against us in our own dark minds… if we hold on to those secrets, we can’t get healing, and we can’t help others… we love God and even in our mess, we should bring Him glory.

Fear is a passion dimmer. It keeps us from reaching out and leaning in for fear of being hurt either physically or emotionally. But love reminds you that relationships are essential.

Fear makes you believe that you are forgotten and not thought of because people don’t leave a comment, but love reminds you that it can’t always be that way, and that our senses remind us a love that we once knew. That we are never really forgotten in true love.

Fear keeps you from living your dreams because you think people will think you’re dumb or that you won’t be successful. Fear keeps you from living the life that God has for you. Love opens your heart, spreads your wings to fly, love helps you to believe in the beauty of your dreams.

Fear keeps you from accepting that dinner date because you’re afraid you’ll be hurt again. Love reminds you how good it is to feel the sunshine from both sides.

Fear writes letters that say good-bye because you’re afraid they will leave too… and it keeps you from writing the letter that says I’m sorry. Love gets the pen.

Fear keeps you in the same place. It keeps you from working things out and living a life of love. It makes you think that there is only one way, the way you’ve always known. There’s more to life than just survival. Life is meant to be lived, it’s meant to be lived in love. Love gets your favorite shoes so that you can walk. It gives you the strength to take the first step. It reminds you that you were always in it to win it, but love lets you let go, leaving the door for love.

I was driving in my car today listening to 1000 gifts, which I have to listen to part of it over because I started daydreaming about what God has in store. I was really dreaming of love. I was. I was dreaming about my dreams and when they come true… and fear set it. Ugh stupid fear. But God. But God reminded me of His perfect words in 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

And so I put the fear down and dared to dream. And then I saw this quote…

Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it through to the end.

May I always have passion and love and no fear!

May I always remember God’s Truth, Grace, and Love in my life!

May I always be thankful for His love!

Romans 12:9 (msg) Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A few of my favorite things...

Well, what a day it has been!  A good one! 

I want to start doing something... a few of my favorite things! 

There are somethings that it's worth saving a little money on... but shoes are not one of them!  I never understand why people skimp on their shoes!

I am going to start by telling you about my FAVORITE shoes!  These are my favorite shoes... EVER!  I've been wearing them for years.  I believe that somethings are worth the money and these are one of them.
Nine West Shoes. 

I also like Worthington shoes but lately, the styling hasn't been great lately...  We went to the Nine West Outlet and Phyllis found a super cute pair of sassy shoes, and I got a pair of my favorite shoes.

Classic, black, sassy, sexy shoes.  And... super comfortable.

another pair of shoes I super love is my barefoot merrells.. wow!  I cannot believe how much I love these shoes.  They are so comfortable and somehow super supportive.  They are my favorite running around shoes!  I absolutely cannot tell you how surprised I was to find out how much I love these shoes!  AMAZING I tell you!

Those are a few of my favorite things... love your feet spend money on them... you only get one pair!

Also... here are a few of the songs that are on my heart today!

The first time I heard the first song, I Once Knew... Phyllis told me that it reminded her of me... imagine... I cried through the whole thing as Aaron sang it...

The Power of One... in me

Sometimes I look at my life and think it’s so insignificant. I’m only one. And I don’t feel all that important, really. Who am I? I stand in the back, I feel like most of the time no one would notice if I never showed up. I feel like I want to be up front, that I was called to be up front… but so many people have done/said things to make me cower to the back. Like they don’t or never have believed in me.

Some stupid girl who got knocked up at 19 and went to school, got a job… I can’t even figure out why anyone would want to be my friend most days…

That’s because I know the mess I am, I know the messes I’ve created, swept under the rug, and the ones that God’s grace has had to clean up.

And then I read things like this… and I think about how I need to not believe the garbage above and remember that one person does make a difference, and maybe we should live our life like it’s worth dying for! Because Christ died for us. Listened to the song by Israel Houghton today, the Power of One.

One life that came, One life that died, and One life that rose again.

And that Life, lives in me!

Was listening to John this morning, there’s some good stuff in there, LOL. Chapter 4 alone could blow your socks off! I made it to 8 (my plan was 4-7 today) and so many times I was like ‘whoa’… I could blog for days on the things God spoke to me, but I won’t. But just think of the Samaritan woman. One woman, a lot of mess. And yet, He seeks her out, He uses her. Man… that’s some crazy stuff right there.

I was writing out a prayer request/update today and I was thinking that it’s no wonder why the enemy has a strong hold on me… I never give up, and even if I’m crawling, I am reaching for Jesus. I do what I know to do, and I cling on with both hands to Him as if I am about to fall off a cliff.

We all can’t do everything, but we can all do something. We were all created for Great. I heard in a sermon by Steven Furtick once “we don’t get to greater because we don’t leave good enough behind”. Well, I will tell you, I WANT GREATER! I don’t want ok, or good, I want GREAT! I’ll do what I can, when I can, and with excellence, and I will rest when I need to rest.

I might still dream of things that could have been, but I will always look back with love and thankfulness, and know that God has called me for something GREATER.

He can use me, just little old me, who feels like pig pen leaving a cloud of dust and mess behind, but His grace takes that dust, and He makes it into clay, and molds me and makes me who He has always created me to be.

John 4:1-26

Now Jesus learned that the Pharisees had heard that he was gaining and baptizing more disciples than John— 2 although in fact it was not Jesus who baptized, but his disciples. 3 So he left Judea and went back once more to Galilee.

4 Now he had to go through Samaria. 5 So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. 6 Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon.

7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.[a])

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”

17 “I have no husband,” she replied.

Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

19 “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. 20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”

21 “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

25 The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

26 Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”

Monday, November 26, 2012

Finding the light

I am so thankful for my friend Becky. She saw me yesterday, a mess. I was trying to work on a spreadsheet to distract me from what was bothering me. There isn’t a spreadsheet that could have done that, really. I think God sent her at that very moment because He knew I needed her.

I was in the auditorium with the kids yesterday, I am just always amazed how good God is. There was a moment when the Holy Spirit spoke to me. Read the book of John, see the miracles. You can’t really argue with that. I also challenged a few people to do it with me, partly because it will hold me accountable, and partly because I know we all need to see God’s miracles.

This summer I read “Sun Stand Still” by Steven Furtick. Great book. I would not recommend you read it though. LOL. Everyone I know that read it has come under spiritual attack. So unless you want that, don’t read it. I laugh because I know that through the darkness, we come out closer to God, but this has been really horrible, and every time I ask someone to pray for me and they say “you should go on something” it makes me feel like they don’t believe me. That spiritual warfare isn’t real… But I guess when we come out on the other side and the light is brighter, and we are more in love with Jesus, then how can that be bad (even if it is hard while we go through it). Reminds me of the scripture 1 Cor 10:13 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. He always provides for us so that we can do more than just endure, but sometimes enduring is all we can do.

So… back to God’s word… because that’s where today was headed… Joshua prayed to God for the sun to stand still in Josh 10, and what if our faith was so big that whatever we needed, we believed God would do it. We could say, I need another day or whatever and we believed that God gave us those desires, and He would make it happen.

It reminds me of a friend I have. When we are together, time stands still. I can remember being up all night and thinking it was like midnight, and it was 5am. It’s just that way. Talking, laughing, crying, whatever, but time seems to stand still. It’s the most amazing thing. An hour seems like a minute. I do believe that was a God thing. It’s pretty cool.

All weekend I wasn’t able to write, I didn’t have a stomach ache, but I couldn’t write. The words didn’t come. Even my blogs have been kind of stinky lately. That stinks really. Because I have a few things I need to write about… but the words aren’t coming. It’s time for some on your face time with Jesus. I don’t know how to get any closer to Him than to be on my face before Him. It’s not something I do very often, most of my time with God is done in normal conversation… but sometimes face time is needed. He’s been bringing me to my knees anyway… so might as well submit. Maybe then He will make the “sun stand still” and He will deliver us from our enemies, the enemy, and then our desires, our dreams, His glory will be revealed and completed.

The book.

Keep writing, keep shining, keep going, keep praying. It’s time for some real facetime. Not the kind that we do on our iphones.

These are the verses that blew me away today… I am sure you know John 3:16, but as it kept going, I was like “light, light, LIGHT!!!!!” (and then I remembered John 1:5 which always makes me happy!)

Shine on...

John 3:16-21(NIV) 16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

John 3:16-21 (MSG) 16-18 “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.

19-21 “This is the crisis we’re in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won’t come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is.”

Saturday, November 24, 2012

A list of thankfuls!

Not being in my own kitchen the last few days had made me thankful for it. And maybe that's the first step in finding peace back into my house.

I'm thankful for tons of measuring cups I have so many all different shapes and colors. If you've ever been to some kind of cooking 'event' at my house you know measuring cups and bowls are all dirty or running through the dishwasher. 
Im thankful that I have just about every kitchen tool that I could ever need. 
I love love love my kitchen aid mixer. I've made countless cookies, cupcakes, and lot of others desserts but one of my favorite things is to take hot cooked potatoes that I've boiled 3 or 4 cloves of garlic in the water, lots of butter, and sour cream for the best mashed potatoes (and if I forget the garlic cloves I add garlic powder).
I have tons of pots and pans, I've got two Dutch ovens, a soup pot, and a giant pasta pot!
I could go on and on about spices that I have, many that I've gotten from Aldi's, I love their spices. Good quality and great prices!!
My 'Tupperware' cabinet is insane with tons of containers that are used for leftovers, and freezer meals. Sometimes it's just a giant puzzle to get them all in the cupboard!
My pantry had to move to the basement that I am so blessed to have so much food! And we hardly ever eat at home!! I am so super thankful for God's provision!!

So much to be thankful for!!!

Eph 5:20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ

Woke up singing this song... A very  melancholy song!

Friday, November 23, 2012

Vacation , my heart, & fear

It's a beautiful day in Greenwood, IN. I had to run out to the meijer in town. I found the meijer, the Kroger, the Starbucks, the Salvation Army and a few other stores.  It's a great little town kind of reminds me of Kalamazoo. We even found the Target too!
It's been nice to watch my daughter decompress since we've been down here. She drove the whole way and she will probably drive the whole way home, which is fine for me. 
Been thinking so much about my heart lately....
Out of the overflow of our heart our mouth speaks (Luke 6:45) and I feel like so much my mouth has been speaking fear. You know that's the time when I'm most upset when I'm scared. I will seriously freak out about something and someone will think I'm mad but really I'm afraid.  People don't always get that because fear wears many different masks. Maybe that's why God is so deliberate when He tells us so much not to fear or be afraid because He knows fears disguises.
Lately it's been the house. 
When I took those first steps on that unseasonably warm February day in 2002 I knew the house I lived in was meant to be mine. I hadn't been into it yet, but my heart knew. I sat on the porch that summer and felt like I had lived there 100 years. I spent the fall wrapped in a blanket in the porch nestled in with a good book or with a friend and a glass of wine. I walk into my house after a long day or a day where the world has seemed to try to crush me and my house was a place where I found peace and now... Not so much. And I hate it. 
I wonder if I'll ever find peace again. I know it will probably take time but it really bugs me.  I said all along i didnt care about the stuff... and i still dont but the absence of peace, it drives me crazy.
I just want my house to be that place of peace again. That place where I snuggle up and relax. A place that just isn't my house but its my home.

Romans 15:13 I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13 NLT)

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy thanksgiving and randomness

Happy thanksgiving!

I have lots to be thankful for. It was a great day. Hung out with the family just kind of relaxed. We are actually on our way to Indy now. It's weird to have my daughter drive but she loves driving and I'm tired. 

I am pretty sure we are probably not going to Haiti now over the holidays. I just don't have a good feeling about it and I just can't go against my gut. 
I want to have a birthday party since I'm gonna be 40. Seems weird to want to have a big party. I just  not like that. Alicia keys had a party for her husband and they had this thing where they had paint and canvas and people painted and then he kept them all. I thought that would be cool. But again seems weird to have a party like a big party. And then there's the deal that I can't invite everyone i'd like to come and that just makes me sad. 

I got asked what I wanted for Christmas... The only thing I want I can't have.i really don't need anything for Christmas. So I find myself thinking my needs are met and there isn't much I don't have that I want so it's all good..  

So... That's really it for the weekend. Gonna work on my book which doesn't seem like work because I love writing!

And we are going to the zoo to see it and the Christmas lights saturday and downtown Indy tomorrow! 

Sending love to you! 

It was not the thanksgiving weekend i originally had planned but its still a Happy thanksgiving! Hope yours was great too!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Praying through... never letting go

Ever prayed one of those “if You do this God then I’ll do that God” prayers? And God comes through and we… well… I fall short.  I try not to pray those kind of prayers.

There are all kinds of prayers.

And some of them aren’t so pretty.

I’ve prayed the kind where I am so desperate I’m sobbing prayers.

The double middle finger, I am so mad at You God prayers.

The I trust You with everything prayers.

The I love You so much prayers.

The other day I think I sobbed the whole time yelling prayers, the “why why why” prayers.

I’ve stood during the music part of worship and barely could hold my arms up because I love Him I was just so exhausted and stressed out and I knew He was good and I choose to serve Him even when it’s hard. That’s the test of your faith. It’s easy to love someone, anyone, including God when you get your way. But can you love when it’s hard, when things don’t go your way. Are you in it to win it? I always am. Even when my heart breaks.

It’s been kind of crazy for me the last few months. Like I said yesterday, I felt so relieved to have the fog lifted. I’ve always had times of pure exhaustion which can send me into depression. I know that some people need medication for it, and quite frankly, I thought this time, I was going to have to go on medication. I kept thinking “get your head on straight, slow down, but not too slow, stop sleeping, take your nutrition, just.keep.going” I waited for someone to say the right thing to me, for me to say the right thing to God, for the release. I kept thinking “this has to happen soon”. I just kept praying, He kept talking, saying things that I couldn’t believe He was saying – things that I didn’t expect Him to say like “keep loving, let go of the hurt but not the love” which seems so hard, but I’m getting it! That seems so basic, something God would totally say but not what I expected. He’s a surprising God I guess. A loving God for sure.

I am glad that through it all, through all the hurt, the heartache, the lonliness, all the madness of it all, I kept doing what I know to do, read the bible, pray, listen, seek, serve, one day God told me to cook for others, and I was arguing with Him… I didn’t want to… however, He’s a pretty persistant God when He wants me to do something… He kept echoing… sure I could have chosen to ignore it, but I am not really sure how… No matter how much I wanted to run, I stood still. Waiting.

I know the words that helped, and I don’t know why God didn’t send those words sooner, or maybe I wouldn’t have listened if it were sooner, who knows… I’m just so glad that I am feeling better. I still know that I am in a time of being still. Waiting to hear more direction from Him, seeking Him and His will. But it’s so great to feel better.

I am so thankful most of all that God loves me, and so glad that I clung to Him and people who love Him. People I know that were praying on my behalf for all things. From the big things, and the things like my crazy washer breaking… they prayed in all things, and God was with me through it all. And He still is.

I’m so thankful that I never give up, that I keep going, that I keep clinging to God, even if I am hurt. I’m thankful that God has made me strong, and that His strength is in me (that’s what actually makes me strong). I’m thankful that He has given me such strength, and such love.

Joy comes in the morning, and sometimes the dawn breaks in the middle of the afternoon when we are least expecting it.

2 Cor 4:16-18 16-18 So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


As the sun came up, the
fog lifted.  It was an amazing morning
I don’t know what happened today, but I feel like a fog lifted. It was so weird, I was driving home talking to a great friend and it was funny because I don’t know at what point my head was out of the fog that it’s been in, but I felt a little more like my old self.

Earlier in the day someone had basically said to me “you’re too strong for this” and it’s true. I’m not the kind of person that adversity happens to and I just bow out and cry. Well, I cry, but I NEVER bow out. That’s what people like about me, I am strong. It’s not that I’m not loving, but I am strong. And that will never change about me. So, who knows what tomorrow will bring, but I will put on the gloves, and get back to whatever life decides to throw my way.  I've always been in it to win it... that hasn't changed. 

None of this means that I still don’t feel heartbreak or that I’m not annoyed that someone broke into my house, but it does mean that life will continue to go on, and I will be strong.

I decided that I may even put up a few Christmas decorations, I picked up gingerbread houses to decorate. I hope my niece and nephew will want to, but I know Phyllis does, so that’s cool!

I’m also excited to go see Tom this weekend! We are getting away and I’m excited! (we’ve got someone staying here this weekend so don’t get any ideas). I’m excited to go relax and see Indy, and go to the zoo!

I also got the plastic on 5 windows tonight. I told you, I am feeling better! I read that you can add bubble wrap for insulation to keep the warmth in… it’s funny because I was thinking it’s probably been so warm because my crappy windows have been making it possible for me to heat the outside… I’m glad to get some of that work done! I wonder if I can figure out how to replace my windows myself next spring/summer.

I’m feeling like I will be shining in no time! 

Sending love!

Cheesy Potatoes

The best recipes are from those we love. It’s like they kiss the ingredients before they put them in

This recipe is from our long time family friend Judy, her famous cheese potatoes!

2 lbs frozen potatoes, thaw 30 minutes

1 c diced onions

1 can of cream of chicken or mushroom soup

1 8 oz package of cream cheese (I sometimes use 16 oz sour cream)

1 stick of butter

2 c cheddar cheese

1 tsp parsley

Preheat oven to 375*

Mix all ingredients together except potatoes.

After all ingredients are mixed well, mix in potatoes.

Place ingredients into 9 x 13 greased dish

(top with chips if you like)

Bake 1 hour

Monday, November 19, 2012

What I feel isn't always real

This is how I feel:






Life is chaos


Love isn’t real (I even told someone this today)

Pissed off (yes, I said it)

I’m not gonna make it one more minute

When I was in grade school at a Halloween Party my art teacher Ms. Sisson had made these halloween bags and we had to put our hands in and guess what was in them.  I don't remember very many of the contents of the bag, but I do remember one, the "eyes.  They were peeled green grapes that she had frozen and thawed to make them slimy and squishy.  They "felt" like eyes but they were really grapes.

Sometimes we feel a certain way, but really... we are something completely different.

Toay one of the last straws was when I  found out my washer has water dumping out the bottom, yes, I am thankful that it’s going down the drain and that I don’t have a first floor laundry.

I’d like to be thankful and have lots to be thankful for… but sometimes I am just thinking "this sucks"
Sometimes it's just hard, and that has to be ok.  But I will not pretend that things aren't perfect or that it's always easy.

Those are things I feel, and sometimes feelings are not always what is real. Like the "eyes" that were grapes.

But this is what I do know.

God is good

He is our provider

Love is real, even if it hurts

I am healed, and will always continue to be healed

God is on time

There are days that I don’t puke even if I feel like I might

His Word is true

I am blessed

He is a Warrior

He is the beginning & the end

He never leaves me

I am loved

God loves me

I am not alone even if I feel lonely

It was true. All of it.

I can afford to pay for the things that have broken because He provides for me. When I reach out to Him, He is always there. He even meets me in the bathroom when I cry.

I get to choose what I focus on. I DO! I have that control. I have the choice to focus on the good or the bad. I have the choice. While there is a battle going on, I will focus on the light. I will let Him fight, I will just focus on Him.

He is in it.

Standing on this mountaintop Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Ending Chorus
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Christmas decorating... NOT!

Normally I would have put my tree up this weekend. I always put it up the weekend before Thanksgiving.

This year, there is no decorating of the Christmas tree.

There are no decorations at all. This year the holidays will go by and nothing will change in our house, except that I think Phyllis is putting up some lights in her room.

I don’t care about the holidays this year, quite frankly, except for the shopping part (which I totally enjoy) I don’t care if they come and go. I actually wish Jesus would come before they get here.

I don’t need a holiday to remember that Christ was born on Christmas (which I am not really all that sure about the December 25th day but I guess it’s as good a day as any to celebrate). I don’t need a holiday to remember that God sent His son as a baby because I needed Him to give me eternal life. I know that. And it seems like there is so much crabbiness about "the real reason for the season" that it sucks the life out of it anyway.

It’s just a lot of work to put all the stuff up, and to take it all down. My house isn’t very big so there is a lot of rearranging that has to be done in order to make it all happen. Eh. Forget about it.

I’m not bringing any extra attention to my home that we celebrate Christmas, robbers can go hit my neighbor’s houses instead.

Everyday is a new day. Sometimes God comforts my heart and sometimes I feel like He stands there waiting for me to reach out to Him. Today is a day that I have to seek Him, and those days are hard. Doesn’t mean that I won’t, just means it’s hard because there is pain in those moments. I feel like Sundays are my hardest days, and so Mondays are sometimes the aftermath of that. In all of the brokenness that I see and feel, and who knew I could get so angry in putting a key in the lock (I want to punch someone’s face EVERY single time I put my key in the lock) I know that I must keep on going. Keep on reaching.

Picture from here
I know there is healing in the end… I just don’t know when or how long it’s gonna take… so I’ll be thankful in the mean time, even if I don’t feel very thankful. I guess I should be thankful for the rain. Thanks God for the rain, would You mind sending an umbrella?

I guess it's time to learn to dance in the rain.

And maybe you think I shouldn’t be so honest about my pain on my blog… I have some good days and bad days… but life is just like that. The more we chase after God, the more the enemy chases after us. But we must keep on going, even if it’s a minute by minute or second by second decision. Never. Give. Up.

Mathew 5:44-48 44 But I say, love your enemies![a] Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends,[b] how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Ramblings of an open heart

It's been one of days when God really speaks to me in so many ways. Sometimes I have to do things that make me uncomfortable, and I opened my heart today, which meant that I was going to cry a lot.

I wrote more of my book than I did this morning it's pretty excited. God spoke to me through this, and so much more!

Having an open heart today...

I was singing a song at the funeral "Whom shall I send?" and I know so many times I have sung that song but it hit me today. I have always noticed that sometimes when people leave the Catholic church to go to a non-Catholic church they are upset because they say that it's about rules.  I'd like to say that I don't think that way.  when I return to the Catholic Church for whatever reason, it's usually a funeral, I think about the prayers, I sing the songs, I hear the words into my heart, I let them seep deep into my heart. Because I had spent so much time in the church, I can actually sing the songs without opening the hymnal. 

So as I crying, here are the words, read them, let them sink into your heart, really hear them.  This song was based off of Isaiah 6:8 (Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?”I said, “Here I am. Send me.”)

I, the Lord of sea and sky,

I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin
My hand will save.

I who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord. Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my peoples pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.

I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my word to them,
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord. Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will tend the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.

Finest bread I will provide
Till their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord. Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart

I had two bracelets on that I wore most of the summer.  At one point at the end of the summer, I took them off. They have been sitting on the ledge in my kitchen, until I was ready to put them back on.  One of them says Haiti and the other says "Here I am". I am not completely ready to put them back on yet, I will.  I am not sure of them timing yet, I am waiting for God to say "put them on" because He know my heart.  He knows when I will be ready.

Today, I have spent a lot of the day in prayer. Heart wide open.  I prayed before I was writing in my book, I was praying while in the car, singing praises to God.  I even prayed when I tried on a dress today, hoping that I would like what I saw in the mirror when I put it on.  (I did, wearing it tomorrow).  One thing in my prayers today, God said to "hold onto the love, let go of the pain".  I've been praying to let go, and I kept asking God what the deal was.  He answered today.  Hold on to love, and don't let it go.  So I am not going to.  I am going to let go of the pain, and the fear, BUT I WILL NOT LET GO OF LOVE.

Here's the thing, I have been so afraid of so many things for so long I think that I would say I do everything afraid. Which is true.  I've held onto so much pain for long and because of that I've lived afraid and held back love for so long because I was afraid to be hurt. But I learned of love, and I lived unafraid  and I've learned to trust.  I am tired of being afraid, tired of wondering if love is true, wondering if life is really all that great because I have lived in the shadow of fear.  It reminds me of verse 4 (NKJV) of Psalm 23 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I am TIRED of walking in the shadow of death/fear.  I want to live in the light, no more shadows.

So I'm holding onto love. 

I am choosing NOT to let go of love but to let go of pain and fear. I choose to fabulous love.

No hurt.

God's love
Just love.

1 John 4:18-19 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other[a] because he loved us first.

Courage is important

So excited! I got up early this morning, meaning earlier than I needed to... Got ready for a funeral which I am not excited about. 
I have been wanting to write for my book but I've had a hard time because I know that when I write I have to be brave because it hurts because healing is on the way but you have to know where your wounds are to fix them. If your knee is sliced open doesn't do much good to get stitches on your elbow. So I went somewhere to be brave.
Each time I write God specifically tells me what to write about. And when my heart is not full of fear about what I might discover the words flow freely. But for some reason the latest topic was hard. I didn't even know why I was afraid. I even had to go somewhere that I could be brave to write. 
And so I got dressed, looked fancy (work clothes) and wrote. And wrote. And discovered and wrote. And didn't cry.
I was blessed to bless someone. That was cool too. When you get a blessing you gotta give one too.
Writing this book, even if its just for me (which I don't think it is) had been the most amazing blessing! I keep wanting to share it on my blog but I can't but someday God's amazing Romans 8:28 story will be written. And to think He chooses to use me. 

I'm looking into taking a public speaking class maybe in the winter. I feel like God is leading me that way but I'm still praying. I guess if I supposed to the money will come along with all the other money thy needs to come. God never ceases to provide so I just need to live with an open heart ready to accept His love however He is gonna send it.

Thank you to those who continually pray for me and who encourage me to write and help me to be brave. For the voice that says "keep writing", thanks it speaks loudly over the darkness so my light cannot be extinguished ( I know you'd be embarrassed if I called you out so I won't just know you're never not thought of).
So today has started as a great day and I've learned to live in the moments of life not worrying about anything for than that, because God is here and He loves me.

Friday, November 16, 2012


I’m so very thankful. I have millions of things to be thankful for, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have struggles. It means that I am thankful despite my surroundings and circumstances because God is good. All the time.

Today is just one of those “Jesus come today” days.

I am always shocked in the moments when God speaks to me and uses me despite my brokenness. How He encourages me to reach out and lean in even when I feel like I don’t have the strength. And then I go there. I think about Him on the cross, when they beat Him and put vinegar in His mouth, and they are screaming at Him, and He says “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). I bet there might even been moments when He was in His human form that He thought He couldn’t go on. I wonder if He prayed, “Come on Daddy, can’t we just skip this part…” I don’t know if Jesus really said that however, in Mark 14:32-36 it says:

32 They went to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and Jesus said, “Sit here while I go and pray.” 33 He took Peter, James, and John with him, and he became deeply troubled and distressed. 34 He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

35 He went on a little farther and fell to the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. 36 “Abba, Father,”[a] he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”

And I think there is no way I can’t reach out. Because He is in me. And I don’t just say that because I think it’s what I should say, I say it because even if it’s hard, I want more of Him in me and less of me in me. So I do what’s hard. I do things that He asks me to do, even if I’m uncomfortable and sometimes it hurts. And sometimes I think “really, that can’t be something I want to do, so it must be You Lord.

I know obedience is better than sacrifice. (1 Sam 15:22) and sometimes I have to do both, being obedient to God is a sacrifice. A sacrifice of my wants and needs to put someone else before me. And truthfully, I hate it sometimes.

It makes things seem dark. “If God loves me, then why?”

You know what I’d tell someone else? “Because He has better plans for you than you do” but that feels like a bunch of crap when someone says it to you… and it feels like a bunch of crap when you say it to yourself, even if you know it’s true.

I keep trying to remember that it is darkest before the dawn, and joy comes in the morning. I was talking to my friend this morning and I was reminded of John 1:5

I started to cry. I couldn’t even say it without crying.

That is truth right there.

So I take it all, the praises, the prayers, my gifts, the sacrifice, the obedience, I take it all to Him. Let Him figure it all out. I’m too tired, too weary, too pukey, too a lot of things to figure it out. All I know is that I love Him, and in my brokenness before Him, He will make me whole and healed.

Praying today, that in spite of me, He will be glorified.

1 Sam 15:22 But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.

John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness can never extinguish it

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Music of my heart

Lots of music on my heart today

Sometimes a verse will get stuck in my heart and I’ll sing it all day, sometimes a whole song will rock my world.

A verse in a song that may be written about something else will hit my heart about something completely different than what the writer may have intended. A perfect example would be the song “sunshine of my life” by Stevie Wonder. It reminds me of my Pean. She is truly the sunshine of my life. I’d never make it through life without her. Many times, she has been the one thing in life that I have clung to, or she was the one thing that got me through the minutes, even seconds of the day.

You Are The Sunshine Of My Life
That's Why I'll Always Stay Around
You Are The Apple Of My Eye
Forever You'll Stay In My Heart

Or the song “This Road”.

There is the chorus and the ending that always hit me… I think that I can’t get through anything if I don’t have God. He pulls me close and gets through anything, especially when I have to deal with people that come and go in my life (and that happens in all stages of life, but somehow it doesn’t ever seem to get easier.

Oh they say this road, it's a hard one, it's a dark one.
But if you promise to stay close,
we can take this, we can shake this.

I'm losing a friend, we began at the end.
I wish it weren't so, but I've gotta go.

I love this song, Everlasting God! The first time I ever heard it was at Revival Tabernacle on the Detroit Mission Trip 2011.

So many things that come into our lives… and even though I know I am not supposed to fear, I feel like I am constantly afraid, and the enemy uses that against me…

The Lord's my light and salvation
Whom shall I fear? Of whom shall I be afraid

There are so many songs by NeedtoBreathe it’s hard to pick one because so many echo my heart.

I love Shine On…

I actually love this whole song… it’s like the modern version of “this little light of mine”

But this one part:
Shine on Shine on
And onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other's see you've got your victory
Will you remember me

I love this because I can relate with it so much, I love so much and people are etched on my heart, some burned so permanently that it feels like my heart will never be the same (probably because it won’t) but I always wonder if people will remember me…
This one… Able by Needtobreathe. There have been so many times especially lately that I wasn’t able to make it a minute without tears or have the strength to take a single step forward or raise my hands to the God in heaven who is worthy to be praised. But in those times, I just reached out for help, from God Himself and for people to pray for me. In that time, I had to trust God when I couldn’t feel Him, I had to reach out and do something hard, even if I didn't feel able on my own, but I always know that when I am weak He is strong.  2 Cor 12:9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. (NLT)

For Good from the musical Wicked is amazing!  I love this song so much!  Today, my daughter posted about it, and I listened to it and I found myself sobbing.  Which I cried the first time I heard it.  SO GOOD!


Im limited
Just look at me - Im limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made from what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
(Glinda): And because I knew you...
(Elphaba): Because I knew you...
(Both):Because I knew you...I have been changed for good...

  There are so many songs that just touch my heart, music is a gift from God when we don’t have the words to express ourselves.

Eph 5:19-20 19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. NLT

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Living in the light

picture from here

I can never remember what the time changes are called. I only remember spring forward and fall back… I like the fall one because we get an extra hour of sleep, but I like the spring one because we get more sunshine. And short term one hour of sleep isn’t worth the loss in sunshine.

This is a tough time for some of us in Michigan. We even have a name for it. Seasonal Affective Disorder. I actually take a vitamin that offsets it. Crazy but true. For those of us who work outside our home (everyone works, just some of us inside the home and some outside) we drive into work in the dark, and we drive home in the dark. It’s rough. I don’t always get the chance to leave at lunch time, so I spend my time under fluorescent bulbs. Please make no mistake about it, I am thankful for those bulbs because it means we have electricity, and I have a job.

My point? Did I have a point?

Oh yes!


I spend a lot of time in the dark. But the GOOD NEWS is that I don’t have to live in the dark. We are in this world, not of it. I have a lot of favorite verses in the bible, but one day I was reading John 1 (and seriously, you could get stuck on John 1:1 for hours) and verse 5 blew me away. I still sometimes just think about it and want to cry tears of joy!

NIV The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it

NLT The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.

Oh man! Does that not make you want to do a happy dance, that no matter what comes into our lives, when our hearts are broken, that someone stole our light bulb, that it seems so dark in our lives that we might even seem dead, that the light we have in Christ can never be extinguished. Darkness can never overcome us!

God is doing some big things in my life. And I had to trust Him. And it was hard. Sometimes I feel so broken, and I have to say “use this God, for Your glory”. It means that I have to let go of me, and hold onto Him. Sure, I can give that advice to anyone, but actually doing it is when the rubber hits the road. It’s when we stop talking the talk, and we start walking the walk.

Those steps feel like a time when Levi and Judah had first come home, and they were walking around the furniture, holding onto fingers, and Judah had just started walking… and I got to witness one of the coolest things, ever, Levi’s first steps! OHMYWORD! I remember cheering like a crazy Auntie!

I feel like God was cheering for me today! I took that crazy leap of faith, thinking if I fall on my face, I’ll just get back up and try again later. But I took those steps, and God started cheering! Woo hoo! I’m so excited. BIG THINGS ARE IN STORE!

Like God sized Big!

So thankful I don’t have to live in the dark any longer!  I will shine on!

I wish I could embed this video!  but seriously take a listen... it's SOOOO good, it's my favorite version of this song!

John 1:1-17
In the beginning the Word already existed.
The Word was with God,
and the Word was God.

2 He existed in the beginning with God.
3 God created everything through him,
and nothing was created except through him.
4 The Word gave life to everything that was created,
and his life brought light to everyone.
5 The light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness can never extinguish it.

6 God sent a man, John the Baptist, 7 to tell about the light so that everyone might believe because of his testimony. 8 John himself was not the light; he was simply a witness to tell about the light. 9 The one who is the true light, who gives light to everyone, was coming into the world.

10 He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize him. 11 He came to his own people, and even they rejected him. 12 But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. 13 They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God.

14 So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.

15 John testified about him when he shouted to the crowds, “This is the one I was talking about when I said, ‘Someone is coming after me who is far greater than I am, for he existed long before me.’”

16 From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another. 17 For the law was given through Moses, but God’s unfailing love and faithfulness came through Jesus Christ. 18 No one has ever seen God. But the unique One, who is himself God, is near to the Father’s heart. He has revealed God to us.